


Fighting For Him

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aftermath of Violence, American Civil War, Bottom Jensen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Ghost Jensen, Homophobic Language, Hurt Jensen, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, J2 AU, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Porn With Plot, Protective Jared, Shy Jensen Ackles, Soldier Jared, Some limp Jared, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2014, Tags May Change, Threats, Time Travel, Top Jared, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:31:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 145,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>28-year-old Jensen Ackles is fighting to escape his memories of pain and abuse. He longs for someone who will love him, someone he can trust. Someone like the mysterious soldier he’s been dreaming of since childhood. Can the ghost of an ancestor who shares his name help him while also fulfilling a promise he made 151 years ago?</p><p>Captain Jared Padalecki awakened in a world that was not his own. Before he can try to sort things out, the spirit of his lover urges him to save a young man from a murderer’s bullet: a young man who bears an amazing resemblance to his lover, Jensen.</p><p>As Jensen’s past catches up to him and puts his life in danger, Jared realizes he is falling for the battered young man. The soldier realizes that to be true to himself, he must fight for this boy even if it means making a choice that will break his own heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note: I'm starting with the note because it's important. This is for the 2014 Supernatural/J2 Big Bang Challenge (my first BB so I'm thrilled).
> 
> I want to thank my super wonderful, talented artist, siennavie, for supplying the art for this piece. It's awesome!
> 
> I also want to thank my betas: tipsy_kitty and cappy712 for looking it over and helping me get it into shape. Also thanks to bt_kady for the Civil War plot bunny.  
> Now for the usual stuff....
> 
> Warnings: Language. There is some elements in here including toward the end some slightly graphic violence, implied, mentioned non-con/rape that may have triggers so please be aware of this. There are a couple flashbacks in a past time where Jared will bottom but the main story is bottom Jensen (trust me, it'll make sense). I'll also put the usual explicit label on this for those hot sexy scenes and yes, there will be a few.
> 
> I think I tagged for everything I can think of currently but might add a few if I think of more. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this story and the art that makes the scenes come alive.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

[](https://ibb.co/dw8vXv)

**Fighting For Him**

**~Chapter One~**

_‘Jensen!’_

_‘It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I will see you again, Jay. No matter how long it takes, I will. Just keep fighting for what…you believe in.’_

_‘Jensen, don’t let go! You can fight this. We can fight this. We’ll leave the…Jen!’_

_‘Too late and we both know it, Jared. I’m hurt too badly and even if I could stay with you they’d never allow it now. It’s better that it’s just me. I’d never survive knowing I caused your death, Jay.’_

_‘Jen! Jensen! No!’_

“ **Jensen**!”

A rifle shot cracking through his head woke Jensen Ackles with a gasp, a name on his lips that seemed to be coming more and more frequently. “Jared?”

“No, but maybe you better follow my advice and stay the hell outta the damn clubs if this is how you wake up, man.”

The dry husky voice sounded amused but Jensen knew there would be anything but amusement in his friend’s gaze if he opened his eyes right then.

“God, shut the drum machine off and leave me alone to die in peace, Chris,” he begged, trying to bury his pounding head and also the feelings of loss, desperation and confusion brought about by the dream. Too late he realized that he wasn’t in his bed. “Shit!”

Unable to catch himself before he rolled off his couch onto the hardwood floor, Jensen’s next few words were sharp, vicious and not usually repeatable in mixed company.

Luckily for him his longtime friend was anything but a choir boy and quite used to the outbursts. “There isn’t a drum machine playing. The drums in your head belong to the same reason you got your ass planted on the couch last night when I dragged you home from the club.”

Chris Kane had strolled to the tiny kitchen to grab the mugs of coffee he’d poured before Jensen’s nightmares had started. “You okay down there or do you want help up?” he asked, nudging the glass coffee table out of the way with his foot before setting the mugs down.

“I’d be happier if your voice wasn’t echoing in my head and I could see straight,” Jensen shot back, fingers running through his dark blond hair and leaving it in spikes.

He debated saying something else as his friend chuckled at his obvious hangover but then decided it wasn’t worth the effort. It took more than a few casual insults to ruffle Chris, especially when he was clearly enjoying Jensen’s discomfort.

“What’re you doing at my place anyway?” Jensen finally wanted to know, sipping carefully at the mug of steaming coffee and trying not to wince at how strong it was. It did help to clear some of the cobwebs. “Is it even morning yet?”

“It’s nearly noon and I stayed here last night in case what just happened did happen,” Chris shrugged, making himself at home in the cozy old armchair he always seemed to favor when visiting Jensen’s place in Boston’s Jamaica Plain neighborhood. “I thought you said you still weren’t having those dreams, Jen.”

More awake now with the jolt of caffeine in his system, Jensen pulled himself up off the floor to slump back on the lumpy sofa and try to piece things together.

The Boston native recalled going out to a club with his best friend and a few of her friends but it slowly went fuzzy after an hour of too loud music, too many people and a couple mixed drinks.

“I didn’t get drunk, Chris,” he argued even while his head disagreed with that comment. Then he caught sight of the bruises on his knuckles as well as the deep bruise on his wrist and frowned. “What…what happened?” he asked, knowing he was avoiding the other man’s unspoken question but not wanting to get into that or the weirdness of his own head yet.

Tapping a finger on his denim covered knee, Chris eyed his friend carefully to try to gauge what he figured had happened the night before to what he’d been told and what he’d seen when he’d arrived.

He and Jensen had been friends since fourth grade even though they came from totally different backgrounds. Jensen’s family was old money with roots that could be traced back to the Revolutionary War while Chris’s family worked hard to live in Boston’s exclusive Beacon Hill district.

Their families had very little in common but he and Jensen had formed a tight bond from the first day Chris pulled two older boys off the shy, smaller boy.

As Chris would learn later his new friend wasn’t shy or quiet as a general rule unless he’d had one of the odd spells that had marked Jensen as weird and a target for other kids from day one of the fourth grade.

Nineteen years later, it still seemed to be that way. Chris guessed by the way Jensen woke up this morning; that something had happened in the club to trigger one of his spells and the night had gone downhill from there.

“The popular opinion is you drank too much, made a pass at someone who didn’t like it and when the guy made a comment you went over the edge.” Chris hadn’t bought it when the bleeding asshole last night had given him that line and now as he could see his friend’s green eyes better and also realized by the bruises Jensen had, he knew what had happened. “You zone out last night, Jen? Dani said you weren’t eager to go out but she pushed you into it since all you’ve been doing since the last trip South is moping.”

Finishing the coffee, Jensen pushed himself to his feet to head for the shower. He didn’t worry about seeming rude since he knew Chris would follow.

They’d grown up at each other’s houses. Jensen had often felt more at ease with Chris and his family than he did at his own house, especially once his mother remarried. Since Jensen had taken over an apartment in one of the buildings his family owned in Jamaica Plains rather than stay at the one he could have in the Back Bay even, Chris could be found here more often than he was at his own place or the bar he’d recently bought up in Dorchester.

Dropping clothes where they fell, Jensen stepped into the shower and tried to place when things had stopped making sense to him last night.

Chris was right. He hadn’t wanted to go to the happening club last night but when his oldest and best friend appeared at his door with that look on her pretty face, Jensen knew it was just easier to give in to what Danneel wanted.

Dani and Chris were Jensen’s oldest friends and Jensen figured that if he would ever love a woman, it would probably be Dani Harris.

The auburn-haired woman knew his every secret, good and bad, and had been there to support and protect him when everyone else but Chris had cut their losses. He loved her like a sister but in Jensen’s heart, he knew the person he loved was still out there…if he could only figure out the rest.

“Jen?” Chris called from the door, clearly determined to get an answer.

Jensen really had never cared for the nickname but had long since given up trying to convince Chris to use something else. It was better than some of things he’d been called by his own family when he was growing up.

It was just strange that when he heard it in his dreams it gave him another feeling. When he heard it used in his dreams, whenever he heard it used by the soft-spoken man, it didn’t make him feel edgy or anxious but calm and loved.

“Some guy Dani attracted last night decided he didn’t like me or what he thought I was. He was picking at me most of the night but when she left the table to dance I guess someone slipped something into my drink. I had two drinks and they weren’t even strong.” Leaning under the multiple sprayer heads to allow the hot water to run over his long, lean body, Jensen recalled the hand that had grabbed his wrist and that was when things went fuzzy for him.

“Yeah, I picked the asshole out as a bully and a bigot,” Chris said. “Since you haven’t thrown a punch since you were thirteen I knew he must have had it coming.”

Chris leaned in the door so he could still hear his friend while taking in the mess that was Jensen’s bedroom. “Dani knows better than to take you anywhere but my bar, especially this time of year,” he said as he looked around at the scattered clothes, the old pictures, books and files that made up Jensen’s whole world. “Still taking the pills?”

Jensen stilled under the water, eyes slitting almost dangerously before he reminded himself that the question was asked by a friend and out of concern, not malice.

“No. I stopped taking those two years ago and you know it.” Jensen refused to allow his hands to shake as he turned off the water and grabbed a towel to dry off. “When it’s just us that’s where we go but some of her co-workers wanted to try the new club up in Exeter. It was my fault; I should’ve left when the guy started making comments. You’d think I’d be used to being looked at like I was a disease or a pariah.”

“You’re not a disease or…whatever the hell else you just called yourself, man.” Chris tossed some clothes off the bed to sit down, seeing the paperwork wasn’t the usual research on some Civil War battle or a genealogy, but property records for some place in Charleston, South Carolina. “You’re you and you’ve been you since I met you but…you told me a few weeks back that the nightmares had stopped.”

Dropping the towel without regards to Chris being in the room, Jensen pulled on clean briefs and jeans before digging into his dresser for a t-shirt.

“The nightmares have stopped. You never asked if I was still dreaming about _him_ ,” Jensen replied with an easy shrug, ignoring the balled up dirty sock that hit him in the back as he pulled the dark green t-shirt over his spiky hair. “Only some of the dreams are bad or painful. Usually it’s just dim voices or shadows of other people. Only he’s ever really clear in my mind.”

“And you still can’t figure out who he is or why you’ve been obsessed with some guy in your head since you were a kid?” Chris knew the answer and had long ago stopped trying to wrap his head around his friend’s eccentricity. These days he mainly sought to protect Jensen from the more painful dreams or those who would hurt him because of them.

Opening up a huge double closet that had been converted into a little office, Jensen stared at the piles of papers, newspapers, records and books all dating back to before and during the Civil War, but his attention was soon pulled to the many sketches he’d drawn since childhood.

His talent in art had always been clear since even his first attempt at sketching the handsome face he’d been seeing in his mind since childhood.

The man was ruggedly handsome, with dark hair that brushed his shoulders and would often fall into his expressive hazel eyes.

“His name in Jared,” Jensen murmured, his focus on the latest picture he’d drawn just the other night after another dream filled with deep voices, loving touches and a laugh that had always soothed his fears propelled him into his art studio. “He’s a soldier.”

“Yeah, that’s what you told me the Halloween we were eleven and you finally came clean with me about why people here or up in Sturbridge treated you weird.” Chris walked over to examine the new art and was still knocked on his ass by the sheer talent his friend possessed. “Dude, have you actually ever considered selling this stuff or painting for a living?” he asked for what he figured was the fiftieth time over the years. “We both know you do the odd design or engineering job for your uncle only when you feel pressured to.”

Taking a finger to lightly run it over the latest drawing that showed the mystery man in a full Confederate officer’s uniform on a misty battlefield, Jensen snapped back to the present when a cold chill ran down his back and it took a lot to not shiver at the feeling of being watched.

“I paint or sketch cause it relaxes me or because I need to get the images out of my head. He’s not something to sell for profit, Chris. Jared’s more than money to me. He’s…” Jensen trailed off with a sigh, knowing without looking that his friend’s dark eyebrow had lifted and he’d once again become too emotionally attached to something that marked him more odd than his lifestyle had.

“I know you don’t understand it. I know you and Dani humor me and I’m lucky you guys still want me in your lives considering everyone else thinks I should’ve been left…there.” He glanced back to meet Chris’ intense blue eyes with a small smile. “I really do owe you guys for humoring the gay nutcase.”

“Dani and I don’t humor you and you’re not a nutcase,” Chris growled lowly, his drawl getting stronger like it did when he was angry.

Jensen grinned, shutting the doors to the closet and returning to his dresser to pick up the ring he hadn’t worn last night. He looked at it closely like he always did before slipping it back on his finger.

The crested West Point insignia ring had been handed down in his family since his namesake had entered the renowned military school before the Civil War tore the nation apart…or so his grandmother was fond of saying whenever anyone would give her a chance.

Jensen could recall his late grandfather giving him the ring when he’d been five years old rather than his father. Even then, he’d thought it odd until his grandfather, who he’d adored, had told him it always passed to a Jensen.

It was also odd, now that he thought about it, that while he’d been obsessed with the War Between the States, and had researched many soldiers from the war, he hadn’t looked into his own ancestry.

He’d worn the ring as soon as he was big enough and before that had kept it on a chain around his neck or in a velvet bag in his pocket. The longest he’d gone without it had been the six months that he refused to think much on these days or when he felt it not right to wear it.

That was the reason he’d gone without it to the club even though wearing the ring usually served to both soothe him and also keep the odd thoughts or memories that weren’t his own down enough that he didn’t blank out, like he had last night.

“The dreams are getting more intense again, Chris,” he said as he grabbed his shoes and headed for the kitchen. “They’re odd this time because it’s like while I only see Jared clearly I’m hearing another voice at times. I know he’s real. I know that whoever he was he existed back then but I can’t find anything out.”

“You wouldn’t think there would’ve been too many Jared’s back in the Civil War, Jen.” Chris trailed his friend into the kitchen to make himself at home in the refrigerator with what little was there. “I don’t suppose he ever said his last name?”

Snorting with disbelief that it would be that simple, Jensen poured more coffee as he noticed the answering machine light was flashing. “He doesn’t talk to me, stupid,” he rolled his eyes. “Who called?”

“Kate called about twenty times this morning and I figure if you don’t pick up soon you’re going to have an irate little old Irishwoman on your door,” Chris supplied, settling on an apple while making a mental note to tell Danneel that one of them needed to shop for their buried-in-the-past friend.

“Why the hell didn’t you pick it up and see what she wanted?” Jensen demanded with a low groan, reaching for the phone just as it rang. “Hel…oh, hi Nana,” he winced at the sharp voice that pierced his still sensitive skull as Kathleen Ackles read her grandson the riot act for not answering the damn device some bloody moron invented for just such a reason.

Settling back at the table with his long legs stretched out, Chris smirked with amusement every time he was shot ‘the death look’ that Jensen was known to give when seriously irritated.

“What? No, I…I was up late last night and crashed until a little bit ago so I didn’t hear the phone when you called. Yes, when you called 34 times and I’m sorry I worried you, Nana.” Jensen lightly pounded his head into the cabinet door of his small but efficient kitchen while wishing he could pound Chris in the face. “No, it’s not a problem. I’ll drive up this afternoon…wait, what do you need help doing?” he blinked then flushed like a child scolded. “No, ma’am, I’m not giving you sass and of course I don’t mind helping you. I’ll be there by four.”

“And there is the reason I didn’t pick up when I saw it was your grandmother,” Chris said, lifting his mug to finish his coffee. “I knew for Kate to be calling that early that she wanted something and if I’d answered she would’ve roped me into something like she always does. I love the woman but she scolds and lectures me more than my own Mother about opening the bar.”

Jensen was still holding the phone in his hand as if wondering what in the hell he’d just gotten himself dragged into. “Your mom lectures because she’s afraid you’re going to blow all the investment money on a lost cause,” he reminded Chris, reaching for his mug. He felt an odd sense of apprehension about returning to his grandparents’ home up in Sturbridge. “My Grandmother lectures you because she doesn’t think you know what the hell you’re doing running a bar and nightclub. She thinks she can give you lessons.”

“And she probably could if I didn’t want to ruin her lady-like respectability with the upperclass back home.” Chris smiled, glad to see his friend looked better than he had earlier and wasn’t as tense. “Call me when you get back home or drop by the bar and we’ll test the sound system and have man food.”

“If by man food you mean meat red enough I’m sure it’ll make noise when I cut into it then no thanks. But I’ll call you later,” Jensen assured his friend, accepting and allowing the tight handshake that turned into a casual hug between friends that he’d only allow from Chris. “Of course, if I happen to tell Nan that you ignored her calls then she’ll probably be dropping by on her next visit into Boston,” he added with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Do that and I’ll tell her what we did with her ball gown and wig when we were thirteen and you were trying to figure out if you were a cross-dresser or not,” Chris warned, grabbing his leather jacket as he made his way to the door. “Remember what I taught you about conning a better player, Jen,” he said, pausing as he was closing the door. “Hey, watch your back up there and call me if you need me to come up.”

Nodding, the friends exchanged a silent look of understanding. No one besides Dani would understand what it meant to be going back to the place where he’d been partially raised. He wished he could express the gratitude he felt at Chris’s concern.

“I’m just going to Gram’s house. If I’m lucky no one else will even know I’m there. Depending on what Gram needs I might head off to visit Gettysburg for the reenactment after,” Jensen declared, tongue stuck in his cheek as he decided to try if he wanted to ask. “Wanna come with me?”

“Me go to one of those things when I could barely stay awake in history class?” Chris snorted, amused at the notion but the sixth sense that came from his Dad’s heritage made him decide to not fully refuse the idea. “I doubt it but…call me before you go and I might change my mind. Tell Katie I said hi.”

Jensen smiled at his friend calling his 85-year old widowed grandmother ‘Katie’ since he rarely heard anyone anywhere else even refer to her as anything but Mrs. Ackles. “I will and…thanks for being there Chris.” He’d have to find out just how his friend did bail him out again but suspected Dani’s hand in that. “I owe you…again.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Jen,” Chris assured him, flipping the lock as he pulled the door shut after him. He knew his friend would forget and Jensen was too trusting at times.

Waiting until he heard the loud roar of his friend’s custom-made classic car start and drive off, Jensen leaned against the counter to let himself settle before grabbing what he’d take with him on the drive up to his grandmother’s home.

He disagreed with Chris because Jensen knew he’d owed his friend since the first day they’d met as boys, when Chris had stopped Jensen from getting beat up, and he certainly owed him for the year he was 17 when Chris had risked everything to stand behind Jensen during one of the darkest times in his life.

It had been the true friendship of Chris and Dani, as well as the dreams of the mysterious soldier, that had allowed him to survive the six months of hell caused by his stepfather’s influence over his mother. It had also allowed him to grow into the man he was today.

Jensen would never deny that he was a little strange. He’d known that from childhood when he first told his parents about the soldier in the old uniform he dreamed of every night. His father had been accepting, his mother somewhat less and had encouraged her son to keep it to himself.

He’d grown up an only child with only cousins to play with until Danneel’s family had moved to town, and he quickly had bonded with the outgoing girl, never denying that she was his best friend.

It had been in Dani that he had first really confided in that he believed the soldier was so much more to him than just a lonely child’s imagination and it had been in her that Jensen had first admitted his sexual curiosity leaned more toward males.

Throwing his sketchbook and a change of clothes into a bag, Jensen tossed both into the backseat of black 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO he’d lovingly restored with Chris the summer they’d both been 18 and began the drive up to his childhood home away from home.

Random thoughts of Jared, the mysterious soldier, flickered through his mind as he drove with the windows down to allow the late-June heat to blow through the car.

Growing up an only child in a wealthy family hadn’t meant to Jensen what it did to his cousins or even to Dani. It was true that while his father was alive he’d had the best of everything and could have attended private school like his mother desired, but Jensen had wanted to go to public school and his father had agreed, not wanting his son to grow up sheltered.

Therefore, while he might have been spoiled in some ways, he’d never been sheltered, at least not in the beginning. Not until he got older and it became plain to his family that he wasn’t outgrowing his imaginary friend. That was when Jensen stopped being expected to attend all the family social functions; the few he did go to he was either shunned or mocked by his cousins.

It was only his father and his father’s parents who understood him and didn’t try to change him or hide him away like a leper. To Jensen the soldier had become such a huge part of his life that he often thought if he dreamed hard enough, one day he could reach out and touch him.

The dreams of Jared, of war and death, had frightened Jensen as a child and had often annoyed his mother when he’d wake up screaming for a man who didn’t exist. The first time his mother dragged her six-year-old son to a cold and uncaring therapist who told him not to think of the so-called figment or mention it again; he understood how different he was.

Jared wasn’t fake or made up even though Jensen didn’t know who he was yet, but he’d made a promise to himself to find out no matter how long it took or how many trips to battlefields or lectures. He would learn who this soldier was with the gentle eyes and soft southern drawl or die trying.

Of course Jensen knew even his mysterious soldier would disapprove of him since Jensen doubted there had been many gay men back in the 1800s as disapproval would have been even more heightened back then. That was another aspect of his life that Jensen had grown up knowing made him different, but at least he’d managed to stop caring for the most part.

It had been an odd dream of Jared one night right after he’d turned sixteen that had given Jensen the courage to come out to his family. Perhaps announcing it in the middle of one of his stepfather’s business dinners hadn’t been his wisest choice, but to a rebellious teen it had seemed the right thing to do.

At least until the men came in the middle of the night to drag him out of the house and lock him up against his will in a private hospital in upstate Vermont.

Jensen’s hands tightened on the wheel as those thoughts intruded. Until the day his incensed grandmother, along with Chris Kane’s parents, arrived at that place with legal papers freeing him, he had expected to die there, had been close to dying there.

Now he tried to bury those memories and the ones of the months afterward where only dreams of Jared and the constant presence of Chris and Dani made him come out of the self-imposed shell he’d built around himself.

In the years since the day the Kanes and Kathleen Ackles freed him of all legal binding to his mother, Jensen had only seen her and his stepfather twice and both times were memories he tried to forget.

Jensen often wondered if his mother missed him or if she was only missing the money she’d lost when he became emancipated. When he’d come into the inheritance from his father and the first of his grandfather’s trust funds at the age of twenty-one, the vaguely harassing phone calls had begun.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror as he drove the familiar roads from Boston to Sturbridge, he saw his father’s intense green eyes, the tilt of his nose and the shape of his jaw looking back at him. Jensen recalled his great-great aunt saying how those were standard Ackles traits and had been from the first Jensen Ackles who had fought in the Revolutionary War.

As the highway narrowed to smaller roads, Jensen slowed down as he considered his family line. Ever since he’d been small he’d heard about Colonel Ackles and how he’d served with the great General Washington at Valley Forge.

There were still family heirlooms of the first Jensen out in the original family home that had been upgraded and remodeled into the grand mansion his grandmother controlled, but Jensen couldn’t really recall anyone ever speaking of the descendent who had lived during Jared’s time. Since Jensen was told that his art and engineering genes probably came from that Jensen, he found it odd that the man had been so ignored.

Stopped at a red light, Jensen looked around and thought about the times he and Chris would ride their bikes along the sidewalks or the fights Chris had gotten into while defending him from bullies.

It wasn’t that Jensen couldn’t defend himself now since growing to his full 6’1, filling out some and learning a few things from both his West Point officer Dad and Chris. Now he could handle most bullies or bigots well. Back then it was a different matter.

It was more like Jensen hesitated in fighting after the incident when he was 12. He had been picked on and beat up one summer day while Chris was attending a funeral in Texas and had taken it until one older boy, a friend of one of Jensen’s cousins, picked on Danneel and he’d lashed out in a way that scared him to this day.

Despite being hurt himself and despite Dani telling what happened, it had been Jensen that had been punished by his mother until his father had come home. He could still hear the fight just like he could hear the sound of his father falling as the sudden heart attack took his life.

He blamed himself for causing the fight that had broken his father’s heart and certainly told enough times by his mother and her family that it was his fault. A piece of him still accepted that.

That was the biggest reason he didn’t fight back much these days and only had a few times since; those times being when Jensen knew to not fight back would end up with him being hurt seriously…though he tried to keep Chris from finding out about those in order to keep his friend from doing something rash.

Pulling the Ferrari into the curving driveway of Kate Ackles’ mansion on the outskirts of Sturbridge reminded Jensen of coming home and he slowly relaxed…until he noticed the piles of discarded carpeting and curtains and knew he should’ve asked more questions.

“Oh, God,” he groaned, stepping from the car with his bag over his shoulder. He was just reaching for the doorbell that he always used despite being told not to when the door swung open and he was greeted by the brilliant blue eyes and bright smile of his grandmother.

“You’re redecorating again,” Jensen said.

“‘And a good afternoon to you, Nana. What a wonderful thing it is to see you, Nana. How nice of you to call and invite me up today, Nana,’” Kathleen Donahue Ackles’ ageless face smiled up at him with a bit of Jensen’s own snark showing as she spoke, her voice still carrying some of the Irish it always had.

Jensen had grown up on the stories of how J.R. Ackles had met his fiery and feisty Irish wife on a trip abroad and courted her for two years before finally convincing her to marry him and move to Boston. Jensen loved hearing her accent even though he knew from experience that when she was angry that pleasant brogue could dissolve into cold steel.

“Sorry, sorry,” he smiled down at her since he towered over her by a good foot. He knew the drill well enough to lean down so she could kiss both his cheeks after she’d squeezed them. “Hi, Nana,” he greeted and then smiled. “You’re redecorating.”

“Of course I am. It’s been two years exactly since the last time and I felt like a change,” Kate returned, stepping back to allow her grandson into the foyer. “I’d tell you to ignore the mess but I’ve seen the pigsty you call an apartment.”

“That’s why phone calls before dropping in are good,” Jensen returned but knew his place was always a mess because that’s how he preferred it after so many years of rigid cleanliness. “Okay, I get your need for change but there are doors and actual building materials outside so this seems a bit more…drastic.”

Jensen might have been bored to death in school except for history but his natural flare for art and design gave him an eye for both engineering and architecture. That eye was picking up the subtle changes in the house now.

“Nana, what’re you doing?” he asked, not bothering to protest as his petite grandmother, whose hair of fine silver still hung down her back in curls, took his bag from him. “Is this redecorating or remodeling?”

“Both my sweet,” Kate said as she placed the single bag in the room on the second floor that she’d left untouched to her newest designs and then motioned her oldest and favorite grandchild to follow her back down, through the kitchen to the back door. “I’m having the guest house fully redone along with that musty old barn and then the rooms here will get a makeover to make them more comfortable for guests.”

“You never have the family stay anymore, Nan,” Jensen argued, beginning to see why Chris hadn’t answered the phone because if she was heading outside to either the rarely used guesthouse or the old barn that had seen better days then that meant his grandmother either wanted something moved or she was cleaning. Jensen always dreaded cleaning.

Kate’s blue eyes were light with mischief as she paused on the path to the barn. “I’m not remodeling for the family, Jensen. I mean the paying guests I’ll have once I turn the house into a nice quaint B&B.” She listened to the choked cough of shock and wasn’t surprised at the sound of feet flying along the stone walkway to catch up with her.

Kate Ackles wasn’t a foolish woman prone to hasty or rash decisions. She considered herself smart and shrewd even before she’d met J.R. years earlier and now as she entered her twilight years she knew what needed to happen to ensure her family’s survival…or to her deepest concern, to ensure Jensen’s.

“Now take a few deep breaths and consider your language before you speak to me because I can still find a way to box those ears if you mouth off to me like I figure you’re planning to.” She turned around after pulling open the broken-down doors to the barn that was one of the oldest on the property.

“A bed and breakfast? You want to turn the house into a B&B?” Jensen was stunned at the announcement and by the amount of clutter in the old barn that storms and age had finally taken a toll on. “Why? You can’t stand people, why would you want to live here with strangers coming and going and what will the others say?” he demanded all in one rush.

The old barn had always been a play land for a few of J.R. and Kate Ackles’ more adventurous grandchildren whenever they came to visit. It had practically become Jensen’s sanctuary when he lived here until he was 18 and still when he would come back on weekends from college this is where he went when he wanted to be alone.

The barn had once housed horses and sheep back a hundred years or more but used for storage for the last generation. Packed with things not wanted or unusable and Jensen had often wondered if that was why he felt comfortable out here because he had often felt unwanted.

Kate had been reluctant to allow his long stays out here during his time of healing but Jensen had just felt more at ease out in the barn loft than in the family home.

He hadn’t been in the barn in several years and felt a little pain at seeing how much recent bad storms and just decay at broken the roof above the loft that was covered with a tarp for the moment to keep the elements out and to protect what had been moved out here from the old attic inside.

Jensen, as he looked around, could see several boxes and old trunks from the attic and basement that had been moved out here. Some were items he recognized while a few he hadn’t seen before. A mix of steamer trunks, boxes, an old desk that was scarred from many generations of use and as Jensen knew his very first sketches of the soldier who had become so much more to him had also been moved from the house to the barn and covered in plastic.

Pushed back to the far wall, in one of the old horse stalls were four huge old trunks that he knew from childhood exploration held faded uniforms from various periods of military service but it had always been the one, the faded and moth eaten gray one from a time when West Point was young that had drawn his focus.

Now as Kate lit a few battery-powered lanterns to give more light into the musty smelling barn, Jensen saw boxes and furniture that he knew had come from his grandfather’s office that had always been off limits to the children and felt a little uneasy about the changes that seemed to be happening.

“This is home, Nana. Why would you want to do this?” he asked quietly, nervously twisting the ring he wore.

“Because I won’t live forever and my lawyers have already set it up to be managed whenever you’re not here to do it,” Kate replied and then waited for that to sink in, turning her head to the side as she watched the realization hit her grandson’s rugged face.

“The others will each get a small sum as their inheritance when I finally pass away but the title to this place, the lands and buildings, along with the house in Boston, as well as the bulk of the funds will be yours, Jensen,” she told him while laying a cool hand on his wrist. “Your aunts and uncles all have their own lives away from here. Your cousins couldn’t care less about this house or what I do with it and I’d burn it down before your mother or the ferret she married after Brandon’s death could try to claim it.

“This way I’ll know someone will get to enjoy the home and gardens I spent so much time tending to and I’ll also know you’ll have a home to return to when you’re not in Charleston doing whatever it is you’re planning on doing when you purchase that property you’ve been pining over since you were 19.” Kate chuckled at Jensen’s look of surprise. “What? You think I don’t know you’ve been down there multiple times making inquiries or that you’ve spoken to Roger about moving some of your trust fund into escrow to buy that place?

“Jensen, I may leave you alone for the most part to live your life as you see fit to live it but I’m still your grandmother and I love you. I also want to make certain you’re left alone so I do have a finger or two still in the pool if only to help you as best as I can.” She patted his cheek and was once again reminded of the happy boy he’d once been. “We’ll talk of my plans for this place after dinner or you can call and rant to your uncle who helped me draw up the new designs. Now it’s time to do what I called you up here to do.”

Jensen wasn’t certain how he felt about either the whole B&B idea or knowing his beloved grandmother knew of his plans to buy the old place in South Carolina that he’d just felt drawn to since his first visit to Fort Sumter.

“I could’ve drawn you up some designs, Nana,” he sighed, accepting that the discussion was tabled for the moment. He knew once his grandmother decided on something it was set in stone and he would just have to get used to the change.

“Yes and that’s what your Uncle suggested as well but I didn’t want to distract you and I also knew this choice of mine would upset you so I chose not to ask you.” Kate smiled as she saw the little twitch of annoyance show on Jensen’s face. “Now, care to ask what I really wanted you here for?”

“I’m going to guess I’m moving furniture or helping you sort through boxes…again.” It was something Kate did every year even though she rarely threw anything away. “Nan, you have nine grandkids. Why am I the only one here for this?” He suddenly realized usually when his grandmother got in the mood to clean the attic or the house she called and harped on each of his cousins until they at least put in a token appearance.

Moving through the cluttered jumble of generations of stuff, Kate walked toward the side of the barn that held old clothes, jewelry, boxes of papers and things even she wasn’t certain of since moving the items out here to make room in the soon to be remodeled attic.

“Because you’re the only one who answered the phone,” she replied with a laugh, aware that out of her nine grandchildren Jensen would be the one who picked up when she called. “Bella and the others never pick up when I call them unless they want something, so it’s up to you to sort through this stuff.

“Take what you want with you, put the rest in piles for donation to the historical society and what’s left I’ll probably move into storage for later once the barn is restored.” Kate placed an old hat that had belonged to her husband on Jensen’s head to smile at him. “Your Gramps said it was time for you to sort through these old boxes.”

Leaving the hat on for the time, Jensen blew out a breath as he looked around at the new boxes and stuff that he’d never noticed before he finally glanced over his shoulder. “Gramps said?” he repeated with amusement, green eyes alight as he watched the older woman shift a few Grecian busts and a box of glassware out of the way since everyone knew he tended to be a bit clumsy when it came to breakables. “Nan, have you been into the liquor cabinet this early?”

“Oh, shush yourself and that sass, Jensen Ackles,” Kate scoffed with a laugh, turning with an old portrait in her hands. “I’m an old Irish woman and should be allowed the peace of thinking her late husband is still close to her and since when have you ever complained about snooping in boxes?”

Jensen loved his grandmother dearly and had always loved her belief system that the dead were always close to those they’d left behind. He used to be able to feel his father’s spirit right after his death and in some way; he thought it was this belief that allowed him to believe in Jared as much as he did.

“I’m not complaining, Nana,” he assured her, kissing her cheek. “I might not surface from this mess for a week or two though so when Chris or Dani come looking for me just send them out here,” he chuckled.

“Oh, Christian Kane won’t come within five feet of me if he thinks there’s work to be done and pretty Danneel is too busy with that new law office to come visit an old woman,” Kate scoffed with a wave of a well-manicured hand. “I won’t work you to death. You’ve been through most of this stuff but a lot of these boxes out here now came from your Grandfather’s office when I turned it into my own.”

Kate shook her head as she saw Jensen’s smile grow. “I know you’ve been trying since you were a small boy to get into some of these so now you have your chance but I also want you to go through the rest of this to take home what you will, including that one old uniform in the trunk if you want it.”

“Take it…you mean I can have it?” Jensen had always thought all the things here would always remain here as they had for centuries. He’d never allowed himself to think he’d ever be allowed to take home the few treasures he’d coveted since childhood.

“No better way to clean than to move the stuff out of here and I know you’ll love and care for the things you’ve always wanted. Including that old desk over there” She’d always known between this old relic and J.R.’s desk in the study that Jensen would’ve chosen this one to own. “I’ve arranged for a mover to bring it to wherever you want to have it,” she told him softly, understanding this boy so much. “I figure you can use it when you move.”

Jensen sighed. “I would’ve told you about it after the deal closed, Nana,” he murmured. He hadn’t told anyone about his plans since he was still worried that his mother would try to stop him from having what he wanted. “I just feel like it’s time to start fresh somewhere else.”

“You also want to be able to find out about him in a place where you’re not as known.” Kate had never denied her grandson’s wishes, and knew of the soldier that had seemed to be a part of his life.

She had also always known how deep Jensen’s feelings ran and wondered if her grandson had yet come to realize when his obsession with the mysterious soldier had turned to something else.

“There is that,” Jensen shrugged, sitting on a small battered trunk to begin his cleaning when he looked up suddenly. “Nan? Is there anything here about the Jensen Ackles who served in the Civil War?” he asked carefully. “I mean, I know there was one cause Gramps said so and so did Dad but…nothing else ever gets mentioned and there’s very little of his stuff around here that I’ve found.”

“There might be in your grandfather’s papers, but most of your ancestor’s things were lost to time, petty misunderstandings or to the War.” Kate had been waiting for this question for many years and she and J.R. had decided to be as honest with Jensen as possible when he finally started to ask. “A few things were brought back with his body and J.R. spent many a year trying to find other things that had belonged to the man but most of the family always believed that Jensen left most of his things where he died and they were probably destroyed.”

An odd sense of pain filled Jensen at the thought of anything from the past being destroyed. “Do you know where he died?” he asked as he absently tried to decide where to start since there seemed to be a lot more boxes and oil wrapped packages than he had ever noticed before.

“Outside of Charleston, South Carolina is what I once heard.” Kate paused at the door to the barn at the sound of a sharp breath taken in. “Maybe you’ll have better luck learning about your ancestor when you go back. Come get me if you need anything and I’ll go see about dinner. I told the cook you’d likely spend the night unless something else comes up.”

Jensen’s attention was still locked on the fact that his namesake died in the very city where he was planning to purchase property and he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe his ancestor had known the Confederate soldier in his dreams.

As he began to work he once again thought how odd it was that he, a native to Boston and the North, would be dreaming of a soldier from the South. Now that he was once again in the safety of this barn that had always felt like a place out of time, Jensen allowed himself to admit the other secret he kept buried inside.

The passion of learning more about the soldier he called Jared, of learning if he was real or not, the near obsession with anything involving the Civil War because of the man had become something more several years ago.

It had been in the loft of this barn on the night of his graduation from college when he’d closed himself off to sketch and draw furiously that he’d finally allowed himself to admit that he’d fallen in love with an image; with a ghost in his mind of a soldier that had lived and probably died on some battlefield far away.

Beginning to sort through boxes of letters, old paperwork and faded pictures, Jensen allowed his mind to wander to his secret crush like it did when he was alone.

He wondered about the man’s life before and after the war, if he was one of the lucky ones to have survived and carried on with his life. A piece of him felt certain though that Jared had died in a battle. The early nightmares of sounds of cannons firing, weapons discharging and screams had given him the knowledge that Jared had met his end on some field; alone and bloody and…longing.

It wasn’t until more recently that he’d started to feel emotions from the dreams and this morning came back to him. It wasn’t the first time Jensen had heard other voices in his dreams but it had been the first time that he’d felt like a piece of himself was dying along with whoever Jared had been begging to hold on.

Jensen had never loved anyone with the depth of emotion that he believed he’d felt when hearing Jared’s voice break in the dream and he honestly knew he never would. He was in love with a man who existed before his time and doubted if he could ever trust anyone enough to open himself up to love anyone else.

He’d lost track of time in the barn and only noticed the waning sun shining through dirty windows and a few uncovered holes when he looked up to stretch his neck. He groaned as his back popped from sitting in one spot for hours, going through boxes of things belonging to his grandfather.

“And he used to call me a packrat?” he muttered, frowning when he came upon an old ring box.

Used to finding old jewelry, he was about to set it aside when something made him open the dusty velvet box and he felt a cold shiver go up his spine.

The West Point ring looked exactly like the one he wore, the one that he swore felt warmer when he touched the ring in the box. The ring was tarnished from years of storage but Jensen knew he could clean it. He frowned as he ran his fingers over the metal, feeling something on the underside of the ring.

He grabbed a lantern and squinted at the inscription but could still not make out the words. It took some rubbing and a lot of eyestrain, plus the use of one of his grandmother’s old magnifying lenses, before he could read it. Jensen blinked as what he read settled in his mind.

‘ _Jensen R. Ackles_.’

“What the hell?” he whispered in stunned confusion. If the ring he just found belonged to his ancestor, then whose ring had been handed down in his family?

Pulling the ring off his finger, he turned it over to see if there was anything marked on the underside Jensen rubbed his eyes to clear them until the writing came into view. He felt as if his heart would pound out of his chest as he whispered what he found.

_‘Jared T. Padalecki.’_

Jensen was numb as he slipped the ring back on his hand while putting the other in his pocket. He didn’t know what this meant or how the rings had become confused. The chances of learning that the ring he’d always worn since he was a child, the one handed down for decades to every Jensen in his family, actually had the name of another man on it…the very name of the soldier in Jensen’s thoughts.

Now he had to ask himself if perhaps he’d named the soldier Jared because he’d once seen the inscription on the ring and just forgot about it. He was a little unhappy to think his whole reality might have been based on a child’s memory, but before he could let himself think more on that, he dug back into the box when something fell from across the barn, making him jump.

“Yeah, but you’re not jumpy or anything,” he chided himself, starting to look back in the box when again he heard the noise of something falling right across from him and held the lantern up to look. “What the hell?”

There didn’t appear to be anything out of place or so he could see but when he heard the noise again, Jensen blew out a breath to put down the carefully wrapped pile of letters he’d just pulled from the old box. He walked closer to the side of the barn that seemed to be where the sounds were coming from.

All that he could see there were more boxes, a set of old suitcases, an ice cream maker with a hand crank that had often made Jensen glad he didn’t have to make his own these days. He couldn’t see anything that had fallen or that might have made the noises he’d heard.

“Your imagination is playing tricks on you,” he laughed, starting to turn when the light from the lantern shined on something wrapped in heavy oilcloth that seemed to be sticking out from inside a wall in one of the old horse stalls. “What the…?”

The old stalls had always been packed with things from earlier Ackles that had lived there and so Jensen and his cousins hadn’t been allowed to get in them very often. This stall, the furthest one back and the smallest one, had always had wood and crap piled in front of it.

Now he reasoned the builders must have moved the stuff and so cleared the entrance of the stall. Wiping some cobwebs from the open entrance, he shined the lantern in before stepping in to feel an odd heaviness in the stall that no other place in the barn had ever had.

Hanging the lantern on an old rusty hook that still hung from the ceiling, Jensen noticed the broken boards in the wall were actually a tiny hidden space within the stall. His heart beat faster as, without any thought or hesitation, he pulled the broken wood aside.

A small pouch fell out first but he ignored that in favor of removing what he’d first seen from the hidden alcove. As soon as Jensen touched the heavy wrapping he knew it was something rolled up and as he looked deeper into the hole he saw an old frame that should have held a portrait.

He’d grown up knowing the old house had a few secret compartments in the walls or under the floor. In fact, he’d spent the summer that he was 10 exploring every inch of it to find them all but he couldn’t fathom why someone would remove a portrait from the frame and then stash both in the wall of a barn stall.

Grabbing both the wrapped parcel and the pouch to take them back out of the stall that had been getting too stuffy all of a sudden, he sat back down to carefully remove the oilcloth to see that it was indeed a rolled portrait.

Jensen knew the inside walls of the house and the family home in Boston were littered with portraits of descendants from the very first Ackles to his parents’ own wedding portrait. He knew how his family treasured the hand-painted items so to find one hidden away confused him. It also left him a little shaky and he couldn’t define why…until he unrolled the painting and felt his heart nearly stop as it jumped into his throat.

[](https://imgbb.com/)

The oil painting was like many he’d seen of the era but this one drew him in as he stared at the painting of a Confederate officer with the rank of a First Lieutenant and Jensen stared into the man’s handsome face that had been captured so well that it appeared nearly lifelike.

There was a small smile playing on the soldier’s lips as he gazed ahead, at the painter it seemed instead of off into the distance, as was more the custom when having a portrait painted. The uniform looked new and fit his well-built frame well but it was the face that had captured Jensen’s attention.

The face with wide, happy eyes that Jensen knew in his gut were more hazel than the brown in this old but thankfully preserved portrait. He knew this because he’d seen this face with dark hair brushing the shoulders of his uniform nearly every night in his dreams.

Jensen knew with every fiber of his being that this man, this soldier whose portrait was hidden away, was the very man Jensen had grown up dreaming of and had slowly fallen in love with.

With shaking fingers he finished unfurling the rolled painting to see that it was a full portrait of the man in uniform with exacting detail, right down to the belt buckle with the ‘CSA’ logo embossed on it.

Staring at the face, Jensen had to finally release a shaky breath but then he glanced to the bottom to see if he could find an artist signature. The title of the piece, written in a slightly more flowing hand than his own writing, was ‘ _Jared in Uniform by J.R. Ackles’_. He wasn’t sure whether to pass out or throw up as it all seemed too much to take in at once. Then he remembered the pouch.

“No,” he whispered, voice breaking as he opened the pouch carefully out of fear of it or its contents would fall apart. He saw several tattered and faded hand-drawn sketches similar to his own drawings, as well as letters and notes written by his ancestor to… Jared.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Two**

“Jared.”

Jensen repeated the name to himself as he leafed through the letters in the old pouch, realizing his namesake had written letters and notes to the man in the painting…the soldier that Jensen had been dreaming of for most of his life.

Then pieces started to fall into place for him as he tore through the box where he’d found the other ring to see that it held some battered, badly preserved old clothes, more letters that were in such bad shape he could barely make out the writing. On a few he was able to read the letters were addressed to his ancestor with a shortened form of his name…like he’d heard in his dream.

“This can’t be possible,” Jensen whispered, unaware of how badly his hands had started to shake when he reached past some more clothing to touch another oilskin pouch that he removed carefully. “Nana!” he shouted, numb with something he couldn’t fully define when he opened the pouch to touch very old and very brittle drawing paper used back in the days of the Civil War. “Nana!”

Remembering he was out in the barn and not in the house, Jensen was gathering things up to go locate the older woman as he realized she wouldn’t be able to hear him calling her from out here. He was once again reminded that he shouldn’t underestimate Kate Ackles.

“I heard you the first time, Jensen. I may be slowing down in my old age but I most certainly am not deaf,” Kate Ackles chided when she stepped into the barn, immediately growing concerned when she noticed how pale her grandson appeared and how his hands shook. “What’s wrong?” she demanded, lips pursing at the sight of the unrolled painting and the pouches of letters and worn sketches. “Ah, you found them.”

Jensen was having a hard time focusing on anything now except that fact that his mystery soldier did indeed appear to have been flesh and blood at one time and his ancestor knew him.

In fact, as he gingerly looked at the sketches that were drawn by a skilled hand he had to wonder just how well his seven times removed great uncle knew the soldier and why no one had thought to mention it when he would speak the name or even show his own drawings of the man.

The sketches in the pouch were drawn with a freehand skill that Jensen himself still aimed to achieve one day, but it was the depth of care the artist had taken in capturing his subject that caught his eye. They were drawn with more ease and casualness than the painting had been, which told him that while one was meant to be professional these were more personal.

Jared was sketched in various freehand poses or what might have been from memory but he was always smiling or laughing…until a few sketches toward the back of the set. In those, while the smile was still there, Jensen could read a new sadness in eyes that had once shone with happiness.

“Found? You knew this stuff was here? Did you know about the painting hidden in the wall and these letters?” Jensen demanded, tearing his eyes away from the sketches to stare at his grandmother. “This is the soldier from my dreams, Nana. This…Jared, the name I’ve always used for him, knew my ancestor and…” he held up the ring he’d found in the box. “This ring, not the one that’s been handed down, is Jensen Ackles’ ring. The one I wear, the one Gramps said has been passed down to every Jensen since the Civil War, has the name Jared T. Padalecki on it. This is--was-- Jared’s ring, so what the hell?”

Taking a slow breath, Kate let it out. “Put all the stuff you want to take with you in that box and then come back inside the house to your grandfather’s office,” she told him calmly, turning to leave but pausing to look back with an almost serene smile. “You found what you were meant to find. Now I think I have one more item you’ll want to have.”

“What I was…Nana?” Jensen loved the older woman dearly but there were times he wondered if she was taking the weird and mysterious side of things too far.

He carefully but quickly repacked the items in the box as well as certain other things he’d been planning to take. Stopping every so often to look at the painting caused chills to pass through him before he once again rolled it up carefully to take with him.

Jensen had played in this barn since he’d been a small boy. He’d lived in the loft most of the year after he’d been taken in by his grandmother. He had never seen that the broken wall in the stall or the painting or pouch of letters and never would’ve imagined the family heirloom he wore had belonged to someone else.

Placing the box and other articles, including the portrait, by the front door, he knocked on the heavy door that had once been J.R. Ackles’ private domain.

The antique mahogany desk still sat where it always had and actually dwarfed Kate’s petite frame as she stood beside it. “Sit down, Jensen,” she motioned to the chair behind the desk, making a soft tsking sound when he hesitated. “It’s my desk now and I’m telling you to sit down. Now sit.”

“Nana, where’d that stuff come from?” he asked, sitting in the high back leather chair that still smelled of his grandfather’s cigars. “If you, Gramps…anyone knew about the Confederate soldier that I’ve been talking about and drawing for years…why the hell didn’t anyone tell me? The family made me think I was nuts but it turns out he was real!”

“Yes, that boy was real and it has been whispered about for many a year. But I’d never seen a photo until your Grandfather showed me these pictures shortly before he passed away,” Kate revealed, looking for something in the bookshelf behind the desk. “A lot of the family, especially way back when it first happened, wanted that stuff you found destroyed. They wanted Jensen’s name written out of the family legacy but his brother, your seven times removed grandfather, resolved to never allow that to happen. That’s probably why the painting you found and the letters were hidden where he knew no one would bother to look. Ah! Here the pesky thing is!”

Kate pulled a worn leather-bound journal from behind several other books and carefully wiped the cover with a soft cloth she pulled from her pocket. “According to J.R., that man named his first born son after the brother he had loved and admired. He saw to it that at least once a generation a son in the Ackles family would carry the name and also the burden to protect and preserve the items that had been returned with his brother’s body after his death.”

“Protect?” Jensen frowned, confused. History was about the only subject he could stand while in school and he couldn’t understand why anyone, especially in his own family, would seek to destroy pieces of valuable family history. “Why would they have wanted to destroy anything?” he asked her. “These things belonged to a member of the family even if they might not have approved of which side he chose to fight on.”

“Jensen didn’t fight for either side. He left West Point as a commissioned officer and could have continued on with a brilliant career in the Union Army, which his family had wanted him to do,” Kate replied, setting the journal on the desk in front of him but left her hand on the cover as she met his eyes. “But he’d chosen civilian life by that time.

“He moved to South Carolina before the fall of Fort Sumter and stayed there after the state left the union because his life and work had been there.” She paused for a bit, a small frown of dislike marring her usually pleasant face. “It was the life he chose, the way he chose to live it and who he chose to live it with that caused his family then and several in the later generations to bury his name, his accomplishments and the few personal effects that survived.” She gently stroked his short hair like she had when he was a boy. “Much like certain members of this family have tried to change you for how you’ve ‘chosen’ to live.”

Jensen’s eyes lifted while his fingers itched to touch the faded leather but he held back, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “They want to change me because it’s a huge embarrassment to have a son of the Ackles family be openly gay,” he snorted.

“And that was the reason your namesake was disowned so many years ago as well,” Kate told him, sitting on the edge of the desk to ease her hand away. “Your Grandfather did a lot of digging through records both here and in South Carolina to finally piece together fact from fiction. A lot of stories that have been told in the family were stretched or total lies but then he located a few letters and finally this journal. He was able to decipher a good bit of not only Jensen’s life but also that of Lieutenant Jared T. Padalecki.”

“He was…” Jensen was stunned at that. “I didn’t think there were gay men back that far.”

Kate laughed and patted his cheek. “Child, there has been homosexuality as far back as biblical times, only I doubt if it was spoken of,” she replied and then waited to see the pieces begin to click into place. “J.R. always said you’d find a time and place to discover what it was you’d need to find to be able to move on with your life. I always told him he was a daft old Yankee but he insisted right up until he took his last breath that out of all of them it was you who would learn the rest and finish it.”

“What? Learn the rest of what? Finish what?” Jensen was more confused than when he came into the office but the one thing that had settled on him made him look up at his grandmother hesitantly. “You say Jensen was gay and that the family disowned him for the choices he made. Was it his choice to leave the Army, his choice to settle and not leave South Carolina or his choice of lovers that caused them to hate him?” he asked carefully, feeling his skin tingle when his fingers touched the cover of the journal, tracing the worn initials.

“I figure while it was all of the above and more it was the final one that caused the blow up that sent him from this house to Charleston.” Kate reached into the top desk drawer to remove a faded and torn photo to show her grandson and watched his eyes widen as he looked into a face much like his own. “I read those few letters and some scattered pages of a journal Jensen was supposed to have kept but vanished with only a few pages found.

“While homosexuality was frowned upon greatly back in those days and also illegal if caught, Jensen didn’t care. He’d made up his mind years earlier even before they graduated West Point.” She smiled with sadness for the misunderstood and also for the love that was lost.

Taking the photo of Jared, who was dressed in a pre-Civil War era suit and a small smile, and that time’s Jensen, dressed in a similar style suit and an equally bright smile but his was tinged with a bit of mischief. The young man from the present realized with a knock on his heart that the mirrored smiles and just the casual brushing of shoulders told of a deep and still forbidden love.

“Jared was his…lover,” Jensen whispered, touching the ring he wore. “The family kept the ring to pass down even though he was considered a black sheep because it was a West Point ring and because no one ever noticed the inscription.” He knew this suddenly, understanding why this ring would be passed down but the other hidden away. “Jensen was wearing this one when his body was returned by…did Jared bring it back? How’d Jensen die, Nana? What happened to Jared and…”

“Give you the answer to one question and you’ll return with a dozen more,” Kate laughed, amused at his curiosity but also silently worried for him. “You’ll find some of what you want to know in this journal but as for the rest no one knows or cared to find out about the Rebel boy who tarnished an Ackles son with impure desires.” She rolled her eyes while chuckling at the way her grandson’s face twitched. “That was the popular reply most of the family gave when pressed about why the favored son fell from grace. I think they were just small-minded bigots.”

The elderly matron of the Ackles family tapped the journal. “There are a few other sketches Jensen must have drawn inside that must have been with it. It seems from the dates inside that he started this the day after he returned from Sturbridge and continued up until the last entry…the morning before a battle at Gettysburg. Nothing more was written and this among other belongings passed through time. Most were lost but J.R. hunted for and found a good many things that you’ll find in the smaller box. We didn’t know the portrait or those letters were out in the barn, Jensen. I told you that you were meant to find out the truth.”

“I need to see it; I need to know about them, Nana.” Jensen had always been drawn to the soldier, to the Civil War era, but now that he’d learned what he had he wasn’t sure what to think or what to do except for two things.

He needed to learn everything that he could about Lieutenant Jared T. Padalecki and he needed to see where his namesake was buried, both to pay his respects and because it felt right to open Jared’s journal there.

“Where’s he buried, Nana?” he asked, carefully placing everything inside the journal while grabbing for his jacket; mind and thoughts going so fast it was hard to focus on everything. “I’ve never even seen a headstone for him in the family plot or…”

“Do you remember the Oak tree in the very back of the Ackles family cemetery that you were so fond of climbing up and giving your poor father panic attacks?” Kate asked, inclining her head toward the window that showed the huge old tree in the distance. “He was laid to rest under it where the bottom roots meet to form a cross. It was the only thing the family did admit to and the one thing your Gramps didn’t get to do before he passed away,” she told him sadly. “J.R. wanted to give the boy a proper headstone and I still hope to before it’s my time.”

Jensen had already decided that before winter came fully a headstone would be placed to mark the grave properly. “Thanks, Nana.” He kissed her cheek while also noticing the odd tension in her face. “Something else wrong that you don’t want to tell me?” he asked before heading outside. “You have that look.”

“Just a few issues with your Mother that I’m handling,” Kate assured him, deciding not to mention their exact nature yet until she’d heard back from her lawyer. “Go on but don’t be out there long. It gets chilly these days even in June and I don’t think you’d like to have me hovering over you and cramping your life if you got sick.”

“I don’t have a life outside of my art and researching things and you know I’m not seeing anyone,” Jensen replied with a smile but not bothering to admit why he felt he was still single. “I’ll be back. I…I just want to see the spot.”

Leaving the house with his jacket and the journal, Jensen knew by the time he got back his grandmother would have the boxes, painting and his bag packed in his car because Kate Ackles was an excellent judge of character and probably already knew he wouldn’t be spending the night after all he had learned.

Kate watched her boy; as she had thought of her grandson since the night she and the Kanes first brought Jensen home after his horrid ordeal, walk across the back yard to where the stone path would take him to the original Ackles family cemetery.

She had doubted the choice of her husband to not speak to Jensen when they learned some of the truth behind the original Jensen’s life and the mysterious young man that had been so important to him.

J.R. Ackles had always said Jensen would come into the details when it was time. Now she could only hope he could handle what he’d learn and maybe gain some peace from it. Of course, she also wondered if the spirit would reveal himself to Jensen or if he only came in times of death, which made her not so anxious to see it again.

As Jensen walked the pathway he used to run on as a child, he supposed he could have mentioned that it was by his choice that he remained single when he’d had any number of offers by both men and women.

Jensen was more cautious now than he once had been. He rarely trusted anyone to get close to him in any way. He trusted two people explicitly and while he did have a few other casual friends he’d never allowed anyone close enough either physically or emotionally to hurt him.

He understood a part of that was still lingering effects from his teenage years but another part, the much larger part, was primarily due to the fact that he was holding out hope of finding that one special person to spend his life with.

“Of course we’ll just ignore that my ‘one special person’ is a Civil War soldier who may or may not have been romantically linked to my ancestor,” he sighed, pausing just inside the massive black wrought iron gates to look around. He had the odd sense that he wasn’t alone but shrugged that off as too much weirdness for one day.

His grandfather and father were both buried nearby but right then it wasn’t either of them that Jensen needed to see as his gaze went straight to the tree that he had often played in.

It had been under the branches of the old Oak tree, its leaves turning a deep gold of fall, that he had sketched his first real image of the soldier in his mind…of his dreams.

Carefully shifting the journal in his arms, he knelt down between where the roots met to form what appeared to be a cross to run his fingers over the bark, looking for something that he had noticed as a child.

Jensen had also assumed someone in his family had carved the tiny initials and the date in the bark as a reminder of something. Now he wondered if perhaps someone else hadn’t carved it and if perhaps this was a way of at least leaving something for a man who had been loved and lost.

“J.R.A. June 11, 1862,” he whispered with a tightness in his chest as he finally realized those were also his initials and the date must have been when his namesake died.

His grandmother had said Jensen had left the military even before moving to South Carolina but as Jensen knew, there were plenty of other ways to die without being on a field of battle.

Disease was rampant back then and after the fall of Fort Sumter and the state’s secession, it was probably much worse so he guessed the man could’ve died from illness.

Jensen sat under the tree much like he had growing up and laid his jacket on the ground so he could spread out the sketches before he once again touched the worn leather to feel the embossed initials of ‘ _J.T.P_.,’ overwhelmed that this book had been held and used by the man everyone believed he had made up.

His fingers shaking, he slowly opened the journal to stare at the inside of the cover where a worn photo had been placed. As he looked at the back, he was now starting to understand why the emotions in his dream that morning had been so strong.

“ _Jay, I hate this new invention but I hope you’ll keep this close when we’re far apart. Jen_.”

This photo was much more casual since it was missing the standard suit jacket and hat men of that period would wear if getting photographed; Jensen was just in his shirt sleeves, which were rolled up to his elbows.

The photo was worn with age but still in the present day, this Jensen could see something behind the eyes he knew were green. He could see the unspoken love that perhaps no one except Jensen and Jared even knew existed.

He could see the more relaxed smile and the way he tipped his head just a little, a way that Jensen soon caught himself doing and chuckled until he began to read. Then the smile faded slowly as he read handwriting that wasn’t as perfectly penned as his own ancestor wrote. Somehow, it was the way that Jensen had always known Jared would write.

“‘ _My name is Lieutenant Jared Tristan Padalecki and I’ve just buried my best friend_.’” It was a simple statement but Jensen understood there was so much more behind it. “‘ _Jensen died June 11 th. It took me several days to carefully return his body to his family in Sturbridge, Massachusetts and I’ve taken a great risk in doing so. If I’d been caught by the Union soldiers I probably would be meeting my friend far sooner than he ever thought since a Rebel boy caught in Yankee lands would be shot for spying before I could even explain_.

“‘ _Not that dying is a bad thing. I plan on meeting my maker soon and hopefully finding my friend on the other side, assumin’ Heaven ain’t got a North and a South. Losing Jen hurts worse than any gunshot I’ve ever had yet and I doubt if anything will ever hurt as much as what I felt in my heart as his brother and I lowered him into the ground under that tree._

_“‘I had known that taking him home might not be a good idea. I’d known how he and his family parted ways. Hell, I was the main reason he’d been disowned and disgraced. Shunned and shamed even though Jensen always said he’d made the choice even before we’d left West Point._

_“‘He had stayed on two more years than he had to because the two year age difference meant I didn’t graduate until I was eighteen and he was twenty. Of course, he couldn’t come right out and admit the reason he stayed, the reason he took on the task of typesetting or whatever they call it, was because I was there. I figure some people suspected it even though we were always careful in how we acted or talked to one another when in public._

_“‘It had scared me when I first began to understand the odd feelings I’d been feeling for the man who had instantly taken me under his wing when I arrived and who had quickly became my best friend. Even before I left the Low Country of South Carolina, I’d known I was a bit different in certain ways. At fourteen I knew girls didn’t hold an interest for me but I’d been told how to act by my family and I’d been prepared to fake indifference to make them proud of me…until I met him and it all changed.’”_

Jensen read each passage silently, skipping a few that he’d read in more detail later but right then he was trying to piece together what he could of how a Northern boy met and gave up his family for a Southerner. He noticed that some passages were written in great detail while others were given only passing comments.

He could see that Jared’s interest in his own life after graduating and leaving West Point didn’t seem as vital to him as his time with Jensen. Though he also saw that the young soldier had yet to admit on paper what the hidden context of his entries plainly told of and that was the love that had grown from their friendship.

“‘ _It’s been two years since I graduated and returned to South Carolina. I hold the rank of Lieutenant and probably won’t get much higher since while I want to serve my country, my state, it’s harder to take orders from men I don’t respect._

_“‘I respected the officers at West Point and I know I’d respect Jensen if he were my commanding officer but it might be the subtle changes in the division lately or it could be that I miss my friend that’s making me dissatisfied. Jensen had stayed on until I graduated but we ended up apart anyway. I had to return home and he had his own family duties to see to. I understood that. I told him that and I tell him that in every letter I write back when I read his bitterness._

_“‘Jensen had left the military. He’d attended West Point because it had been a family tradition but his heart was never in fighting even if he excelled at leading and handling others. I’d known even before he graduated that he’d never do anything with the rank he attained. He liked to draw and sketch and could design bridges and buildings far better than many others._

_“‘He’d taken a position with his Uncle’s firm and hated it. It was on one rare visit to his family’s home that it had all boiled over and Jensen made the choice that I’d been begging him not to make. It had been the last weeks before my graduation, on an outing one weekend, that I’d realized it wasn’t just me feelings things. Jen had been stretched out under a tree just sketching something, all in his own head, when he’d suddenly turned to me and shocked me._

_“‘I’d been kissed plenty of times. Mostly by girls back home, a few up here at parties we were required to attend and even a couple boys but nothing before and nothing after would ever compare to the day Jensen’s lips touched mine and I knew in my heart that I’d belong to no one else but my friend.’”_

Swiping a hand over his eyes, Jensen was a little surprised to feel tears as he read about the bitter fight between father and son the day his ancestor announced he was moving to Charleston to be with Jared.

_“‘My folks know what I am and how I feel. They don’t approve but they love me and probably hope if they don’t say anything I’ll change over the years. I wish for Jen’s sake his Father had been even a little understanding because for as long as I live I don’t think I’ll ever get Colonel Ackles’ voice out of my head or the vicious, cruel words he called Jensen that day._

_“‘Jen had been saying how disappointed his Father, most of his family, had been with his choice to not serve in the Army or his choice to pursue architecture and engineering as his career. I understood about disappointing family and despite how much I cared for him and missed him I tried to convince him to think about his choice but I know it hadn’t been that or his decision to move to South Carolina that had caused the final fight between father and son. It had been about me, what we were to one another that had incited it._

_“‘I was a soldier, I towered over the middle-aged retired Colonel but he was Jensen’s father and just the scathing tone was like it had been when I was sixteen and meeting the man for the first time. I regret following Jensen’s directive to wait outside but I had hoped if I was no longer within eyesight the man might calm down but Jen’s got a sarcastic side when he wants it and it came out the moment the Colonel called me an abomination in God’s eye.’”_

“Huh. That sounds familiar,” Jensen mumbled, recalling hearing those very words from his own mother the night he came out.

He figured gay men and women probably were considered even more vile back in the nineteenth century than they still are by some in the twenty-first. Jensen understood the risk his ancestor had taken by not only going against the family wishes as far as his career went but also by revealing his love for another man; a Southern man at that.

Jensen finally began to notice that Jared was referring to things not included in this hastily written journal that he must have started after he’d buried his lover…or were they? He couldn’t recall seeing any mention of anything other than a few kisses but he put that off to people not being quite as open as they might be today as he read on.

_“‘The tension got worse in the country until the talk of the state seceding from the Union got strong enough to cause me concern for Jensen. He had moved to Charleston three years ago and after a year started a small newspaper but no matter how long he lived here it was plain just by his speech, he was a Yankee and that caused a few issues with some bullies. I just hadn’t been aware of how many issues or how severe the risk had gotten for him._

_“‘We had finally moved to a rather good sized plantation outside the city proper where I thought we could find peace when I was home and where he could have peace to sketch or paint or even write if I could have convinced him to try to write anything down. I thought the talk of secession would settle down, I thought my country would stay whole…I thought…wrong._

_“‘The night it started, the night the first shot was fired on the Fort in the harbor is one I’ll remember for a great many reasons but I try not to think that it was that night, the night I’d gained so much, was also the beginning of the end for both of us.’”_

The pages for the next several entries were either faded with age, torn, or damaged from moisture of some kind before with a pained groaned, Jensen realized it was in these pages that what he desired to know the most had been shared but were unreadable.

The next entry that he could make out must have taken place shortly after Jared returned the body of his friend to his family.

“‘ _I didn’t want to bring him back up here. I wanted to bury him at home but I feared for his body. I also knew I probably won’t live to return to that house, not that I think I could. I honestly fought the urge to burn it to the damn ground because it hurt to look at the house where I held my best friend, my lover, in my arms as he bled to death._

_“‘I had hoped Colonel Ackles would have softened or at least cared that his son was dead but he hates me, hates what he blames as my ‘disease’ for poisoning his son and refused to have Jensen buried in the family plot. Jen’s brother was the one who stood up to the Colonel and argued to at least give Jensen some peace. Cole and I buried Jensen under a small Oak tree that will grow strong and proud and I did scrawl his initials and the dates into the bark._

_“‘Cole swears he’ll protect the site. That he’ll honor Jensen’s memory and I hope he will. I hope future generations can know about the man who had a hand in designing bridges, homes and even forts but refused acknowledgment for those deeds and I hope the ring gets passed on…even if it’s not Jensen’s._

_“‘His family wanted nothing to do with him because he chose me, our love, over a life that would’ve made him miserable but they did want his West Point ring because that went along with the family tradition. I didn’t get the chance to mention that the ring Jen was wearing was actually mine. We exchanged them the night the Fort fell and it hurt to leave the one I wore with Cole but I thought it best. I left most of the little items that survived the incident, the photos, and the pouch of letters we’d exchanged over the years, his sketches and the portrait Jen painted of me in my uniform; I left them with his brother and can only pray they survive._

_“‘The only thing I kept of Jen’s was the picture locket I’d given him last Christmas and the final little sketch he’d drawn for me the night before I left the city…the last time we’d seen one other before it happened. I honestly expected the Colonel or someone to alert the soldiers between Boston and Virginia that I was behind enemy lines but I’ve just crossed the creek that will bring me back into Confederate lands and now I face carrying on while knowing what I’ve lost and the guilt that it was my fault._

_“‘I know what Jen would want. I know what he said to me before he passed. I want, with all my heart, to believe that one day we will be together again but Jen was the one who believed in that stuff. He was always drawing little pictures of things too fantastical for a simple boy like me to understand or believe might one day be real. I want to think that if I die I’ll find him on the other side but…too much of my old Granny’s fire and brimstone lectures of going to hell because of my life makes me think that Jen and I will never meet at those Pearly Gates._

_“‘I hate this war for what it stands for, for what it is doing to this country and for what it cost me. If I hadn’t been fighting for a war I don’t believe in, if I hadn’t been stuck two states away I would’ve been at home with him. I would’ve been there the night those damn murdering rabble-rousers attacked, beat, and hurt my friend all because he was not only a Yankee but also because someone suspected we were lovers._

_“‘I’m an Officer in the Confederate Army, my own Father’s well-known in the state so attacking me face to face would be dangerous for them. Jensen was from the North. He was outspoken about nearly everything and even though he never printed or drew anything negative to the South, I’d been told some in the military, in the town believed he was a spy for the Union. All good enough reasons to kill but the words scrawled in blood on the door told me the real reason he’d been targeted and I will go to my grave hating both myself and the bastard who betrayed us._

_“‘I’ll serve President Davis. I’ll serve as I was taught because it was what my friend would have wanted from me but I know I will not live out this war. I no longer have a reason to. My reason for living is now buried under an Oak tree in the North and I no longer give a damn about seeing this War to its end.’”_

Blinking at what he’d read and also what he was reading from in between the lines, Jensen’s breath was shallow. He’d suffered dreams, nightmares, that were so real and so much like some of Jared’s words that he wasn’t certain what to think.

The dream this morning, the feelings of loss and pain, must have been right before Jared’s Jensen had died and while the descriptions and words were vague Jensen thought he knew how his ancestor died and why. It also explained the switch in rings. He knew the family would have just wanted to have the ring and wouldn’t have cared about the man so they wouldn’t have bothered to look at the name inscribed.

Jensen wore Jared’s ring and Jared wore his out of love, a love that would never have been understood in that time when it was barely understood or tolerated in his time. A piece of Jensen ached for the love the two young men from the past shared but could never have fully.

He flipped through more scattered pages until he got to the end, picking up the recklessness in the man over the year that had passed from losing his lover to his final siege at…

“Gettysburg,” Jensen whispered, raw from what he’d read and also shocked that Jared’s final fight might have been in the very battleground that he was planning to visit soon.

[](https://imgbb.com/)

_“‘July 2, 1863. It’s the second day of this massacre in the great state of Pennsylvania and I don’t know what I mourn. The death of boys so much younger than myself even before I went to West Point, the death of an innocent young girl since the rumors reach even this far in the field of young Jenny Wade who was struck by a stray round or the fact that these fields, this land, will never recover from this. I made Captain on the march from Virginia to Gettysburg. I didn’t want it and I know a couple of men, ‘friends’ of mine, certainly don’t think I deserve it but General Kershaw insisted._

_“‘As I write this I can hear the shots from elsewhere. The Union’s forces and my own both want this rock-covered hilltop the locals call the Devil’s Den which sits just above the Valley of Death. I’m so tired of killing boys. I’m so tired of seeing men and boys of both sides fall and last night as I listened to those dying in the fields below I saw Jensen’s face in the mist._

_“‘Jen always said we’d find one another and I like to think that by seeing his face, hearing him calling to me, that it means it’s time. However, it also could’ve been the whiskey I’d drank to numb the bullet wound that passed through my leg the day before. I hope this war ends soon and that no one else has to die but…while Jen was always the better one with strategy, I could read people and all I see is wounded pride. Neither side wants to be the one to give in first, but it’s not the politician for North or South that are dying. It’s boys who believe in freedom who are now dying. A piece of me is glad Jen can’t see me now…’”_

_[](https://ibb.co/eVMhCv)_

Rubbing a hand over his face to wipe away the tears that had fallen, Jensen closed the journal carefully but just stared at it.

To finally know the mysterious soldier in his dreams was real had been a shock but to learn his own namesake loved Jared, a man Jensen had come to realize he loved when he was a teenager, was incredible.

“And yet here you are contemplating a trip to Gettysburg without even understanding why.”

The voice came from out of the blue, causing Jensen to jerk his head around while trying to stand in a hurry to confront a trespasser only to freeze when he caught sight of who had spoken. “Shit,” he gasped, falling back to the ground but still clutching the journal to his chest.

The shimmering form seemed bright in the dying sun but slowly it lessened and Jensen found himself staring into his own eyes. “You’re…you…he…” he stammered, once again wondering if this was too much on him because while admitting that he might be in love with a man from the Civil War that he would never meet was one thing, staring into the face of the ghost of the man he’d been named after rocked him.

“Hello, Jensen. I think it’s time we talked,” ‘ _Jensen R. Ackles’_ remarked as the shimmering spirit slowly became solid just in time for his present day namesake to pass out. “Well, this is starting out well.”

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Three**

“Jensen? Jensen Ross Ackles! You answer me this very second or when you do wake up I’ll be tanning your backside like I did when you were a boy!”

The throbbing in his head was bad enough without his grandmother’s alarmed voice making it ten times worse but then his last thoughts came back and Jensen’s eyes snapped open. “Where is he?” he demanded, surprised at how shaky his voice seemed even to him. He was laying on the damp ground with the old journal still clutched to his chest. “Nana? What happened?”

“Well, I certainly was hoping you could tell me that,” Kate replied with some relief as her grandson slowly sat up, his eyes shifting around as if looking for someone. “When it started to get dark I decided to look for you and I found you out like a light. If I had known finding out all of this would upset you this much I never would have…”

“No, I needed to know,” Jensen told her, grabbing up the sketches and the photo to place them back inside the journal before standing up. He was glad he was steady on his feet and almost ready to believe the image of his ancestor had been a by-product of too much shock and surprise…almost. “I needed to learn that Jared was real and also about the Jensen that I was named after but…there’s so much more I think I have to learn and I have to go, Nana.”

Kate wasn’t surprised by this. She’d suspected her plot to get her grandson to spend the night so she could at least be sure he ate two full meals was going to backfire. Just like she thought she might know why he’d been in the state she found him in.

“Just be careful on the drive back and stay in touch,” she urged with a fond smile as he hugged her tightly. “And tell Christian that I’ll be dropping by that new bar of his next week so he’d best have it clean and in proper shape.”

“I will and I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you,” Jensen assured her, pausing to glance back at the Oak tree to consider how solid the spirit had seemed to him. “Nana, do you believe in ghosts or reincarnation?” he asked absently, shivering a little as a cool breeze ruffled his hair.

“I’m Irish, Jensen,” Kate scoffed with a wave of a hand, walking back with him. “Of course I believe in ghosts but if you’re worried that you’re the reincarnated spirit of your namesake I think it might be a bit more complicated than that. You take yourself home and get a good night’s sleep before you make any rash choices,” she instructed with a pat to his cheek as he placed the journal on the seat next to him. “Be sure to call me or your Uncle or that friend of yours who doesn’t answer phone calls if you have any trouble with ‘them’.”

Putting the key into the ignition, Jensen frowned a little at that but discarded it as just his grandmother’s normal overprotective side kicking in. “Nana, Mom and David are too busy to hassle me anymore or give a damn about what I do.” He decided to not mention the phone calls, texts and email message that had started to come more frequently. “But if anything happens or they get in touch I know who to call. I’ll be fine and…I think I know where I need to go next. Love ya.”

“Well of course you do, silly boy,” Kate smiled, watching the Ferrari until it was out of sight before turning a stern, maternal glare back toward the cemetery. “You damn well better take care of him or I’ll be putting out a call to have someone send you across the hard way,” she huffed before turning on her heel to go back into the house and place a few calls.

Her favorite and oldest grandchild might have learned to hide his troubles better these days but she wasn’t stupid. Her sons had told her that Celia Ackles Delauter, Jensen’s so-called mother, had been making subtle inquiries into Jensen’s life and more importantly his finances ever since she’d learned about the time he was spending in Charleston.

Kate had made it known once that her daughter-in-law stood to lose more than she would ever gain if she and the ferret she married continued to harass Jensen but it might be time to have her attorney remind the woman of that one more time.

She suspected Jensen would have much more to handle soon than the worry of some bitter, spiteful people. Kate might not believe in reincarnation but she did believe in a ghost that hadn’t crossed over to the other side and a promise made centuries ago. She also believed in the pain all of this might bring to Jensen.

Jensen wasn’t considering possible pain or even what was happening as he sped along the road on his way back into the city. He still felt numb at what all he’d learned in just a few short hours but also knew the one thing he needed to do before anything else.

“Chris,” he’d keyed the voice feature of his cellphone to call his friend as soon as he had a signal, slipping the earpiece in his ear. “I’m on my way back home…what? No, I’m fine, well as fine as I guess I can be considering what I found out. I need you to grab Dani and come by my place tonight.”

He knew he was being vague and that would worry Chris but he certainly wasn’t prepared to tell the other man the truth over the phone. “Yes, I’m sure I’m fine. I…I just need to talk to someone and I need to get Dani to push the escrow on the house through faster.” He reached up to squeeze the bridge of his nose at the mild headache that was forming and then he was gripping the wheel in both hands as he fought to regain control when he swerved out of shock. “Holy shit!”

The tires on the Ferrari screamed as he slammed on the brakes and fought to regain control. When he finally did, he pulled over to slow his beating heart and to try to get Chris to stop yelling.

“I’m…I’m fine, Chris,” he said, though he knew he didn’t sound fine. He was out of breath and his heart was still pounding wildly. He narrowed his green eyes and glared at the spirit that had just appeared in the passenger seat of his car and nearly gotten him killed. “No. It was a deer. I was going too fast and it just shot out. Yes, I am well aware of your Mom’s lectures on this deathtrap I bought. I’m fine. Just meet me at my place, okay?”

Jensen cut the connection before Chris could ask any more questions. He had a few of his own. “You’re real.”

“As real as a man who died in 1862 could be,” ‘ _Jensen Ackles’_ responded calmly, watching his present day namesake with a small smile. “You’re not handling this well I take it?”

“I handled finding out the soldier I’ve been dreaming about, hearing in my mind since I was little and obsessing over for years was real. I handled finding out my seven times removed ancestor not only knew the soldier in my dreams but, if I go by both my grandmother and that journal, was also his lover. I’ve handled finding out that I might not be insane but…yeah, I’m having a little trouble looking into the face of a damn ghost that looks so much like me it’s freaking me out!” Jensen shot back, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel until he calmed down. “Why’d you leave the cemetery if you wanted to talk?”

The Civil War era ‘ _Jensen_ ’ eyed the 1963 Ferrari GTO, his fingers lightly stroking the leather journal. “I stayed after you decided to faint but then Kathleen came and since she associates my visits with death I decided it would be better to approach you again elsewhere. I am sorry I startled you. I often forget these modern machines can be so dangerous.” Then he then added with a smirk, “Though you were going a tad too fast for these roads.”

“God, I’m getting lectured on speeding by a ghost,” Jensen groaned, shaking his head as he eased the car back in gear to start driving again. “Nana has seen you?” he asked, surprised because his grandmother had never mentioned that before.

“Several in your family have seen me over the generations, Jensen. Some are more accepting while others refuse the knowledge. Kathleen has seen me twice fully but both times I’d chosen to appear were at times she was suffering loss,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ sighed, fingers tightening as the car took a turn a little faster than he liked. “The night your father died and the day your grandfather passed away. I didn’t plan it that way but I can’t always make full body appearances. Those were bad timing on my part.”

“So, is this visit just another spur of the moment thing or is it something else?” Jensen spared a glance over to see the spirit had opened the journal and seemed to be staring at the sketches inside. “You…drew those?”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ touched the sketch he drew of Jared the day of their first kiss, a little startled that he could still feel the memory and emotion of that time as well as the loss. “A hobby,” he murmured then cleared his throat to get back to the reason he’s popped into the car. “As for your other question, no, this time my visit is because I was finally able to approach you.

“I’ve been watching you since the day you were born, Jensen. I knew that out of all of them that had come and gone it would be you who would find out the truth and not only help me to finally cross over. Hopefully help him as well,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ told him, silently admitting it was a little weird even to him to see such an uncanny resemblance in this young man and himself. “You’re the first of my ancestors that have actually looked like me. The others all had similarities but never an exact replica though your hair’s a bit different.”

“So is this a case of reincarnation?” Jensen wanted to know, not fully relaxing until he was on the main highway leading back into Boston. A piece of him still didn’t trust his stepfather and these days always seemed to be looking over his shoulder. “Is that why I’ve dreamed of Jar…him?”

The spirit smiled at the catch. “You can use his name, Jensen. You’ve called Jay by his name ever since you could speak. In fact Jared was the third word you spoke after ‘Daddy’ and ‘ball’ except you used his nickname because it was easier.” He closed the journal to concentrate what time he had on the young man he was placing all his hopes on. “As for the other, it’s not full-on reincarnation or anything like that. If it was, I still wouldn’t be haunting the family until I can cross. You do have a lot of me inside you, which may explain the emotional attachment to Jay, but you aren’t the first Ackles to dream of Jared. However, you are the first that has gotten both the dreams and emotions and you’re the first to actually care enough about him to want to know more. I think that’s why I was finally able to get you to find the portrait and the letters.”

“Did my Dad or Grandfather see…” Jensen didn’t understand if others had seen the dreams of the soldier why he’d been made to think he was crazy or sick. “Why wouldn’t they have told me? They knew about my dreams because when I was little they scared me.”

“Brandon had them as a child but he didn’t pay them any attention. Eventually he stopped having them or just stopped caring. He didn’t consider them again until you began telling everyone about the soldier who would visit you in your dreams,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied. “J.R. never had them but believed enough in the legends to look more into the past to find what he did. He also believed that if you were the one then you’d come into it on your own and…you have.”

“The one to do what?” Jensen demanded, hating the mystery and wishing someone would answer him. “Nana said I’d be the one to finish it, but she didn’t say finish what. Why haven’t you crossed? What am I supposed to do?”

“Help him,” the other ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied simply, recognizing the familiar look of confusion. He tried to explain what he could. “I haven’t crossed, I’m not at peace yet because there are things I still need to take care of. A promise I need to fulfill. I need to make certain Jay’s safe and happy before I can rest.”

Jensen’s fingers tightened on the wheel as he thought about _Jensen_ hanging on all this time just, to somehow reconnect with the spirit of his friend. It would mean the dreams of the soldier that had been such a huge part of his life would also be gone.

“You need to find Jared’s spirit so you both can cross and be together like you promised?” he asked quietly. Knowing it wasn’t his place to feel lost or upset at the possibility of losing even that little connection he’d felt for the Southerner when technically he understood he’d never met the man and that Jared really belonged with the spirit sitting beside him. “But if Jared did die sometime at Gettysburg then he might have already passed over and you’ve been stuck here all this time for nothing.”

“If Jay had passed I would’ve felt it and he wouldn’t be coming to you as strongly as he has been,” _‘Jensen’_ told him, looking over to see his namesake touching the ring he’d once worn and wondering if the boy knew how much of his feelings he gave off in just simple gestures. “He died but he hasn’t passed, Jensen. He’s lost and finding him, helping him, is what you’re meant to do.”

With that simple declaration, the spirit vanished from the car as quickly as it had appeared.

“Find him? How in the hell am I supposed to find Jared when I don’t know anything about him or even where to start looking?” he asked the empty car sourly. Then he shrugged the doubts away.

He might not know exactly where Jared had died or even if he had died at Gettysburg, but he now had a name as well as a rank and that would get him started.

The rest of the drive back into Boston went quickly for Jensen as he planned what names, dates and places he’d need to research as well as making reservations at one of the historical inns or motels in Gettysburg. Now he was more determined than ever to attend the reenactment this year.

If Jared had been killed in one of the battles toward the end of those three bloody days then it would stand to reason that all the energy of the reenactment might draw his spirit back so that perhaps Jensen could help release it on into the light.

Jensen worried that his dreams would stop if Jared’s spirit moved on, if it was reunited with the spirit of his best friend and lover. Jensen wasn’t sure what to think of that possible loss since he’d had the images, the voice with him for so long. The thought of not having either caused an ache in his heart that he hadn’t felt before.

“Okay, before you freak out over losing what you never had to begin with, you need to actually find out where he died and…what the hell?” Jensen had been paying too much attention to his thoughts and not enough to his surroundings. When he went to open his apartment door, he found it unlocked and ajar. “Chris? Dani? You guys get here already and decide to not shut my door?”

“I see your choice in friends hasn’t improved in 11 years, Jensen.” The man’s deep smooth voice might have sounded like butter melting but it was enough to cause Jensen’s blood to turn to ice.

Coming home to see his stepfather sitting in the living room like he owned the place pissed Jensen off.

David Delauter might be a smooth business executive but Jensen had seen the man’s ice-cold cruelty first hand. In fact, he still bore the scars of just what this man could do and had done to a scrawny 14 year old.

“What the hell are you doing in my apartment?” he demanded, dropping the overnight bag on the floor by the chair while carefully placing the journal and rolled painting down on the end table, his eyes never leaving the older man’s face. “How in the hell did you even get in?”

Smoothing a manicured hand down the leg of his Italian slacks, the man took in his stepson’s defensive stance with a sneer. “This belonged to your family long before you took it over, Jensen. You never bothered to change the locks after Kate gave this place to you so your Mother still had a key.” He stood slowly and smiled at the way the boy shifted back. “I let myself in to wait for you after a friend back home let me know you’d been to see your grandmother.”

“You mean one of the people you pay to spy on Nana,” Jensen shot back, not stupid enough to think his visit had gone unnoticed. “What makes the difference if I visited my grandmother? Mom lost her say when I was seventeen and you never did have a goddamn say in my life, David. Now get the hell out of my place.”

Delauter had never liked his stepson from the first moment he’d met the brat and ever since he’d gained his freedom and took his trust funds with him he had hated him even more.

“Does Kate know you’re throwing her money away on worthless crap?” he demanded, throwing the escrow papers to the floor that he’d located on his brief search through the boy’s place. He was furious that the punk thought he could purchase some piece of crap property in South Carolina with money that should belong to Celia and him. “Does she know you’re still living in the dream world you think is real?”

“I’m not wasting Nana’s money on anything. It’s my money. Money I got from my father and my grandfather. Money that never belonged to my Mother and sure as hell never would have belonged to you,” Jensen gritted, rage building at even the thought of his belongings being touched by this asshole. “It’s my business what I do with my money. It’s my business how I live my life and if I want to move away, to get away from anyone who knows me or you and my Mom, then that’s also my damn business.”

Jensen hated this man. He’d hated him from the first moment he’d realized his Mom was probably even having an affair before his Dad died and his hate hadn’t lessened over the years. He knew who had been responsible for his Mother locking him up in that damn place and he knew the man would only be too happy if something happened to him now.

“You think I didn’t see that shrine you have locked in your closet, Jensen? You think your Mom and I don’t know about all the time and money you’re wasting on this fake world, fake soldier you’ve been infatuated with?” Delauter stepped close enough to get into the face of his stepson and was a little surprised that this time the boy didn’t back up or look away like he’d always done since the first time Delauter had slapped him. “You’re still as sick and twisted as you were the night they dragged you out of your Mom’s house to lock you up. If I would’ve had my way you’d still be in that place, drooling like a vegetable and not embarrassing your family with this insanity!”

He shoved both hands against Jensen’s chest to knock him back a step but this time found solid muscle that barely budged. “You’re living in a fantasy world and you’re in love with a bastard that was just as big a freak then as you are today,” he hissed, hate and bitterness plain in cold eyes; fists clenching in Jensen’s jacket.

“I’m not 14 anymore, David. I’m not 16 and drugged to the sky. I’m an adult and I want you out of my apartment now.” Jensen could feel the hate pouring off the man and recognized the danger but wasn’t letting it faze him like he would have once. “You can’t hurt me this time.”

“Arrogant little prick!” Delauter snarled, beginning to lift his other hand to strike. “You think I can’t tear down this little world you think you’re so safe in? You think I can’t find a way to take back all that should’ve been mine or that I still can’t put you back where you belong?” He sneered at the brief flash of memory that crossed the younger man’s face. “You’re nothing but a spoiled faggot with a head full of crazy. All it would take is a phone call to take all this away and there’d be nothing that batty old woman could…ugh!”

Jensen hadn’t lashed out in anger in years but this time it was more the insult to his grandmother than any threat to himself that caused his reaction. “Get the hell out and stay the hell away from what’s mine,” he snarled through gritted teeth, not even aware of the stinging in his knuckles from where his fist had connected with the other man’s jaw. “You and my mother have been harassing me ever since the first trust fund was unlocked but it would be over my dead body that you ever touch a dime of my family’s money. You will never hurt me again or take anything away from me.”

“I’ll haul your ass in for hitting me, punk!” Delauter was furious as well as shocked that he’d been punched. Just as he was going to lunge forward, a strong hand grabbed his elbow to twist it behind him, his face slamming into the wall near the door. “What the hell?!”

“Actually, since you’re the one breaking the restraining order by even being within 500 feet of Jensen I’d suggest rethinking that plan.” Chris Kane’s voice showed his fury, as did his eyes when he put his face right up to Delauter’s. “Remember me, Delauter? I’m the guy whose father is going to make damn sure you regret ever coming close to my friend again; unless the pretty little lawyer behind me does that first.”

Jensen had been so distracted by the emotions pounding in his head that he hadn’t even heard Chris’s arrival. Now that he recognized the tone of barely checked rage, he blinked past his own to step closer only to stop as a hand touched his arm.

“Let him handle this,” Danneel Harris urged softly, her cell phone still in her hand as she took in the scene. “Trespassing on private property, breaking and entering and threatening Jensen all go against the court order that bars you and your wife from contacting Jensen, Mr. Delauter,” she spoke coolly in her court voice. “I’ve called the police so if you’d like to hang around until they arrive I’m sure they’d be more than interested in why Jensen was defending himself and I will personally, even before Mr. Kane can get the chance, make certain you’re the one behind bars.”

“I’d rather pound his face into…oh, you mean Dad.” Chris smirked, shoving the man toward the door while also managing to use his body to keep between him and his friends. “Go ahead,” he invited upon noticing the bunched fists. “But you swing on me and I’m a helluva lot less restrained than Jen is and I _will_ send you to the ER.”

Delauter whirled almost to lash out but stopped at the last second. Trying to intimidate his stepson alone was one thing, but he wasn’t stupid enough to risk it with both the Harris girl and that goddamn Kane thug around.

“This isn’t over,” Delauter warned, storming out of the apartment before the police did arrive since he knew they wouldn’t be any of the ones he could rely on for help. “You’d better think long and hard on your choices, punk.”

“He better think long and hard on changing the damn locks,” Chris muttered, slamming the door and throwing the locks out of habit. “What the hell, Jen?”

Jensen leaned on the back of the sofa, nerves beginning to show now that the threat was gone. “He was here when I got back,” he replied, scrubbing his face with both hands to try to rid himself of the hateful eyes he could still see. “I guess when Nana got the keys back; Mom kept a set and…shit!”

Remembering what his stepfather had said, Jensen bolted for his room and felt his heart slam against his ribs at the mess he found.

Of course, his room was always messy but the drawers had been emptied to the floor, the antique case he kept his father and grandfather’s watches and a few other pieces in had also been dumped to the floor but it was the open closest that upset him the most.

All his notebooks with his research on dates, battles, casualties and so much more—work that had taken him years to assemble, sort and then write out by hand—were on the floor. Some pages pulled and ripped out, his drawings and sketches were crumpled and torn. “Damn it.”

“Son of a bitch!” Chris was more vocal as he took in the damage. “What the hell was his game anyway?”

“I’m not caving to the harassment like they probably thought I would so David decided to try a more physical approach I guess,” Jensen murmured, kneeling to take a crumpled sketch of Jared that was one of his personal favorites and try to smooth out the creases. “He and Mom both know that while calls or texts won’t bother me too much, actually seeing him might have a stronger effect because seeing him still brings everything back.”

“Calls?” Dani had just stepped into the bedroom and pounced on that. “They’ve been calling you? Texting you? How long? When did it start and why the hell didn’t you tell me or Mr. Kane?” she demanded. “Tell me you didn’t give in to her and give her any money.”

Chris had been about to pick something up but then decided to let the cops see the place as it was. He shifted to look over his shoulder. “He damn well better not have given either of them anything, including the time of day, or I’ll slap his head.”

“I know they want the money they ‘lost’ when I won access to my inheritance but I also know it’s more about them not being able to control me so I never answer or reply. I wasn’t expecting to see him inside the apartment today.” Jensen detested not feeling safe in a place that had been his for 10 years. “I’ll have the locks changed tomorrow before I…”

“We’re changing the locks tonight while I’m here, Jen,” Chris corrected firmly, crossing his arms over his chest to eye his friend with the serious look he only got when his temper was on the surface. “If the rat-faced bastard was bold enough to come here then he’d be bold enough to try something else _or_ send someone to do his dirty work; especially now that he knows about your plans in South Carolina.”

Jensen stood up at a knock on the door but Chris was already going to answer it. “Could David or my Mother do something to stop me from buying the house in Charleston?” he asked Dani, worry plain. “It’s my money and the papers have been signed. Is there anything they could still do to stop the sale?”

“Very unlikely since the sale is in the final stages of escrow already,” Dani assured him, hearing Chris bitching to the police officers that had replied to her call. “The only thing they could do to stop the sale would be to offer the sellers three times what you’re already offering. Delauter’s spiteful and hates you but he loves money too much to shell out that much just to hurt you. I’ll contact the lawyer down there to let him know what’s going on, though.” She placed a slender hand on his arm. “It’ll be fine, Jensen.”

He hoped so but an odd feeling in his gut was telling him something different as he stepped out to speak to the police.

It took little over an hour for the officers to take the report, assess the damage that was done to his personal property and for Jensen to go through things to be certain nothing had been taken that would escalate the trespassing and breaking a court order offense to theft.

Once the three of them were alone, Chris was personally changing the locks on the door and adding a deadbolt, Jensen revealed what he’d learned that day. “He’s real,” he placed the unrolled painting of Jared on the coffee table while laying the other ring and letters alongside it. “His name really is Jared and he was from South Carolina. According to his last journal entry he was a Captain in the Confederate Army at Gettysburg and he and my ancestor were more than best friends.”

Dani had been going through the pile of letters to and from Jensen and Jared as well as the journal and looking from the faded sketches drawn more than a hundred years ago to the wrinkled one that she had watched her friend draw to the actual photo of the young soldier. “It’s eerie how both you and the past Jensen could capture him on paper with such accuracy,” she said, sipping red wine and twirling her long hair around her finger. “All of this is so uncanny.”

“Well, Jen has been saying the guy was real,” Chris called from the door as he finished with the last screw to the deadbolt. “The question now is what the hell do you do plan to do?” He put the tools away to come and slump in his chair, grabbing his beer and a slice of pizza. “Finding out you’ve been dreaming of an actual person is one thing but I know you, Jensen so I know you’re not satisfied with just that. You need to know more, right?”

“I need to know when and how he died. I need to find out what happened to him after that last entry was written and if he died, what happened to the body.” Jensen decided to leave out the part about his ancestor’s ghost making an appearance for the moment. “I guess I need to know if I’m dreaming of him because he’s not settled or can’t move on to be with his Jensen and if that’s the case then I... need to know how to help him be at peace. Even if that might mean never having another dream of him.”

Chris lifted his beer to tap Dani’s wineglass lightly, a smile playing on his lips. “Told ya that our Jensen couldn’t just be happy to know Rebel Boy was real. He’s got to have the full on happy ending or something.” He batted away the throw pillow Jensen tossed at his head. “Dude, face it. There was never any doubt at all that if this guy was real you’d have to know what happened to him because happy endings have always been big to you.”

“Maybe because I know I’ll never have one of my own,” Jensen remarked, but then was quick to raise a hand to halt either of his friends from commenting or arguing since he’d heard how that had sounded. “No, I knew when I was seventeen that I’d never have a love that lasted a lifetime like my grandparents or even what I think my ancestor had with Jared and…I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being alone but I’m not okay with thinking that Jared’s spirit might be lost or roaming those fields in Pennsylvania.”

He stood up to grab the papers and leaflets he’d been collecting on Gettysburg since he’d first begun to plan a visit to the battle site. “This is the 150th Anniversary of the battle so the reenactment is supposed to be even bigger than usual. If it’s true about Gettysburg being haunted and how the spirits of the dead and lost still roam in a continual battle loop then there’s a chance that maybe I can find a way to contact Jared’s spirit to help him move on.” Jensen took the ring from the velvet bag to run it around his fingers. “This one was the one he wore. It was Jensen’s. So maybe if I can find where he died or even better a gravesite and give this back…”

“Jen, a lot of the Confederate bodies were never claimed and just buried.” Chris might not remember a lot of his American History class but he did recall that much. “You’re looking for a very thin needle in a really big haystack.”

“I’ll find him, Chris. I can feel it in my heart that I’m meant to do this.” Jensen closed his hand over the ring and swore the one he wore warmed on his finger. “I was going to Gettysburg anyway so now I have an actual reason.”

“Joy. You’re going to go ghost hunting in July with a bunch of people reliving three days of hell and you think this is a good idea,” Chris groaned as he slumped lower in the chair to shake his head. “Jen, I love you, man. You’re my best friend but sometimes I really do wonder if Dani and I need to find you a hobby.”

Jensen smiled at the exasperation he heard. He knew that while both of his friends accepted his near obsession with the Civil War, they never really understood it and mostly humored him. He loved them for that. “I have a hobby, Chris,” he reminded him.

“I think Chris meant a hobby that didn’t involve battles, maps, trips to the library or arguing with a college professor when he misquoted one little detail, hon,” Dani spoke up even though she knew Jensen would never change.

She’s been with him the longest and could still see the happiness in his face whenever he discovered something new or went to a lecture or new site.

“I have those. I enjoy music, I play the guitar, I draw, I enjoy classic cars,” Jensen responded with a shrug of his shoulders, an odd tingle crawling up the back of his neck that he tried to ignore right then. “Jared is more than a hobby. He’s…”

“Who you’re in love with,” Dani broke in, smiling as Jensen’s head turned to stare at her and Chris choked on his beer. “What? Since when is it a secret that he’s in love with this soldier and that’s why Jensen’s resigned himself to being alone?”

Managing not to choke to death on the beer, Chris pushed up so he could set the bottle aside and try to wipe his shirt off, seeing the mild shock in his friend’s green eyes. “It wasn’t a secret. I just don’t know if Jensen really accepted that little fact yet, babe. Jen? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Jensen had known for a while that he’d fallen in love with Jared. He just hadn’t thought that it was so outwardly plain that others could see it. “Guess I’m not too good at hiding it, huh?”

“Honey, you punched my brother in the face for calling any Southern soldier, not even your soldier, a traitor to his country, but you barely blinked when Mick called you a faggot.” Dani smiled, finishing her wine before she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “It’s not much of a secret to those who know you well. Is it healthy? No, but then how many obsessions can be called healthy. So long as you’re happy then I’ll be happy for you.”

Jensen nodded, accepting her words because that was how Dani had always been. “I’ll be happy once I know the rest of it and once I go home.” He didn’t miss the slight frown from Chris but ignored it because for Jensen Boston was no longer home, if it ever had been. “I need you to push the escrow faster, Dani. I want to be able to move down there soon. That house, the land, it feels as important to me as Jared does.”

“I’ll talk to the lawyer down there in the morning and see how fast I can speed it up,” Dani assured him, glancing at the time. “I have court in the morning too so I need to go but you call me if anything else comes up and before you leave,” she told him firmly, hugging him tightly. “Call Chris’s Dad in the morning about Delauter too.”

“Oh, I’ll have Dad on the phone as soon as I get in my car,” Chris snorted, refusing to leave that up to Jensen even though he knew he was overstepping a few lines. “When you planning this historical ghost hunt?”

Trying to decide if he wanted to tell Chris to let it go or accept his friend’s concern, Jensen had to blink at the unexpected question. “I have to make a few plans and see if any of the inns or motels have an opening this late but I’ll probably leave day after tomorrow.”

“It’ll be tight but I think I can find someone to keep the bar running for a few days,” Chris nodded after doing some mental figuring, picking up the leaflets to stuff them into his coat. “Guess I better actually brush up on the place so I won’t look like a total fool but we’re renting a car. I am not driving all the way to Gettysburg in that thing you call a car.”

“I…I was thinking of renting an SUV for the trip but, wait a minute…you’re coming with me?” Jensen’s head had been spinning all day and this was finishing it. “Why? You hate history. You slept through history class. Why would you want to come with me?”

It was a natural habit from years of friendship, which had Chris carrying all the trash to the kitchen before pausing to give the apartment another glance. “I might learn something. Besides, I hate history but the reenactment might be cool to see,” he shrugged, not missing the narrowed look that meant Jensen wasn’t buying it. “Fine. I don’t trust Delauter as far as I can’t see him. I know how distracted you get at these things generally and you’ll be more distracted this time so just consider me your shadow; unless you want to press charges against the asshole for breaking and entering.”

“Technically he had a key so all we can charge is the breaking of the restraining order,” Dani called from the hallway where she was waiting.

“He was threatening Jensen and in his face so we could nail his rat-face ass on intimidation,” Chris shot back, hating when the young woman got into lawyer mode.

“Jensen hit him so he could counter,” Dani said with a smile. “Leave the legal stuff to me and your Dad and you just have Jensen’s back in your usual unique way, Chris.”

Chris rolled his eyes, heading to the door. “Yeah, next time I’ll toss him out the window and claim he tripped,” he muttered, turning to eye his friend. “I’ll handle the rental car and pick you up at 7AM day after tomorrow.” He decided to do this so he’d know the damn SUV was full sized and not a micro thing. “Or I’ll bring Chinese by and just spend tomorrow night.”

“Chris, you don’t have to…okay, I’ll shut up,” Jensen laughed at the look he was given, raising his hands in surrender. “You win and we’re leaving at 5AM so you better get some sleep.”

Not an early riser as a rule, Chris felt like groaning but kept his mouth shut with only a muttered grunt. “I’m not leaving this hallway until I hear all three locks get locked,” he warned from the other side of the door.

“I’m twenty-eight, not eight, Kane!” Jensen laughed but did lock all the locks, smiling a little at the light knock on the door, which was Chris’s way of saying goodnight as he and Dani left.

He leaned against the door for several moments to adjust to the quiet and ignore the oddness he felt now in his home. His stepfather’s intrusion had broken some of the serenity that Jensen had created and in some way he knew that he’d never have that back.

Turning the stereo on low to play soft rock music that always seemed to soothe him, Jensen stepped into his bedroom to begin to pick up the drawings, and the paperbacks while seeing what he could save, and what he would need to replace.

“You have good friends. Those are hard to come by in any era.”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ was kneeling in the closet with a wrinkled sketch of Jared in his hand when he glanced up, a small smile playing on his lips. “You capture him perfectly in every piece you draw. How did you know his eyes were this color?” In his day, he had rarely used color unless painting with oils but this boy seemed to like to use color pencils and charcoal, and it was odd to see his friend’s hazel eyes captured so intensely.

“Just something else I knew,” Jensen shrugged, still a little shocked that there seemed to be a ghost following him. “I seem to be able to draw anything but…he’s always been my favorite thing to work on.”

“Mine too, only not always in drawings. Jay was fun to…work on in other ways too,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smirked, amused at the faint blush on the boy’s cheeks. “You’re not quite as outgoing as I tended to be.”

“It’s a little odd to talk sex with the ghost of my ancestor,” Jensen shot back, beginning to pick up his work. “What was he like?” he asked suddenly. “You knew him so well, loved him enough to leave your family and life behind so…”

Glancing at various sketches of his friend, the spirit smiled as he picked out one of Jared laughing and could recall the sound so clearly. “You can capture his laugh, his smile, the way his dimples come out when he’s happy and even the depth of emotion when he broods. Tell me what you think Jay was like and I’ll tell you if you’re close.” He was curious if his namesake had gotten the full bond or just the images.

Concentrating on what he was doing and on what he needed to be doing, Jensen paused to think. “He was happy. I mean always happy. He liked to laugh and smiled a lot. He was kind to everyone he met, he loved animals and liked to joke around.” He sat on the edge of his bed to pull his sketchbook out and just let what he was seeing flow onto the paper.

“When I hear him in the dreams, his voice is soft and has a drawl to it that I think he always had and never tried to get rid of but it could lessen if or when he was angry.” He frowned a bit there but wasn’t sure why and went back to the image in his mind. “He was taller than you so I always guessed he’d be around 6’4” or so and his eyes are hazel that I imagine now could darken to full on deep brown or black when you guys…” Jensen coughed and heard the chuckle from near him.

“He didn’t care for cities and preferred the country which is why the house he bought was outside of Charleston. He didn’t like slavery and didn’t fight for it. He fought because he joined the military to serve his country and then didn’t know how to get out of it when the war started.” Jensen laid the pencil down to tear the paper off to show it to the spirit that had sat beside him. “He loved you.”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ took the sketch that had barely taken five minutes to draw and found himself staring into the open eyes of his best friend, eyes that shone with raw emotion and deep love.

The sketch was a full body shot of Jared turning from the edge of the small inlet of water that had run past the house. His hair, which had always been long and full, blowing in the slight breeze and out of the eyes that appeared to have just caught sight of something or someone and ‘ _Jensen_ ’ was taken aback at how accurate the sketch and the opinions were.

Jensen had sketched Jared like how he always preferred to be when it had just been the two of them alone at home and the spirit’s smile softened as he noticed the little details his descendant had included that no one else would even have noticed.

The worn trousers, soft shirt that would’ve been off-white and had three buttons opened at the throat that showed the chain where Jared wore the picture locket ‘ _Jensen_ ’ had given him, the ring on his finger and the fact that his friend preferred to be barefoot when being casual struck him a lot harder than he was expecting.

“The only thing you missed is that Jay tended to trust people too easily. It was that trust that was the beginning of the end for us and what probably got him killed,” he finally remarked, setting the sketch aside as he struggled to say what he felt he needed to but didn’t know how without confusing the boy more. “You need to watch your back as well. Helping Jay, finding out the truth of what happened, might seem simple but it isn’t. You stand a very real chance of upsetting someone who may not want that coming out and who still holds a grudge.”

“I don’t think someone from back then can hurt me,” Jensen smiled, sliding the ring onto a chain he’d found and slipping it over his neck to wear. “I will find out what happened to Jared and I promise I will help you keep your promise so you both can move on and be at peace.” He folded the sketch carefully to place with the others that he chose to put in the leather folder to take with him. “I think he was ready to die because he wrote in his journal that he’d heard and seen you so it might have been the shock of whatever wound that caused his death that’s trapped him.”

Shifting his head a little, ‘ _Jensen_ ’ stared at his namesake with an odd look as if considering what he had said before he smiled and started to shimmer. “Jay was ready to die probably from the moment I died but it wasn’t me he saw or heard, Jensen. It was you. That’s what he’ll need from you now when you get to the spot he died, but before you go onto the battlefield you should look at the monument for the soldiers from South Carolina. I think you’ll see a name there you may know and it won’t be Jay’s.”

Before Jensen could do more than gape at that comment, the spirit was gone and he was alone once again to attempt to make sense of his already confusing life and what all this meant.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Four**

_“‘Why? What the hell are you doing?’”_

_“‘Taking out the trash. Something that you’re too big of a damn coward to do. Now get the hell outta my face, ‘Captain’ or the next bullet goes in your heart.’”_

_“‘I am not standin’ aside so you can butcher these boys in cold blood, Scott. Put your weapon down or I’ll see that you face more than a demotion in rank this time.’”_

_“‘You never should’ve been given that rank, Jared. You’re too damn soft in the head and heart to do what the South needs from its officers. Never mind if the General or President Davis knew the kind of freak you really were, you’d be killed as an embarrassment to that uniform. It was bad enough that you were ‘friends’ with that damn Yankee bastard but now you’re standing here stopping me from killing Yankees when they’d just as soon slit your throat if they could!”_

_“‘You just shot one of our own boys and leave Jensen out of this. He’s at peace no thanks to the damn bigots back home and…what the hell?’”_

_“‘Jared! Jared, move!’”_

_“‘Jensen? No, that’s not…hey! Scott, what the hell are you…’”_

_“‘I don’t know what this is or who that is but it looks like I’m lucky enough to get to get your Yankee lover a second time, ‘Captain’ Padalecki.’”_

_“‘NO!’”_

“ **No**!” Jensen jerked upright in the passenger seat with the same feeling of a sharp pain in his right shoulder blade and had to force his breathing to calm down before he noticed the silver SUV was no longer moving and in fact seemed to be parked outside of a stone lodge.

It took several seconds for Jensen to piece it together. He’d allowed Chris to drive the final leg of their drive down to Gettysburg since he’d already uploaded all the driving directions into the GPS, including directions to the private lodge he’d been lucky enough to book them into.

He must have fallen asleep but for the life of him, Jensen couldn’t decide what the hell kind of dream he’d just had. Everything had been hazy, and he could only tell it had been Jared by the voice and the outline of his body in the fog but the voice of the other man had been what truly alarmed him and now is what left him confused.

This dream had felt different and he couldn’t define why. Just that something about it felt…off and he usually didn’t wake up from one feeling like he’d been shot.

The other part that creeped him out was that he could have sworn he had heard his own voice since while he and the Jensen from the past might look alike and their voices similar, his didn’t carry the pure upper Massachusetts accent that the other did.

“You awake and…what the hell, Jen?” Chris Kane demanded as he jerked open the door to stare at his friend. “You bleeding?”

“What?” Jensen ran a hand under his nose to see a small line of blood on the back of his hand, another new thing since he’d never had a nosebleed his entire life. “No, I…I’m fine. Just had another dream or…something.”

Chris stared at him critically, leaning on the SUV door. “I’ve seen you have plenty of these damn things and never once did you come out of one looking like road kill, man. What’s making the difference?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen admitted, shaking his head.

The North and South Lodges was a private three-room cabin that was really too much for their short stay, but Jensen knew it would give Chris his own room so if Jensen chose to stay up late researching or pacing his friend wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Jen, go change clothes or grab some shut eye and then we can go…explore or whatever you want to do.” Chris hadn’t liked how pale his friend was this morning or how distracted he seemed since the other night even though Jensen had sworn that he hadn’t heard anything more from his stepfather. “Is there anything else you want to tell me about?”

“Besides the ghost of my ancestor that’s chosen to make a couple appearances? No, not really.” Jensen did accept a bottle of water while nodding at the wheel. “You driving or am I?”

Chris was still staring about the ghost comment when he held firm to the keys. “You are so not driving this thing right now, Jen,” he growled, not liking this since he would’ve been happier if Jensen had rested a few hours but also knowing it was useless to argue with his friend. “You’ve seen a ghost? A real ghost?”

“No, a fake ghost,” Jensen countered with a smirk and an eye roll as he took off his lightweight jacket, glad he’d just wore a t-shirt since the first day of July was quickly heating up. “I don’t think he can move on until he’s reunited with Jared’s spirit. If you want to go watch the reenactments just drop me off and…”

“I am your shadow, buddy of mine. Where you go I plan on being two steps behind you, especially now that these dreams are causing you actual physical pain,” Chris replied, eyeing the first set of directions his friend had put in. “We have three days to catch an actual reenactment in the fields. Where’re we heading?”

Rolling the windows down, Jensen knew that no matter where they went in the town or on the outskirts of the battleground and cemetery, they would be able to hear the sounds of cannons and rifles firing. He’d known this so he couldn’t tell why every time a rifle went off it felt like something ice cold was grabbing his heart.

“There’s a monument to the South Carolina regiment that served with the army of Northern Virginia. It’s over on West Confederate Avenue southwest of the town so that’s where we’ll start,” Jensen told him, reaching into the backseat to pull his small bag up front and removing his notebook while placing a tiny sketchbook into his back pocket in case he needed it. “South Carolina sent over five thousand soldiers to fight in Gettysburg and nearly 1300 of those became casualties.”

“Only you could roll that kind of stuff off the top of your head,” Chris laughed, always amazed at the type of information Jensen knew. “I bet if I asked the total killed on either side you could rattle that…”

“The Confederate Army had a 4,708 soldiers killed, 12,693 wounded with 5,830 listed as missing in action for a total of 23,231 killed, wounded and missing. Their total is only 176 more than the Northern Army’s combined total for the same three listings,” Jensen replied easily and without looking at any of his notes. “Also, 37,574 rifles were found littering the battle ground after those three days.”

Chris shook his head, glancing over at his longtime friend. “Sure you don’t want to go back to college and get a degree so you could get paid for knowing all that crap?” he teased, finding the street they needed.

“I enjoy learning about this ‘crap’.” Jensen knew Chris humored him just like he humored Chris’s disinterest in nearly everything but music, cars, women and the bar. “There it is!”

Pulling over, Chris turned the SUV off and left his own jacket inside as he followed his friend over to the monument where Jensen was softly reading the inscription aloud.

“‘ _That men of honor might forever know the responsibilities of freedom. Dedicated South Carolinians stood and were counted for their heritage and convictions. Abiding faith in the sacredness of States Rights provided their creed. Here many earned eternal glory_.’”

Jensen shivered despite the heat and humidity as he read the quote and then began tracing the many names inscribed in the stone with his finger. “Brigadier General J.B. Kershaw is who promoted him,” he murmured. “Jared served with the 12th South Carolina Infantry but his name’s not listed here.”

“That might mean he didn’t die here, Jen.” Chris had actually tried to look up more details on this soldier and despite even his limited computer skills hadn’t found out much. “Or he did and went unnamed or…”

“The museum has a better list of soldiers if you’re trying to hunt down one in particular, boys,” a grizzled old man dressed in Confederate gray spoke as he crossed the street. “A lot of them boys who died didn’t make the monuments but a few did get listed in the ledgers there either as killed, missing, or prisoners of war. Of course there were boys and men who just upped and deserted when it became clear which side was winning,” he eyed both young men curiously. “What’s a couple Yankee boys want to know about a Confederate soldier or soldiers?”

Chris nodded toward Jensen and smirked. “Ask him. This is his ghost hunt. I’m just here to make sure he doesn’t get lost in all this history.”

“Captain Jared Padalecki, 12th Infantry from South Carolina,” Jensen replied easily and off the top of his head. “I’m looking into his life before, during and…after the war but for some reason he’s hard to find out about. Have you ever seen that name…what?” he asked when the old man frowned a little. “You have seen something on him?”

The old timer took his hat off to adjust it while eyeing Jensen carefully and then nodded. “I’ve been around Gettysburg awhile so I’ve heard stuff and I’ve also seen that name in a few lists. I can tell you what I know if you’d like.”

“You want a ride to the museum or the field?” Jensen didn’t miss the look of caution Chris shot him. He just chose to ignore it in favor of finding out any detail on Jared.

“An old man rarely refuses a ride, especially when it’s hotter than Satan’s backyard,” the old man chuckled, holding out a hand. “I’m Josiah.”

After introductions were made, Chris got them back on the road while Jensen shifted in the front seat so he could look at the bearded old reenactor. “What can you tell me about Jared, I mean Captain Padalecki?” he asked.

“Well, there’re a couple theories that were supposed to be told right after the battle ended. The least popular one, depending on who you talk to, is that Captain Padalecki was the mentally unstable type. Reckless and brash without giving a damn about his unit or himself and on that day, July 2nd 1863, he snapped. He shot a fellow officer in the leg and was shot in the back as he tried to desert.” Josiah caught the tightening around the light haired young man’s eyes and raised a finger. “I said it wasn’t a popular theory and since it was spread by the other officer without any more proof it was basically dismissed.”

“Jared wouldn’t desert his post or his unit,” Jensen said, as sure of this as he was of his own name. The soldier he’d dreamed of since childhood wasn’t unsteady even though he still mourned the loss of his friend and he was not the kind to run. “What’s the other theory?”

Chris softly cleared his throat to try to remind his friend to be careful but he also feared for Jensen if it did turn out that, they learned something about this young Southerner that was different from the image Jensen had built up over the years.

“This happened over in the Devil’s Den area but away from where the main fighting happened, down more in the valley and back closer to that small creek.” Josiah took the map Jensen held out to circle a small section. “There’d been a lot of heavy fightin’ that day and a lot of both sides were still laying out there bleeding and dying. A Union officer who’d been shot in the leg gave a report to his officers later on about how this crazy rebel was shooting the wounded. Union, Confederate, this man did not care. He just shot them dead and would’ve kept on shooting or using his bayonet on them until the Captain came upon the scene.”

Jensen’s fingers had been digging into his jeans as he fought the image that was being built, and then as Josiah went on, that cold shiver was back because he somehow knew where this was heading.

“The Union officer reported that Captain Padalecki stopped the other man from murdering the wounded and that was when the other man turned on him. They had some kind of fight and Padalecki shot the man in the leg. Then he turned away and was shot in the back or so the Union man said.” Josiah shook his head as they pulled up in front of the Visitor Center and Museum. “The body was never found so that’s how that other man could say the boy deserted but those soldiers who were spared knew something else happened out in those fields that night.

“You go on in and look in the journals or ask around. What there is about that boy will be in there,” the old man got out of the SUV, tipped his hat and limped away.

Jensen was numb. “That’s like what I heard in the dream, Chris,” he whispered, staring out into the fields where crowds of people, both spectators and actors, could be seen even from there as sounds of battle rang through the air. “He was fighting with someone and…I need to find out.”

“Jen, either he died here or didn’t, it’s been 150 years. How the hell do you expect to find his spirit to reunite it with…okay, this is beyond me now.” Chris believed in spirits. His father was Cherokee and he had a Shaman for a grandfather so he knew the weird existed but this was all stretching it for him now.

Some volunteers pointed Jensen towards a fragile looking ledger with names of the dead, the missing, and the living while Chris wandered the exhibits.

“Why wouldn’t his body have been found?” Jensen wondered. “If he’d been shot, where was his body?”

“A lot of the dead got lost or just forgotten, Jensen,” Chris reminded him, interested in an old rifle and wondering how in the hell they loaded the things when he whirled at the sharp breath he heard. “Jen? What? You find something or better yet, exact coordinates to a grave?” he asked, only slightly teasing but stopped the moment he caught how pale his friend had gone again. “Jensen?”

Jensen had found a list of names and he had found Jared’s name listed as belonging to that Infantry unit and it did have him listed as missing, presumed dead but it was another name, a name listed as wounded but alive that was making his skin crawl. “This is who he was fighting with. It has to be.” he murmured, stunned to the point of feeling his hands shake. “Lieutenant Scott D. Delauter.”

“Delauter?” Chris stared down at the name with the same hate as he usually spared for Jensen’s stepfather. “Wait. This is getting too creepy. You think the guy who might have shot your guy is some relation to David Delauter?” His head was spinning from too many details. “It could be a total coincidence, Jen.”

“I know. It just…surprised me,” Jensen knew he had plenty of hours of research ahead tonight before they went to the reenactment tomorrow and he also knew he needed to call in a favor or two.

The two did catch some of the first day’s reenactments and looked around some but for Jensen his mind was a constant blur of action and thought. While Chris was asking about weapons, he got a few more details as well as a clue to a couple other pieces of information that he spent hours copying by hand to be included in his own data later.

That night after they’d had dinner at the main lodge with other visitors, Jensen pulled out his laptop and notes and got to work. Somehow, he knew he had one final day to figure this out and couldn’t waste it.He pulled out the journal of Union officer Major Glenn Weston and began to read.

_“‘Today my life was saved by a Rebel. The fight at Devil’s Den wasn’t as big or bloody as some that I’d taken part in since this fight began but it was bloody enough. Most of my unit, boys drafted locally and not trained, were killed or wounded but it was afterward that I witnessed the bloodiest part._

_“‘I’d been shot, wounded, but not fatally. I expected to either be taken prisoner or die of the wound in the valley. I probably could’ve crawled away unnoticed but many of my men were dying around me and I didn’t feel right knowing I survived and was unable to get those boys help so I consigned myself to fate. I’d seen the rebel soldier with the bayonet and with horror I realized he wasn’t just murdering my boys but also wounded of his own._

_“‘Delauter wasn’t unknown to me. Many of us at Gettysburg, on either side, had attended West Point together. He was one I recalled with less favor and I’ll be honest when I admit that I was surprised he was still in any man’s Army. Scott had been cruel to the younger cadets and didn’t follow orders well. His actions on that field didn’t surprise me when it came to Northern boys but to see him callously killing his own comrades did._

_“‘I say my life was saved by a rebel and it was. I’d seen Padalecki earlier in the fight and knew Jared right away. I think anyone who had met him would know him since it’s rare to see someone his size fighting so effortlessly but I also knew he picked up a lot of those skills not by our instructors at West Point but from Ackles._

_“‘It was Padalecki’s unit we fought against on the rocky hill that day. A soldier recognizes another and I could still see the soldier inside him but like many of us who went to West Point together I had also heard the stories and knew the happy-go-lucky boy from South Carolina had lost some of his thrill for life a year earlier. I’d been told by other friends that Ackles had been killed and I’d heard different stories as to how but the one that I had always put off to rumor and hoax was now settling on my mind as I watched Scott Delauter kill wounded men._

_“‘Padalecki had always trusted too easily and from what I knew he and Delauter had grown up together but on this night there was no friendship showing as Jared stopped the slaughter of the wounded and ultimately saved my life…at the cost of his own.’”_

Jensen read the passages as he typed them into his laptop, pausing to reread a couple lines. The rest of the Major’s words never made it into print or if they had, he had yet to find them except for the final words.

_“‘I was too far away to see the details but I did see them fighting. I could hear a few words, enough to know that the coward tossed Ackles into the mix of hate and as anyone who had known either man I knew that was usually a good way to incite that rare Southern temper and then I lost sight of them. I did see Delauter fall so I can only report Padalecki shot him but then when he turned I saw the coward raise his pistol, heard the discharge and saw Jared stumble but…his body was never found.’”_

“Where the hell could a body vanish to?” Jensen asked himself, rubbing his eyes but ignoring how tired he was because he feared sleeping right now.

The dreams were always vivid but being here, so close to where he knew Jared had died, seemed to be increasing their intensity and Jensen wasn’t ready for another of those yet.

He’d emailed his cousin Bella earlier to ask her to look into the Delauter family. While he could do basic research and could dig deep, he wanted more and for that, he needed the skills his computer hacking cousin loved to use.

Of course, he hadn’t told her the exact reason he wanted her to dig to see if his stepfather’s family had originally been from South Carolina or if any descendants had served the Confederacy. He just gave her enough information to make her curious.

Bella Ackles was a natural sneak and gossip who had an instinct for computer codes and finding out things long since buried. She also didn’t like David Delauter and had always thought he was hiding something so a possibility that the man who boasted a long lineage from Boston might be hiding some rebels in his family tree had been enough to get her to help him.

That and the promise that she’d be first in line to have his apartment once he moved to South Carolina. Bella wasn’t above using bribery to get what she wanted and Jensen wasn’t above giving into it so long as it got him what he wanted.

While he had his cousin searching for one thing, Jensen was looking through war archives to track Lieutenant Scott Delauter’s progression from West Point through the war. It didn’t take a genius to see that someone had been trying to cover up a lot of the messy facts but he learned enough to lean back on the bed to look up at the tingle that told him he wasn’t alone.

“Did he ever know?” he asked numbly, knowing there was no proof but wondering if there was if he looked deep enough in Charleston. “Did Jared know?”

“If Jay had learned about that he would have gotten himself killed a lot sooner or he would have gone to prison,” ‘ _Jensen’_ replied grimly, not as solid looking as normal as if being here was making his connection hard to hold. “If I had known Delauter would ever be close enough to him to hurt him then I might have told him but I honestly believed the man’s own actions would get him court-martialed or killed. I know this is confusing you and I wish I could tell you more but it’s not my place to tell you things that you need to discover on your own.”

The spirit glanced at the window toward the field. “It’s been 151 years since I’ve seen him. While I’m still on this side due to unfinished business, it’s more complicated for Jared,” he glanced back, a grim expression settling on his face. “He’s trapped in a continuous loop of reliving that night. He’s lost and confused in the fog, trapped between this world and the other. If you listen, you can hear him.”

Jensen had never admitted to anyone, not even Chris or Danneel, that he could hear Jared’s voice at times even when he wasn’t dreaming. There had been times since arriving here that he was so certain that if he looked over his shoulder he would see those hazel eyes.

“He’s a ghost, you’re a ghost. Can’t you pull him with you to the other side?” Jensen asked, jumping at what he would’ve sworn was a cannon going off though he was fairly sure there were no reenactments happening that night.

“It’s more complicated than that, Jensen. The area around Devil’s Den is like a vortex of energy and on that night something happened,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ was still a spirit from the 1800s so he wasn’t sure how to describe what little he did know. “I know he needs you as much as you’ll need him soon.”

A sudden blast seemed to shake the lodge and shook Jensen awake from where he’d been dozing. Looking around the room, he couldn’t be certain if this conversation with the ghost had been real or part of a dream but he did wish his ancestor would stop being so damn cryptic with his answers.

Another blast finally made him pull his shoes and jacket on. A quick look told him that Chris had fallen asleep in front of the flat screen TV watching something bloody and for some reason Jensen didn’t think to wake his friend up or even take the SUV.

The lodge was close to the battlefield and even though it was closed for the night, he went with his gut and just walked.

Due to the reenactments going on he could see tents set up in the distance, smell the faint odor of smoke from fires for cooking and the soldiers smoking. He walked the outskirts of the battlegrounds, an unnatural chill in the air for an early July night.

It had always been a dream to come to Gettysburg but now that he was here Jensen knew he’d come back for the history and facts. He was focused on one thing and hoping he could help like his ancestor seemed certain he could.

Of course, he wasn’t sure what the spirit had meant when it had said that he would need Jared soon. Jared was a spirit trapped in a loop and once freed both men would be free to crossover. That would also mean the dreams of Jared would stop so Jensen was at a loss to what the comment had meant.

The Devil’s Den section of the park was farther away and the rocky, boulder-covered incline difficult to climb in the daylight, much less in the dark of night, but Jensen wasn’t even aware of how far he’d walked when he stopped suddenly to look around.

The sky was clear so the stars provided light to see by; it was eerie to be out here alone. In the distance, through the heavy fog that seemed to be coming in from everywhere, he thought he heard voices shouting, guns and cannons firing, men screaming as they died.

Shaking his head to clear it, Jensen shoved his cold hands into his pockets as he walked more toward the sounds of running water. He knew from his research there was a small creek that ran behind the hill but the fog was really thickening and for some reason he was finding it hard to breathe as it felt like an icy hand was gripping his throat.

“This is just my imagination,” he reminded himself and steeled himself to climb to the top of the outlook. Suddenly he was knocked to his knees by a pain in his chest like a bullet and as he opened his eyes he gasped out loud as the fog cleared enough to allow him to see a battle going on around him. “Oh my God.”

Jensen knew he was seeing the actual battle even though no one there could see or hear him. He could see the Confederates trying to hold the boulder-covered hilltop and the messy battle that ensued from dawn to night. Through the hazy misty fog that seemed to be what separated past from present he watched Jared issue orders to his men.

It was a pitched battle with neither side gaining or losing much and Jensen was amazed to watch the soldier in action. Everything around him was becoming more real and much louder as he took in the end of the battle…

** Flashback Gettysburg, PA, 1863: **

“Watch your right flank!” Captain Jared Padalecki was swearing under his breath. His unit was small compared to that of General Longstreet, who commanded the main force trying to take that accursed rocky hill.

The plan of General Lee was faulty to begin with but Jared knew he was a simple Captain and could only do his best to keep his men alive while following orders to the best of his abilities.

His men were more on the backside of the hill, toward the creek and the field past it. He’d been ordered to keep the Union from advancing or sneaking up on the blindside and perhaps if they had attacked at dawn it would’ve worked better.

Well, his unit had been fighting since dawn and by this time of the evening Jared admitted to feeling weary. Of course, he was weary of it all and had been for over a damn year.

He’d been shot the day before but wasn’t giving that wound much thought since he figured if he died from infection it would still serve his ultimate purpose. Of course, that had been before Delauter had been placed under him.

As Jared shouted orders to his men, all of whom were equally tired and just plain scared at the amount of Union soldiers now arriving to fight Longstreet’s forces, he knew he couldn’t risk injury or death and leave innocent men in the hands of his former childhood friend.

Being on the near flat meant they were more prone to cannon attack and Jared’s biggest concern was having his best sharpshooters take out the cannon operators before they tore his unit to bloody shreds.

“Push in closer!” Lieutenant Scott Delauter shouted from close to him. “We can cut the damn Yankees in half if we get in closer!”

“And they’d wipe our men out before we could get close enough!” Jared snapped. There were too many Union troops in close enough.

Jared had known that morning that this battle was a bad idea. He just hadn’t had any idea how right he’d be or how many men, on both sides, that he’d see cut down all over a goddamn rocky hilltop. It had been an ill-conceived plan to begin with and one he could see Jensen rolling his eyes over.

Even in the midst of battle, cannons and rifles going off all around him, he still thought of his best friend. Jensen had been the better strategist, even as boys in West Point, and he could hear him now saying how many errors this plan had and how it should have been laid out.

There were times when Jared wished his friend had stayed in the military, but also knew it would have killed him to stand across a battlefield from Jensen. While he might have moved to South Carolina to be with him, Jared knew there would have been no way his stubborn, anti-slavery friend would have agreed to serve under President Davis or General Lee.

Though Jensen also had just as many problems with the politics of General Grant in the North so the eye problems that forced Jensen out of military service as much as his own views had might have been a good thing in Jared’s opinion.

It was also in times like this, as he watched men fall under fire, as he shot boys younger than he was the day he graduated West Point, which Jared wished more than anything that he’d made Jensen leave Charleston with him and they both could have gotten the hell away from the war and the insanity it now carried.

He’d seen men he’d gone to school with die in the two days he’d been at Gettysburg and now wondered how much longer he could take this before he just said the hell with it.

The smell of gunfire, smoke and blood all made him sick. The screams of the wounded as they lay dying tore his heart and through it all, he was convinced he could hear Jensen’s voice calling him.

The dreams of the last few months had been odd but the second to last one was the one that begun to make him doubt his sanity.

Dreaming of Jensen hadn’t been unusual since he loved and missed him so much so he’d often dreamed of their times together. However, it had been the night of his promotion, the night before he reached this Godforsaken place that he’d actually dreamed that Jensen had come to him as a spirit.

Jared had never fully believed in all the spiritual crap that was so popular now but he also never denied the possibilities either. He just blamed the whiskey for the dream and the odd message.

“ _He’ll need you when the time comes, Jay. Trust me one last time and you’ll know what to do_.”

Jensen had loved being mysterious and cryptic but sometimes Jared could have slapped him for it. That dream being one of them. The last dream was just plain weird and he did put it off on pain and whiskey.

Now as he stabbed a Union soldier in the gut with his bayonet he wondered how disappointed in him Jensen would be. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to the dying man, feeling cold but ignoring it in favor of finally doing what he should’ve done hours ago and called his unit into a retreat past the creek.

It might be against orders, it might mean his dismissal or more serious charges laid on him for retreating before Longstreet could officially order one but Jared was tired of watching men die.

“We can’t back off now!” Delauter snapped with fury in his eyes. “We need to press on and hit these Yankees where it hurts before they…”

“Sickles’ men just got help! If Lee wanted to take that hill so badly then he should’ve supplied me with more men to back this area up and Longstreet should’ve attacked at dawn!” Jared shoved him back, eyes narrowed when the other man’s hand touched his rifle. “You want to commit suicide by going up against fresh troops then feel free, Scott. This is my unit and I’m ordering a retreat.”

Jared didn’t miss the muttered slur tossed his way but he didn’t turn around. He’d heard it before but not in the field and never by someone he’d assumed was still a friend.

The retreat was hasty and he lost a few more men thanks to Delauter but soon they arrived in a safe area and it seemed the Union troops was willing to leave them alone for the moment.

A moment that, as night fell, Jared knew would be brief but it would give him time to dress his wounds, check on his men, try to ignore the sounds coming from the dying and to think.

The slip by Delauter hadn’t been the first time recently that Scott had made indirect comments that hinted at the side of Jared’s life that he’d always kept hidden from the military.

He’d known that Scott had probably figured out his sexual preference since they’d grown up together but the man had never said anything about it. In fact, he’d never let on that he’d known or cared…until it became more obvious after Jensen moved to Charleston.

He knew his preferences were illegal across the country and hardly spoken of in polite company so to be exposed now, in the middle of a war, could cost him not only his career but also his freedom. Not that Jared cared because without Jensen he’d accepted that he’d be alone for the rest of his life and since Jensen’s death he’d never looked at anyone else so there’d be no reason for Scott to be going on like this now.

Except Jared knew the man was acting out of spite. Delauter had always hated Jensen even when they were in West Point and it intensified after his friend moved to South Carolina. As his hatred for Jensen increased so did his actions in the field until finally Jared had brought misconduct charges against him that dropped the man from Captain to Lieutenant.

So as he took the heavy gray uniform jacket off to roll his sleeves up against the sticky heat, he accepted a lot of what the man did now was to cause him trouble because he was angry that Jared was promoted after he was demoted.

There was an odd fog hanging over the field that night. The distant sounds of continued fighting reached his ears but the odd single shots were what caught his attention. They were too close and as if whoever was firing was shooting a single round and then moving on to... “Shit!” he hissed, shoving out of his tent with only a knife and his sidearm.

The moon was full and bright and despite the gathering fog that caused him to shiver for some reason, he could still see the outline of Scott Delauter aiming his rifle to fire into wounded men on the other side of the creek where they were dying.

“You son of a bitch,” Jared gritted after realizing the man wasn’t shooting Union troops to put them out of their misery but he was smiling as he killed their own men as well. “Delauter!”

He grabbed the rifle before another shot could be fired into the face of a dying boy of fifteen whose one arm had been mangled and would never reach a field hospital in time.

“Why? What the hell are you doing?” he demanded angrily, feeling the closeness of the fog and trying to ignore the way the hair on the back of his arms stood up.

“Taking out the trash. Something that you’re too big of a damn coward to do. Now get the hell outta my face, ‘Captain’ or the next bullet goes in your heart.” Delauter wasn’t as tall as Jared, maybe he reached 6’ but he was heavily muscled in the upper body.

“I am not standin’ aside so you can butcher these boys in cold blood, Scott. Put your weapon down or I’ll see that you face more than a demotion in rank this time,” Jared jerked the rifled out of his hands to throw it away.

“You never should’ve been given that rank, Jared. You’re too damn soft in the head and heart to do what the South needs from its officers. Never mind if the General or President Davis knew the kind of freak you really were, you’d be killed as an embarrassment to that uniform. It was bad enough that you were ‘friends’ with that damn Yankee bastard but now you’re standing here stopping me from killing Yankees when they’d just as soon slit your throat if they could!”

“You just shot one of our own boys and leave Jensen out of this. He’s at peace no thanks to the damn bigots back home and…what the hell?”

“ _Jared! Jared, move_!”

The voice seemed to be coming from beyond the heavy fog that had gotten so thick that it made seeing the camp across the creek nearly impossible.

“Jensen?” the voice sounded like his friend’s but it also didn’t as Jared tried to see where it was coming from in the dark. “No, that’s not…” he whispered when finally it seemed like the fog in one spot thinned out enough that he could see…Jensen, but somehow different.

The man he could see forming in the fog was Jensen but he appeared leaner, his hair worn a little shorter but it was his clothes, they were different and told him that something was very wrong. Then he had other worries. “Hey! Scott, what the hell are you…”

“I don’t know what this is or who that is but it looks like I’m lucky enough to get to get to kill your Yankee lover a second time, ‘Captain’ Padalecki,” Delauter sneered, pulling his pistol out to take aim at the image of the man he could also see in the thick fog. “Damn lucky of me to kill the bastard twice. Only this time I can watch him die.”

“ ** _NO_**!” multiple voices seemed to scream as the pistol raised and started to fire.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Five**

** Flashback, July 1863: **

**_“NO!!”_ **

Jared Padalecki wasn’t sure who screamed or why but he knew he needed to take away the threat to the man in the fog. He pulled his pistol and fired in one smooth motion.

“Bastard!” Lieutenant Scott Delauter screamed, falling back in both rage and shock as the round went through his knee. “I’ll kill you like I should’ve done years ago! I should’ve killed you instead of the Yankee!”

Jared wanted to step closer to the man who was shouting his name he stilled when he realized what Delauter had said. “What’re you talking about?” he demanded tightly, a chill blowing from the fog and knew he needed to keep that man who looked so much like his Jensen away from this. “Scott? What the hell do you know about Jensen’s death? Why do you keep saying…no.”

“I got the officers to send you on that campaign instead of me, Jared,” Delauter sneered up at him, gripping his knee with one hand while he still had a hand on his pistol. “You were who they wanted anyway so it was nothing to fake an injury to be left behind. I’d been paying a few local boys who disliked Ackles anyway to hassle him. That night though I decided it was time to teach both of you a lesson.”

Jared was numb as he took this in. He’d known some of the locals had been giving his friend trouble but Jensen had sworn it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. “You were there? You hired the bastards who killed him?” the shock was there but then the rage came like nothing he’d felt before and he had the other soldier up by the front of his uniform with a fist pounding on his face. “You did that? You hated me so much that you’d hurt him? He never did a goddamn thing to you!”

“We were best friends since we were boys, Jared,” Delauter spat, bringing his pistol up to slash it across the enraged Southerner’s face to break his hold, grunting as he landed hard on the ground. “I covered for you plenty when it became pretty damn clear you weren’t born right cause no real man I knew would want to kiss another fella. I saw you doin’ it once in your old barn but I ignored it cause we were friends. Then you went up North a year before me and I knew as soon as I saw you with that damn fancy Yankee you had replaced me.”

“Scott, we were friends but what Jen and I formed was more. He understood me in ways no one else, not even you, did,” Jared glanced over his shoulder as the voice calling him became more insistent and he saw the rage in his ex-friend’s eyes shifting between them. “You’re the one who revealed it to those damn bigots in town about me and Jen; you’re the one who spread it all over the county that Jensen was a spy for the North. You paid men to beat him the night he died. Why?”

“Because if you’d never met him, if he hadn’t come around to stay you would’ve gotten your head on straight to realize you weren’t a heathen in love with some man,” Delauter told him, finger sliding onto the trigger of his pistol unnoticed; the fog clearing to reveal his next target. “The Satan spawn didn’t tell you before he died that I was the one who beat his face bloody while the boys held him down?” he sneered, watching the shock and rage in Jared’s eyes be replaced with plain fury. “He never told you who it was that cut him? Maybe I’ll get another chance with whoever that is.”

Jared’s head snapped up when he realized the voice with Jensen’s face was louder than it should have been and that the panic was plain in both the voice and Jared’s own heart. Then a flicker caused him to look off to the side. “Jensen.”

The flickering spirit’s smile was sad as he took in the scene but as his gaze met Jared’s it calmed. “Remember what I said when I told you that you’d know the time? When I told you that he’d need you as much as you needed him?” He glanced toward the fog and then back. “Go to him, Jay. Go to him, listen to him and trust him.”

“Go? Go where?” Jared wanted to know, the anger he felt at the bleeding Rebel on the ground still there but he couldn’t help the anger toward his friend as well. “Why didn’t you tell me about what Scott had done, Jen? Why didn’t you tell me the truth about what was happening?” he demanded, stepping away from Delauter to face the spirit and feeling his hand go through when he went to touch him. “What is happening here?”

“I’ll explain what I can, when I can and what he can’t explain but you need to go to him Jay, now!” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ stressed in a tone he had only used a few times with his friend but then everything changed in a mere heartbeat. “Jay!”

Years of friendship and bonding allowed Jared to recognize the change in tone from calm, to sharp, to alarmed and it was the last one that caused the Confederate Captain to turn to see Delauter’s pistol raised and aimed not at him but at the strange young man whose attention was locked on Jared and not the danger to himself.

“Damn it!” he snapped, not sure if he could stop the other soldier from shooting or if he could get to the man to get him out of the line of fire. “Who or what is he, Jensen?” he demanded, trying to decide which option would serve him better.

“Yours, Jay. He’s yours,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied, too hard to maintain contact here. “Go!”

Delauter’s focus was on the face he hated and would do anything to kill again even if he didn’t understand how he was seeing it. With Jared’s attention elsewhere he managed to lift his pistol again to aim it into the thickening fog. “Go back to Hell,” he yelled.

“No!” Jared realized at the last second he was too far away to stop the shot but he might be close enough to put his own body between the bullet and the man whose eyes he briefly locked onto, emotions passing between them. With a kick to his heart, he knew this wasn’t the first time he’d seen this young man. “Move!”

A shot was heard even as Jared was putting his long legs to good use. He ran as fast as he could toward the fog that seemed to be getting heavier, a tingling electric cold going through him as he put his hands out to push the man out of the way of the bullet that would kill him. He felt the sharp pain hit his shoulder and his vision blurred to white light and then finally darkness.

** Present: **

“Damn it! Jared!” Jensen was still trying to figure out why he was seeing what he was and it all went surreal on him the moment he realized he was actually being seen and heard by more than just Jared.

It was weird to see and hear Jared but it was even weirder to see such familiar hate in the eyes of the face that held such a resemblance to his stepfather. However, his biggest concern was saving Jared and breaking the cycle that his spirit has been living in for 150 years.

“Jared! You’ve got to…huh?” he suddenly realized something had changed, the air around him felt heavier, the fog he was staring through was bouncing between thick and thin and then he realized too late there was a pistol aimed in his direction. “Shit. This could be bad.”

[](https://ibb.co/jRZr5F)

“Move!” Jared’s voice close by took Jensen off guard and when he looked back, he realized his eyes were locked with the soldier.

The moment their eyes met and held, a rush of emotions swamped Jensen and left him shaking with the desire to reach out through the thickening fog to touch. Before he could do that, he heard the gunshot and his heart stopped.

“No. Jared!” He shifted but before he could move toward or away from the closing hole in time, he felt searing pain in his shoulder and then felt his head hit solid ground when his body was bowled over by a solid weight, stunning him for several moments.

The noise of battle, screams and dying all seemed to vanish as quickly as they’d come to him and as alertness slowly came back to him and Jensen pushed himself up to the arm that wasn’t still aching to look around he had to stare openly for a long time.

The light of the full moon revealed the field near the creek was once again as clear as it had been when he’d first stepped into it. Except where he’d been alone he now realized he wasn’t and it was this startling realization that both scared and confused him.

“This…this can’t be real,” he whispered, feeling along his shoulder to see why it was hurting. Nearly freezing at the sticky feel of blood.

To feel blood made him nearly pass back out since that was one of a few phobias he had but his eyes were locked on the back of the man that lay near him.

Moving slowly, Jensen crawled to where the man laid half on his side and he could see blood seeping through the dingy white uniform shirt. A knife was sheathed on his belt while an antique pistol lay on the grass near him.

“Is this…this can’t be real. He can’t be…oh my God.” Moving a slow hand to touch, Jensen couldn’t believe when his hand touched solid shoulder muscle. “J…Jared?”

[](https://ibb.co/jifaXv)

Easing the soldier over carefully, Jensen could see the blood also on the front of his shirt, which began to let him know why he was bleeding even though it was too incredible to believe right then.

He’d come to Gettysburg to try to learn the truth of how the soldier connected with his ancestor and who he’d been dreaming of had died. He’d wanted to help connect the two spirits so both could move on. Now he was touching, physically touching, a living, breathing man 150 years out of time and Jensen was lost as to if this was really happening or maybe it was another dream or…

A low groan broke his inner contemplations, his wide eyes moved to watch the face he’d known in dreams, and sketches shift in pain as his eyes struggled to open. Jensen could see the glassiness of shock and confusion reflected in the moonlight.

“Jen?” he whispered roughly, staring up as his fingers struggled to grasp the hand that had found his. “Mine…” and he passed out limply.

“I could only wish that were true,” Jensen murmured to himself, smoothing the fingers of his free hand back through long dark hair that was damp from the moisture in the field or he assumed it was that because as reality began to hit him Jensen quickly knew he needed help.

Glad that he’d brought his cell phone, Jensen hit the first number under speed dial and could only hope the ringing woke Chris up. Not that he needed to worry.

“Jen? Where in the hell are you? What in the hell do you think you’re doing wherever you’re doing it?” Chris Kane was pissed and it showed in the way his deep voice went even lower. “I woke up to find you gone, the SUV still parked and half the stuff in this place being tossed! Then I found myself slammed into the wall with what I can only guess is your namesake’s pissed off ghost in my face yelling at me for not going with you wherever in the hell you are! Now, what’s happening?”

Surprised that he was actually able to make sense of that with everything else going on or what he’d just seen, Jensen stared down into Jared’s peaceful looking face while his own shoulder burned like hell. “I think I’ve been shot, Chris,” he began slowly, hoping to calm his friend down but quickly realizing that probably wouldn’t happen now.

“Shot? You’ve been shot?” Chris had his jacket and keys in his hand by this point, only pausing to grab a small duffel bag to toss in the SUV. “Who the hell shot you and where the hell are you?” he was at the stage of pissed off that someone would be dying soon. “Jensen!”

“The field below the Devil’s Den, near the creek,” Jensen replied shakily, hoping it was only shock from what he knew was probably a graze and nothing more. “Chris, hurry. I’m not bleeding too badly now but he is and he’s going into shock.”

Chris turned the SUV around in a tight circle while trying to figure out how he’d get the SUV close enough to his friend without attracting the park security. Luckily, with the reenactments going on a few of the rules had been relaxed.

Then the rest of his friend’s words hit home and he slammed on the brakes so he could glare at the phone. “Who’s bleeding more than you, Jensen?” he asked, not sure how in the hell his friend had walked so far or how he could’ve gotten shot or who would be with him at this time of night. “Jen, talk to me and I’m on my way to you now.” He was never so glad that Dani had talked their friend into getting a phone with a GPS locator in it.

“Jared’s bleeding, Chris; he got shot trying to shove me out of the way when Delauter was shooting at him, me…I’m not sure who he was shooting at but now Jared’s bleeding and…Chris? You do know that I’ve heard you cuss in Cherokee enough to know what you just said, right?”

“Stay where you are and I’ll be there in less than five minutes.” Chris’s fingers were tight on the wheel now. He’d ignored Dani’s concerns of allowing Jensen to come to Gettysburg because he was obviously getting too close to the soldier in his dreams.

Real or not, Chris accepted that Jared Padalecki had more than likely died 150 years ago. He wasn’t sure what had happened tonight to cause Jensen to think the man had been shot and was bleeding or that Jensen had been shot but he’d worry about that when he got there and could judge for himself what was happening.

“It’s okay, Jared. My friend is coming and we’ll get you back to the lodge to see how bad this is.” Jensen knew he was babbling but he was also very close to panicking since this was the last possible thing that he had ever expected to happen.

Yes, he used to dream and wish that one day Jared would be solid enough to touch but those were a lonely child’s dreams. Those were thoughts that he only had occasionally now since he accepted the mysterious soldier had been a dream and would never be real.

Now as he pulled his jacket off to wrap around Jared and felt cool skin under his hand he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. He had the man of his secret dreams in the real world but had no idea what he was supposed to do now since the idea was to help him reunite with Jensen’s own ancestor.

“Jen…with you,” Jared moaned as he began to twist in pain but calmed as Jensen eased him more into his arms to try to ward off the growing chill.

“You will be with him soon,” he assured the man while wondering how he could begin to explain this to Chris much less to Jared when or if he woke up. “You’ll be with him soon or he’ll be with you soon. There’s Chris.”

Jensen had heard the SUV pull up as far onto the public road as it could and then merely counted the seconds before he heard his friend running through the field calling his name.

“Jen! Jensen? Dude, I am so lojacking you the next time we go anywhere,” Chris muttered, seeing where his friend was sitting in the field and instantly took the way Jensen was hunched over to mean how badly he was hurt. “Damn! How bad are you…son of a _bitch_.”

“Told you Jared was bleeding more than I was.” Jensen looked up to see the shock on his friend’s face. “You thought I’d finally lost it, didn’t you?” He didn’t blame the other man for thinking that since it was probably something he’d consider as well if he couldn’t feel Jared’s body.

“Alright.” Chris decided that after this he needed a really strong drink and couldn’t wait to call Dani with this news. “How?”

Jensen shrugged, wincing as his shoulder pulled. “I gave you what I knew on the phone. Help me get him back to the lodge to see how bad he is and to get warm.” He knew he couldn’t manage Jared by himself and before he could try Chris was bending down to take one limp arm over his shoulder. “He’s real, Chris. He’s solid and real and…this is so wrong.”

“Yeah, he’s a heavy one so I know he’s real,” Chris muttered, waiting until Jensen was on his feet to start back to the SUV. “As for it being wrong, I guess we’ll have to let that play out.” Once back in the SUV he looked in the rearview mirror to watch his friend closely. “Aside from possibly being shot and finding a guy from the past who has also been shot, how are you Jensen?”

It was an interesting question and one that Jensen wasn’t sure he had the answer for yet. Physically he was cold and hurting but his main concern was the shaking man he was trying to keep still. “Ask me that after he wakes up. I may know better then.”

It took Chris a little longer to get back to the lodge since he was careful not to hit too many bumps that would jar either man. “Is it bad enough to need an ER?” He had no clue how in the hell they’d explain a gunshot wound or what would happen if the man happened to wake up in a modern hospital but he also accepted that this may be more than either of their knowledge of first aid could handle.

“I…don’t think so.” Jensen would have been more inclined to risk a hospital if it seemed like Jared was bleeding more. “We couldn’t take him to one anyway until I get him to understand where he is…if he doesn’t vanish or…”

Glad it was still night, Chris pulled up as close to their lodge as he could get to help his friend carry the unconscious soldier into the main bedroom. By the time he returned from getting his bag from the SUV Jensen had already removed the worn shirt and was looking at the slightly bleeding wounds.

“In and out?” Chris was suddenly very glad he grew up with a doctor for a mother, though his concern was for Jensen who now seemed paler in the lights of the bedroom. “Jen? Did you get shot and how?”

“I think it’s a graze,” Jensen pulled his sleeve up to show the red gash, frowning. “I still don’t know how it happened, Chris.” He looked up, mild shock now showing in his eyes as the night’s events settled on him. “Delauter had a pistol and he was a few feet away so how did his shot have enough velocity to make a straight through shot of Jared’s shoulder? Not to mention, could it come through whatever the hell it was that allowed me to see into the past?”

“I told you that area is a vortex of the strange,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ spoke from the other side of the room, more solid again as he watched his namesake closely. “I wasn’t expecting you to be hurt. I’m sorry.”

Jensen didn’t look up this time, his gaze focused on Jared’s face as he began to clean the slowly drying blood away. “I’m going to be hurt any way this goes now so a little graze isn’t anything,” he sighed.

He’d been trying to accept the loss of Jared in his dreams when he helped his spirit reunite with ‘ _Jensen’s_ ’ but now he wasn’t sure how he’d reunite the two men or how he’d deal with the pain of this loss.

Admitting he was in love with a soldier from the Civil War was one thing when he knew there was no chance of ever having that love for real but now that he had that man with him, living and breathing, Jensen knew letting go was going to hurt more than anything short of the day his father died.

“Jen, there’s a ghost over there.” Chris was now certain that he’d seen it all. “Though at least this time he’s not tossing the place or getting in my face.”

“I’ll apologize for that lack of manners and for my display of temper,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ merely inclined his head to Chris but still didn’t move closer to the bed. “I wasn’t expecting my descendant to be able to get so close to the veil that his life became endangered and I wasn’t certain if I could get through to Jared after so long to convince him to do what needed to be done. I did what I could to get your attention with what power I had at the time.”

“Sure, I love waking up to see everything in the room flying around,” Chris snorted but dumped what he could find from the first aid kit in the room on the bed. “Is it bad?”

“No, I thought it would be but it looks like it’s closing?” Jensen did finally look up to gaze at the spirit. “Why is it closing? Why is he here? I thought I was supposed to help you or him keep the promise to be with one another again. How in the hell is he going to take this?”

The spirit approached the bed to look at his friend’s sleeping face, his fingers hovering over a smudge of dirt and dried blood on his cheek. “The wound will close because the energy of the vortex healed him this time. Now if he’s hurt it will be like any normal wound or injury or illness…and I should warn you that Jay’s not easy to deal with when he’s sick.” He spoke quietly, seeing that Chris had stepped back out of the way but not out of the room.

“As for the rest of it, it should have been just a matter to break the repeating cycle to help him cross over but it became complicated with Delauter’s actions.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ wasn’t sure how to explain this when even he wasn’t sure how much of the past would still come into play now. “He should not have been able to see you, much less try to kill you. I didn’t take that into account but I should have when I realized who his ancestor was to you. I knew then that you’d need Jared more than he needed to cross over to be with me yet.” He looked toward one of Jensen’s bags. “When he wakes up and calms down, show him his journal and the sketches you have that I did but also show him yours and tell him everything. Jay can be bullheaded but he will come around.”

“Wait, why don’t you just explain it to him or…stay around more?” Jensen didn’t think he liked the hidden concern he could hear in the other voice. “He knows you. He doesn’t know me. I don’t know him and he’s going to be confused and…”

“I don’t have the strength to stay long periods, Jensen. Also, Jared won’t be able to see or hear me in this time until he comes to understand things and forgives me for not telling him about Scott,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ told him grimly, kneeling by the bed to take Jensen’s hand to place it over the strongly beating heart. “You do know him, Jensen. You will be able to help him keep the promise but you’ll need to learn to trust him just like he’ll have to learn to trust you.

“I know this is confusing but you need to believe that it will all work out in the end.” The ghost suspected he knew his descendant’s biggest fear. “I know you love him and it’s alright to do so, Jensen. It’s natural for you to.”

That’s what concerned Jensen about this. “Do I love him because I do or because you did?” he asked softly, wiping antiseptic over the now closed wound to see only a slight scar remained. He noticed other scars on Jared’s bare chest. “How much is this mixing up if you said I’m not reincarnated from your spirit?”

“You are like me in a lot of ways, but the feelings you’ve felt for Jay come from you, Jensen. You just need to open yourself to them now,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ remarked, knowing he’d pushed his energy to the limit for the night. “It will all make sense soon.”

“Does he just pop in and out like that?” Chris wanted to know when the spirit flickered out, not sure he cared for that. “Jensen? Talk to me; tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“He’s been a part of my life since I was a baby, Chris. Even when nearly everyone I knew thought I was making him up or was crazy I believed in him. I wanted him to be real so much because when I was a kid or during that time he was all that kept me sane. Now that I can possibly have him, I don’t know what to do.” Jensen dug through his clothes before giving that up and accepting he’d have to send Chris out in the morning to buy the man clothes that would actually fit him. “He’ll look at me and see the man he lost. Even if he could feel anything for me, would it be for me or my ancestor?”

Chris had thought of those things himself but now that the problem had come up he wasn’t sure what to say to help his friend. “Okay, before we overreact to this, let’s see how he is when he wakes up and what he happens to think but Jensen, you might have to face that the man you love isn’t like reality.” He hated to bring more pain but he also wasn’t ready to trust some guy who appeared out of nowhere this easily.

“Yeah, I know I’m jumping the gun in a lot of ways but I can’t imagine trying to make him understand that he’s 150 years in the future, Chris,” Jensen hissed as his friend began cleaning the graze across his shoulder. “I guess this is why you didn’t follow in your Mom’s footsteps? Your bedside manner sucks.”

“Next time don’t scare 10 years off my life,” Chris growled, but he gentled the next swipe with an antiseptic pad to clear away the dried blood. The wound wouldn’t need stitches, and Chris let out a silent sigh of relief for that one, but it would need to be covered. “So, what’s next in the master plan and please tell me you actually have one?”

Wincing as the graze on his arm was cleaned and dressed; Jensen tried to keep his attention on the sleeping man and off his own arm. “Actually, now I’m just winging it,” he admitted with a cough, not surprised by the low groan of exasperation Chris gave him. “Hey, a time-displaced soldier should buy me a little leeway in knowing what I’m doing.”

“Sure, I’m sure Dani can quote any number of legal loopholes that she’s going to have to go through to get him legal in this time.” Chris decided to let Jensen be the one to drop that on Danneel.

“He just needs an ID for the moment and I sort of figured you could take care of that.” Jensen smiled a little wider. “Unless you forgot how.”

Chris’s eyes widened and then narrowed before he ran a hand back through his hair. “Did you hit your head out in that field?” he demanded, shaking his head. “I’m supposed to be a legitimate businessman now, Jensen. I’m supposed to have left the whole fake ID crap behind me. In fact, I shouldn’t even be talking about knowing how to…damn it, don’t you dare give me the sad look. You know that while it has never worked on Dani that it does still work on me and…shit! Fine!” he threw his hands up in surrender. “I’ll have something a day after we get back to the city but you will owe me big.”

“Thanks, Chris and I will pay you back,” Jensen assured him, carefully touching Jared’s face before easing from the king size bed in the master bedroom. “I think he’ll sleep for a while. You can have the other bedroom, Chris. I’ll crash in here in case he does wake up.”

Not sure if he wanted to leave his friend alone in a room with a soldier who could wake up violent, Chris debated with himself until finally nodding. “I’ll be close so if you need anything just yell out or text me and…get some sleep, Jensen,” he urged, closing the bedroom door a little but not all the way so he could hear if anything happened the rest of the night.

Jensen left a light on across the room before stepping into the adjoining bathroom to splash his face off and then just stared at his reflection for a long moment to wonder what the day would bring him.

He settled on the chaise in front of the huge window. Jensen was tired, knew he should sleep but his sketchpad was in his hand before he realized it, and looked down to watch the sketch of Jared come to life.

Normally when he drew or sketched Jared it was always in a period piece. This time Jensen realized he was sketching him in modern clothes with water and flowers in the background, but the smile was still the same and Jensen could only hope before this ended he would get to see that smile.

Dawn broke over the tree line of the National Park to shine through the window but didn’t disturb Jensen, who had fallen asleep with his hand wrapped around the ring around his neck, his sketch of Jared on the floor.

The bright morning sun and the beginning of the day’s battles might have only caused Jensen to stir restlessly but they had a much different reaction for Captain Padalecki who shot awake at the first distant roar of cannon fire.

Jared’s thoughts were scattered. His last clear memory was of trying to make sense of what he had seen the night after the battle. He’d been trying to come to grips with the knowledge that a man he believed had once been a good friend had betrayed him by arranging the murder of his best friend and then had been so determined to kill a young man who had looked nearly identical to Jensen. The Confederate officer was both stunned and confused.

He moved too quickly and his head nearly pounded off his shoulders. He groaned softly slumped back onto the soft mattress, attempting to make sense of where he was since not even the best officer’s homes looked like the bedroom he found himself in.

Jared recalled seeing the spirit of his deceased lover shortly before his world turned upside down and how insistent Jensen had been that he follow the voice and trust him.

Well, trust was now a little hard to come by to him considering he’d trusted Scott Delauter only to learn that it had been his fault Jared had lost everything important to him. He wasn’t sure if he could easily be asked to trust…he felt a shiver run through him when he glanced more slowly toward the window to see the man he had saved from Scott’s bullet, sleeping.

The man looked hauntingly like his friend and had sounded a lot like him as well except this man’s voice didn’t quite have the same strong New England accent Jensen had spoken with. The tilt of his nose, the shape of his mouth, the green of his eyes when they’d met briefly were the same and Jared wasn’t sure how to feel about that or why it was possible.

Moving slowly to sit up, he noticed his shirt had been removed. He clearly remembered feeling the bullet strike him but when looked at his shoulder he saw only a faint scar instead of the fresh wound he expected.

Even his other wound, the one he had been treating, didn’t look as bad now which was another thing he decided to ask about as soon as those green eyes opened.

His boots and trousers were still on and he noticed his knife still in its sheath while his pistol was on the stand beside the bed. There was a small box with glowing red numbers.

The door to the bedroom was a few feet away and Jared assumed he could leave if he wanted to, if he even knew where the hell he was but the first thing he wanted to do was relieve himself and decided to see what laid behind the other door in the room.

Standing carefully, he steadied himself before taking a step, surprised at how shaky his legs felt. He wasn’t sure if that was him or if he was just unfamiliar with walking on carpet so plush it was thick enough to be soft grass in the fields back home.

Jared frowned a little. He hadn’t thought of home since Jensen died but for some reason this morning he found himself missing it. He paused by the sleeping man to watch him as flashes of odd dreams seemed to come back to him but he chose to let him sleep in favor hopefully helping his bladder.

“Sweet Jesus,” he whispered upon stepping into what he could only guess was an upscale dressing room. Not even in the fanciest homes in the North or Charleston had he seen so much polished stone and gleaming mirrors.

Running a hand along the cool porcelain with two shiny handles, Jared reached out cautiously to turn one and then jumped back as the damn thing began spraying water. “Damn!” he snapped as he hit a counter with his back to send all sorts of bottles and other items he couldn’t identify scattering to the floor.

His own reflection stared back at him from above the damn water fountain he finally figured out how to stop running and he looked at himself before he noticed the small upright oval looking thing with water in it. He didn’t think it was a bowl for bathing because there was a much larger looking thing against the far wall surrounded by glass that might serve that purpose so he took the chance of using this thing for his purposes.

As he finished, Jared had to admit that he hadn’t been this thrown off since he’d first left home to go to West Point. He’d been born and raised in the Low Country of South Carolina so even running water was rare for him to have until his father installed the hand pump outside the back door.

Jared wondered what this stranger used to shave with since it was a daily habit for him to shave whether he needed it or not and for the life of him he couldn’t find a straight razor.

He was considering exploring the room more when a soft sound from the bedroom had him turning on instinct to stand in the door and listen. He moved closer to the sleeping man when he noticed he’d begun to twist restlessly.

Night terrors were something Jared knew all about. He’d had them as a boy and toward the end Jensen had woken up frequently with a few that had been dismissed as the stress of the coming war. Now Jared wondered if there hadn’t been more behind those. He didn’t like the way the young man’s face was tensing or the whimpers he was making, and Jared knew he needed to wake the man up.

“No…get away from…uhh,” Jensen twisted more violently in his sleep, his hand moving out as if to grasp onto the one Jared put out as he knelt down.

“Easy…” Jared stopped in mid-sentence. He had no clue what his name was or what he should be saying. All he did know was he felt the same need to protect he had often felt toward Jensen be it from night terrors or something more solid, including the stranger coming in the door. “Stop where you are.”

Chris had been awake for about an hour but had chosen to let Jensen sleep. When he’d heard movement from the main bedroom he’d thought it was his friend moving around until he was walking past and heard the first familiar sounds of a nightmare.

As someone who had grown up with Jensen and who had been close to him, Chris knew the different sounds of his friend’s dreams. He knew just from the first low whimpers that this was one of the kinds that the man hadn’t had since the year they’d been seventeen and Jensen had been recovering from his time in the private hospital.

Those were the kind that Chris had learned the hard way needed to be stopped but he hadn’t been expecting to step into the room to see the Civil War soldier Jensen had somehow rescued or pulled through time kneeling beside his sleeping friend.

He also hadn’t expected to hear the low warning aimed his way but the second it was the inner protectiveness in Chris surged to the surface. Until he could gauge this guy for himself, he didn’t trust him fully.

“Get away from him,” he countered, stepping a little further into the room. He noticed the man’s hand gripping Jensen’s. “Get away.”

“And if I don’t?” Jared asked, shifting his long body just enough that he kept between the long black haired man and the sleeping one; carefully easing his hand away to have freedom to move.

“Then I kick your ass, soldier boy,” Chris shrugged. “He’s been hurt enough over you and I’m sure before this crap is over he’ll be hurt more. Until I figure out what the game is or he’s awake I want you away from my pal.”

Jared recognized the attempt to protect in this one and that was something he appreciated, usually. Right then, because he didn’t really know where he was or who he was with, he wasn’t that open. “You can try to kick my ass, Yankee,” he invited, standing easily to his full height to just cock his head with a small smirk. “Seems I need to work off some frustration anyway but I wasn’t plannin’ on hurtin’ him.”

“You already have hurt him. You just don’t know how or why yet,” Chris told him, hating the pain he could see reflected on Jensen’s face and just wishing he’d wake up. “This is beyond you. How about you let me wake him…shit!” he wasn’t expecting the man to be able to move so fast or to actually get under his guard to make his head snap back from the fist to his jaw.

“Then explain it to me,” Jared gritted. He used a few tricks he’d been taught to read this one’s body language avoided the return punch while sliding behind him to grab the thrown wrist and twist it around behind him. He wrapped his other hand around the man’s throat. “You’re good. I’m better. Now relax because I wasn’t hurting him. I wanted to help him.”

Chris was shocked that the Civil War guy had actually gotten one over on him when Chris had taken some pretty advanced martial arts courses over the years. He figured he could get the upper hand if he could over balance but the damn guy had a several inches over him in height and was balancing himself too well for that to work.

“I am so going to kick your…” he hissed when the arm tightened over his throat. Another sound gave him some relief. “Jensen! You wanna tell your new buddy to back the hell off?” he yelled when he noticed his friend appeared to be waking up. “Jen…ugh!”

Jared jerked the wrist up while his eyes snapped over to watch the light haired man slowly wake up. “What…what did you call him?” he demanded softly.

“His name, asshole!” Chris snapped, feeling the grip on him loosening enough that he was able to land an elbow back to the man’s ribs and free himself. “Yo! You wakin’ up to handle this or do I get to try my luck with him a second time, Ackles?”

It was rare for Chris to use his last name and despite the ringing in his head and the rolling of his stomach as he came out of the vivid dream; Jensen’s eyes opened and immediately caught the trouble brewing. There was no mistaking the dislike between Chris and Jared right then.

“What’s…going on?” he asked, voice ragged. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes before standing up. “Chris? Why are you bleeding and…whoa,” he went to take a step to separate the two men only to have his head spin enough to make him off balance. He stumbled, feeling a firm grip on his arm that he knew was not Chris Kane. “Jared.”

“You know my name. You knew it in the field.” Jared snapped a warning glare to keep the other man at a distance as he caught Jensen’s arm and moved him back to the chaise sofa. “He also used a few names for you that make me curious. What’s your name and where am I?”

While Jared was distracted with Jensen, Chris was able to slip into the bathroom to soak a washcloth in cold water. He tossed it toward his friend since he didn’t feel like taking another hit. “You okay, Jensen?” he asked with concern. “What was the dream about?”

“The hospital but…it was different,” Jensen replied, wiping his face before settling the cloth on the back of his neck. He allowed his eyes to meet the hazel ones that were looking at him with worry and at Chris with suspicion. “I’m okay. I guess I was just tired last night and zoned out so I couldn’t wake myself up like I normally do.” He met his friend’s gaze to see the expression there and knew this was going to be hard. “Chris, can you go into town and grab that stuff? I think Jared’s probably got some questions and I’m guessing you two didn’t hit it off.”

“I hit him if that’s what you mean,” Jared smirked at the snort Chris offered but he remained standing between them until the man had grudgingly left. He frowned at the odd noise heard soon afterwards. “What was that?” he asked, looking out the window to see the field where the reenactment was taking place and frowned. “The fighting’s still going on? Which army is that? What’s…huh?”

Jensen laid his hand on the soldier’s arm to try to get him to sit down. “It’s…it’s not a real battle out there. Those are people reenacting what happened in the actual fights,” he tried to explain. Seeing the confusion reflected in Jared’s deep hazel eyes, he attempted to explain it another way. “They’re…like actors in a play and the battle that happened out there is the show they’re putting on.”

“People…come to watch fake battles?” Jared found this a little hard to believe but then he had a hard time accepting when people actually came out to watch real battles. “Wait. I recognize those fields. This is Gettysburg? So how can there be actors out there when just yesterday I was…where am I and who are you?” he asked again, sitting down when he caught site of the bandage that Jensen’s short sleeve didn’t fully cover. “You’re injured? How?”

He was asking too many questions that would involve too many other questions but Jensen understood the man’s confusion and knew he needed to be honest. “It’s just a graze. I got it by the bullet that you were shot with last night,” he began slowly, watching as Jared’s eyes locked on his before staring at the scar on his own arm. “Jared, what I tell you may be hard for you to understand but I need you to trust me for a second and I’ll explain what I can, at least until the spirit of my meddling ancestor pops back in to talk to you.”

“Huh. He said to trust you…wait,” Jared held up a finger. “You said the spirit of your ancestor. You’re Jensen’s…descendant?” He stared at the familiar face, seeing the same look of uncertainty on it as his friend used to get. “When I saw him last night he kept saying to go to you. That fog I passed through to knock you out of the way of the shot…” he paused to stand up, needing to move as he worked through this. “Where am I?”

“Probably the better question to ask would be when are you?” Jensen deadpanned, sighing at the raised eyebrows. “You are in Gettysburg. It is July 2nd but it’s also the year 2013 and I am the ancestor of the man you were in…you know.”

“The year is what?” Jared’s hand shot out to steady himself on the bathroom door, certain he’d either misheard or this man was fooling him. “This is a joke. You can’t possibly be telling me that I’ve lost…”

“150 years,” Jensen nodded slowly, holding his breath as he dropped the other shoe. “You’ve been dead 150 years, Jared. Or…stuck in a timeloop or whatever the hell it was that happened to you.”

Jared felt numb and cold and certain he was going to faint, but he waved a hand to keep the man sitting down. “If I’m…dead, then how I am here?” he asked, trying to make sense of this but having little luck. “You’re saying I died last night? That…”

“I’m saying you were supposed to die last night.” Jensen slowly stood up to go get his notes, glad he hadn’t put the paper away because he wasn’t ready to explain his laptop yet. “Can you…read?”

“I graduated West Point at the top of my class, Yankee Boy so I know how to read,” Jared snorted, a small smile curving his lips to take some of the sting out of the insult, and held out his hand for the papers. “Are you planning to tell me your name soon so I can actually call you something?”

Jensen chewed his lower lip while sitting on the other side of the bed from where Jared had sat to read through the handwritten notes. “My name’s…Jensen,” he murmured, clearing his throat to add the rest as Jared’s eyes just lifted with a look of wariness. “Jensen Ross Ackles and if I have the greats right then I’m the seven times removed great nephew of the man you knew.”

“Which would explain why you look like him.” Jared wasn’t certain how to feel about this or what it meant or why it had been so important for him to cross that barrier but for the moment he was leaving it alone. “Cole said he’d see to it that Jen’s name would carry on. I’m glad it has and…huh.”

He’d managed to read through the handwriting, which was written in what he could only guess was modern time speech, and picked up a couple things quickly. The first was this fella thought and looked at things a lot like Jensen had and it was very plain from anyone’s versions of the events of the battle that he was shot in the back and his body had never been located.

“So…” he paused to take a breath and lay the notes down to look at this Jensen. “…Scott shot me in the back, but why wasn’t my body discovered?”

“Do you want to hear my theory on that?” Jensen asked, a little uneasy now; his fingers playing restlessly with the ring he wore but missed the sharp look Jared got when he noticed not only the ring on his hand but also the one he wore around his neck.

“I’m a little out of my time so tell me what you think,” Jared nodded, his own fingers reaching up to find the locket he still wore.

“I think there was no body left to be discovered because you fell through the vortex or whatever it was that allowed me to see through to your time when you were shot.” Jensen suddenly frowned as he allowed his thoughts to expand on that when things began to hit him. “And if that’s the case then while it might have looked like you’d been killed to anyone back in 1863 you really weren’t because the vortex healed your wounds and if he told you to come to me or something then that means…son of _bitch_.”

Jensen shot to his feet to stalk to the middle of the bedroom, eyes narrowed in building anger. “Jensen!” he shouted for the spirit of his descendant, voice getting deeper like it rarely did unless mad. “Oh, don’t you dare pull that crap on me! Get your incorporeal ass down here right goddamn now!”

**TBC**

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Six**

Jared stuck his tongue in his cheek while watching the man, unsure what he expected to happen but he did know one thing. “I never found yelling at Jensen a way to get him to do anything except ignore you,” he spoke up, then blinked when those green eyes shot him a dirty look that he hadn’t seen in…well, now he wasn’t sure how long it had been.

“I take it something upset you?” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ spoke dryly as he appeared across the room, gaze moving past his enraged kinsman to see Jared but found his focus returning to the present day Jensen when a finger actually punched into his chest.

“Jared never died!” Jensen snapped, glaring at the ghost and not caring if he was making it angry. He was pretty pissed off himself. “You knew when you told him to come to me that if he was shot that damn vortex would heal him, didn’t you? You knew if he was alive when he crossed over that he would be alive here and not a spirit, or a ghost and not be able to cross over to join you! You goddamn knew me calling him, trying to bring him ‘across’ wouldn’t keep that promise! You told me…”

“I told you that Jared needed your help and he did,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied tightly, jaw clenching slightly as he was confronted with his own heated green eyes. “If he would have stayed there any longer he would’ve been killed and technically as far as those witnesses were concerned he did die. I said you needed to help him and you did. I said you would help keep a promise that I made and you will, when it’s time and…have a care, Jensen,” he warned when he felt the stiff finger poke against his chest again. “I may not have a lot of energy but I do have enough to move you back if you don’t calm down.”

Jensen stepped back and threw out his arms. “Go ahead! Push me!” he invited, pissed off more than he’d been in years.

“What?” Jared’s head snapped around at that, standing to glance around the room. “Is he here?” he asked. “Why can’t I see him?”

“He said last night that you wouldn’t be able to see or hear him until you worked through some stuff and forgave him for not telling you about my stepfather’s ancestor,” Jensen told him but didn’t look away from his own ancestor.

Jared snorted at that. “That last one isn’t likely to happen too soon since I’m still angry with him about that,” he crossed his arms. “He should’ve told me about Scott hassling him and about those other assholes as well and maybe I would’ve been able to do something to prevent what happened from happening.”

“It’s been a 151 years for me, Jay. Let it go and focus on this now. Tell him that,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ rolled his eyes, having forgotten how stubborn his former lover could be.

“No, no way. I am not playing middleman for the two of you,” Jensen refused, wondering how something as simple as being attached to a Civil War soldier in his dreams had come to this. “If you want to talk to Jared then you talk to him or fix it so he can talk to you but leave me out of that. I’m not done bitching about you using me!”

‘ _Jensen’s_ ’ eyes flashed a second before the light on the nightstand exploded into shards of glass. “I never used you,” he returned evenly, feeling his temper spiking but before he could contain it, something in the bathroom shattered.

It was one of the mirrors in the bathroom breaking into shards that finally pushed Jared to move. His hand was on Jensen’s arm to tug him aside and slightly behind him. “Point to where he is,” he ordered firmly. “I’m not going to argue with him if I don’t know where the hell he is in this form and don’t you dare move from where he says you are.”

Jared narrowed his gaze to where Jensen slowly, hesitantly, pointed and pinned the empty space a few steps away with a heated gaze. “Looks like your temper ain’t improved any since you’ve been dead and they used to say I was the one with the temper. Stop making things shatter and don’t get close to him if you’re planning to react like that because from what little I do understand of all this it sure as hell looks like you might have used him or at least it might look like that to him.”

“Things didn’t happen like I first thought they would. At first I did think it would be a matter of just allowing it to happen and then helping his spirit cross the veil,” ‘ _Jensen’_ admitted with a sigh, making himself calm down as he watched his friend’s face even though he was speaking to his descendant. “When I realized there was a connection to Delauter I feared that it might be more difficult but…I’m not certain how that will play into things now.

“Yes, I did know at the end that if Jared crossed the vortex to you that he would be alive and joining as spirits wouldn’t be possible yet but right then there was something more important that I was considering and that was you, Jensen.” The spirit shifted slightly forward, a frown forming when Jared seemed to move so that at no time was Jensen in a direct line of the ghost. “When I realized that Scott could see and hear you; I came to understand that there was a good chance that if he shot at you that you could be killed. When I told you that Jared needed you as much as you’d come to need him…I meant that but I…I can’t tell you for what yet because even those things aren’t clear to me.”

“What’s he saying?” Jared asked, sensing something was happening but not able to see or hear the ghost of his friend. “Aside from apologizing for breaking those things and threatening you, that is.”

“He said he can’t tell what’s happening now but that Delauter’s actions in your time affected things somehow and may still cause trouble here,” Jensen condensed the answer for the moment, a little confused himself. “He knew you’d be alive if you crossed through the fog to help me but that I need you as much as you need me.”

“Well, since I have no clue about anything in this time I figure I need you to keep me from killing myself or endangering others but I have no idea why you’d need me,” Jared remarked, easily keeping himself just a little in front of Jensen without being aware of it. “Did he apologize yet?”

Jensen blinked but before he could comment, he heard the low chuckle from the ghost. “Apologize for what and what’re you laughing about?”

“There is one other thing I suppose you should know about Jared that you’ll probably come to realize soon,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled, deciding to test a theory when he raised a hand as if to reach out to the young man that bore his resemblance. “He might be a stubborn, hard headed South Carolina boy but his Mother raised him to have more manners than usual. A few more than I did at times so he wants me to apologize to you for my rudeness, which I will do as far as the lamp and mirror breaking.”

Jared’s arm shot out and while he couldn’t see or feel when it passed through ‘ _Jensen’s_ ’ the spirit smiled slowly to meet the confused gaze of his family member. “He’s protecting you,” he murmured, voice a little shaky as he took this in and what it meant. “I wasn’t sure if he would this soon because Jay doesn’t take change well but…he’s…you both will be fine. Just tell him…tell him I’m sorry for not telling him.”

“He’s not here anymore,” Jared knew this just by the way the chill in the room changed. “What did he say?”

“That you don’t take change well, that you have more manners than he did, that he was sorry for breaking the lamp and the mirror and that you’re protecting me.” Jensen wasn’t sure about the last one except Jared didn’t back away until he must have felt it was alright to do so. “And that he was sorry for not telling you.”

“Jensen’s manners were lacking a lot of the times, unless we were around my family and then he was the picture of Northern politeness,” Jared replied, moving to sit back on the bed when the sketch on the floor caught his eye. “You draw?”

Seeing where his attention was, Jensen chewed his lip. “Yeah, it’s a hobby mostly,” he admitted, a little uneasy about showing Jared his drawings of him. “I’ve found a few he did when I found your journal and some other things. I’m not as good as he was so…” He went to pick up the sketch he’d been finishing when he fell asleep when a hand on his wrist stopped him.

“I could never draw a stick figure compared to the things Jensen could do and this one looks mighty good to me.” Jared looked the sketch over. “I think I was the only thing he ever drew though. I used to tell him he could draw or paint anything, he was that good but he’d just shoot me this little smile and say he drew what he loved.” Jared took the sketch and then sat on the edge of the bed. “What do you know about me?”

“If you’re asking if I know that you and my descendant were lovers then yeah, I know that.” Jensen debated on waiting until he could get Jared someplace else to get into details but since they were stuck until Chris got back he went to dig through his one bag for the journal and also his portfolio case, wishing he’d brought the oil painting. “I know you met in West Point. I know he stayed after he graduated for you and that he moved to South Carolina for you too. There are some things I don’t know because a lot of his things and yours were lost over the years but my grandfather managed to find some, including this.”

Jared stared at the leather journal and knew before he took the worn leather that it was the very one he had written in only a day or so before. “I wasn’t big on writing stuff down. I left that up to Jensen, he was always writing in journals or notes or letters.” He thought back to the amount of leather bound books he’d left behind in South Carolina that had belonged to his friend. “I wrote this because I just wanted something left behind so he wouldn’t be forgotten but I suppose after so many years not many people still care.”

“I care,” Jensen corrected him, laying his case on the bed. “I didn’t know about him. My family isn’t big on talking about him but now that I know I will find out more and I will make certain he isn’t forgotten. I’ll make certain that neither of you are,” he assured the man, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the carpet. “I suppose I should tell you that there was another reason, besides his ghost, that I’d come to Gettysburg to find out more about you.”

Hearing the unspoken concern in the quiet voice caused Jared to frown but then he opened the black flat case to see his own face staring back at him. At first he thought these were sketches his friend had done but a better look at the paper, the pencil strokes and different colors told him that these had been done by the young man who was now rocking anxiously on his heels.

Carefully moving the sketches and drawings, Jared realized the oldest ones were drawn in heavy colored lines like a child would do but still the skill was there but he also realized all of this work was only of him in various poses, close-up or far away but each one was of him. “Do you ever draw anything else?” he asked quietly, coming across one sketch that he could easily pin point the moment it captured. “Flowers? Animals? Landscapes?”

“I’ve done a few landscapes or a building or two but those were jobs for my Uncle’s architecture firm. I want to do a landscape once I move to Charleston but…I’ve been sketching you since I could first hold a crayon,” Jensen admitted, then added in a near whisper. “I’ve been dreaming of you for longer.”

“Huh,” Jared wondered about a few of those odd dreams he’d had recently but chose to put that off for the moment, closing the case but keeping a hand on it. “Would you mind if I looked at these again?” he asked, moving a hand to indicate himself. “Once I actually have a shirt on and have a better grasp on my situation?”

“Uh, yeah. Of course you can,” Jensen nodded, sitting on the bed. “Chris went to get you some things since the stuff either of us have would be too tight across the chest, well you may fit in a couple of his shirts but I just figured you’d rather have new stuff and…I am really at a loss as to what to say to you.”

Jensen couldn’t believe how young and anxious he felt right then as it fully set in that he was sitting and speaking with the actual man who had been in his dreams since childhood. It also wasn’t helping him that he was sitting in a bedroom, on the bed with the very man he’d been in love with since he was thirteen and finally accepting things.

“Umm, are you hungry?” he asked suddenly, afraid if he didn’t move or do something that he’d end up saying something the man either wouldn’t understand or he’d embarrass them both. “I’m sure this place has something I can heat up or…God, I don’t know what you like to eat or don’t like to eat. That type of thing never came up in my dreams and…huh?”

“I’m making you nervous.” Jared silently admitted to understanding that feeling only too well because he’d felt the same way around Jensen when they first met at West Point. “Why? You were fine. I’d think if either of us should be nervous it should be me.”

Jensen shook his head, forcing his nerves back down and taking a deep breath. “Yeah, you’ve found yourself 150 years in the future but try taking this from my perspective. I’ve been seeing you in my dreams since I was old enough to dream. I’ve been drawing you since I was three years old and know some things that I still don’t know why or how I know them but then there are other things that I don’t know.” He pushed to his feet to go grab a clean shirt since he felt like he needed to be doing something. “I’m not even certain how old you are. I mean, I know all the dates so I know how old you should be but…”

“I’m twenty-six years old,” Jared told him, guessing correctly that if he gave Jensen something to focus on it would calm him down.

It relieved him a little to see a slight difference between this Jensen and the one Jared had known because he had rarely seen him show any nervousness except for one time while this one seemed to be easily spooked if he wasn’t focused on something.

Though he also wasn’t certain he cared for being something that made the man nervous and would have to figure out why that was.

“Twenty-six? So that puts you two years younger than I am,” Jensen mused, fingers closing on a T-shirt as the significance of that age gap also hit him when he recalled that there had been two years between his ancestor and Jared as well.

“Oh, really?” Jared lifted an eyebrow curiously, a teasing smile flitting over his face. “What year were you born, Yankee Boy?”

Jensen was coming to understand Jared’s sense of humor a bit better; recognized his use of the name as just teasing. He also got what the man was saying so he turned with a smirk. “Okay, if we’re using actual dates of birth then you’d be 176 years older than me,” he admitted, nearly changing right there like he normally would but reminding himself this man was from a different time with very different customs. “But we’re going to have to work up a new cover story for you to explain to people so that means creating a new birth year to go with the fake ID Chris hopefully can still make.”

“Is all that needed?” Jared asked, standing up to look around the room. “I don’t want to make work for you or your…friend.” He put an odd stress on the last word for a reason he couldn’t define as he realized most things in this bedroom he had no clue over. “Perhaps finding me a way back to my own time would be better or…hey, are you alright?”

The question came because Jensen knew he must have paled at those words. He turned to both avoid the concerned gaze watching him and so Jared wouldn’t see the brief look of panic he felt. “Jared, the records list you as dead back in 1863. Even if I had a way to reverse engineer that vortex to return you to that night before it happened, it might not be until this time next year but…” he paused to try to calm down again. “Would you want to go back there? Knowing that you might very well die?”

“Dying in battle in my own time or living 150 years in the future, what’s the difference? I’m still alone,” Jared shrugged without thinking until he caught the way Jensen’s face twitched and something clenched in his heart, a moment before he swore he felt something slap him in the back of the head. “Jensen…”

It was the first time Jared had actually called him by his name and while it managed to twist his heart even more, Jensen was still in the process of kicking himself for nearly believing this might work out. “No, I’m fine,” he assured him, finally able to turn with a smile that he hoped didn’t look too forced.

“I get it. You didn’t ask to come here. Hell, you didn’t even know where you were coming when you knocked me out of the way of that bullet so why would you want to be stuck in a time that’s so strange to you? If you had died then maybe we could have gotten your spirit freed and you could be with him.” Jensen spoke a little fast, a habit he had when trying to pretend things were fine. “I promised him that I’d help you and if that means helping get you back…there or finding a way to maybe ground his spirit then…that’s what I’ll do or…”

Jared knew he might be a man out of time literally but he still liked to think he had the same senses and those senses were all screaming that he’d managed to make a mistake by what he’d said.

Jensen had just been calming down and had almost actually smiled a few times but now all Jared could see was the rapid covering of emotions. That ability he knew the man had gotten from his friend because Jensen could cover his emotions with a mask of ice or a smile and only Jared could usually see the lie for what it was.

Or at least up until the end he could.

Now he could see that what he’d said about not belonging or being alone had hurt this Jensen but before he could figure out why or somehow get his foot out of his mouth there was a swift knock. Jared tensed as the black haired Yankee stuck his head into the room.

“Everything cool or have we already hit a bump in this very rocky road of bringing your mystery soldier that you’ve been in lo…” Chris Kane stopped when two sets of eyes pinned him with two very different looks but he could feel the tension in the bedroom now as easily as he could read his friend, knowing something had happened.

“No, we’re fine, Chris,” Jensen assured him, taking the plastic blue bags he knew came from a popular mega-store to see what his friend had bought. “What’d you get?”

“Until we get back to Boston to a store with an actual tailor to figure out exact size, I just guessed and upsized on some shirts, jeans, underwear, socks,” Chris shrugged, trying to cover his smirk when he felt the eyes of the soldier not leaving him but especially anytime he got close to Jensen. “I didn’t get shoes since his boots look sturdy enough to last until you can have fun of taking him shopping.”

The thought of taking Jared into a modern store should have terrified him because Jensen hated going shopping at the best of times but for some reason he didn’t think he’d mind that chore. He would take any time spent with Jared even if it meant dealing with people.

“That’s fine. Thanks,” he offered his friend a smile and then turned to Jared to notice he was eyeing the clothes warily. “Did they have showers in your time?” he asked, knowing the man might feel more relaxed if he got some of the battle dirt and sweat washed off. “Or I can show you how to run a bath.”

“A few of the fancier homes had what Jensen called showers but mainly we had a tub set in the kitchen to bathe in,” Jared told him, a little cautious about returning to the tiled room but allowed Jensen to touch his arm to lead him back in. “I’ll clean this glass up.”

Jensen merely called to Chris to see if there was a broom or something around and then he walked to the huge porcelain tub that was set against the far wall and surrounded by more glass to reach in to turn the handles, starting a flow of steaming water.

“Tubs aren’t kept in kitchens anymore,” Jensen told him with a slight smile, grabbing a washcloth and a few towels to lay out with a bar of soap while placing the clean clothes on the counter. “Take your time and I’ll see about breakfast. If you need anything just yell for me,” he went to give him some privacy but paused at the door, his eyes lowering to the floor. “Jared…thanks for saving me. I know it came with some unexpected results and…I’m sorry for that.”

Before Jared could respond, the door closed, leaving him alone with his thoughts, doubts and a feeling he hadn’t felt in over a year.

Stripping out of the rest of his uniform, he stepped carefully into the steaming water with a hiss. Jared allowed himself to adjust to the hot water before lowering himself with a groan, not even wanting to think how long it had been that he’d actually bathed in a tub; they were few and far between on marches between battles.

This tub was large enough for two people he guessed, so he was able to stretch his long legs out fully but instead of picking up the soap and rag to quickly wash like he normally would, he took this quiet time to try to make sense of what was happening.

He was surprised that he was accepting being 150 years in the future, with a man that looked nearly identical to his best friend, as well as he was. Jared would be the first to admit that he did not care for change and tried to avoid it whenever possible.

Of course, he also knew it was for that reason his friend seemed to love throwing little changes into their lives. Nothing major but just moving things around or adding something to what Jared had considered their normal routine and would just smile when he’d bitch.

This change was a bit more but Jared could only guess it was because he was with someone so familiar and yet so very different that allowed him to accept it more easily, at least for the moment.

So far Jared had seen two rooms of where he’d woken up. He wondered just what the world was like in 2013. He had yet to see an oil lamp and realized all the illumination in the rooms seemed to come from the ceiling or sconces on the wall.

Jared leaned back to rest his head on the back of the tub with a sigh. He was still thinking of the hurt look on Jensen’s face at his words and was wondering about that when he felt an odd chill enter the room. Looking toward the glass door of the tub enclosure, he tensed as a word appeared in the steam.

“‘ _Idiot_.’”

“Oh, so I can’t see or hear you but you decide to write the insult out?” he snorted, beginning to wash himself off. “Why am I the idiot?” he asked, not alarmed by the spiritual communication, though he did wish he could see his friend one more time.

“‘ _You hurt him_.’”

“I know I did. I didn’t mean for what I said to hurt him,” Jared sighed, not expecting to feel as guilty as he did now over the little slip. “I wasn’t thinking. Just speakin’ the truth. This is his time. It’s not mine. I’ll be more of a burden on him than a help or whatever you think I can do for him.”

“‘ _He needs you and you need him_.’”

“I know I need him since I don’t know anything about this time or how different it is compared to ours but I don’t think he needs me, Jen.” Jared blinked as water splashed in his face. “Cute, that was cute,” he muttered as he wiped his eyes to see what was written in the steam next.

“‘ _Danger._ ’”

Jared frowned as he read the word, sitting up in the water. “Who’s in danger? Jensen?” he asked, not understanding. “Why would he be in danger? Who’s he in danger from? The guy with him? That I might believe but…oh, shut up,” he muttered sourly as more words were written in the lessening steam.

“‘ _Jealous much, Jay_?’”

“I am not jealous.” He stood up to allow the water to run down his body before stepping out to grab a towel, seeing the knobs turned to hot so more steam would fill the room. “Who’s he in danger from, Jen? I can’t help him if I don’t know who I’m protecting him from.”

“‘ _You’ll know._ ’”

Jared wasn’t sure if his friend was being cryptic on purpose or if his energy wouldn’t allow him to write long messages. “Fine, don’t tell me.” He blew out a breath while drying off. “He’s probably able to take care of himself anyway. He’s an Ackles. He should have had the same military schooling you…”

“‘ _Didn’t. He’s been hurt too much, Jay_.’”

“So you can write longer messages if you want and I guessed that by how easily he gets spooked.” Jared didn’t like that someone had hurt Jensen before and might hurt him again. “Is that another reason you wanted me in this time with him, Jensen?” he asked as he began looking at the new modern clothes. “To protect him?”

Jared swore he heard a thud like something hitting the wall. “This spirit communication thing frustrating you as much as it is me?” he asked curiously but then growled lowly when he was shoved back against the wall, feeling something against his chest.

“‘ _No, you are_.’”

“I’d be less frustrating if I knew what in the hell you wanted me here for,” Jared returned, feeling the weight easing back but he didn’t move. Instead, he sighed. “I miss you, Jen.”

“‘ _Miss you too,’_ ” these words were written slower as the spirit had to work on covering emotions he didn’t think he could still feel. “‘ _He needs you, Jay. He needs you for more than you think and you do need him_.’”

“If I help him with whatever it is you seem to think he needs me for, will you and I ever be together again?” Jared asked, testing the odd feel of the denim in his hands before seeing the blue jeans fit. “Will that promise ever be kept?”

“‘ _I…don’t know. Trust me_?’”

“When haven’t I trusted you?” Jared smirked, zipping up the jeans to find that while a little loose fit him actually better than his uniform trousers had. “It’s…weird. I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me and…”

“‘ _He loves you’_ ”

Jared stopped putting on the short sleeve t-shirt to glance at those words, his heart doing an odd flip flop as he read it. “He can’t love me,” he argued softly, though it would explain the hurt he’d seen reflected in those deep green eyes, and the emotion that so easily passed between them last night through the fog. “He’s a normal good looking man, Jen. I’m sure he’s got a girl somewhere that he…you’re giving me that damn look, aren’t you?”

“‘ _We were normal too. He’s loved you all his life, Jay…but_ ,’”

“But? But what?” Jared pulled the shirt on over his head, feeling it fit a bit more snugly than he liked but it would work for the moment. “Tell me what else there is to know.” He rolled his eyes when nothing else was written and he could almost see his friend debating with himself. “Damn it, Jensen. I can’t help but hurt him if I don’t know something,” he argued, sitting on the edge of the tub to pull the socks on and then his own boots.

“‘ _Just watch him. You’ll learn soon_.’”

Jared was about to snarl something when he stilled at a soft touch to his face and another message could be seen in the mirror.

“‘ _He’s not like me, Jared. Be gentle with him, don’t let him push you away when he’s scared and just trust yourself as well as Jensen_.’”

“Oh, sure. You get chatty now,” Jared muttered, moving his hand up to his face where he had felt the touch. “I love you,” he whispered, the loss still as huge in his heart as it had been the night he held his friend for the final time.

“‘ _I know. I love you too and always will. Love him too, Jay’_ ”

The chill that had been in the bathroom despite the steam and heat slowly dissipated to tell the soldier he was once again alone. “That’s the problem,” he murmured to himself. “I don’t think loving him would be that hard for me to do.”

“Okay, so what the hell did I walk into?” Chris was demanding as he tried to split his attention from packing their things back into the SUV and watching his friend who was absently making coffee. “Aside from the fact that your new buddy does not like me.”

“He doesn’t know you, Chris,” Jensen replied, still feeling tired and worn out. “And that was nothing. It was stupid of me to expect him to want to stay here considering everything or everyone he knew is gone. Like Dani used to say, I let my dreams and wishes get ahead of me.”

Pausing to grab a handful of dry cereal from the box he’d bought while out buying clothes, Chris frowned a little. “Jensen, he just woke up. Give the guy a chance to get used to things. Besides, I take it that you haven’t told him how you feel?”

“No and I’m not going to,” Jensen shot back, listening in case his name was called if Jared needed anything. “He’s in love with my ancestor, Chris. Even if he does stay in this time, not that I have any clue how to get him back to his own, he’ll look at me and see him. I’m not him…or at least I don’t think I am but I will find a way to help him.”

“Help him do what?” Chris wanted to know.

“I don’t know exactly,” Jensen admitted, hearing a shout that was part alarm and part curse and wondering which modern device Jared had just stumbled onto. “The ghost Jensen keeps saying I need him as much as he needs me but I don’t know why he would need me.”

Chris felt the intense look long before either man heard a step and just offered his friend a smile. “The whole he’s stuck in the 21st century thing might be a good place to start helping him,” he remarked, turning to offer some comment when he heard Jensen’s breath catch and with one look at the cause he knew all he could do was hope his friend didn’t get hurt too bad from this mess. “Fine, I’ll say it before Dani gets a chance to. He cleans up nice.”

Jared’s eyes narrowed at the other man but chose to ignore his comment. “You got an actual name so I don’t accidentally call you what I want to?”

“We’re not gonna get along,” Chris spoke this over his shoulder to Jensen before making a choice. “Chris Kane,” he offered. “One of Jen’s best friends,” he added, using the nickname he knew Jensen didn’t care for just to get a reaction.

The nickname got a reaction but just not from Jensen. “He doesn’t care for being called that, does he?” Jared knew the answer even if he hadn’t seen those green eyes roll in exasperation.

“Oh, hell no, he doesn’t,” Chris went to shoot Jensen a friendly smirk like he always did only to find himself shoved up against the doorframe with a hand at his throat.

“Don’t do it again,” Jared warned sternly, hazel eyes clear and firm as he stared into Chris’s to make certain the message was understood before releasing his grip and stepping back. “He really your friend?” he asked with just a touch of sarcasm but since Chris was at his back he allowed Jensen to see the faint smile.

Jensen had already decided the two men probably were going to be circling one another warily for a good long while and just decided to go with it unless it turned more physical than it had. “Yeah, sometimes,” he grinned, trying not to notice how snug the red t-shirt fit on the man or how it showed every rigid muscle of his chest and abdomen. “Are you alright?” he winced at the stupidity of the question and started to apologize.

“I feel human again,” Jared conceded, stopping the apology before it got started to take a better look at the man he was supposed to help.

He’d noticed Jensen had changed shirts but briefly wondered why he’d been so reluctant to change with him in the bedroom but just put that off to them being relative strangers to one another. He also noticed the tension running through his face.

“I owe you an apology,” he began seriously, nodding his thanks for the mug of coffee that he refused any milk for. “I fear I was too abrupt with you earlier and spoke too hastily. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to remain in your time as I’m sure once I adjust to it and…things,” Jared paused to shoot a level look at Chris before going on. “I’ll like it here. I spoke like I did because a huge part of me still misses my friend and it will take me more time to get used to meeting new people and accepting that it might be longer until we see one another again.”

“Jared, if there is any way possible for me to help you reunite with my ancestor then I’ll find it,” Jensen promised him, remembering what was more important than his own desires and that was to help keep a promise made 151 years earlier. “I know it’ll be weird for you but I’ll try to help you adjust as best as I…which one of us is that?” he asked upon hearing the ringing start up and laid a hand on Jared to keep him still.

Chris located the ringing cell phone in Jensen’s jacket answered it, allowing Jensen to explain the small ringing thing to a man that probably hadn’t seen much electricity or phones back in his era.

“What…what is that?” Jared asked, more curious than anything as Chris laid the small flat device on the counter to tap a finger on the screen.

“Umm, telephones were invented after the Civil War so you won’t know what this is.” Jensen told him, shaking his head. “It’s a cell phone,” he explained, adding. “Well, it’s a smart phone but I’ll get into that later. What’s she want?” he asked.

“Jensen? Where are you? Are you and Chris still in Gettysburg?” Dani asked breathlessly.

The tone of worried relief was plain in the young woman’s voice and instantly caught the attention of her friends. “Yeah, we’ll be heading back in a little while unless I stop off at…don’t touch that,” he managed to keep Jared’s finger from touching the button to disconnect when the man proved to be much more curious about modern things than either Jensen or Chris expected him to be.

“Where’s the woman who’s speaking?” Jared wanted to know, picking up the device to stare into it.

“At this time of day, probably her office,” Jensen replied, biting his lip to keep from smiling but tried to get his phone back.

“What? No, actually I’m not and that’s why I’m calling you,” Dani broke in. “Who asked that anyway?” she asked upon hearing the strange male voice. “Jensen Ackles, just what have you and Chris been up to? I thought you went there to do research or…”

“Oh, Jen did more than research,” Chris laughed, hissing when he was hit. “Hey!”

“I said not to call him that again,” Jared reminded him tightly, letting the phone go in favor of meeting the darkening eyes of Jensen’s friend. “You really want to come at me again, Kane?”

Jensen stepped between the two with a sigh. “We did come for research and just ignore Chris, Dani. He’s still kind of upset with me after last night.”

“You got yourself shot!” Chris snapped, knowing that might have been a mistake to say when the woman on the phone let out a shrill whistle. “Shit. She’s pissed off now.”

“What do you mean Jensen got shot?” she demanded, hating mid-town Boston traffic at the best of times and this was not any better. “Never mind; one of you can explain it to me in person but who’s with you?”

“I didn’t get shot. It’s a graze,” Jensen corrected, missing the slight frown on Jared’s face at that reminder. “Jared got shot…or he did but…”

Dani was tempted to hang up and try again when something clicked and she grabbed onto it. “Jared?” she repeated. “Jared…who?”

“Captain Jared Padalecki, ma’am,” Jared answered for himself. “Up until last night a member of the 12th Infantry of South Carolina.”

“That should start her,” Chris groaned, stepping away to avoid having his eardrums broken from the shout he was sure to come. “Your new pal has to learn not to be so forthcoming with answers, Jen…sen,” he didn’t feel like getting hit again and so used his friend’s name.

“Maybe if one of you had answered the young lady’s original question I wouldn’t have had to,” Jared shot back. “Care to tell me how that’s a telegraph without any wires?”

Jensen shot Chris a look to go finish packing the SUV as he worked to focus on anything but the way that damn red shirt clung to Jared’s arms. He leaned them on the counter to stare into the phone and Jensen was relieved that Danneel hadn’t decided to make this a video call.

“I will, later,” he assured him, bringing his focus back to the phone. “I’ll explain it all to you later too, Dani,” he assured the woman. “Now, did you call for a reason or were you just checking up on us?”

Dani was still so stunned at hearing the name that went along with the voice that it took her a moment to remember the reason she had called. “The manager of your apartment called me when she couldn’t get you or Chris, and she didn’t want to call your grandmother yet,” she began, pulling her little sports car over to the curb to get out to watch the flashing lights of police and fire trucks. “Jensen…”

“Why would she call you? Or need me?” Jensen wanted to know with a frown. “I think in all the years I’ve lived there that I’ve only seen that woman twice. Wait, why would she need to call Nana? Nana owns the building so…”

“Jensen, the manager called because…” she hated to be the one to do this but felt her friend needed to be told before he got back to the city. “Honey, someone broke into your apartment and…it’s on fire now.”

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Seven**

On fire. Two very simple words that sent Jensen Ackles’ already spinning world into a tailspin.

He honestly couldn’t recall much after hearing Danneel tell him that his apartment had been broken into and was now on fire. Everything turned to white noise after that and Jensen missed hearing Jared’s voice calling to him and also shouting for Chris to take the infernal contraption.

Jensen certainly missed the colorful words he was certain Chris Kane had used after finding out what was happening but all Jensen could see in his mind was everything he owned, everything he still had that he cared about burning in a fire that he knew in his heart had been set intentionally.

The drive from Gettysburg to Boston was an excruciating six hours and forty minutes. Nearly seven hours of building panic, dread, and loss that Jensen fought to keep from exploding which was hard considering every time he let his thoughts drift past the tense man sitting next to him in the back of the SUV he could see his journals, notes all on fire.

“It’s going to be fine, Jensen,” Jared kept reassuring the shaken man from where he sat with him in the backseat of some strange horseless carriage that he was certain would tip over the way Kane was taking the curves sharply. “It might not be as bad as you fear.”

“Listen to soldier boy, Jensen,” Chris agreed, making his voice light even while his fingers were tight on the wheel and he pushed the speed limit to get them back to Boston faster. “Dani was on street level and anything in Boston, especially in that section of Jamaica Plains, looks bad with a bunch of flashing lights and sirens going on. Plus, you know how overdramatic that building manager can be. It might just be…singed.”

Jensen snorted, fingers running restlessly through his hair to leave it in messy spikes. “You believe that, Chris?” he asked shortly, shaking his head. “Dani’s not prone to exaggeration and if it burned, that place had everything in it. My whole life was in that apartment, Chris. Family pictures of my Dad, of Gramps, of us when we were kids. All the little mementoes of what childhood I had. All my legal papers from…that time, my birth certificate, my diploma, all my research notes and work, a lifetime of work, and it all could be gone,” he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain building in his head. “Everything important to me could be gone.”

A hand placed over the one he had clenched on his leg made him open his eyes to see Jared watching him intently. “No, not everything,” he corrected quietly, using his other hand to smooth down the spiky hair in an almost soothing motion. “You’re still alive, Jensen. Yes, losing those things that meant so much to you will be painful but so long as you’re still living, so long as you still have friends who care for you, so long as you still have a future to look forward to then not everything important is gone and you can rebuild.”

Chris turned his head so his expression couldn’t be seen in the rear view mirror as he smirked to himself. “Damn. For an out of time rebel he’s good,” he muttered to himself, switching his attention from the road to the backseat. “He’s right. So let’s see how bad it is and what the official report says happened before you get too upset.”

In his head Jensen knew both men were right. It was just harder to get the rest of him to go along with those ideas, especially if he thought long and hard about the notebooks and journals of handwritten notes and entries he’d had in that apartment. Then he thought of the oil painting of Jared and the other items he’d brought from his grandmother’s home and it got worse.

He was trying to calm down, unconsciously twisting the ring he wore when the panic attack set in with full force and he suddenly jerked to roll down the window. “Chris! Pull over. I…damn…I…”

“Draw,” Jared had seen the oddly familiar signs and knew what was about to happen and so had reached into the bag to pull out Jensen’s sketchbook, shoving the pencil into shaking fingers. “Don’t think on the fire. Don’t think on the bad things you fear or what’s causing you to panic. Just draw what comes into your mind that relaxes you until the feeling passes,” he instructed, glad the man driving hadn’t slowed down. “You aren’t going to be sick. You just need to draw and calm down some.”

Jensen wasn’t sure if it would be as simple as that but as soon as the pencil began to move on the paper he did slowly notice the rapid breathing and the urge to throw up going away.

“You sure you weren’t a shrink in that rebel army of yours?” Chris asked from behind the wheel, sighing at the narrowed look and cocked head that question earned him. He reminded himself of the time and word usage differences he would be dealing with. “A kind of doctor for the head.”

“Oh. We had those kinds of physicians as well,” Jared nodded, frown turning dark. “They were a bit too fond of sticking needles in their patients’ brains if they thought they were too…different. This was more of a common sense reaction,” he shrugged, watching some of the tension leave Jensen as he sketched. “His ancestor didn’t have them often but the few times he did this is what calmed Jensen down as well. I thought it might work. Though he needs something else to draw it seems.”

Chris laughed, relieved when the Boston city limit sign came into view. “He will never draw anything else, dude,” he remarked knowingly. “Jensen’s been drawing or sketching you for as long as I’ve known him.”

“So I’ve heard,” Jared murmured, using his focus on Jensen to keep his mind off his own unease about the speeding carriage, or vehicle, as he was told it was called in this time. He noticed that Jensen’s other hand was rolling the ring he wore around his neck through his fingers. “Did you make the connection about the rings?” he asked curiously.

“I did when I found this one in a box in my Grandmother’s barn,” Jensen nodded but his eyes had closed as they so often did when he sketched from the heart. “I don’t think anyone in the family ever realized the ring Jensen wore wasn’t his. Was it more than just symbolic?”

Gently touching the ring that had once been his to wear, Jared pondered the words for a moment before smiling a little as he understood them. “To us it was,” he nodded, remembering that night well. “I think he knew the War would separate us in one fashion or another. The night the South fired on Fort Sumter, the one and only time we…” he paused, still in the mindset of his own time to feel uncomfortable of speaking openly about sex. “He gave me his ring and accepted mine. His family hated him, hated what they felt I’d turned him into but yet they wanted the ring because it was from West Point.” He let the ring go to chuckle. “I think in some way Jensen would have been amused by it.”

“Was it hard on him?” Jensen asked, opening his eyes as he finished the sketch of the man sitting beside him to hold the sketchbook out. “That his family didn’t accept his choices?”

“In a way it was,” Jared admitted, remembering the final fight between father and son. “He and the Colonel were already strained because of Jensen’s decision not to even stay in the military in any capacity but his choice to love me caused the break that was never fixed. I like to think that he never regretted his choices but I often wished he had made up with his family before he died.”

“Sometimes you can’t make up to those who don’t want to accept the things that can’t be changed,” Jensen murmured, voice oddly strained. “I know about that only too well.”

Jared began to ask about how hard his life had been when he noticed the shadows hiding in those clear green eyes that he longed to put a smile back into and chose to wait for a better time, or when they were alone. He glanced at the sketch to see his face once again staring back at him.

This time Jensen had captured a close-up of his face with his hair blowing in a breeze as it often had when he’d stood by the water’s edge of the house outside of Charleston.

What always amazed Jared, before when his friend had drawn him and now with the pieces of Jensen’s work that he’d seen, was the ability to capture not only his likeness but also the emotion that went with the moment.

He was about to ask what else Jensen liked to do when he caught his first sight of Boston and felt his breath catch on a low oath.

Jared had seen Boston twice before but the modern version was nothing like he remembered. It had been big and loud before but now the buildings seemed to touch the sky, people crowded the sidewalks and more horseless carriages jammed the streets.

“This…this is where you live?” he asked staring out the window as something blared and he would’ve jumped if not for the hand on his arm.

“For the moment,” Jensen nodded, his worry about his apartment lessening as his concern for how Jared might take the city grew. “I was making plans to move away and now I’ll probably speed those plans up. I bought a house outside of Charleston and have just been waiting for the paperwork to clear.”

“Charleston?” Jared had to look away from the weird sights outside the moving window to look at Jensen curiously. “South Carolina? You bought a home in South Carolina?” He wasn’t certain how much of that choice was this young man’s or whatever influence his ancestor might have had over him. “Was this before or after you learned more about me and your descendant?”

“He’s been eyeing that piece of property since he was 18. He finally wore the owner down till she agreed to sell it to him,” Chris called back with a snort and accompanying eye roll. “I think she gave in because she felt sorry for him and those big sad eyes he can use to his advantage.”

“Shut up and drive,” Jensen shot back, offering an apologetic smile as he shrugged. “It’s not much and needs a lot of work but unlike all the other homes and plantations down in that area it…called to me.” He wondered how hard it would be on Jared to return to that city after all the years that had passed for him. “Can you go back down there or would it be too hard?”

That was an interesting question and one that Jared would have to consider. He honestly hadn’t been back in that city since Jensen’s death so he didn’t know what happened to their home or property, but since he wasn’t planning on letting this Jensen out of his sight until he knew what was happening or what he was supposed to do there wasn’t many other choices but attempt to return.

“If you go then it looks like I will as well,” he replied, noticing but deciding not to comment on how many of Jensen’s restless little habits this young man shared. “Boston wasn’t quite this big or loud when I was last here so I can imagine Charleston has changed as well. So much change. So many things I’ll need to learn about. Like these horseless carriages.”

“They’re cars and we’re keeping you out from behind the wheel for a while,” Jensen laughed, still relieved that the car hadn’t upset Jared as much as Chris had said it would. Then the SUV pulled onto the street where his apartment was and all humor fled. “Shit.”

“Huh,” Chris grunted, slowing down for both the mass of congested traffic and to find a parking spot while eyeing the three bright red fire trucks that were still parked, one of which still had a ladder up to the sixth floor window with a hose inside the shattered window. “Remember what I said about it might just be singed? Cancel that.”

Jensen was out of the backseat the second the vehicle stopped. He stood staring at the police tape when the property manager hurried over.

“Mr. Ackles.” Christina Potter had been managing the building since before Jensen had been born but her wild red hair didn’t show a speck of her age. “I am so sorry this happened,” she said as soon as she got to within reach of him. “The tenant on the fifth floor called me to complain about some noise from your place so of course I went up because I know you never make noise…unless he’s visiting,” she slid a reproachful glare toward Chris Kane. “By the time I got there, I could smell smoke so I called the police and fire department.”

“Any idea how bad the damage is?” Jensen asked, fighting back the urge to go inside when a touch on his shoulder reined him in.

The older woman patted her massive up-do nervously. “I haven’t been inside but Miss Harris and Mrs. Ackles are in there now with a couple firemen, Mr. Kane and Lieutenant Harris,” she replied, patting Jensen’s hand. “All I did see was the door was pretty damaged. I can’t say what the fire did or what was done before it started. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your…wait, did you say my grandmother’s inside?” Jensen blinked, groaning as the older woman’s words dawned on him and he was already turning to grab for Chris. “Oh, no you don’t. You are not leaving me if Mick Harris is up there.”

“Jensen, the man hates both of us but he especially hates me,” Chris complained with as close to a whine as he was willing to stoop to. “Can’t I leave you with soldier boy and go get to work on that other little matter you need me to do?”

“Who is this man and why does he hate either of you?” Jared wanted to know, smirking a bit when he leveled a look at Chris. “You, I can guess but why should he hate Jensen?”

Before Chris could growl at the slight insult Jensen tugged both men along behind him after assuring the police that it was his apartment, showing ID and praying they didn’t ask to see Jared’s. “He’s Dani’s brother and hate is a strong word. Mick dislikes us for a lot of reasons,” he explained, having to remember how literal Jared’s thinking is right then. “He dislikes Chris mainly because Chris wasn’t born into money like Dani or I were and he can be a bit rough at times and…”

“And he hates you because you’re gay,” Chris finished simply, not needing the sign on the elevator to tell him to use the stairs. “Pretty straightforward if you ask me.”

“He does not hate me because I’m gay,” Jensen argued, motioning Jared ahead of him into the stairwell for the six-story climb. “Mick just doesn’t like that Dani gets involved in my problems and you’ve got to admit there have been times when you’ve probably hated me for that reason too.”

“I hate your Mom and Delauter for that, not you,” Chris returned evenly, shooting a warning look over his shoulder. “What they did was wrong and you aren’t going to tell me that asshole probably didn’t have a hand in this stunt too.”

Jensen would have liked to have said that but he wasn’t stupid or naïve enough to believe that and so remained silent on that matter, seeing Jared’s frown. “Something wrong?”

“What’s the name of your stepfather?” he asked, remembering this wasn’t the first time since waking up in the present that he’d heard Jensen or Chris use the name Delauter.

“David Delauter.” Jensen nodded slowly as Jared’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I think he’s some kind of descendant to the man who shot you.”

“And who also shot you,” Jared saw fit to remind him, biting his inner lip when they reached the fourth floor landing and had to stop for the two modern-day men to regain some breath. “You two do seem out of shape for your ages. A little walk up some steps and you’re out of breath.”

Chris was ready to slug the soldier but figured Jensen would get ticked off if he hit his new friend and so just shot him a rude gesture that he figured someone from his time wouldn’t understand anyway and then started again.

“He thinks I haven’t seen that gesture before?” Jared smirked, catching Jensen by the arm when he got a little too off balanced on a step. “I was raised in the country, grew up at West Point and survived the Confederate Army. I’ve seen my fair share of rude gestures and heard more than a few of them from your own descendant when his temper got the better of him.”

“Chris takes some getting used to,” Jensen told him, letting Chris go ahead as he did lean against the wall when he felt dizzier than he thought he should have. “Sorry. I usually can take these stairs at a jog but I guess all of this still has me a bit rattled.”

“You were grazed by a bullet, you did hit your head because I felt the bump earlier, you’ve been hit with a lot of stress in addition to having me added to it and then your home set on fire. It’s a lot to handle,” Jared remarked calmly, willing to give Jensen as much time as he needed to regain his breath. “Tell me what Delauter did to you, Jensen.”

The tone was still quiet, still had the drawl in it that Jensen knew on some inner instinct it would but the command was also there and something told him that Jared wasn’t used to not getting his way when he used that tone of voice.

Normally the topic of his past, especially his life after his mother remarried, was one that Jensen avoided and he almost never allowed anyone to ask him about the time when he was sixteen to seventeen but with Jared it felt different.

“Not now,” he murmured, pushing away from the wall to head up the final two flights of steps. “Wait until everyone else is gone and then I’ll answer whatever questions you have.”

Jared wasn’t sure it would be as simple as that but then he smelled the left over odor of smoke and heard raised voices from the hallway. “Does he get along with anyone?”

“Sure he does, you just have to catch Chris on the day it happens,” Jensen sighed, taking a deep breath to steel himself for another meeting with Boston Police Lieutenant Michael Harris.

“You’re not alone in this,” Jared told him softly, gripping the back of Jensen’s neck. The need to protect Jensen was strong but until he got a better idea of whom or what he was protecting Jensen from he stayed slightly back.

“The deal was anyone hassles him and you call _me_! Danneel said the asshole was in the place just a few nights back, breaking the damn restraining order, and that you stopped him from actually hitting Jensen! Why didn’t I get a phone call, Kane?”

Michael ‘Mick’ Harris was around Jared’s height and shared his younger sister’s pale skin and copper colored hair but where Dani was slim her brother was not and the extra time he put in at the gym showed easily under his t-shirt.

“That was my choice, Mick,” Jensen spoke up before fists could fly. “I just thought if I left it alone he’d back off and that it wasn’t any different than the phone calls or texts I’ve been getting on and off for a couple years.”

“The whole damn purpose of that restraining order is to keep them away from you, Ackles. They bother you or contact you in any way, you call me or Kane’s father, who is also not thrilled with this by the way, and I pick the asshole up,” Mick growled, turning on his heel to glare when he caught sight of the new addition. He stopped as something prickled the back of his head but he ignored it for the time being. “This wasn’t random and it wasn’t an accident. Someone used a damn ax on your door to get inside, trashed the place and then tried to catch it all on fire, mostly succeeding.”

“Guess changing the locks pissed Delauter off,” Chris muttered, a more serious look forming as he took in the damaged door. “Not that we can prove he actually did this since I can’t see Mr. Fancy Pants getting his hands this dirty.”

Jensen blocked out the bickering as he stepped into his apartment, Jared not two steps behind. His legs shook as he took in the damage that he could see just in the living room.

“We’ve had to turn off the gas to this apartment due to the flames, Mrs. Ackles,” a tall middle-aged fireman was explaining from the kitchen. “As soon as Ms. Potter gets the building inspector in to check everything out it can be turned back on. The rest of the tenants are fine. The fire and flames and gas leak were contained to just your grandson’s apartment.”

“Of course it was,” Kate Ackles sighed, looking up at the sound of a step and was moving past the men in uniform to grab onto her grandson. “Jensen! Thank God you’re alright.” She rarely hugged him in public, as she understood his dislike of being touched by anyone these days but she’d been so upset since getting Danneel’s phone call that it was more for her own sake than his. “Dani called me and said you and Christian were visiting Gettysburg when this happened but all I could think about on the way here was if you had been home when…”

“Nana, I’m fine,” Jensen assured her, returning her hug and holding on for another couple seconds. “I’m sorry this upset you. You didn’t have to come.”

Kate stepped back to scoff, lightly wiping the faint stain of lipstick off his cheek from where she’d kissed him. “It’s my building and your apartment so of course I had to come.” The silhouette behind her grandson caught her eye and then her breath. “Oh my,” she gasped as she took Jared in slowly, not having to ask who he was but really wanting to ask how. “Jensen? Is there something you’d like to tell your grandmother before I go pin Christian down and box his ears until he tells me just what in hell you got up to on this trip?”

Jensen didn’t want to get into that while there were still firemen and a few police officers in the apartment but he needed to offer some explanation or introduction. “Umm, Nana…this is…uh,” he shot a look over at Jared, trying to figure out how much of the truth he should go with when it was taken out of his hands.

“I think I can guess who he is, Jensen. I’m more curious as to how he’s standing here with you,” Kate smacked his arm before stepping forward. “I mean, I have only seen his face on every drawing or sketch you’ve done since childhood. My boy tends to be a bit forgetful with his manners at times. I’m Kate Donahue Ackles, Jensen’s grandmother.” She offered a smile as she held out a hand in greeting.

“He’s been through a lot since this morning,” Jared returned the smile, taking her hand carefully in his much large one to bring it to his lips to kiss the back of it as he gave a slight bow. “Mrs. Ackles, it is an honor to meet such a beautiful woman and one who raised Jensen.” His lips curved a bit more. “I guess you didn’t have a hand in raising the one who’s coming in the door, did you?”

As Kate’s eyebrows lifted and Chris growled something under his breath a deep chuckle was heard. “No, I’m afraid the blame for Chris falls on his mother and myself.”

Sean Kane was an older version of his son. He was tall at probably 6’2” with wide cheekbones that were a naturally bronzed color. His jet black hair brushed the collar of his white shirt but his eyes were as blue and sharp as his son’s and he had immediately picked up on the strain between his Chris and the new arrival.

He’d been standing back to take in Jensen’s arrival with the sharp eyes of a man who had been both private detective and now a top lawyer in his own firm. He hadn’t missed the way the tall young man’s gaze never strayed from Jensen or the way his hand stayed close to him so he also hadn’t missed the way he’d shifted his body the moment Chris entered the apartment.

“What did your Mother tell you about annoying people as soon as they meet you, son?” Sean chuckled again at the dark look Chris offered.

“He growled at me first and I’m not annoying him,” Chris argued, shooting Jared a dark look. “He’s asking to have my fist in his face again since he’s flirting with my best girl.”

“Your fist didn’t land the first time you swung on me, Kane. Do you really want to try a second time?” Jared countered easily. “I fear he and I don’t see eye to eye right now,” he explained to Kate while keeping a sharp eye on Jensen who had been pulled aside by the senior Kane.

Kate had been watching the two very different men closely and while she had most certainly picked up on some animosity between Chris and Jared, she suspected the cause of it.

“Christian tends to be very protective of Jensen so I fear you’ll have to excuse his actions some of the time,” she told Jared while noticing where his gaze seemed to always go.

“It’s why he’s still talking, ma’am. I do realize that,” Jared assured her but then tensed at the sharp voice a second before both Kate and Chris were reaching for him in case he misunderstood Dani’s relieved cry and her running lunge toward Jensen as a threat.

“Hey, he hit me just for using his nickname,” Chris shrugged, feeling the muscles under his grip tightening even as Jensen turned to accept Dani’s running hug. “Soldier boy tends to overreact to small things.”

“No, I reacted to you calling him by a nickname he clearly didn’t like,” Jared grumbled, easily jerking his shoulder away from Chris. He was gentle when he moved out of Kate’s hold to watch the young woman hug and fuss over Jensen a moment before stepping back to pin him with a look of shock, surprise and then careful judgment. “I understand how confusing it will be to his friends when he has to explain about me, especially if they know about what he draws.”

He met and held the steady gaze of what he assumed had been the woman who had called Jensen earlier until her curiosity was satisfied and she looked back to Jensen, allowing Jared to shift his own eyes back to Chris with a tiny sarcastic smile. “I just don’t have to like you very much, Kane. Excuse me, Mrs. Ackles. Mr. Kane.”

“I hate him,” Chris muttered and then sighed when Kate pulled him down to kiss his cheek. “Gee, did Jensen introduce either of you to the good Captain from South Carolina?” He knew he’d be explaining this in exact lawyer cross examination detail to his father later on that day just by the way the man’s eyebrows raised. “As you can see, we’re not exactly best friends.”

Sean Kane had seen that and while he suspected the young man had something to do with Jensen and those sketches he was always working on he would put it off until he could pin his son down. “As Jensen’s lawyer, should I be worried about that boy?” he asked seriously after seeing the final officials off.

“Oh, I’d love to say yes.” Chris yelped when Kate slapped his arm. “I said I would love to say yes but I honestly can’t,” he sighed, seeing the way Jensen instinctively moved closer to him the second Jared approached Jensen and Dani. “I don’t know exactly what the hell happened on that battlefield last night to bring him here but I do know that he seems to be trying to protect Jensen, even if that means slapping me for using his nickname.”

“The nickname you’ve known from the start has annoyed Jensen,” his father remarked, understanding Chris’s worries but also not sensing anything ulterior from Jared.

“Jensen was meant to go to Gettysburg and find something,” Kate said. She had known this from the start. She just hadn’t expected her grandson to return with a living and breathing man. “What has he told Jared or vice versa?”

Chris snorted. “All I know is there’s a ghost running around with a temper, and there’s a connection from back then to Delauter now,” he nodded at his father’s whispered curse. “Yeah, that’s what I think too. Also, I thought Dani was his lawyer.”

“Danneel is his lawyer for little things or for bailing you out of jail but when it comes to Jensen’s life, his money or enforcing that damn order to keep Delauter and Celia away from him then I am,” Sean returned firmly, looking at his watch. “Damn, in fact I’m late for an appointment with a judge. Tell him I’ll call him later about what he wants to do and make damn sure if he insists on staying here tonight that he’s not alone.”

“He shouldn’t even stay here,” Mick Harris responded from the doorway, nodding his head to the chopped up door. “This will need replaced and…”

“That’s being replaced in the hour, Michael,” Kate assured him, using her stern tone that she always seemed to have to use when dealing with the police officer. “I appreciate you coming and I’m sure you’ll do your best to find the person or persons who broke into Jensen’s apartment, vandalized it and nearly burned it down.”

“Yes, Mrs. Ackles.” He knew the tone and message well. “I just don’t want my sister hurt because of all this crap.”

Chris was in the cop’s face as soon as the words were out. “You seriously think Jensen would let Dani be hurt by anything gunning for him?” He shot a look over his shoulder to see that the move hadn’t gone unnoticed but thankfully only Jared seemed to have caught it. “Why the hell do you think he’s moving to South Carolina, Harris? He’s moving away so Dani and I and his grandmother won’t be caught in the middle of anything anymore. You’re blaming him for one damn incident that wasn’t even his fault so how about backing off and…”

“Chris?” Jensen had finally looked over from where he was examining some water damage to see the tension between Chris and the cop and could already feel the pounding headache coming back. “There issues?”

“Probably no more than usual between Mick and Chris,” Dani rolled her eyes, gazing up at Jared curiously. “So, which one of you plan on telling me how you went to Gettysburg to do research and came back with the very soldier Jen’s been dreaming of for so long?” she asked with her best smile.

Pulling away from the cop long enough to shoot his friend a good-natured grin, Chris also had to stick his tongue in his cheek when he realized Dani was using her best go-get-them smile without even realizing this one wasn’t up for grabs. “Hey, he doesn’t like it when we call him that. He’ll slap you too.”

“Don’t you have a door to fix, Kane?” Jared growled, tensing for some reason that he couldn’t understand since not even Chris or the policeman should’ve been enough to make him feel this uneasy. “I don’t hit women. My Momma would come back from her grave to tan my hide if I ever raised my hand to a lady.”

“You’ve never met my Mother. She might change your views if you ever do,” Jensen told him, more bitter than he had been in a long time. “Nan, I’m sorry this happened and I’ll pay for…”

Kate clasped his hands firmly in her own. “Now you will do no such thing,” she cut him off, motioning him to lean down so she could kiss his cheeks. “What you will do once my workers replace the door and get the gas working again is get a good night’s sleep, focus on what you have now and leave the rest of this to Sean and I.”

Jensen was good at covering things up, a trait he’d learned to have since childhood, but Kate was a grandmother who could see when her sweet boy was hurting and worried. “Jensen, I promised you the day that Sean, Maggie and I took you out of that place that no one would hurt you like that again and if it takes my last breath I will make certain neither your mother nor that ferret she married ever gets to hurt you or take away what is yours by blood.

“Now, you just worry about helping that one adjust to this time or whatever you need to do and when you move, you leave all this negativity behind,” she urged him softly, hugging him tightly. “Call me soon because I want all of you to come up to the house for dinner before you complete this move.”

“Thanks,” Jensen didn’t think it would be that simple but to avoid worrying the older woman more he merely nodded. “I will and…I love you.”

“I know, sweetie,” Kate patted his cheek after giving both Chris and Danneel a hug but paused as she looked at Jared. “You’ll watch him?”

There was something endearing about this feisty lady that made Jared smile, kissing her hand again as he helped her on with her coat. “I will,” he assured her. “I’ll make certain no one hurts Jensen, ma’am. I think it’s what I’m here for.”

“Oh, I think you’re here for more than just protecting him.” Kate smiled at his faint blush, greatly pleased with this young former Confederate soldier. “You’re wondering why no one is shocked or surprised?”

“I was expecting a little more surprise from those who know him well but you just assumed I was the man from those pictures,” Jared kept an eye on Jensen, though he knew he was safe with Dani and Chris as they assessed the damage done to the apartment even without the fire damage. “Why?”

Kate paused in the hall after instructing the workers who had arrived on what to do. “I’m an old Irish woman, Jared…may I call you Jared?” she waited for his nod to go on, lacing her fingers in front of her as she spoke. “I moved to America when I married Jensen’s grandfather so I’ve got the belief in all things are possible in my blood. I’ve seen the spirit of your Jensen and while neither J.R. nor myself were ever certain what Jensen needed we did know it would have something to do with you.

“Now I figure you aren’t used to women who speak their minds as forwardly as I do or like little Danneel is prone to so I won’t say what I could,” she chuckled as he ducked his head a little. “I know a little about the man you loved, and I hope you can see that my grandson is not him but very much his own person.”

“I’ve already seen the differences, Mrs. Ackles,” Jared assured her, startling a little when the drill first came on and having to remind himself that everything would be so different from what he was used to. “Your grandson is much quieter than his ancestor tended to be. I was often the quiet one back then. It seems here as if our roles are reversed but…he’s been hurt by someone, hasn’t he?”

“Jensen has been hurt by a great many people but that’s up to him to speak about with you,” Kate replied, determined not to say what she could on that subject. She laid a hand over Jared’s. “Just don’t judge Christian too harshly. He means well and after you learn some things I think you’ll come to understand his concern.”

Jared thought he might already understand the concern. He just had a hard time adjusting to the man’s personality but like Jensen had always told him all things take time.

The ragged shout from further inside the apartment caught his attention and he moved quickly towards it, a low snarl on his lips when a hand caught his arm. “I’m trying really hard not to break something on you Kane,” he warned, his concern raising when he saw Jensen on his knees on the floor of a bedroom. “What’s wrong? Is he hurt? How…”

“See the mess of shredded and burned papers?” Chris allowed Dani the time to try to calm their friend down from the shock of finding every scrap of paper, every notebook and journal he’d gathered for years destroyed. “That’s his life’s work burned to ash or tore to pieces. Ever since grade school, Jensen’s been obsessed with anything and everything about the Civil War.

“He got barely passing grades in every other subject but he excelled in American History like no other student our teachers had ever seen,” Chris said quietly, hating the pain his friend was in and feeling more helpless than he had in years because this was something he couldn’t fix. “He’s been gathering data on battles, people, facts about deaths and missing soldiers, ever since I’ve known him. Yes, partly because he was dreaming of a Civil War soldier, but also because he enjoyed learning. He was going to write a book about all those obscure little facts one day, and now all that stuff is gone.”

Chris motioned to the burned bed, the singed dresser and destroyed clothes. “I think if it had been anything else in this place he wouldn’t have cared but that stuff, the few pictures he had of his Dad and all those books and journals, the painting he just found of you—it will tear his heart out.” Chris leaned in the door, letting go of Jared. “I’ve been watching his back since we were kids and only one other time did I feel like I’ve let him down this badly.”

“You didn’t let him down,” Dani told him shortly, holding out a small safe that looked like it had been burned but untouched. It was also damaged as if someone had tried to pry it open. “All of his ID, his passport, his legal papers…all the vital things were in here and didn’t burn and I have the original property documents for the house he’s bought at my office. Keep this with you until we can get him another place or…”

“I’m not staying in Boston.” Jensen’s voice was ragged and shaky. “I’ll stay here until the final papers are signed for the place down South and until we can get some ID established for Jared but then I’m leaving and my mother and David Delauter can both go to hell. I’m sick and tired of it all and I just want to live my life!” With a frustrated cry he hurled a burned shoe into the closet that had once held everything he valued but was now a blackened mess.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Eight**

“Jensen,” Dani started to go to him only to have a strong grip catch her arm. “He needs…”

“Let him be, Miss.” Jared watched the rage and hurt in Jensen’s eyes; he watched his shaky moves and wondered how long it had been that this young man had expressed his emotions…if he ever had. “He needs to vent. He needs to get this out.”

Chris shook his head, admiring the soldier for his attempts but knowing it would never work. “Yeah, he does but you’ll never see Jensen vent like he should,” he told him seriously. “He’ll throw some stuff and if you or I go near him right now he might throw a punch but then he’ll shut down, pull into himself and just sit there or he’ll brood for a few hours and then throw himself into a sketch or…what’re you doing?” he asked as Jared shoved him toward the door. “Hey?”

“Go get his bags from that thing he called a car,” Jared instructed, wondering how in the hell his friend hadn’t pounded his head in a few times back in their youth if he was anywhere near as stubborn as this one was seeming to be. “Find that black case he seems to keep his work in.”

“His sketches weren’t here?” Dani released a relieved breath at that. “Thank God. When I got in here and saw the damage I thought they’d been destroyed too.”

“No, he had ‘em with him. Those and his laptop and tablet,” Chris shot the former soldier a dark look. “Why bring that stuff up here when I’ll just have to lug it back to settle you guys someplace for the night? Padalecki, stop pushing me or this time I will connect with your face.”

Jared wasn’t sure why he was so certain this was right. He didn’t know if he was picking up the emotions from his spiritually trapped friend or if something else was leading him, but he just knew that for that night Jensen would want to be here. “He’s not going to leave this place until he’s gone through every scrap that might be saved. You know that and I, for some reason, know it, Kane.

“Yes, all that work is gone and yes, it will be hard to replace I’m sure but is it impossible?” he wanted to know, swearing when a blare from the street took him off guard. “I swear, how is it you people aren’t deaf in this city is beyond me.”

“No, it’s not impossible,” Dani replied, thinking she might see what the man was getting at. “The sketches and artwork were always more important to him and he had just started to rewrite things on the laptop so not everything is lost. It’s just a matter of making him see that.”

“Which isn’t always easy,” Chris returned sourly but threw his hands up. “Fine! I’ll get the portfolio case and his stuff and I’ll grab something to eat for you guys for later since I’m sure I’ll be stuck explaining you to my parents…oh and Dani? I wouldn’t bother flirting with him. I seriously don’t think you’re his type.” He pulled the newly hung door shut a second before he heard something hit it.

“Lord, I will end up hitting him before my time here is over,” Jared groaned, running both hands through his dark hair while noticing the quietness from the bedroom. “Ma’am?”

Dani wondered if Chris had intentionally bought a shirt a size too small for the man or if her friend just hadn’t known what size to get but she had to admit the rippling muscles the red t-shirt showed off was enough to make her wish she might have a shot.

“So…are you a ghost?” She blushed at the question as soon as she said it but relaxed at the dimpled smile Jared aimed at her. “I’m sorry. It’s just I never expected to meet someone…not from my time or…damn it, how did Jensen get you here?”

“He saved my life,” Jensen spoke from the hallway leading to his room, face and hands smudged with soot. He’d been sifting through his papers, but his usual urge to close himself off after something bad happens didn’t come and he remembered he’d abandoned Jared to the mercies of his two friends.

“I think it was the other way around,” Jared replied quietly, meeting Jensen’s eyes with a soft smile. “I would’ve died there if you hadn’t called to me when you did. I am sorry you got shot though.”

That reminded the auburn haired woman of what she meant to yell at someone over. “You got shot? Someone actually shot you? How bad?” She was trying to search Jensen for wounds when she felt her friend tense and stopped. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I…”

“I’m fine, Dani. It’s just a graze,” Jensen reassured her, hating the fact that this latest incident had managed to bring back too many memories that he swore he’d left behind him years ago. “I’m sure Chris’s Mom will be stopping by to look at it as soon as he blabs that I was shot or…where is Chris?” He thought it odd not to see his friend. “Jared? You and Chris didn’t…”

“No, I sent him after your sketches and bag and I think he went for food as well,” Jared replied with an eye roll. “I couldn’t be that lucky to get rid of him that easily, Yankee Boy.”

“That’s his mildly insulting name for me it seems,” Jensen explained to Dani who was blinking like she did when confused. “I don’t think I can repeat some of the names he’s called Chris since meeting him though.”

Jared snorted. “Your ancestor used to accuse me of having a hair trigger temper so Kane was just lucky when he came into that room that I wasn’t close to my pistol. I viewed him as much a threat to you as he viewed me,” he then worked up a sigh. “But since he is, for some reason that escapes me, your friend…I’ll try to be nicer to him.”

“I appreciate that,” Jensen laughed, noticing the new door and locks as well as the plywood that covered the window. “Dani, don’t you have court or something else you can be doing?” he asked carefully, wanting to be alone with his thoughts and with Jared as he discovered what else burned.

As Jared tried to cover his surprise at the open question and Dani smirked, the door opened to allow Chris to come through carrying too much at once. “Babe, your phone was in your car and your boss is kinda wanting to know if you’re making it to that lawyer thing you were supposed to do this morning,” he remarked, dropping bags of food on the table while being more careful where he placed Jensen’s bag with his laptop and a few clothes. “He sounds…ticked.”

“Oh my God!” Dani paled, hand going to her mouth and then she was grabbing for her jacket and trying to wipe some of the soot and dirt from her navy suit. “I forgot that deposition after I got the call about the fire. Jensen, I’ll call you later or I’ll be back to help or…”

He shook his head while accepting her hasty embrace. “Just call me tomorrow,” he told her. “There’s nothing you can do here.”

“Oh! Oh! No, you need to stop by my office tomorrow.” She had been halfway out the door when she hurried back, eyes shining happily. “I got the final paperwork from Charleston. You’re one signature away from owning that house so bring Jared, sign the papers and then we’ll go out to celebrate! Right now I’ve gotta go. Bye!” She poked back in one more time. “Nice to meet you, Jared!”

“She’s not usually that scatterbrained.” Chris knew he’d be skinned if the woman ever heard him say that but he knew she was out of earshot. He also didn’t need a hammer to fall on his head to sense his friend wanted them both out of the apartment. “Well, I’ve been summoned to Dad’s office so I know where I’ll be for the rest of the day or until he gets enough answers about what the hell we’ve been up to.” He shuddered at the very thought of explaining an ex-Confederate soldier coming through time or the spirit of his friend’s ancestor floating around to his father or everything else Sean Kane was going to demand answers to.

“Chris, I can call Sean and explain about Jared or the other stuff.” Jensen didn’t want his friend taking the heat for things that had been his choice. “I decided not to tell him or Grams about David or Mom calling or David’s visit the other night. It’s not your…” a hand lifting in his face cut him off.

“I’ll handle Dad though if I have to distract my Mother from coming over here to check on you then you might owe me an actual song when my bar opens,” Chris replied, stepping closer to place a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and caught the slight tension in his friend as well as the way Jared instinctively seemed to move. “Lock the damn door, actually use the alarm, and call me if anything happens or anyone comes knocking that isn’t me, Dani, or Mick Harris.”

Jensen smiled a bit more, returning the gesture that had always seemed to be something between him and Chris. “I do know how to lock a door, Chris,” he assured the other man. “I seriously don’t think anyone would try anything again tonight, especially if I’m here. They’re basically trying to intimidate me like he’s always done. I really don’t think David would do anything physical.”

“I walked in on him about to hit you the other night, Jensen,” Chris reminded him, letting his gaze move past Jensen to meet and hold Jared’s firm gaze. “I’m the son of a doctor and a lawyer. I’ve listened to them talk about patterns all my life and Delauter is following one that might just lead to something else if he gets pissed off enough at you. Just watch your back.”

Jared might be a man out of time but he still picked up the unspoken message from Chris who might have been speaking to Jensen but the warning was plain. He understood the other man’s concern for Jensen and while he might not know the dangers, yet he would make certain to protect him as best as he could.

To Chris though he simply nodded to let the man know he understood the unspoken message and then moved toward the table to peek into the bags with the food he could smell, feeling hungry for the first time since waking up here.

“You going to be okay here, Jensen?” Chris asked seriously, not liking the idea of leaving his friend in the apartment alone much less leaving him with a man he still wasn’t certain he trusted fully. “I could make an excuse to Dad and stay here to help go through what’s damaged or…”

“And have your Dad bitching at both of us?” Jensen snorted, shaking his head. “Chris, I’m alright. Plus, I think it’s time Jared and I talked about some stuff and since you two can’t stop bickering, it’s probably better if you go explain things to Sean.” He physically nudged his friend toward the door. “Chris, I think I can handle myself with this. He’s not going to hurt me.”

That was something they disagreed on because Chris already could see so many ways for his friend to be hurt by this. He also knew Jensen wasn’t going to listen to reason right then and so finally gave in with a nod.

“Call me later and call me for sure tomorrow.” He paused at the door. “I know what you want out of this, Jensen. I just hope you’re not disappointed in the end. Lock this!”

“Go!” Jensen snapped with a laugh, turning each of the new locks and arming the alarm system he’d installed a year ago but rarely used. He turned to see Jared eyeing the containers of takeout food warily. “I guess they probably didn’t have takeout Chinese back in the 1800s?”

Jared was stirring a container of brown rice with a wooden stick he’d found in one of the bags to decide if it was burned or if it was supposed to look and smell that way. “Should it be brown?” he asked, wrinkling his nose a little. “Or should it smell this way?”

“God I hope Chris brought something besides Chinese,” Jensen groaned, looking through the other bag to see with some relief a bucket of fried chicken and a couple sides. “I think this will be something you’ll like and I’ll take that,” he lifted the offending container out of Jared’s hand to give him the chicken. “Unless you tell me you’re a vegetarian.”

“A vega-what?” Jared blinked, sniffing the chicken and liking that much better.

“Never mind,” Jensen decided it was too soon to start describing the various things he probably could to the man, going to wash his hands of soot and dirt and watching Jared from under his lashes as he took a chicken leg and simply used his hands to tear it apart. “Have you decided that this time is too strange to be worth it to stay in?”

Wondering if he’d still be struck dead with lightning for thinking the chicken in his hands was better than his own sainted Mother’s fried chicken, Jared cocked his head to look up; amusement in his eyes. “I haven’t seen much of your time to be able to make that choice yet,” he shrugged. “Besides, is there much of a chance of me not being here? I’m dead back in my time, like you said. So no matter what, it appears as this strange new time is my home now.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen murmured, sitting down at the table to at least try to eat but the smell of smoke still made it impossible not to dwell on what was lost; not only to him but also to Jared. “If I had known helping me that night would trap you here with no chance of getting back there or being with my seven times great uncle I would’ve…”

“Died?” Jared finished for him, sitting down the chicken leg to wipe his fingers on the new jeans before reaching over to grip the clenching fist. “Look at me, Jensen.” He waited until Jensen’s shadowed eyes lifted to meet his. “Yes, it’s strange for me to find myself 150 years in the future. Yes, I do still miss my friend. I will probably always miss him because he was important to me and yes, it will take me some time to get used to your time but I do not want you to ever think that I regret saving you. I will never regret that choice. Now, eat that odd smelling concoction unless you want a piece of real food?”

“This is real food,” Jensen forced a shaky smile but did push the Chinese away in favor of a piece of chicken, finding himself relaxing when Jared smiled. “If you tell me what you like to eat when we go to shop for some clothes for you I can pick it up.”

Jared wondered what shops in this era were like; nearly cringing since he’d hated to shop on the best days and had usually left that up to his friend. “I was never a picky person when it came to meals. You couldn’t afford to be where I came from so I grew up eatin’ whatever Ma put on the table.” He arched a brow at the foul smelling brown rice. “Except that stuff would have gone to feed her hogs I can tell you that right now.”

“Okay, so no Chinese food for you,” Jensen laughed, his full smile nearly coming out without realizing it. “I’m not huge on red meat or at least not if it’s so red it’s still making sounds but I think I can manage to keep you fed without killing you.”

“I used to cook some before the war happened so I could try it here.” Jared slid a look to the sleek and polished kitchen with a sigh. “Though I’m thinking that’s not a wood stove, is it?” he asked, pleased to hear the actual laugh that came from Jensen as he shook his head.

“No, it’s electric and we’ll work you into that slowly,” he said, easing back in his chair. When he finally noticed the hand that was still gripping his wrist he had to take a slow breath to try to settle his nerves.

It should have annoyed him, being so nervous and shaky like this. He’d been touched casually before and that’s all Jared’s touch was but for Jensen it meant so much more if only in his own mind.

He’d spent so many years dreaming of one day feeling the soldier’s touch and now that he could, he was as nervous as he’d been on his first date but knew he couldn’t let the man see it. If only it had been that simple.

“Why do I make you nervous now, Jensen?” Jared asked after he felt the pulse under his fingers quicken and caught the way Jensen’s eyes dropped like they did when he was upset or nervous. “You’re fine when you’re not thinking about it but as soon as you seem to think too much, you get spooked. Is it me or something I did? Aside from speaking too hastily earlier or…?”

“No. No, it’s not you or it’s not exactly you,” Jensen assured him, not sure how to answer him without feeling stupid or confusing the man more than he was bound to be.

He needed some distance between them because the casual way Jared’s thumb was stroking his wrist was causing a reaction in Jensen that he’d never felt before and that did scare him.

“That makes…sense,” Jared smirked, scratching his nose and watching Jensen closely as he began to clean up the food. “Leave this stuff for a moment and talk to me about what’s bothering you right now.”

“No, I need to clean this up before I start to check the damage over fully.” Jensen had never not cleaned immediately up since he was 14, had never considered not doing it until Jared blocked his path.

“This is trash. It won’t bother us if it waits to be put wherever you put stuff to be thrown away in this time.” He’d seen the tension come back and was curious as to the cause. “Your grandmother was also correct in that you probably should rest after the day you’ve had so far.”

Sleep? Jensen didn’t even want to face the thought of sleeping right then. “It’s still too early to sleep and besides I can’t just leave you alone like that,” he argued with a smile that showed his growing unease, reaching for the trash again only to frown more when his hand was pushed away. “Jared…”

“Leave this for later, Jensen,” Jared urged, almost feeling the change in emotion come over this modern descendant of his friend. “If you’re not ready to sleep then perhaps now would be a good time to try to catch me up on your time or…tell me what you didn’t want to speak of earlier when I asked you about what Delauter’s kin has done to hurt…huh.”

Jared had been a naturally quick study at the military school and excelled in most forms of fighting. He had an ability to see and retain any information he saw which also allowed him to remember nearly anything, including a few fighting skills his friend had taught him.

That was what had allowed him to avoid Chris Kane’s blow earlier but for some reason he totally missed seeing the blind shot that slipped past his guard when Jensen’s suddenly clenched fist connected with his face, snapping his head back with a grunt.

“Don’t! I have to throw this away before…oh shit,” Jensen breathed when it dawned on him what he’d just done, seeing the surprise in Jared’s eyes and the thin line of blood from his mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to do that. I shouldn’t have done that but…I…I have to get some air,” he muttered, feeling his head pounding and his stomach twisting as his buried memories threatened to come back in a rush. “I’ll be right back.”

“Jensen!” Jared started to reach out but realized the man was a lot quicker than he gave him credit for and could only listen to the door slam. “Well, this isn’t starting out well.”

Not wanting Jensen to be on the street alone, Jared also didn’t want to get into his personal space too much since he understood they were still strangers.

After carrying the bags of food to the kitchen, Jared stood by the sink, at a loss as to what he should do or what he’d done to cause the boy to react like he had.

A chill in the smoky smelling apartment caused him to smirk, looking around in drawers until he found what he thought he would.

Back home or even at West Point, there was hardly a spot or drawer that Jensen hadn’t stuffed paper and pens in so he could grab something to sketch on when the urge hit him and Jared had the hunch that this Jensen shared that little habit.

“Tell me,” he tossed the pad of paper and ink pen on the counter.

It was several seconds until Jared watched the pen move to write a single word. “‘ _What?_ ’”

“Oh, don’t do that, Jensen,” he scowled at the paper while knowing somehow where the spirit of his friend was even though he still couldn’t see him. “Tell me what the hell has happened to him. Tell me who hurt him and why stopping him from throwing that away caused that reaction.”

“‘ _Not my place_.’”

Jared did growl this time, slapping his hand over the paper. “Bullshit!” he snapped, anger still there at his friend for before but now it was spiking as he knew in his gut that whatever it was about Jensen that he didn’t know could be what ended up hurting him. “You wanted me here with him! You want me to protect him! Fine! I can’t do that if I don’t know about him and I don’t think he’s going to open up to me easily.”

“‘ _He will but…it’ll hurt him to do so,_ ’” the written words replied, the pen tapping on the paper as if the spirit was thinking. “‘ _He was trained to remove the trash as soon as a meal was over_.’”

“Trained?” Jared repeated with a frown, tearing the paper off to turn it over. “He’s not an animal.”

“‘ _To Delauter he was_ ,’” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ watched the vein in his friend’s jaw twitch and knew his temper was on the surface. “‘ _To this man Jensen is still nothing but an animal and he will hurt him, Jay_.’”

Remembering the hate he’d seen in his own time’s Delauter, Jared wondered how much of that hate might have carried over through the generations. “No, he won’t. I won’t let anyone hurt him.”

“‘ _Then I’d go down to him now._ ’” The pen shook at the same time as Jared felt the same odd blast of cold air run through him and knew something was wrong. “‘ _He needs you now._ ’”

“You know I hate this not being able to see you, Jensen,” Jared grumbled. He was moving to the door when the pain in his shoulder, along the scar of where he’d been shot, seared and he grabbed onto the door frame; ice cold fear hitting his heart. He was running before he knew it with only thoughts of Jensen’s eyes in his thoughts.

Stepping onto the sidewalk outside his building, Jensen bent over to take in fresh air and hoped he didn’t lose what food he’d eaten.

“Damn it,” he muttered, angry with himself that he’d allowed the home invasion and fire to bring back crap he’d spent 10 years burying and angry that he’d reacted like he had in front of Jared.

He knew he owed the former Confederate officer an explanation but wasn’t sure if he was steady enough right then to do it without bringing it all back. Plus he wasn’t certain how to explain it to Jared without embarrassing them both.

“He’s a soldier. He’d never understand why something so simple as taking out the trash freaked me out when I couldn’t or the rest of it,” he told himself, glad the sidewalk was nearly empty as he took a few shaky steps to settle down before going back inside.

“Well, talking to yourself now as well Jensen? I’m certainly not surprised but I did think you’d be more discreet with your mental issues than to do it in front of your own home. Of course I’ve also heard it might not be that any longer after something about a regrettable accident?”

The smooth voice that spoke from behind him made all the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “I so do not need this right now,” he muttered, tensing as he often seemed to do with his stepfather’s voice. “Are you trying to see how far you can push me before I actually do have Mr. Kane enforce the restraining order, David?” he asked with a tired sigh, starting to turn when a quick jab to his jaw took him off guard and gave the advantage to the other man.

“You think you can send your cop buddy to my office to threaten me, punk?” David Delauter snarled, using his slight weight advantage as he shoved the stunned and gasping younger man into the small alcove off the sidewalk where the garbage cans were. “I’m not afraid of Harris or Kane’s old man and I’m certainly not afraid of you!”

Jensen tasted blood in his mouth but the instinct to fight was there. He knew how to defend himself and had the advantage in height but his head was still spinning from where it connected with the brick of the building. “I didn’t send Mick!” he snapped, grunting as a heavy fist landed in his stomach before it wrapped around his throat. “David, back the hell…”

It was the metal jangle that froze him as Delauter knew it would. “Yeah, you still know that sound don’t you, pretty boy?” He held up the silver handcuffs that appeared tarnished as he stepped closer to be directly in his stepson’s face. “I bet you can’t hear anything metal make a noise without thinking back to hearing these as they cuffed you down to that bed in the hospital.”

There were very few things in his life that did affect him like the sound of metal clanking. For as long as he lived Jensen would never forget the sound of those cuffs or how they felt when they tore into his wrists as he fought to free himself of them and the other restraints after being locked up against his will.

It had taken him several years to get past those memories and even now, the nightmares would return but Jensen knew that was what Delauter was counting on.

“Go to hell,” he gritted, struggling against the grip on his throat but still his eyes kept going to those cuffs when another sound reached his ears.

“Jensen!” Jared’s voice was close but not close enough that he’d see into the alcove.

Seeing Jensen’s eyes shoot past his shoulder, David Delauter sneered and flipped one cuff open while hearing the Southern accented voice called for his stepson. “You bringing your tricks home now, Jensen?” he smirked, pressing an arm into the boy’s throat while watching his eyes widen at the feel of the single cuff closing on his wrist. “What a disappointment to your late father you must be if he could see his only son whoring around with a man.”

His fist hit the younger man again when a flash of anger appeared in those damn green eyes but this time Delauter was done playing. “You’re going to tell your ‘friend’ to go away and then you and I are going to take a ride while we discuss you getting Harris and Kane off my ass.” Delauter shifted his grip to try to get the other cuff hooked, knowing that would put the kid in the right frame of mind. “Oh, and we’re also going to discuss your choice to do the right thing and sign all that money you’re wasting back over to your mother,” he added firmly.

“No, I’m not,” Jensen gritted, panicking because he knew if his other wrist was hooked and Delauter got him inside the big black Mercedes, he was as good as dead.

He wasn’t certain what changed or what happened, but the moment Jensen felt the weight ease up on the arm that had been trapped behind him, he used all his strength to fight back in the only way he could right then.

Chris had always told him if trapped or threatened to go for the most vulnerable spot. Jensen knew what that was on his stepfather; using a swift knee up to hit the man between the legs while shoving hard against his chest to break his hold on him and to get free of the alcove, to get free of Dealuter and find… “Jensen!”

Jared was there as soon as he stumbled, hands steady and firm as they caught him before he could fall, but in his panic he didn’t immediately register the familiar Southern drawl and so all he felt were hands grabbing him which caused an instinctive reaction.

As soon as Jared had stepped out of the apartment building, he felt that something was wrong. He called a few times, had been worrying Jensen had gone farther than just the sidewalk.

He’d just noticed the tiny indent between two buildings when the noises caught his attention. As he peered into the alcove, he had to quickly reach out to catch Jensen before he could fall in his haste to get clear of the dark area.

The moment Jared took in Jensen’s wild eyes and pale, bruised and bloody face, not to mention the metal cuff hanging from one wildly moving wrist; he felt his own worry being surpassed by fury. He needed to get Jensen calmed down and into the building…assuming he didn’t get his head taken off first.

“Jensen! Hey, calm down it’s…” Jared swore when a blindly thrown punch nearly connected but knew the young man didn’t even realize who he was fighting against. He did the only thing he knew to do, hoping it was the correct thing. “Jen!”

It was the shortened form of his name that got through to Jensen. He hated that name and had ever since he was a boy, but right then, coming from Jared, it was the best thing he could have heard.

“Easy, take it easy now,” Jared soothed, moving quickly to catch his new friend when he reached for him. He straightened to his full height while keeping his body between Jensen and the enraged man who lunged out of the alcove. “Delauter.”

He knew who this man was as well as he knew his own name. The resemblance to Scott was uncanny and Jared could see the same hate and rage in this man’s eyes as he had in his own former friend’s last night in Gettysburg.

In pain, shocked and furious, the man didn’t see Jared as he spewed hate and filth of the worst kind while looking for the stepson he despised. “Punk! You think you can do that to me and get away with it! You think I can’t handle you with one…ugh!” He gagged as a solid hand gripped his throat and shoved him hard back against his own car.

“Touch him again and it’ll be the last goddamn thing you do in this time or any other, bastard,” Jared warned, voice dropping low and his usual soft drawl vanishing to pure steel. “Go inside the building, lock your door and call Kane, Jensen,” he ordered without looking behind him, feeling the shaking hand that gripped his forearm. “Go inside.”

Still stunned and shaking, Jensen’s fingers latched onto Jared’s arm for more than just stability. He knew by the tone that if he left the sidewalk now what could happen because there was no doubt right then that Jared could kill with his bare hands if given the chance.

“Jared, don’t,” he tried to say but then felt the metal on his wrist and his breath quickened. “Please, just…”

“He put his hands on you, Jensen. He attacked you so no, I’m not letting this go,” Jared refused flatly, even though he did shift one arm back to give the shaking man something to grasp onto. He met and held the cold hard gaze of the older man. “Look at me, not at him, Delauter. You ever look at Jensen again and I’ll finish what I should’ve with your damn kin.”

Pissed at being touched by whatever faggot friend his stepson had with him, Delauter started to sneer when something deep inside him clicked as he held the firm hazel eyes of the taller man with the Southern accent and it was like he recognized something in him.

“You know who I am,” Jared said with certainty when the man’s gaze narrowed and his lips curved in the same sneer his ancestor often used when looking down his nose at someone lesser. “You still spew all the same hate and bigotry as Scott did.”

Delauter ignored the big man, he ignored the cold chills as those hard hazel eyes pinned him and tried to put on his best front. “You’re just some heathen faggot friend of my stepson and I’ll see you both in chains for touching me! You’re just some back country southern hick and I’m an important…”

“You’re no more Yankee than I am so stop the bullshit,” Jared snorted, taking a careful step closer while making certain the man couldn’t get close to Jensen again. “Your kin came from the low country of South Carolina. Your kin was a backstabbing murdering bastard who liked to shoot wounded men or beat them up when they couldn’t fight back. You were probably brought up on hate, lies, bigotry and sure as hell brought up with the warning that I’d kick your damn teeth so far down your throat if you ever threatened what was mine again cause I’m bettin’ Scott survived that damn War and he knew I wasn’t dead.”

Jensen had never considered that and now that he was, he wanted Jared away from his stepfather all the more. “Jared, let it go. He’s not worth it. I’m not…”

“Don’t you let the words ‘you’re not hurt’ come out of your mouth, Jensen,” Jared warned lowly, remembering the last time he’d listened to that excuse and hating himself for it because he knew now that if he had pushed his friend more after seeing the first bruises on him he might have saved his life. “I know you’re hurt and I know this piece of scum put his hands on you so…”

“Not the first time that I had to take pretty boy in hand, Padalecki,” Delauter sneered, as a voice in his head told him the stories passed down about his ancestor must be true. “Also not the first time that I’ll make sure he regrets turning to someone to help him either!”

Jensen’s blood ran to ice as the man’s voice actually seemed to change a little, and then he caught sight of Delauter’s hand coming from under his suit jacket. “Jared!” he shouted as soon as he saw the blade aimed at Jared’s back.

“ _Jared_!”

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has mention of past abuse and violence.

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Nine**

“ _Jared_!”

Jared Padalecki, up until twenty-some hours ago Captain in South Carolina’s 12th Cavalry, didn’t need to see the flash of panic in Jensen’s eyes or hear it in his voice when he shouted the warning to know something was wrong. He knew it himself.

“I might’ve been born at night but it wasn’t last night and my Momma didn’t raise none of her fifteen kids to be fools,” he was speaking even as his body was moving, turning to avoid the knife that would have plunged into his back while his fist caught the wrist wielding the knife to jerk it back hard. “Also, the last time I turned my back on a Delauter I got a bullet in it. You really think I’d turn my back on you?”

David Delauter grunted in pain as he was forced to drop the blade he’d taken to carrying the last six months, spitting obscenities into the dark haired Southerners face. “Freak! I’ll have you arrested for…”

The sound of a weapon clicking off to one side cut off his blustering tirade. “Really? You’ll have him arrested? Is that before or after I haul your ass in for breaking the restraining order right in front of a Boston cop? Or how about assaulting Jensen? Since I don’t think his face connected with a wall to leave him that bruised or the cuff that I bet would have your prints all over it?” Mick Harris didn’t bat an eye as he stepped onto the curb to level his service revolver into the furious man’s face with a smirk.

“I can also add carrying a concealed weapon, attempted murder to the new guy here with the concealed weapon and probably a half a dozen other charges that’ll keep you off the street long enough for either Kane or my sister to get a judge to throw away the damn key.” He looked from Delauter to Jared and finally over at his sister’s childhood friend. “Jensen? You okay or do I need to call for an ambulance?” he asked, concern tinging his voice.

Jared forgot about his hate for Delauter the moment he turned to see Jensen leaning against the building, pale and barely standing without the support of the brick behind him. “Jensen?” he was beside him in two long steps, fingers gentle when they caught him by the arm and felt how bad he was shaking. “Jen? Look at me.”

If the Boston cop had been shocked by the new man’s bickering with Chris Kane earlier in the day then he was close to floored right then. He’d watched Jensen and Dani grow up and he knew how much the younger man detested the shortened form on his name that Kane always seemed to enjoy using to tease him but he had never actually seen Jensen respond to its use like he did just then.

Turning at the soft drawl close to his ear, Jensen blinked a few times until he realized Jared was standing beside him looking concerned, as was Mick Harris, who still had his weapon pointed at David Delauter. “I’m…I’m…” Jensen started to say fine but couldn’t bring himself to outright lie. Feeling the strength of the hand on his arm, he wanted to allow himself to give in to the trust he felt in the soldier. “I just want inside,” he finally said, avoiding the hateful eyes of his stepfather that he could still feel until it seemed like Jared stepped in between them. “I just want to go inside, Jared.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Jared assured him, not moving his hand off the shaking arm but he did throw Harris a dark look. “Get that bastard away from him and keep him away,” he growled lowly, not missing the hate aimed his way and welcoming it if it meant the man’s attention would be away from Jensen. “The next time he comes near him I’ll handle it myself.”

“You heard him! He just threatened me!” Delauter sneered, blinking when the pistol poked into his chest.

“I didn’t hear that,” Harris smiled, hating the man anyway and amused to see this new guy not intimidated by his blustering or threats.

The businessman hated the smart mouth cop as much as his stepson but his new hate spilled over as he was handcuffed. “Padalecki!” he yelled, jerking in the cop’s hold to throw a glare over his shoulder. “This isn’t over! You can’t protect that freak now just like you couldn’t before and I will have what’s mine!”

“You’re wrong. It is over,” Jared corrected quietly, hoping it could be.

“Delauter, shut the hell up and get in the car before I have to shoot your kneecap and add resisting arrest to the list of charges I’m hitting you with,” Harris snapped, not caring if the man hit his head as he put him in the back of his unmarked car before eyeing the other pair with worry. “Can you handle him?” he asked with a nod at Jensen. “I can call my sister to come…”

Feeling Jensen go rigid against his side at the mention of anyone else being there right then Jared shook his head. “I have him, Lieutenant,” he assured the police officer while reaching for the door. “He’ll be fine.”

Mick Harris had his doubts about that one but could only do so much. “Fine, but lock the damn door and don’t open it to anyone but Kane,” he instructed firmly, fighting not to smile when Jared rolled his eyes. “Trust me, as soon as I put the call out to the senior Kane you will have Chris pounding on that door to check on Jensen.”

“Then give me some time to calm him down because it doesn’t take a lot to have me and Kane battling wits.” Jared understood the man meant well and that they would need to come to some form of understanding if only for Jensen’s sake.

“Oh, it’ll take me a good…hour or three to run this asshole through processing.” Harris grinned; it would take longer if he could get away with it and keep the man clear of any of his cronies in the department. “By the way, where’re you from?” he asked casually. “I’ve known Jensen for a while and never saw you before today.”

Jensen was now fighting shock, pain and exhaustion when he heard the question and groaned; beginning to turn to speak only to have Jared beat him to it.

“South Carolina,” Jared said, unworried about whether the local officer believed him. “I just…arrived in Boston. Anymore questions or can I take Jensen upstairs to clean up?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Harris watched until the main door to the building closed and then slid behind the wheel, hitting the button to put up the glass partition between the seats so he didn’t have to listen to the ranting going on behind him. He smirked to himself. “Yep, that one and Kane will kill one another.”

The elevator was new to Jared and made him slightly claustrophobic but he wasn’t putting Jensen through the strain of a walk up six sets of stairs when it looked with every passing minute like he would pass out. In fact, Jensen’s legs gave out the moment they stepped back into the apartment and Jared cursed as he tried to keep Jensen standing while shutting and locking the door.

“Don’t faint on me now, Jensen,” he urged, easing the slightly shorter man down to the sofa to frown when Jensen tried to curl into himself more but seemed to tense when every move of his arm made the cuff jangle. “How bad?”

“Probably…just some bruises and a swelled mouth,” Jensen slowly replied, keeping his eyes closed until some of the rolling in his stomach eased off; he wished he could just shrug this off as he had so many other things but the damn sound from the metal was making him want to jerk the thing off. “I’ll…I’ll be fine, Jared…but I…this has to come off.” He restlessly tugged at the cuff until a warm hand closed over his. “ _NO_ , you don’t understand. I need this…off now because…”

“Shhh, I’ll get it off, Jen. Just stay still while I find something to work this lock with,” Jared said, careful to keep his voice even and low although it wanted to shake as he realized the damn metal had cut into the tender flesh under it.

A soft click sounded on the glass coffee table as a heavy paperclip landed as if tossed and Jared shot a look over his shoulder in the direction it had come. “If you’re hanging around, make yourself useful and find something to clean the blood away with.” He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of his friend being around in spirit form right then but couldn’t do anything about it until he took care of Jensen and got him settled and calm. “Do you want anything before I start working on this?” he asked, keeping his touch gentle as he stroked his fingers back through Jensen’s hair in the hopes of calming them both. “Ice, water…whiskey?”

“Just want the cuff off,” Jensen whispered, tensing more as too many bitter memories flooded his mind and was forced to open his eyes to avoid seeing the actual images of the sterile white room with the bars and the cuffs and chains on the bed. “Jared, please?”

The moment the voice broke and the first tear fell Jared was moving to sit fully on the couch beside Jensen and then took a complete leap of faith when he reached to carefully help him to sit up and lean into his shoulder while taking a better grasp of the arm that needed his attention.

“Keep your eyes closed, lean against me if you can and don’t think on this damn thing. I’ll have it off in a moment,” Jared told him, not missing the way Jensen tensed immediately but released a little breath as he also felt him slowly relax more until the loose cuff made a noise. “I’m sorry I didn’t get down to you sooner.”

“Not your fault,” Jensen assured him, fighting to keep still when his basic response was telling him to move and keep moving. “It was mine for running in the first place. I’m usually…more careful but…God, I’m going to be sick.”

Careful to keep the loose cuff enclosed in his hand once he realized it was the noise of the metal, that seemed to be upsetting Jensen, Jared shifted his one arm so he could ease it around the other man to feel that his entire body was shaking. He hated those who had hurt Jensen so badly that a mere sound could bring such fear back to him.

“No, you aren’t going to be sick, Jen,” he murmured, unaware of the familiar habit he was once again slipping into in his effort to calm the young man and help him. “Just close your eyes take a breath and tell me about this place you’ve bought in Charleston. I’m going to guess it’s changed as much as everything else has.”

Jensen’s smile was shaky and faint as he thought of the city in the south that was soon to be home. “It’s old, rundown and needs work but…it’s perfect,” he began slowly, tensing briefly when his arm was laid over Jared’s leg to support it. When he reminded himself he was safe with Jared he relaxed again and rested his pounding head against Jared’s shoulder. “It’s about 30 minutes outside of Charleston, by an inlet of water, and once I cut through all the weeds and overgrown grass it’s supposed to have a couple outbuildings.

“It’s two floors with only a couple bedrooms but what’s supposed to be the master bedroom is what I’ll probably use for a studio unless I make the one outbuilding into one. It’s been remodeled a couple times but it’s basically original to the 1850’s in layout and structure so it won’t be hard to restore it to that style which is what I want to do. I even drew up plans for it once. It’s what I’ve been dreaming of owning since I was eighteen.” Slowly Jensen opened his eyes to watch from under his lowered lashes as Jared worked the end of the paper clip in the lock of the handcuff. “Can…will it come off?” he asked, voice still shaky when he wasn’t speaking of the house.

Jared had been listening to the wistfulness and pure love Jensen had for this house and remembered feeling a similar feeling when he’d signed his name to the deed of the piece of property he’d bought outside of Charleston when something began to nibble at the back of his mind.

“It has a lock so of course it’ll come off,” he reassured Jensen, glad that his one less-than-honorable skill could still pay off in this time period when he felt the little things inside the cuff shift and heard the soft click. “Why wouldn’t it?” he asked carefully, easing the metal cuff off of Jensen’s wrist and barely resisting the urge to throw the damn thing across the room when he realized the inside metal seemed stained with what looked like dried blood.

“He always said it wouldn’t. He liked to brag that once the cuffs were locked on one day that they’d never come off.” Jensen stared at his wrist but kept it still to watch Jared slowly and gingerly use the warm washcloth that had been dropped to lightly wipe off the fresh blood. “The cuff had a tiny piece of metal that comes out when it’s locked. It cut the hell out of me back then.”

Jared frowned when he noticed the old scars that littered Jensen’s inner wrist. “Back when?” he asked, picking up the other wrist of the hand that had moved up to encircle the locket Jared wore and seeing similar marks on that wrist as well. “What the hell did Delauter do to you, Jensen?” He had no doubts that had been who had hurt Jensen. “Jen? Tell me.”

“You’ve called me that before.” Jensen didn’t roll his eyes or smirk as he usually did when addressed by this nickname. When Jared shortened his name, especially now as Jensen’s body worked through shock and pain. It made him feel safe.

“Yeah, I’ve slipped a couple times. Sorry. I’ll try to watch,” Jared used the edge of the cloth to touch the corner of Jensen’s mouth where there was blood and he could see the bruise and slight swelling beginning to form. “I’m sure it’ll be something Kane calls me on if I do it in front of him. I won’t do it…Jensen?”

Long slender fingers traced the chain of the locket over Jared’s chest before slowly, unconsciously, moving to find his steady heartbeat. “I don’t want _you_ to stop using it,” he replied, fighting the urge to give in to a much more basic need as it was also becoming much clearer to Jensen how close to Jared he was right then.

Having seen the man without his shirt back in Gettysburg Jensen didn’t have to imagine much as he allowed himself to lean more into the hard muscled chest, nearly shuddering when the arm around his shoulders tightened. “I…I like it when you call me that.”

“Oh really?” Jared knew he needed to pull back before he did something he’d regret. He knew Jensen was in shock and probably just reacting out of that but it had been so damn long, even if he discounted the extra 150 years he’d gained with the jump in time that he’d been close to any man that could make him feel like he was at that moment.

A piece of Jared wondered if his reaction to the slender body that seemed to fit against him nearly perfectly was a memory of his long ago friend. He thought he could probably use that as an excuse except in his heart as he discarded the now cold cloth to just brush the tips of his fingers over the deepening bruises that were beginning to show on Jensen’s throat he knew it wasn’t as simple as that.

He knew from the first moment their eyes had met that he could fall in love with this modern young man that was so alike and so different from the man Jared had loved a lifetime ago. He just wasn’t certain when it had actually happened or what the hell he was going to do about it.

The spirit of his friend had told him that Jensen had loved him for years but it was hard for Jared to comprehend that when he couldn’t figure out why a man as handsome and caring as Jensen wouldn’t have already been with someone who loved him.

“ _Because he doesn’t trust people and he’s been waiting for a man like he’s been dreaming of_.”

Jared jerked at the unexpected voice in his ear, cursing himself because the moment he did he felt the change come over Jensen and knew what the other man must have thought. “Jensen, wait,” he began quickly but eased back when the hand on his chest pressed a little harder.

“No, it’s alright. I get it, I do and you were right. I was getting in too deep when I know I can’t…you can’t,” Jensen dropped his gaze to stare at anything but the deep gaze of the man that he silently loved but would have to let go of soon. “I don’t normally let anyone that close. Probably the shock of all this or…something,” he went to push to his feet only to feel his stomach twist. “I know I need to explain stuff to you, especially after this and I will but…I need to get a shower first. I just want to get anything left from where he touched me off…okay?”

Settling his hand on Jensen’s shoulder when he saw him sway a little too much, Jared used his other to touch the side of his face and silently ached to take those haunted shadows away from eyes he knew could be so lighthearted. “Take your time. It’s over for tonight,” he replied, voice dropping to the huskier one he only used when it was just him and Jensen alone. “I’ll be right out here…waiting for Kane to bust down the door probably.”

“Chris’ll knock before busting it down,” Jensen said with a small smile that did nothing to relieve the shadows in his eyes or the burning need to taste full lips that Jared was battling. “Just…be here?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jen,” Jared promised, realizing what he’d said a second before he caught the way the other man’s smile softened. “Yell if you need me and I’ll hunt around to see if you have something to put on those bruises for the night.”

“There should be a First-Aid kit under the kitchen sink but I don’t need anything once I shower and change.” Jensen bit his lip as he stepped into the hallway to look back. “I’m sorry you’re getting involved in my problems, Jared. I just wanted to help you get back to my ancestor. I never wanted anyone else messed up with how screwed up I am.”

Jared could have said so much on that but kept quiet. He listened until he could hear a door close down the hall and then he was stalking to the kitchen. “What the hell was that?” he growled, glaring into the empty space even though he knew he wasn’t alone. “You picked that time to let me hear you Jensen? He’s as skittish as a newborn colt and me jerking just then is not going to help me convince him to trust me.”

He knelt to look under the sink and while he didn’t have a clue as to what all the bottles were used for he did at least recognize the First Aid sign on the white box. “You going to tell me what that bastard did to him or should I see if my pistol still works in this time and just shoot his goddamn heart out?”

“I can’t tell you that, it’s up to Jensen to reveal,” ‘ _Jensen Ackles’_ spoke from the side of the kitchen where he watched his friend stalk the vandalized rooms like. “I’ll admit it was bad timing on my part but I didn’t know you’d actually hear me, Jared.”

“I can hear you but I still can’t see you,” Jared complained, picking up a light that looked somewhat like what he was used to but without the oil. “You know what he reminds me of when he gets this quiet, this…skittish, Jensen?” he asked after a long moment of silence, moving to the window to watch more of those horseless carriages move by.

‘ _Jensen_ ’ suspected he did. “You understand him, Jay. You’ll understand his fears even though you didn’t suffer anywhere near as badly as he has.” He knew his former lover wouldn’t feel the touch of his hand right then but still let it hover over his shoulder. “You survived those years. He’s barely survived but he will survive this if you’re careful. I meant it when I said he’d need you.”

“I survived because I had you, Jensen,” Jared sighed, suddenly restless with his own memories and needing to move.

“And he has you,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled at the pure Jared smirk that was thrown. “He’ll open up to you but when he does, can you open yourself up to him? Jay, he’s scared. He’s confused. He’s loved you since he was a boy but Jensen tends to over think things and…”

“What? Like you were always fond of doing?” Jared batted away something that was tossed at his head, frowning when he saw it was the last sketch his friend had done for him before he left for the campaign that led him too far away from home when he was needed. “You drew yourself on this one.” He remembered being both amused and concerned because his friend had never once drawn a self-portrait before. “It sort of surprised me because I knew how much you hated drawing yourself…oh my God.”

Jared had been staring at this sketch since his friend had given it to him and only now realized what had always confused him about the sketch.

In their time it was always the custom to wear those damn long sleeve white shirts. Jensen had always preferred to keep the sleeves rolled up and the throat unbuttoned but now as Jared stared at the sketch in his hand, the one he’d had with him the night in Gettysburg, it finally came to him why he thought he’d seen this time’s Jensen before.

“I didn’t sketch myself, Jay. I sketched him.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ knew the moment realization dawned on his friend and wished he could touch him but knew it wasn’t the time for that yet. “I didn’t know why then. I wasn’t certain who that was with my face but I just knew he’d be important to you.”

“To us if you thought he’d be able to help keep that promise you made.” Jared suddenly turned, eyes narrowing. “We’re never going to see one another again, are we Jensen?” He suddenly was very sure of that, swallowing hard. “Did you use him?”

“No and yes, we will.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ just wasn’t certain when. “Jared, you need to trust me but you also need to trust yourself and go with what you’re feeling. He needs to come to trust you like you trusted me.” He put enough stress on the words that he hoped his friend understood their meaning. “He’s been hurt and not just by Delauter. He’s scared of himself. He wants so much but in a way he’s as innocent as you were that first time.”

Jared frowned as what his friend was saying began to sink in and he felt his chest tighten. “Jensen…”

“You know that while you have started shortening his name tonight that you haven’t done that while talking with me the past couple times?” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ had noticed that earlier and had to admit that it felt strange for him to accept what he suspected would happen.

“I know,” Jared whispered, also picking up the deeper meaning behind what should have been a simple slip in words but meant so much more. “What’s he scared of?”

“Besides Delauter?” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ turned at the same sound that had caused Jared’s head to turn toward the hallway. “Being hurt and losing himself. Go to him, Jared…but keep your damn Southern temper reined in this time.”

Jared felt the change in the apartment and realized the spirit had once again left. “Keep my temper? He was the one breaking things earlier and he’s tellin’ me to watch my temper?” he snorted, checking the locks on the door a final time before walking down the hall to knock on the door of the room that he’d guessed earlier must have been Jensen’s.

A sconce on the wall lit the room so Jared could see that most of the fire damage had been contained to this room, understanding why when he took in the pile of burned ledgers and books as if whoever had set the fire had known how to hurt Jensen most.

“Jared?”

“I swear I’m not snooping or spying on you. I heard a noise and thought perhaps you’d fallen or…son of a bitch,” Jared stood and had been turning to face Jensen all the while explaining his presence in his bedroom when he suddenly understood the warning he’d been given to keep his temper reined in. “Who did that to you?”

The shower had helped to take some of tension out of him as well as the sting of some of the bruises. Jensen had also used the time alone to settle his bouncing nerves and remind himself that regardless of what he felt for Jared. What he had always dreamed of, this flesh and blood former soldier was still in love with his long deceased ancestor. Anything that Jensen might have thought he felt out in the living room earlier had just been Jared reacting to a resemblance and a lot of time alone.

He had also convinced himself his reaction was simply from too many dreams, desires, and feeling at ease for the first time ever with a man he found attractive. By the time Jensen had gotten done with the internal lecture and scolding he felt nearly ready to try to face Jared to offer some explanations for his less than calm reactions earlier.

Going through an inner dialogue of what he should say when he went back out, he’d only just pulled on his blue jeans. Need to see if any of his clothes survived the fire or if he’d have to risk facing Jared’s reaction to seeing him without a shirt while he grabbed something from the bag he’d left in the living room.

The Boston native had not been expecting to walk out of the bathroom to see Jared in his room. While he had been expecting some type of reaction to the few but still jagged looking scars on his chest that he carried from that hospital eleven years earlier, the one he got was not what he thought it would be.

“Who the hell did that, Jensen?” Jared demanded again, forgetting the warnings, forgetting anything else but the need to hurt someone for leaving a half a dozen long jagged scars over Jensen’s chest and abdomen. “Did Delauter? Did he do that to you? If so, I might rethink allowing the policeman to handle…Jensen?”

Stepping forward quickly, Jared easily forgot his slight height advantage and how nervous Jensen now appeared again when he went to reach out to touch him only to freeze the second Jensen tensed and took two steps back, his hands lifting slightly as if to ward off…

“You thought I’d strike you?” Jared felt like he’d been punched in the gut just by the flash of open fear that crossed the young man’s face. “I have done plenty of things in the service of the Confederate Army that I am not proud over. I have done things in my life as a whole that I am not proud of but the one thing I swear to you on a stack of bibles and those rings you wear that I would cut my own heart out before ever lifting a hand to cause you harm,” he vowed, lowering his hands slowly to show that he meant no harm.

“This is…this has been a trying day for you and tonight hasn’t been any better. I’ll go find the bag that Kane brought up so you can finish dressing and then you should sleep. You need to go see Miss Harris about signing papers tomorrow.” Jared realized Jensen had to trust him more before he could reach out like it was so ingrained to do when seeing someone he cared for in pain. He paused at the door. “He was correct. I don’t think I realized that before now. You and I are a lot alike except I fear you weren’t as fortunate as I was in some areas.”

It was several moments after Jared had left the room that Jensen let his head hit the wall with a disgusted curse at himself. He was doing the same thing tonight that he’d done shortly after his release or escape from the hospital. He spent months afterward shoving everyone away from him. He had even refused to allow his Grandmother to touch him until finally he’d come to understand that by doing that he was still giving his mother and stepfather, the doctors the power to hurt him.

David Delauter’s more outward threats had caused him to get too on edge so that this last one, the feel of the damn cuff cutting into his wrist like it had so long ago, had broken every wall he’d built up. He was so very close to losing himself in the void of his mind that Jensen knew if he gave in to it that’s what would happen.

He just hadn’t been expecting Jared to react with anger at who had hurt him and not with scathing or dislike toward the scars or Jensen himself like so many others that he had let close to him had. Except for Chris and Dani, those that had seen all of his scars had immediately changed toward him and that was what he’d been trying to avoid with Jared…now he wasn’t sure how to react.

“Talk to him.”

The spirit of his ancestor didn’t look quite as solid as he had been and Jensen wasn’t sure why that would be but right then he was too tired and on edge to care.

“He’s not here to listen to me whine about my past or about how weak I was…am or…aren’t you tired of breaking things?” he asked wearily as something seemed to crack in the room.

“You and Jared are as stubborn as two jackasses. When you get comfortable with one another it should be interesting to see you butt heads,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ decided with exasperation. “Jensen, I realize opening up to a stranger isn’t easy but Jay will understand. He cares for you.”

“He cares for _you_ ,” Jensen snapped, wincing as the bruises on his throat ached when his voice rose but was careful to not allow Jared to hear him arguing with the ghost. “I’m just a poor substitute for you. I know that. I know when he looks at me he sees and longs for you. For what you had and it hurts more than it has a right to. I thought I could do this. I thought I could help him find you or whatever needed done but…the longer he’s here, the more he looks at me or when he touches me the more I finding myself wishing he could be mine but…”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled sadly as he took a step closer to the younger man to lift the hand that wore Jared’s ring. “He is yours, Jensen,” he corrected quietly, hoping his friend could see it as well before what he feared would happen actually did. “Jared has been yours from the first moment you spoke his name. You just need to trust him to do what’s right for you and let him in when it’s time. Now, go to him before he wears a hole in your carpet.”

Blinking as the spirit vanished, Jensen blew out a breath. He owed Jared an apology for his reaction just now and possibly for all night.

As he stepped into the living room, he saw the taller man was indeed pacing the floor by the sofa, a shirt clenched in his fist as he muttered to himself under his breath until he must have felt that he was no longer alone.

“You can’t sleep in that room. It still smells of smoke and the bed was burned beyond use. I think this sofa will be good enough to sleep on and I can sleep on the floor in that room.” Jared spoke without looking over his shoulder, unwilling to see that same fear as he had. “Or perhaps I should stay out by the door just to be sure no one comes or…”

“I was sixteen when I announced that I was gay at a dinner party my stepfather was hosting,” Jensen began, taking his shirt out of Jared’s clenched hand and setting it aside to reach for Jared’s arm.

He wasn’t certain why he’d chosen to suddenly start with that when he’d originally been planning to apologize for letting Jared think he was afraid of him. It wasn’t Jared that scared him but more of just the possible reaction.

“Gay?” Jared repeated the word that he remembered hearing Chris Kane use earlier about why Mick Harris hated Jensen, wishing he had a better grasp of modern words.

“It’s another word for homosexual,” Jensen explained, lips lifting a little as he watched Jared run that over in his mind. “It’s what it’s called when a man likes other men. I’m not sure what it would’ve been called in your time.”

“Illegal, immoral, wrong, perverted…those are the nicer ones Colonel Ackles used that day,” Jared responded but thought he understood and then he also understood something else his friend had said. “You’re…”

Licking his lips to fight how dry his mouth suddenly seemed, Jensen nodded. “I always knew from when I was younger that I was different than Chris or…I was different than Chris in how he liked to watch girls. I…never was that into them. I think I was 13 or 14 when I finally realized that like my dreams of you, I probably wouldn’t outgrow being uninterested in girls sexually; as if my life at 14 wasn’t screwed up enough.”

“You don’t have to talk about this if it upsets you, Jensen,” Jared told him. He could tell just by the way Jensen’s fingers twisted the ring on his finger that he was on edge.

“You’ve seen three meltdowns in under two hours, Jared. If I have a chance in hell of convincing you that I can help you adjust to this time or maybe even get you to the version of my name that you want then I need to assure you that usually I’m not this unstable or scared of my own shadow.” Jensen wasn’t sure if he could do that but owed it to both Jared and his own ancestor to try. “I don’t talk about my past and aside from Chris and Dani very few people have been told about my life or the scars or the trouble with my mother and David. I don’t talk about it because the few times that I did I learned how cruel some people could be.”

Jensen twisted the ring nervously, unaware of how shaky he still was until a strong hand laid over his and he actually felt some of the tension ease back. “Just…no matter what I say, don’t say anything until I’m done?” He needed to get it out and then he could handle whatever happened. “I still can’t do this is it’s not in one straight rush.”

Jared had a hunch this was not going to be good but he merely nodded, sitting back on the sofa while noticing that while Jensen wasn’t as tight so long as he had a hand over his he wouldn’t sit back. Jared wondered if it was because of the scars, he could now see on Jensen’s back; scars that were much worse than those on his chest were.

“Tell me what you want and only what you want, Jen,” he murmured, offering a calm smile of support even while his heart beat faster.

“My Mom married David shortly before I was 14. I could never prove it but I know she was having an affair with him even before my Dad died. It wasn’t two weeks after he was dead that she was bringing him around and I hated him from the first damn second,” Jensen began slowly, shifting on the sofa he could focus on the locket Jared wore rather than any images that might come from this.

“To be honest though, he hated me from that first meeting too. David was a smooth talking bastard who liked to brag how his family line was Northern blue bloods but I never bought that. I still don’t and now I need to remember to find out what my cousin found out about his background but anyway…it was a mutual hate and it never got better.

“He wanted to send me away to school and had been pressuring Mom but then Nana, my grandmother, still controlled my Dad’s portion of the family funds and made it clear that if I was shipped anywhere all of Mom’s accounts would be frozen.” He paused to recall those days but could see the furrow along Jared’s brow and thought he understood why. “Y’see, my folks were having problems and what no one had known except for my one Uncle is that Dad changed his will and all of the accounts to name me as prime holder and beneficiary so when he died it all went to me with my grandma being in control of a good portion of it.

“Money has always been my Mom’s greatest love. It’s why I think she married Dad, why she stayed and why she still won’t let go of me even though I was legally freed of all ties to her when I was 17, but this isn’t about my Mother.” Jensen shivered but shook his head when Jared held out the shirt to him. “No, you’ll need to see the scars and if I put the shirt on I won’t want to take it back off.” He looked up with a shaky grin. “You’ll figure out that I’m hardly ever without my shirt and Chris has been the only person I’ve ever changed in front of, but that’s because he made it hard to ignore him after it happened.”

Jared could believe that but now as he took in what he knew, what he’d heard, seen and what he suspected was coming he began to understand Kate Ackles’ caution to understand Kane’s worry for Jensen and the man’s suspicion over Jared.

“The whole clearing the table thing earlier…I was 14 the first time David hit me. I don’t mean just an openhanded slap on my face or ass but really hit me. We didn’t have servants cause my Dad didn’t like it so I’d been taught by him and my Aunt Sarah to clean the table, scrape the dishes and use the dishwasher. On that night I was distracted with a school project and didn’t get to it as fast as David expected. He cornered me in the kitchen and beat the hell out of me. I missed a week of school and Mom told Chris’s mother and Nana that I’d gotten sick.” He wondered if his tone really did sound as bitter as he thought it did, knowing that Jared was having difficulty keeping quiet and not asking questions.

“You want to know if my Mother knew her new husband was abusing her son? She did but in Mom’s eyes I was disobedient, slow, stupid, weak and her favorite word…damaged.” Jensen chewed his lower lip as he remembered every time he would hear those words growing up. “David was cruel emotionally and physically but my Mom…”

Jared reminded himself that he needed to be silent but it was hard as he listened to Jensen talk and knew a small part of this wonderful handsome young man still believed those things about himself. He took the hand Jensen was using to twist the ring on his finger and turned it up so their palms met and their fingers meshed, needing to give what support he could right then.

“This went on for two years. David got smarter about hitting me where it wouldn’t leave marks or making sure I knew it would be worse if I ever told Chris or Nan what was going on. I was a kid and I believed his threats so I hid what I could and withdrew more into myself. I still had the one thing I knew no one could take away from me…you.” Jensen glanced up from under his lashes to see what expression Jared might have and felt his throat tighten at the concern and emotion reflected in those deep hazel eyes. “Mom had tried since I was little to get me to stop dreaming or talking about you or sketching you but I knew that if I lost that then I was as good as dead and wouldn’t want to go on living, considering my home life was hell.

“I stayed with the Kane’s whenever I could. By the time, I was 16 though I knew what was happening. I knew I wasn’t going to change and I knew that David and my Mother were slowly sneaking money out of accounts that they shouldn’t have been able to touch. I’d been making plans to run away. I knew my grandmother and uncles would handle the money issues to keep it out of David’s hands. I just wanted the hell out.

“It was June of that year and I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know why I picked that night out of all of them, when David was hosting a dinner party for some of his clients, to tell my Mother what I thought of her, of David, the abuse. Of course that her freak of a son was also gay and there was very little she or the asshole she married could do about it.” Jensen heard the sharp intake of breath and nodded. “Yeah, in hindsight it was a mistake but right then I was a rebellious 16 year old who had just had a studded belt taken to my back so I blamed the shock for it. It was a few nights later that I realized just how wrong I was about what they could do.”

It was the strength and warmth of the hand over his that kept Jensen from the building need to move and pace as he got closer to the one time in his life that he hated thinking of. “Chris and Dani had both told me to get out of the house and I was going to. I don’t know if Mom got wind of my plans or what, but that night after dinner I didn’t feel good, so after I cleaned up I went to lay down and didn’t wake up until about four in the morning when I felt hands holding me down while the cuffs and straps were put on.

“The men were bigger than I was. There were six of them plus David and they dragged me out of the house I’d grown up in, fighting and shouting, into an ambulance where I was drugged and gagged and taken off to some private clinic in upstate Vermont where I was locked in for the next six months.” He wasn’t aware that he’d started to shake as he recalled the terror of waking up with a hand over his mouth while his arms and legs were restrained until he felt an arm slip around to bring him closer to Jared. “David had pushed my Mother into locking me away. He had friends there who he liked to say would either fix me or make sure I wasn’t a huge embarrassment to my family any longer.

“I fought them but then they just kept me drugged until I could barely think of my own name much less remember what you looked like or sounded like. I was either cuffed and chained to a bed or kept in a damn straight jacket and chained to the padded floor,” Jensen’s body was tightening as he thought of the fear and pain of those dark six months. “The doctors weren’t real doctors. The place was for people whose families didn’t want to deal with them and knew no one would care if they vanished so the staff could do pretty much whatever they wanted to you and know they’d never get caught and…that’s basically what happened to me.

“The scars on my chest came from an overenthusiastic male nurse who took my stepfather’s directions to ‘get the sin out of me however he wanted’ a bit too far. The ones on my back came from David toward the end when he made one of his weekly visits to force me to sign my name to papers that would give him and my Mother total financial control over everything that was mine. I wasn’t as drugged as they normally kept me when they knew he was coming and I spat in his face. He used a leather strap to beat me raw after the aids cuffed me to the bed and after that, I don’t have much memory.

“I was either force fed, fed through a tube down my throat when I stopped eating and finally David just had the food stopped. I was drugged, shocked, beat until finally my last real thought was of the one doctor leaning over me to say I should’ve just given David what he wanted because now things would get really bad and it did,” Jensen murmured, voice dropping as he revealed things about those months that not even Chris ever learned.

“Oh my God,” Jared whispered as he listened to a description that was nearly as bad as some of things he’d seen on the battlefields or the few prisons he’d had to go into on military business. The images he was getting of Jensen as a frightened teenager locked against his will and very clearly abused by men who were no better than the inhumane doctors of Jared’s own time shook him to the core. “Jen, stop,” he finally had to speak up when he felt Jensen’s body shaking violently and heard his breathing change. “Jen.”

The mere use of a nickname he used to detest brought Jensen back from a very fragile edge, feeling himself shake until Jared’s arm brought him fully against the solidness of his chest and he allowed himself to feel safe right then and worked to finish it. “I was there for six months. I turned 17 and didn’t even realize it.”

“How did you escape?” Jared asked quietly, wondering if Jensen was aware of the tears on his face as he turned more into Jared’s chest and he began to slowly run his fingers through short dark blond hair to distract himself and Jensen. “How did you survive?”

“My grandmother had been a cruise when all this took place. She cut it short when Mrs. Kane contacted her that something was wrong. Chris never bought the excuse that I’d agreed to go on a trip to Europe without telling him or Dani about it so he pressured his folks to look into it. Finally one of the neighbors told Mr. Kane she’d heard all the noise the night I was dragged out.” Jensen relaxed into Jared’s touch. “I don’t remember it but Chris told me later that Nan was livid when she learned what had happened.

“She and the Kane’s got court papers to force the hospital to release me into her care. I guess I was pretty much a drooling drugged-out shell. They’d just stuck an IV drip with drugs in my arm and let me go. I heard Dr. Kane say it wouldn’t have been more than a week more and nothing they did could’ve brought me back from that. As it was, it was another six weeks before I came out of it enough to stop fighting whenever anyone touched me, a month before I spoke and years before the nightmares went away.” He still remembered the day he opened his eyes to see Chris and Dani sitting beside him and how he shook after the first sketch he made of Jared afterward.

“I couldn’t dream of anything but the pain and fear for weeks after that but images of you were always in my mind and I think it’s what kept me sane, from giving in to the urge to just die.” His fingers slowly curled around the locket around to gain strength from it. “Even knowing I’d probably die in that place I still dreamed of the day you’d come and…” the words slid away as a faint blush worked up his neck as he stopped himself from saying what he almost did.

“I would’ve been there for you in a heartbeat, Jen,” Jared told him huskily. “I still will be if you’ll let me.”

The silent promise nearly made Jensen give in to the desire to actually open himself emotionally to someone but the thought that he couldn’t have or shouldn’t have Jared still kept him from giving in. Though he did lean into him more, the faint smell of battle, of plain and simple honesty that he knew was Jared reassuring him almost as much as the strength of the arm around him did.

“What you’ve seen so far is just a small part of the joke that is my life, Jared,” he replied, no light or humor in his eyes as he lowered his lashes to merely look at the locket rather than the man’s face. “I’m a freak and I accept that. I don’t trust people well and it’s one of the reasons I want to move away so that maybe I can start fresh somewhere else.”

“You’re not a freak, Jensen,” Jared corrected firmly, moving his hand carefully to tip Jensen’s face up so their eyes could meet; the low light shining from the single sconce on the wall softening the shadows that played around them. “You’re a handsome, caring, kindhearted man who was hurt in ways you never should have been by people you should have been able to trust. It’s only natural that you wouldn’t feel comfortable with opening yourself to that again.” He smoothed his thumb over the deepest bruise on the rugged jaw and didn’t miss the slightest change in green eyes. “Have you ever opened up this way since being freed?”

“No, not even Chris knows all the details because I didn’t want him actually killing anyone and I was always afraid he would if he knew exactly what had happened there.” Jensen watched the eyes that had locked on his to see the emotions going through Jared while also trying not to pay too much attention to the touch along his face. “Once, during college, I had allowed a guy to get close. I was naïve and inexperienced or so I’ve learned since and thought he liked me for me rather than the money that went along with my name. After a party one night, he got me to go farther than we had and it was the first time he saw the scars and…it didn’t end well.

“After that I learned to keep to myself and just focus on my art, my research and that’s about when I started making trips to Charleston, when I first stumbled upon the house. That’s when I knew.” He closed his eyes to ward off the growing warmth he could feel building inside the longer, those intense eyes stared at him with a look he had long since given up hope of ever seeing.

“Knew what?” Jared asked, dropping his eyes to watch the hesitant way Jensen licked his lips and could have groaned just from wanting to taste those lips, to kiss this man he suddenly knew his heart was lost to but holding back out of concern for him.

“That I was holding out for a love I’d never have. That the man I loved, the type of man that I knew I loved didn’t exist in this time and probably never would,” Jensen replied, nearly forgetting the night’s events. What he’d just brought back to himself when the hand on his jaw shifted subtly to curve along the side of his neck but just barely brushed over the bruises he had there. “Jared, I…need to…you need to know that I…”

There was no mistaking the emotion in the apartment right then or the unresolved tension going between them or at least there wasn’t in Jensen’s mind. He thought Jared shared the feelings but again his inner doubts were getting the better of him but he realized if he was facing his past then there was one other thing he needed to face so they could start fresh in the morning.

“I know you shouldn’t be in my time. I’m sorry that you are. I’m sorry you’re involved with my problems or that my stepfather may carry some of the hate for you his ancestor felt. I’m sorry that I can’t give you my seven times great uncle like I originally thought I could when it was just simply helping you cross over the veil. I’m sorry that I’m not the man you loved and that when you look at me like you are right now that you see him.” Jensen had looked away from the intense eyes watching him, knowing he was rambling but deciding to at least take one more chance. “But no matter what else, no matter that I know I can’t have what I was foolish enough to ever let myself dream that I could one day and I’d never ask you to ever feel anything for me, I can’t be sorry for this.”

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll put in a explicit warning for some flashback hotness (I hope).

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Ten**

The Boston native could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he’d kissed or been kissed and really didn’t have a good solid memory of one that he could think back on fondly. He could only hope he didn’t mess this one up too badly.

Jared had been working through the babble of rushed words, picking out a couple he didn’t care for while understanding that Jensen really didn’t understand as much as the young man thought he did. He was about to interject when shaking fingers touched his face a second before a hesitant, uncertain, nearly chaste like kiss pressed against his lips.

The now former Civil War soldier knew the age difference really was in Jensen’s favor if you left out his actual birth year but right then Jared felt a decade older and so much more experienced, understanding his friend’s one comment more now.

The tension and uncertainty he could see on Jensen’s face during the brief kiss reminded him so much of the first time he’d initiated a kiss with his friend as did the insecurity he saw when Jensen pulled back to watch him, fairly certain what the next words would be and wasn’t disappointed.

“Sorry,” Jensen whispered, eyes dropping to his hands and wishing to God, he hadn’t just embarrassed them both as Jared just stared at him. “I’m not sorry that I kissed you but I’m sorry you didn’t like it or it wasn’t right cause I’m not good with kissing and…mmhm?”

Jared had heard enough and finally decided to put a stop to the bitter self-doubt and insecurity he could both see and hear as Jensen spoke. For him it had been over a year since he’d kissed anyone but as his hand curved around Jensen’s neck and he leaned closer to kiss him slowly, softly without heat or haste he understood ‘ _Jensen’s’_ comments about trust.

He felt Jensen shiver and lean into the kiss more. He also felt his hand tense against his chest and knew he couldn’t take the kiss too far that night but did shift slightly to just deepen it a bit more to assure the other man it would be alright before easing back but only far enough to break the kiss, not enough to lose contact with Jensen.

“You apologize for things you don’t have to,” he murmured with a soft smile as he took in the surprised confusion in green eyes that had lost some of the shadows for the moment and now were reflecting something else; something he suspected Jensen didn’t have a lot of experience feeling or knowing about. “You also have some thoughts going on in that head of yours that aren’t true either.” He smoothed the pad of his thumb along the bottom lip that he longed to kiss again but kept his eyes locked on Jensen’s face to watch his reactions.

“Ummm, bad habit or so I’ve been told,” Jensen muttered, unsure what he should be feeling or doing right then. Half of him wanted to give in to the feelings of need and desire while the other half, the half that he knew he’d be fighting for the rest of his life and who still remembered the bad times, wanted to pull back and admit that he wasn’t cut out for physical intimacy. “What’s…what’s not true?” he managed to ask; unaware of the soft sound he made when Jared began to slowly place kisses along his jaw. “Jared, you don’t have to…”

“You sure do talk a lot more than your kin did when we were kissin’ too,” Jared smiled, careful when he kissed a bruise on Jensen’s throat. “I was usually the one doin’ the talkin’ or so he said. You’re like me in a lotta ways or so I’m just now seeing. It took me a good while to stop being nervous when he kissed me or for me to stop thinking I was bad at it. Figure it’ll take you a while too.”

It was hard for Jensen to focus on anything past the soft warm lips that were gently kissing his neck and along his jaw while Jared’s hand never moved from where it had settled on his neck. “I’m not…good at this stuff, Jay,” he gasped, not even aware of the nickname he used while trying to keep his hands from what they wanted to touch.

“How do you know you’re not good at it if you’re not used to doing it?” Jared countered, being more cautious when he touched his free hand over Jensen’s chest and felt him stiffen. “Easy, Jen. I ain’t doin’ anything you’re not ready for tonight,” he assured him, suspecting that while kissing was one thing to actually be touched would take Jensen much longer to become accustomed to. “And you let me be the judge of what you’re not good at but there is one thing I think you need to understand before anything does happen between us.”

Jensen felt his heart race a little as he began to allow himself to hope that something may actually happen. “What?” he asked, a small sound of dislike forming when Jared finally did pull back so their eyes could meet, a little uneasiness building when the former soldier took the hand the cuff had cut into in his. “Jared, I do really understand that I’m not who…God.”

“No, you really don’t understand, Jen,” Jared murmured, pressing his lips over the still red cut that he planned to dress as soon as he got this matter settled; enjoying that it seemed he’d found a way to quiet the modern day Jensen. Not missing the fact that it was the same way his descendant had usually shut him up with. “You’ve pretty much convinced yourself that when I look at you, when I touch you or now when I kiss you that I don’t see you. That I see the man who was my friend and so much more and that it’s him that I want when I’m sittin’ here with you.”

“It’s natural. You knew him, loved him for years. You’ve known me for…a day,” Jensen did groan this time at the touch along his wrist, a little startled at the feeling he could feel building again and also unsure when he felt another part of him wanting to respond to the gentle touch.

“True enough,” Jared agreed. Feeling the other man tensing and trying to adjust himself so the ex-Captain didn’t see how his body was responding to touches he’d never experienced before, or at least not in a good way. It hurt Jared to know that something so simple as a touch or a kiss could bring back the bad when Jensen had very little good to compare it to. “I can’t say you don’t remind me of him in looks cause you do but even from the first second I laid eyes on you I knew you weren’t the Jensen I lost.

“You don’t have his accent because Jensen had a pure New England Boston accent. You have a slight one but it’s not as strong. He also was a lot more confident than I was back then or you are today but you know the biggest difference I see between the two of you? The difference that will always remind me of who I’m with?” He caught Jensen’s jaw in his hand before it could lower away from his gaze. “You’re open. I can look at your face, into your eyes, and see what you’re thinking and feeling. It had been a long time, even before his move to Charleston, that I could do that with him.”

Jensen wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. It was strange for him to be this open with a relative stranger but in his mind Jared wasn’t a stranger and perhaps that’s why he could be. “I’m…”

A finger against his lips stilled the next words he automatically went to speak and Jared drew him closer as he sat back against the sofa. “Being open isn’t a bad thing, Jen. I know it can make it easier to be hurt. I know that only too well but so long as I’m alive and I’m here no one’s gonna hurt you again,” he promised, drawl deepening as his voice did. “Now, do you want me close while you sleep or…”

“Stay?” Jensen asked quietly. He wasn’t ready to lose the contact with Jared and he also wasn’t eager to try to sleep if he was alone because he knew the nightmares would probably hit. “For a few minutes? Normally I’m good with sleeping but between David earlier and telling you about…that…I…”

“I’ll be with you, Jen,” Jared assured him, fingers light when they stroked over the side of his face and allowed his new friend to get comfortable as Jensen stretched out as best he could on the sofa with his head on the pillow Jared laid over his legs. “Will this be alright or how would you prefer to lay?”

The exhaustion that had been held at bay suddenly seemed to hit and it was hard to do anything but close his eyes and give in to the need to sleep but Jensen yawned. He adjusted the pillow a little more but seemed oblivious to how he moved closer to Jared until his fingers were touching the hem of the red t-shirt he still wore. “S’kay,” he mumbled, asleep before he heard the soothing voice speaking to him or the gentle fingers stroking back through his hair.

Jared sat like this for he wasn’t sure how long before his own eyes began to get heavy. He didn’t want to sleep until he was certain Jensen’s own rest wouldn’t be disturbed but it appeared that his own body was now reacting to the change in time and recent events and he laid his hand over the one Jensen had clutched in his shirt.

The words were on the tip of his tongue that he felt like saying but Jared knew it was too soon for either of them. “Sleep in peace, Jensen,” he whispered before sleep and memories claimed him.

** Flashback: outside of Charleston, South Carolina, April 12, 1861: **

“The Colonel is ordering all available troops to report by tomorrow evening,” the messenger reported, twisting his hat as he looked up into the grim face he’d been ordered to deliver the news to. “The Yankees won’t give up the Fort without a fight so…”

“So we’re already forgetting we’re all Americans?” Lieutenant Jared Padalecki snorted, fingers itching to ball up his orders but couldn’t until he was alone or at least until the Private was gone. “Fine, tell him I’ll be there,” he sighed, returning the salute halfheartedly while fighting to not slam the door once he’d watched the boy ride off. “Damn it all to hell.”

“So…it’s begun.”

The deep voice that spoke from the stairs behind him didn’t have the heavy Southern drawl that most native South Carolinians did but then since its owner was from Boston, Massachusetts that wasn’t a surprise to Jared. The less than surprised tone it held did slightly surprise the young officer.

“They fired on Fort Sumter tonight,” Jared replied without looking around, the paper balled up in his fist before he tossed it in the fire across the living room. “Why? Is pride and the bullheadedness of politicians so important they’d tear this country apart? President Davis and the others will make slavery a part of it but it’s more than that.”

“Of course there is. There’s more to it on both sides and pride will always be more important than common sense, Jay.” Jensen Ackles placed a hand on his friend’s rigid shoulder. “I tried to tell you that once those states seceded that it wouldn’t be long before it all fell apart.”

Jared glanced back over his shoulder to see the grim set of his friend’s jaw. “You’re from the North, Jen. You can’t stay here now. It was dangerous before but now it’ll be worse, especially if I’m not here.”

That was Jared’s biggest concern. His friend had moved down to Charleston to be with him and while they’d kept the other side of their life together a secret from the general public the South Carolina native knew his friend would be in danger for more than being in love with him.

Jensen was a Boston native. He’d left West Point a Lieutenant but an ever decreasing use of his right eye made continuing in the military impossible. He made a living as an engineer and designing buildings but since moving South, since choosing their love over his family, he’d also formed a small newspaper.

Jensen had denied any serious issues with their neighbors but Jared had heard the faint whispers going around. He’d also seen the bruises that his friend had tried to shrug off and this new war would make his best friend, the man he loved no matter how illegal it was, an even larger target.

“You seriously think I’m scared of what Tagget’s rabble-rousers in town can do?” Jensen smirked, reaching up to run his fingers through Jared’s dark hair with a smile as he felt Jared lean into the touch like he always did. “I can take care of myself, Jared. I worry about you out on those fields. You’re too damn softhearted at times.”

“Softheaded is what Momma likes to say,” Jared smiled, feeling the touch change slightly when Jensen’s hand slid down to cup his neck. “I don’t want to leave you, Jen. We should’ve done what I said months ago and left for Canada or something. We still…mmh.”

The kiss was slow but the heat built quickly for both men until Jared felt his back hit the wall to allow his friend to part the white cotton shirt he wore and find his neck with both teeth and lips.

“We both went to West Point, Jared. We both agreed to serve if the need arose and you knew when you came back home, when you signed your name to that Confederate enlistment paper what it could mean.” Jensen spoke in between hot kisses down the side of Jared’s neck until he reached the hollow and felt the tension in the other man melting away. “Do I like what this war will mean for us and the country we both love? No, but I’m also not allowing you to prove those bastards right. You’re not a coward. You will fight and I’ll still be here every time you ride up that road. Until death.”

Jared’s fingers were wrapped around Jensen’s narrow waist, struggling with the burning need to do what he’d been wanting to for years but always afraid and then the last two words struck him. “Jensen?” he groaned when the kiss deepened, his lips parting to allow his friend’s tongue to explore in a way they’d only started to do.

“Want you so much, Jay,” Jensen murmured but pulled back so he could see if he was making the right choice.

The two men had been best friends since West Point even with Jensen staying on two years longer after his own graduation to wait for Jared. They’d admitted their love for one another, a taboo topic in this century and one that could get one or both men jailed, killed, or locked up in a hospital for the doctors to try to ‘cure’ them of the unholy affliction of loving another man.

In public, they appeared as friends with only the most casual of touches. The excuse of living together was a bit harder but the classically styled house outside of Charleston was big enough for them to each have their own room and to allow Jensen to have a studio to work in.

It was no one’s business what went on between them behind the closed and lock doors of their home and while Jensen had held off taking the final step between them, moving them from just friends to actual lovers, he’d known what Jared had wanted for the past year.

Now with the first shot being fired at Fort Sumter that and the start of the war that could very well destroy the nation, Jensen wasn’t foolish enough to not see how this might come to end for them and if there was nothing else he could give his friend then he would at least give himself.

“You know I love you,” he began huskily, watching his friend’s hazel eyes get larger as he smoothed his fingers down his chest when he finished dealing with the buttons to reveal Jared’s chiseled chest and toned stomach. “I’ve been in love with you since before I actually told you because I wasn’t sure how you felt and I didn’t want to be the one to drag you into this…”

“Don’t,” Jared hated the word he’d often heard growing up even from people who didn’t know his sexual preference. “You told me once that regardless of what the Bible said that so long as we loved one another we weren’t abominations. Do you still believe that?”

“With all my heart, Jay,” Jensen assured him, taking his friend’s hand in his to place over his heart. “So long as this beats you will be in my heart, Jared. I meant what I said the day I walked out of my father’s house. I do not now nor will I ever regret the choice I made to love you and be loved by you.” He walked to the roll-top desk in the foyer of the two-story home to remove a ring box. “West Point has long been important in my family. I went because of that reason. I could’ve left this ring with my father when I left because he only cared about me getting it and saying his son graduated from West Point like so many other Ackles before me.

“I could’ve left this and been done with it but I took two things with me from West Point that I discovered meant something to me,” he said, running the West Point ring around his fingers while turning to face Jared, the corner of his mouth turning up. “You and this ring were and are my life and now I’m giving this ring to you, Jay. I know you still wear yours but I hope you’ll carry this one with you as a symbol of what we have and will always have.”

Jared’s breath had caught in his throat as he stared at the man he’d loved since he was fifteen and the ring that was suddenly so much more than a symbol of the school they’d both attended. “Jen…you’re giving…what will your family think if they find out?”

“You’re my family, Jay. You’re who I love and you will forever be in my heart.” Jensen just held out the ring and then waited to see what his friend would do.

There were two years between them and Jensen accepted in so many ways Jared was still so young and naïve that he silently prayed each night that this damn war didn’t destroy that innocence any more than the evil things Jared had already seen and endured had.

It was this innocence that kept him from telling the younger man how he felt for him right away and only admitting to it one night when Jared had offered a heartbreaking confession of his own.

Now Jensen strived to protect and help his friend as much as he could while also teaching him to be his own man so that one day if the need ever arose Jared might be able to pass those lessons on to someone else.

“I love you so much Jensen Ackles,” Jared finally found his voice again, slipping his own ring off to hold it out. “I will take your ring but only if you accept mine in return.”

It didn’t escape Jared the symbolism of this exchange as he slipped his friend’s ring on and watched his own slid onto Jensen’s finger but even as he ached to ask, ached to show the love he’d felt for years, the distant canon fire could be heard even as far away from the Fort as they were.

“Will you return North?” he asked, looking away from the deep green eyes of his friend so his tears wouldn’t be seen.

“No. I said I was with you until death and I meant that.” Jensen knew what he feared and also what they both had been longing for. “When will you leave?”

“The morning or early afternoon since it won’t take me long to travel there,” Jared replied, blinking as he felt the change between them even before Jensen leaned up into him to kiss him again. “Jen?”

The nicknames were also just when they were alone and Jensen smiled tenderly as he lifted their joined hands. “Come upstairs, Jay. Give me this last night to show you how much you mean to me. Trust me to give you this.”

Making love with Jensen had been Jared’s longest desire but it was also what scared him the most because he wasn’t naïve enough to not know it would hurt. He was aware that he wouldn’t be Jensen’s first as his friend had been honest with him years earlier to admit he’d had one other, his first and only, before Jared so he feared disappointing the man he loved.

“I…I don’t know what to do,” he admitted quietly but gave into the kiss before following Jensen upstairs to the room that they’d both agreed would be theirs out of the rooms upstairs.

It was the larger of the bedrooms with a vaulted area toward the rear window that overlooked the sprawling backyard. It didn’t have the view of the water but Jared didn’t mind that as he was usually too distracted when they were in here to care about the view.

“I’ll show you,” Jensen assured him, turning on the oil lamp across the room from the bed they shared. “Trust me, Jay?” he asked while closing the curtains before turning to slowly unbutton his own shirt, noticing the way Jared’s eyes watched his every move with the same openness and curiosity he did with nearly everything.

“I’ve trusted you since I was fourteen and you saved my life.” Jared knew his knees would have buckled if he hadn’t sat on the edge of the bed to watch his friend’s slow actions to undress.

This was new since while there had been the rare occasion that they’d both seen the other unclothed they’d never slept beside one another without a nightshirt or trousers on. Now as Jared watched his friend’s off white cotton shirt come undone to fall off his shoulders he felt his chest tighten as well as another part of his anatomy.

Jensen was 6’1” tall, three inches shorter than Jared was, and he wasn’t as broad across the chest as Jared either but the younger man knew that didn’t make his friend’s body any less rugged or stunning to look at as Jared was discovering as he stared at the stomach muscles of his friend.

“You’re staring, Jay,” Jensen smiled, stepping up to run his fingers back through Jared’s hair and enjoying the sounds he could always get the younger man to make with this one simple touch.

“Sorry. It’s just…” Jared wasn’t sure what was proper to say. His friend was beautiful but he felt odd saying that to another man. “What do I do?” he asked nervously, although having been raised on a farm in the Low Country, he had a basic idea.

“You’re thinking too much,” Jensen chuckled, suspecting what his friend might have just imagined when he caught the faint pink that crossed his cheeks. “Just trust me to take care of you, Jay.” he began to slowly kiss his friend while shedding his shirt fully and reached for the belt of his trousers. “And tell me if you want to stop.”

Jared would have rolled his eyes at the very concept of stopping when his body was on fire with a need like he’d never felt before but before he could offer a sarcastic comeback he was gasping. “Jensen?”

His friend had made short work of his boots, socks, trousers and undergarments and what had made him gasp was the feel of strong nimble fingers carefully touching him in a place that no one had ever touched before. In fact, Jared had felt odd the few times he’d touched himself there to gain pleasure and release as a teenage boy.

This touch was a lot different from his own and he didn’t want it to stop. “That…God Jen,” he groaned, wondering if he should be feeling like this when warm lips touched his own in a kiss that was hot but soothing.

“It’s fine to feel what you are, Jay,” Jensen assured him, knowing he had to take this slow and ease his friend into this strange new act. “Remember when you were seventeen? What happened when we were kissing that one night? That’ll happen this time too but not until I’ve made you feel so much more, baby boy.”

This name also wasn’t new but Jensen only used it when they were intimate. Considering the fire inside his body just from having his penis stroked slowly Jared wasn’t certain he could stand to feel any more but his body relaxed against his friend as Jensen laid beside him on the bed to slowly touch and kiss his bare skin.

“Been wanting you like this for a long time, Jay,” Jensen whispered against his ear. Wishing he had as much time as he wanted to allow Jared to get used to his touch and so he could show him so much of the physical side of things that Jensen had been taught one winter in Paris when he’d been sixteen, before he entered West Point.

“You know you could have had me whenever, Jensen.” Jared was biting his lower lip to try to keep still but it was getting harder not to touch. “I’ve told you since before I graduated that I wanted you to be my first…” again, he hesitated and blushed.

Unlike Jensen, who was raised in the North, and had been given more leeway on his thoughts and had seen some of the world, Jared had been raised by religious Baptist parents in the Low Country of South Carolina and speaking of sex was forbidden.

“Lover,” Jensen completed the phrase with a teasing smile, fingers also teasing as they stroked over Jared’s chest before his lips followed suit and only his hand on the heaving chest kept Jared from arching up when his lips closed over the hard nub of his nipple. “Like that, Jay?”

Jared’s thoughts were rapidly leaving him. He only knew he wanted to feel his friend more and soon his shaking fingers were rubbing over Jensen’s chest and back as he leaned closer so they could kiss, lips and tongues touching until both men were gasping. “There’s more to this?”

“God, yes,” Jensen laughed, sitting back to motion to his own trousers. “Touching you, kissing you…I want you but not until I know it won’t hurt you too badly,” he hesitated when Jared’s fingers reached to undo the straining material, letting his hand fall back at the first curious touch. “You can touch me, Jay.”

Jared had never willingly touched another man down there before and felt odd doing so but he didn’t resist when Jensen took his fingers to wrap them fully around the hot length that seemed to harden with his very touch.

It seemed like hours to Jared that they shared just touches and kisses but he knew it was less time than that. He was torn between gasping and begging for something he wasn’t sure he knew how to express as he laid on his stomach to adjust to the odd feeling of long fingers in his ass.

“Jen…” he groaned, hips twitching against the rough material of the blanket. He’d known what would happen between them but he’d expected Jensen to just put his red, large cock in his ass. Jared hadn’t been expecting the slow stretching which also caused his own body to burn for more. “Please. I…”

“Shhh, I know, Jay. I know what you want and I promise I’ll make this good but I will not touch you until you’re stretched enough to take me without ripping yourself open to do so,” Jensen’s voice was rougher than usual as he fought his own body with his need to protect his friend and help him. “Just a bit more.”

“Y’know, I’ve…seen the bulls and cows on Pa’s farm and I don’t think this is how…” he gasped at the feel of his friend’s chest pressing against his back to kiss his neck but also tried to offer a scowl. “Are you laughing at me, Jensen Ackles?”

Jensen loved everything about Jared and that included the things the boy could say off the top of his head. This one made him laugh even as his body was ready to explode and he lightly teased his teeth along the strong width of Jared’s shoulders.

“I hate to tell you this, country boy but what you’ve seen down on that farm won’t come close to what we’ll be doing,” he chuckled, smoothing a hand over the ass he’d been dreaming of seeing since Jared was sixteen. “Trust me?”

“When haven’t I trusted you, Jen?” Jared countered, a little embarrassed by his earlier comment but then was too busy frowning as Jensen moved away to lay on his back while pulling him up. “Jensen? What’re you…I thought you were going to…?” he tried to motion since he didn’t have all the words his friend did.

“We are going to make love, Jared,” Jensen assured him, stroking himself slowly while taking Jared’s hand to move him over until he was straddling his hips; cocks bumping and a single look told the older man that this first time would not take as long as he wished it would. “I am going to be inside you…God, I love it when you blush, Jay.”

Jared slapped at his chest lightly, still confused but groaned low his throat as he began to understand what his friend was going to do. “Jensen, I don’t know what to do. I…I’m…” he took a deep breath before making a confession he rarely made since he’d been a boy. “I’m afraid.”

“I know you are, Jay. That’s why I want you to be able to watch me as we make love. I want to be able to watch your face as this happens,” Jensen smiled the crooked smile that never failed to make Jared’s heart beat faster as he positioned the man that he’d known years earlier was destined to be his where he needed to be and caught the flash of fear and pain. “Take my hands, hold onto them while you come down on me but watch my eyes, Jared.”

Following instructions had never been something Jared was always good at and one of the reasons he knew he’d probably never advance far in anyone’s military but it seemed he never had trouble following directions if Jensen offered them and so he followed them this time, feeling the tightness as he slowly slid down on his friend.

“God, how can this…” he stopped moving when Jensen squeezed his hands to urge him to slow down so his body could adjust to this new position. Feeling the hard length brushing the inner muscles and closed his eyes with a soft moan at the feel of something giving and then they were shooting back open to see his friend’s concerned green eyes locked on him. “What in the hell was…oh my God!”

Jensen had known by how he positioned himself and Jared that once his friend came flush what his cock would touch and smiled a bit more as Jared’s eyes darkened with a desire he didn’t yet understand. “That’s what’s going to make you enjoy this, a lot more than some simple kissing, Jay,” he remarked, voice husky as he held off moving to allow Jared to get used to this. “I’m sure one day there will be some pretty technical name for whatever that is but right now do you care? I can make it up if you’d like.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Jared growled, leaning forward to capture his friend’s mouth only to feel whatever was causing his body to light up like the Fourth of July fireworks he’d seen one year intensified when he did and soon he was following Jensen’s instructions to just let his body go and feel.

There’d been pain but not as much as what Jared had assumed there would be, guessing Jensen’s care in making certain he was ready had helped with that and now all he felt was intense…pleasure. “Jen, is this…”

Pushing up so they were tight together, their chests flush, Jensen’s lips found Jared’s in a hot kiss; feeling the tension still in Jared and suspecting why. “Remember when I said what was between us was right and it wasn’t bad to feel the way you did?” he moved his hips just enough to shift inside Jared, smirking at the gasp he felt against his neck since Jared’s lips were locked there. “Feeling pleasure while having sex isn’t a bad thing either, no matter what some people might say.” He moved a hand to get Jared to look at him. “No shame, Jay,” he whispered against his mouth as they kissed again.

Nothing between them would ever give Jared shame. He’d long since accepted he was different and hated that he had to hide it but understood the risks if they didn’t. Right then as he gave himself over to Jensen fully to allow the more experienced man to show him what to do he knew from this day forward he’d never be afraid of what he was or his love for Jensen.

“Jensen!” he started at the feel of fingers working his length while he could actually feel the hardness inside him brushing against that spot inside him with every mutual thrust and move of their hips. “I…I need…” he wasn’t sure what he needed but he knew he needed it bad.

Jensen felt the time was close for both of them, working his fingers along his friend until he locked his fingers of his free hand around Jared’s neck to bring him close for a hot kiss while twisting his hand a final time. “Now, Jared,” he smiled against the mouth of his lover as he felt them both climax at the same time and heard his name screamed out.

“Jensen!” Jared’s mind was useless mush or so he reasoned as his body slowly came down from whatever had just happened to find himself laying in Jensen’s arms, still naked and sort of sticky. “Jen?”

“Love you, Jay,” Jensen whispered, gently brushing long dark hair back out of hazel eyes. “Do you hurt much?”

Jared was sore but again nothing like he expected, swallowing thickly as their gazes met. “Love you,” he met the softer kiss and smiled as he felt a stirring he knew he’d long for when they were apart. “Can we do that again?”

“As many times as you’d like, baby boy,” Jensen murmured, turning so this time Jared was on his back. “I hope if we’re ever parted that you know you can still enjoy this.”

“I won’t because I won’t do this with anyone but you,” Jared replied, not liking when his friend got distant like this. “Jen, are you having those dreams again?” he asked, starting to sit up only to laugh when Jensen’s fingers found the one spot on his side that always distracted the taller man.

“I don’t want to talk about those right now.” Jensen often refused to bring up the strange dreams he had because he knew they worried Jared and right then, on that night, he wanted to see his friend smile. “Want me to show you what else I learned that time in Paris, Jay?”

“What do you think?” Jared returned with an open and welcoming smile.

By the time they were through and sleep was calling to both men, it was nearly dawn and Jared laid awake to hold his lover close; feeling the tremors that Jensen couldn’t always hide in his sleep. He knew if he didn’t wake him that it would be his name that Jensen woke shouting and again damned the war that was going to take him away from his home and the only person he loved.

“Jared!” the shout came but seemed distant and echoing in his ears as if not really here but more like a…dream.

** Present day: Boston, 2013: **

**_“Jared!!”_ **

Snapping awake quickly at the broken voice shouting for him, it took Jared several seconds to bring himself out of the dream of his past to remember where he was now and who he’d been with.

The young former Confederate remembered falling asleep with this modern day descendant of his friend in his arms on a sofa in Jensen’s apartment in Boston.

Now as he woke up, he heard the young man shouting for him and his whole body went into a battle-ready state that he hadn’t felt since waking up 150 years in the future.

“Jensen?” His eyes took in the now fully dark apartment to see a shadow illuminated by a single fake oil lamp across the room and he could see that the shadow was in the body of a large man and must have been what woke Jensen and had him struggling in the grasp of the intruder. “Son of a bitch! Jensen!”

In a swift move that belied his large size, Jared was off the sofa to grab the arm of the shadow intruder. He held onto the fighting man and twisted his arm hard to break the hold while using all his strength to throw the man over the sofa and away from Jensen.

“Jen! Run!” Jared snapped, hoping his friend was awake and clear-headed enough to understand but fearing the shock of the late night intrusion had done even more harm. “That asshole will die for sending anyone after him again,” he growled, dodging a kick to land with his full weight on his opponent and prepared to hit him so hard Jared didn’t care if it killed. When a fist caught him in the face, stunning him but not enough to keep him from reacting until his eyes were blinded by a strobe like weapon. He grunted when something hit him in the chest, knocking him away with a solid curse and worry plain in the voice shouting for him.

“Jared!”

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Eleven**

Jared was thrown off by his concern for Jensen as well as waking up so suddenly, so when the bright lights came on he took the blow to his face that stunned him momentarily. He was going on basic training like he’d been taught to catch the wrist of the intruder and was about to try to overpower him when another voice spoke.

“Do I have to separate you two boys into different corners for a timeout or should I just assume you brought this attack on yourself, son?”

“Goddamn it, Padalecki! Let me go!” Chris Kane’s disgruntled voice finally was heard, as he attempted to free himself from the hold that had suddenly landed him back on his back with a 230 pound pissed-off Southerner kneeling on his chest. “I am so…Jensen! Calm down a second and call your guard dog off before I forget I’m not supposed to punch his damn face in!”

Immediately forgetting about Chris, Jared offered a low snarl as he pushed off of him to move toward where Jensen, startled and still half asleep, stood across the room with his back pressed into a corner between the hall and large set of windows that had been boarded after the firemen had broke them.

“I am so kicking your ass, Yankee,” Jared growled at Chris, blinking his eyes to finish clearing them after the unexpected ceiling lights had been flipped on by the senior Kane. “Jen? Jen, calm down and listen to me.” He was careful when he approached the man, recognizing the wide eyes of shock and confusion and guessed Jensen had been woken up too quickly and was still half trapped in his memories. “Hey, look at me. It’s Jared. I’m right here with you and I will kick Kane’s ass for waking you up like this but I need you to wake up now, Jen.”

“I didn’t mean to wake him up, soldier boy,” Chris muttered, testing his jaw and mouth to see if any teeth had been loosened and starting to take a step forward only to have his father’s hand on his shoulder in warning. “I came in, didn’t immediately see you guys on the sofa, tripped over something. He came out of it when I was cussing whatever I fell over and…wait, what’re you calling him?” He thought he’d heard wrong the first time but after hearing the nickname being used for the third time was certain of what he’d heard. “Are you…”

“Shut up. I’m not handling you right now. I’ll shoot you after I calm him down.” Jared remarked tightly before locking eyes with Jensen’s wide green ones when he went to his knees in front of him to slowly reach a hand out but made no move to touch him yet. “Jen, come on now. Look at me. You hear me and nothing else. Whatever you’re seeing isn’t real. You were dreaming and I shouldn’t have let myself fall to sleep or I would’ve been awake to either bring you out of it or shoot that asshole.”

Chris knew his hands had clenched and he was trying not to call the time-displaced former soldier a few interesting names. Even without his Dad’s fingers yanking his jacket to urge restraint it was the way that he noticed Jared placing himself so he would be directly between them and Jensen that caught his attention, as well as the moment his best friend began to calm down at the soothing Southern drawl.

“I’ll be damned,” he muttered, seeing it but not sure he believed it. He and Jensen had been friends since the fourth grade so they’d been with one another through a lot of crap. He’d been with Jensen through the outcome of his ordeal, through the legal battles and everything in between and he’d come to know his friend’s reactions to nightmares or unwanted trouble or the other little things that bothered Jensen that very few other people were aware of.

Because of this Chris understood that the best way to get Jensen to calm down, especially after one of the brutal nightmares from ‘that’ time, was to just let him wake up on his own and give him space to settle himself with the memories that Chris knew still haunted him.

The few times when he had tried to touch his friend while he was waking up ended with Chris bleeding and Jensen feeling worse. This night as he watched Jared reach out he originally smirked. The soldier had thought the few blows he’d landed were hard he was interested to see how he reacted when Jensen proved that no matter had slender he was built or quiet he seemed, he had a wicked right punch that often easily snuck under even Chris’s guard.

However, the second he saw Jensen’s shaking hand uncurl from the fist it had clenched into at the first hint of danger he realized that something had changed and could only pray his friend wouldn’t be hurt more at the end of this by it.

“Let him handle this,” Sean Kane whispered, understanding how hard it was for his son to stand back while his best friend was upset. “If Jensen didn’t trust him I don’t think he would let him close like he did earlier today.”

It wasn’t the trust that worried Chris. It was that he knew his friend was in love with the soldier and didn’t know if the moron from the past had a clue.

The mix of voices, past and present, were slowly sorting themselves out as Jensen woke himself up by focusing on the deep drawl that was close to him instead of bitter memories and long buried feelings that he thought he was done dealing with like this.

Jensen could blearily recall going to sleep on the sofa with Jared. He’d latched onto the man’s shirt like a lifeline and could feel the strength in the hand that Jared had laid over his and he had thought his sleep would be undisturbed considering the day he’d had.

Now he guessed he should’ve expected the nightmares to hit and what they’d be about. David’s constant and more blatant threats, his actions that night, had brought it all back to Jensen. Of course his dreams had centered on his time in the damn hospital but for Jensen it was mixed with past images and things he didn’t understand. Acts and voices he’d never experienced or heard before and it was in the middle of something that had terrified him to the point that he’d been jerking awake when he heard the gruff voice in the darkness and all hell broke loose.

Shaking himself free of the nightmares to find himself waking up to one had returned him to a state of mind that he hadn’t been in since he was 17 and healing. Trying to escape, trying to wake up, Jensen had grasped for the one thing that had been solid in his mind…Jared.

Now as he slowed his breathing and tried to see past the spots in his eyes from the unexpected flash of his ceiling light coming on in pitch-blackness, Jensen could hear other voices close by but the only one he locked onto, the one he needed to hear to assure him of where he was at, was Jared’s.

“Wake up and look at me, Jensen.” Jared could see the other man’s chest wasn’t heaving as it had been and his wide eyes had begun to blink more as if clearing away the images only he could see but only when he seen his one hand, his left hand, unclench did he make a move closer to hold out his own hand. “Reach for me, Jen.”

Whether it was the emotion that he could hear in Jared’s voice or the way it dropped when he used his nickname Jensen couldn’t be sure but his hand shot out to grab onto the hand held out to him and allowed it to pull him forward out of the corner enough so that Jared’s arms could go around him.

“Jay!” The instant Jensen felt the hard chest of the former soldier he felt the fog lift and his wide eyes were looking at Jared. “You’re…you’re here. You’re alive. They didn’t shoot you or…oh, God!”

Jared’s eyes widened at the fear and relief he heard but then quickly just pulled the smaller man fully into his arms to hold him while he shook and worked through the rest of the dreams. “Yeah, I’m here. I said I would be and no one shot me…Jen, what the hell did you dream?” He suddenly could see the same buried fear and tremors going through this Jensen as he had so often in his friend when he’d have one of the dreams he never wanted to speak of.

“I don’t know,” Jensen whispered, slowly feeling his body relaxing against Jared as he felt the soothing fingers carding back through his hair and wishing he could get that one damn image of Jared lying on the ground with blood on his chest out of his mind. “I just couldn’t wake up and then all I heard was noise and…”

“The noise you heard was your so-called friend tripping over something,” Jared shot a scowl over his shoulder to nail Chris with it. “How’d you get in?” He suddenly wanted to know. “I know I locked those locks correctly.”

“I got in the same way I made you this ID that’ll work until Dani can get you set up in this time with all real and legal papers and stuff,” Chris snorted, tossing the newly made ID card on the coffee table while waiting for his voice to sink in with Jensen. “The evidence of a misspent youth.”

“Of which your father, the lawyer who is standing behind you, still does not want to be reminded of,” Sean Kane broke in, feeling it was safe to now step further into the living room as he watched Jensen’s head swivel toward their voices and knew he was awake enough to know them. “I’m sorry we woke you up so quickly Jensen but Chris was not waiting until the morning to come check on you after I got Mick’s call about arresting Delauter earlier.”

“It was either let me come check on Jensen or let me go down to the police station and get arrested when I put my fist through that asshole’s throat,” Chris shot back, knuckles cracking as he longed to punch someone. “I actually did get a hit on Padalecki here but I still think I came out the worst of us.”

Jensen slowly understood what must have happened and could have groaned but didn’t when he heard the soft words whispered against his ear as Jared reassured him that his reaction under the circumstances was normal and to please let him throw Chris out the door.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you guys,” he ducked his head a little while going to stand up only to blink when he was literally picked up and set on his feet. “Thanks. Still feeling a little wobbly or…”

“Remember what I said earlier about you apologizing too much, Jen?” Jared stayed close so that his hand was never far away from Jensen in some form, gaze narrowing when he caught what had also made Chris finally approach. “What’s wrong with your other arm?” he demanded, concerned that perhaps in his haste to get away from what he’d viewed as an attack Jensen had hurt himself more.

“What?” Jensen wasn’t sure what his friend meant but jerked the moment Chris’s hand touched his right arm. “Chris…”

“Move your right arm,” Chris would have moved it for him but also knew the odds were high if he did that then he’d be the one landing in an ER that night. “C’mon, buddy. It was just a dream. It’s not real.”

Realizing that he was using his left hand rather than his dominant right shook Jensen more because that reaction only happened when the memories came back too strong but he slowly focused on moving his fingers until with a shaky sigh they and his arm moved. “I hate this.”

“It’s alright. You’ve had a bad day so some effects are bound to happen,” Sean spoke up, clearing his throat. “Jensen, I know this is a bad time but could you tell me what happened earlier with your stepfather so I have a better idea as to what he did or said before I go to court in the morning?” he asked. Wishing he still didn’t see so much of the injured boy in the strong young man as he was right then. “I’d rather do as much of this as I can without you having to go yourself.”

“Look at the bruises on him or the cuts on his wrist from that goddamn manacle the bastard hooked on his wrist,” Jared snapped, still furious about those and not happy with the idea that Jensen might have to face Delauter again even in a modern court of law. “He wants to hurt him! He…”

“It’s okay, Jay. I…I can talk with Sean for a minute,” Jensen was quick to put a hand up to stop Jared from moving. “I knew I’d have to sometime. Can you…can you see if you can find a glass that wasn’t broken? I think I need some water or juice or something.”

Jared didn’t care for leaving Jensen alone to speak of the earlier events even if it was with Mr. Kane but blew out a breath when the hand that had been on his shoulder slid to cover the locket. “It’s a good ploy to distract me with, Jensen,” he smiled softly while smoothing a hand over the most livid bruise still on Jensen’s face because he didn’t want to do what he was craving to do in front of the other men. “Your kin was fond of sending me on errands when he wanted me distracted too. I’ll give you this one this time so long as…” his gaze pinned the senior man sternly. “I don’t want him upset by this. He’s been through too much already.”

“Yep, he’s going to punch someone before the week is up,” Chris smirked at his father. “I’ll just go give soldier boy a hand in the kitchen and…” he frowned as he got his first good look at his friend and could see the bruises on his neck and face. “Huh. Wonder if I pay Harris if he’d give me five minutes with the bastard?”

“Chris, I’m alright…now,” Jensen assured him but knew his friend would never accept that so long as his hands were still shaking. “Just don’t pick a fight with Jared? Please?”

“I’ll work on that.” Chris shrugged, exchanging looks with his dad before stepping into the kitchen to wonder why he even bothered. “You are seriously pushing my last nerve, dude,” he warned when he found himself grabbed and shoved back against a cabinet with Jared’s irate face right up in his. “I’ll apologize for what happened when I broke in but…”

“Why isn’t Delauter or those other bastards who hurt him back when he was a boy dead by now, Kane?” Jared demanded, voice low and dangerous as it tended to get when he was fighting back anger. “You’re so eager to punch me then why the hell didn’t you hurt them like he was hurt?”

Chris knew he and Jared were not going to be fast friends because of their first meeting and because trust when it came to Jensen clearly didn’t come easy to either of them but this was not quite the question he expected. He also wasn’t expecting to see the range of emotions that Jared was struggling to contain but what finally gave him a clue that he might be misjudging the situation was when he seen the way Jared’s hard face softened as soon as he glanced back to where Jensen now sat with Chris’s father.

“Two reasons actually come to mind, Padalecki,” he began, surprised at how easily he broke Jared’s hold, though he stayed where he was as he watched Jared try to make sense of the modern kitchen. “My parents and Mrs. Ackles were right there and my best friend was just like a broken doll by the time I got him free of those damn restraints they had him tied with. He let you see his scars?”

A simple grunt and a nod was all the confirmation Jared gave to indicate that he had seen the marks on Jensen’s body.

That was a slight surprise to Chris since Jensen was still leery with being around anyone but him or Dani if he didn’t have a shirt on.

“I saw his chest first when he stepped from the dressing room,” Jared remembered the shock still. “He thought I’d strike him when I went to reach out. Why would anyone hurt him for things that were done against his will? I thought the insanity in this world would’ve ended by now.”

“Dude, sometime we have got to sit you in front of a laptop or some books and give you a crash course in history since the Civil War,” Chris snorted then sighed. “Jen…sorry, Jensen has been an easy target for bullies and bigots since we were kids. That didn’t change after he came out fully and anything his so-called mother and Delauter could do to hurt him even after he got away from them they did.” He finally reached around Jared for a cabinet with some plastic glasses. “Use those. He’s still shaking too bad to handle glass.”

Chris had to stick his tongue in his cheek when he’d been given the warning glare as he almost used his friend’s nickname and quickly saw how this was playing out. He would have bitched except he hadn’t seen Jensen cringe any time Jared had used it like he almost always had when Chris teased him with its use.

“How much did he tell you about his life?” he wondered, wincing when Jared nearly jumped when the water turned on when he just put the glass near the faucet.

“This damn place is haunted,” Jared muttered, giving the sink a wary distance from then on while still keeping an eye out to see that while Jensen appeared tense he was still talking calmly and without touching either ring except for when the senior man picked up the handcuff from where Jensen motioned to where it laid on the floor. “He mainly told me about after his mother remarried and about Delauter. I won’t push him to tell me more until he’s ready but…” he paused.

The soldier knew he’d been told things that Jensen hadn’t wanted his friend to know and didn’t want to betray Jensen’s trust by possibly revealing anything he shouldn’t.

“He told you more than he thinks I know,” Chris nodded, not surprised now that he could see the trust Jensen had obviously placed in the other man. “I’m not a stupid guy, Padalecki. I knew from day one that he’d been hurt a helluva lot worse than he said or my folks said but I was a hothead even back then so I got that they all knew if I had found out that those sadistic assholes in that place had hurt him I’d be in prison. It’s one of the reasons he doesn’t tell me everything that’s been going on these days. He knows I’d probably end up behind bars.

“Jensen keeps to himself and he pushes away or hides when he’s scared or he’s trying to protect those he cares for. It’s always been that way but if you’re going to help him or whatever it is you have to do while you’re here then you need to understand that he’s good at protecting others but not so good at letting himself be looked after.” He ran his fingers back through his black hair uneasily. “I don’t want him hurt.”

There it was. Chris’s one main fear from all of this was that in the end his friend would be hurt even if the soldier might not mean to hurt him. “You’re 150 years out of your time. You’ve known him for a little over a day and already he’s letting you in closer to him emotionally than he will even allow me, Dani, or even his own grandmother.

“Just a little bit ago when you reached out to him, if that had been me doing that I’d be bleeding because you can’t touch Jensen when he’s caught in one of those damn dreams but he let you. My mother, the doctor, would tell me I’m being jealous that you’ve done for my friend what I can only barely do. It’s not that cause if you can help him…if you can make him smile even once that one true happy smile and you’ll know when you see it then I’ll be thrilled, but my biggest worry is that he’s setting himself up for a huge fall if you’re seeing your friend and not…again?”

Jared’s hand had grabbed Chris by the front of his jacket before he was even aware that he’d moved. “Alright, I’ve had about enough of this as I’m gonna take from you, Yankee,” he growled lowly, eyes hard. “I don’t like you. You don’t like me but we both care about Jensen. I get that you’ve been his friend a good long time. I understand after what he’s been through that it might be hard for you to trust me. I’ll tell you now, what I told him earlier…when I’m with him, when I touch him or when he lets me kiss him I know exactly who I’m with cause other than looks and a few little things that boy in there is more like I was than how Jensen was when we were together.

“You ain’t gotta like me, Kane. I ain’t askin’ you to but I’m also not gonna let our dislike of each other hurt him cause I would never try to come between him and the man whose been there for him when I couldn’t be.” Jared held his eyes, relaxing his grip so his hand rest firmly on the other man’s chest.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen with this and I am trying not to hurt him by allowing anything too serious to go on. I know this ain’t my time and I’m deathly afraid that something will happen that will cause me to leave him before I see Delauter dead or behind bars but understand this…I do have feelings for Jensen. Feelings maybe I shouldn’t have and if I had the slimmest clue to what the hell was comin’ or if I could stay with him then you and anyone else who might not approve could go straight to hell but I’d show him exactly how it should feel to love and be loved.”

With that Jared stepped back to take the plastic glass of water into the living and slowly Chris smoothed down his jacket while watching as the former Confederate Captain set the glass on the coffee table before settling on the back of the sofa behind Jensen.

The move might have seemed casual or innocent enough based on the standards of pre-Civil War days. Chris knew what to look for and he knew just by the small smile on his father’s normally stoic face that he’d also caught it when Jared’s hand moved to just ever so slightly brush down Jensen’s neck before resting on his shoulder as if to let him know he wasn’t alone.

“Yeah, we’re either going to kill one another or become best friends,” Chris muttered, grabbing a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. “I also better get Dani’s butt in gear to make this guy actually legal.”

“I’m not sure why David’s getting so bold as to actually make a move on you in front of your own home and to leave actual marks.” Sean Kane had felt his own temper burn as he took in the deep bruises along Jensen’s throat as well as the mark on his wrist. “I know you probably won’t like this next comment but you know it needs done if I stand a chance of getting him for more than just breaking the restraining order. I need to take a few photos of the bruises, Jensen.”

He’d known that was coming. He’d known it from the moment Mick Harris put his stepfather in cuffs. The cops and his legal team would need evidence of actual physical damage as if the mental damage the man was still inflicting wasn’t bad enough.

“Dad, you know Delauter’s legal team will counter the photos with some legal mumbo jumbo that Jensen got the bruises from a night of…” Chris held up a finger to stop Jared from moving. “You knew his asshole ancestor, dude. I know the man himself and I can already tell you what he’s going to say to counter the bruises.”

“True, but one look at Jared’s hands will show that those marks were made with smaller hands.” Sean wondered how long it would be before this new man would actually draw serious blood on his son if Chris didn’t start learning to watch how he phrased things. “If I take them it will save you having to go down to the police station since Mick or I’ll handle the charges.”

Jensen had tensed at the idea of going through with having his bruises and other marks photographed. It brought back too many damn memories of when he’d had to have it done after his release from the private hospital. He didn’t want to deal with it. He just wanted to forget it and hope it all went away when he moved.

“Sean, I…” he bit his bottom lip while his fingers started to twist the ring he wore nervously. “If you don’t have the photos, what can you hold him on?” he asked, hearing and ignoring the growl that came from Chris. “I don’t want to deal with it, Chris!” he snapped, nerves still on edge from earlier. Not wanting the hassles that would come. “You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t know what’ll happen if your Dad pushes for more than just breaking the restraining order? I’m not! I know that’ll bring all of Mom and David’s fancy lawyers into it. I know they’ll bring it all back up and I won’t be able to step out the damn front door of the building without being accosted by some of David’s ‘friends’ with suggestions of what’s in my best interest or…”

“I never said you were stupid but Dad and Mick won’t let that happen,” Chris argued, reminding himself to keep his temper even though this was an old argument between them. “He’s been breaking the damn order for over a year and you kept it to yourself. I told you he’s following a pattern and he jumped to a huge new level by actually touching you. Just let Dad take the pics and…”

Shoving to his feet, Jensen ignored the hand that reached out to steady him as he whirled to confront his long- time friend. “And what? Face going to trial? Have to sit on that stand with him and Mom staring through me again like during the whole legal fight to get me emancipated? Maybe if he spends a few days in jail for breaking the order he’ll get the idea it’s not worth it or…”

“Or the next damn time he comes after you he has a gun or tries to knife you instead of Padalecki?” Chris shot back, ignoring both Jared’s frown and his father’s low warning to stop. “He tried to kill you in that damn hospital Jensen! His goons broke your goddamn arm and tried to ruin your hand during the other trial! Do you want him to kill you the next time?”

“Saves me the trouble of doing it!” Jensen yelled back, unaware of what he’d just said until he heard Jared’s low gasp and Chris just looked shocked. “I’m…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said…I…”

“Jensen.” Jared took a step toward the pale young man but held off on reaching out when he noticed how rigid Jensen’s shoulders were set. “You don’t mean that.”

Jensen’s laugh was bitter and brittle. He jerked away from all three men but his eyes went to Jared. “You don’t understand, Jared. You can’t understand about this or what I know will happen if I go through with pressing assault charges on David or…trying to live through the hell that I do every damn day I open my eyes and know that I’m alone and will be alone and wondering when something will just snap. I don’t want…”

“Jensen!” Chris took a step when his friend turned to disappear down the hall and the door slammed. “Damn it! I hate when he gets like this.”

“I can’t force him to go through with anything, Chris,” Sean sighed, wishing there was an easier way to handle all of this so Jensen could move on but he did understand that every one of the younger man’s fears were very valid. “On breaking the restraining order, I can probably get a couple more days. If Jared had any actual legal ties in this time, Lord I can’t believe I actually said that, and then I could push the fact that he attacked him with a knife but unless Jensen signs the complaints I’m afraid…”

“He’ll sign it,” Jared spoke, gaze locked down the hallway before he glanced back at the Kane’s. “Let me speak with him. Let me try to calm him down and then he’ll give you what you need.”

Chris opened his mouth to speak but his father’s elbow dug into his ribs. “Son, if I take what Chris told me about you I think I can speak freely when I say, with a little more decorum than my son would, you honestly don’t know enough about Jensen’s past to try to get him to do anything when he’s this upset,” Sean said seriously.

“I’m aware that I don’t know Jensen as well as you or…he does and I’m certainly not going to pressure him to do anything he doesn’t want but I do know one thing about him,” Jared met the grim eyes of the lawyer. “I know that Jensen isn’t a coward. He fought through hell worse than my friend or I ever did and he came through it to become the warm and caring man he is, so whatever this was about is not because he’s scared or at least scared for himself. Excuse me.”

Sean Kane yanked his son down to sit before he could do what he was probably considering. “Let him talk with Jensen and see what happens,” he urged calmly and then shrugged. “Worst case scenario is someone gets to punch that boy before you land a decent shot. Oh, and while we’re waiting, do you care to tell me how many other times this topic has come up between the two of you?”

“Not really,” Chris muttered, slumping in the chair to pretend he was concentrating on the bottle of beer and not worried about what might be going on inside the head of his friend.

Jared knocked out of a long ago learned habit. His mother had been big on manners and even while he had lived with Jensen, he almost always had knocked before entering a room. This time was no different but he was a little surprised at the quiet voice that told him to come in.

“You can tell me that you regret ever crossing that vortex,” Jensen spoke from where he was sitting on the floor surrounded by burned up books and clothes. “Dealing with me and all this crap probably makes everything else in your life look good.” He flipped a burned cover of a journal with a bitter smile. “This is what happened just from ignoring a few texts and changing the locks. I can’t take the chance of what else he might do if…”

“Who are you afraid he’ll hurt if you do what Mr. Kane is asking?” Jared sat down slowly beside him to see that not all of the pages had been destroyed. “Kane can take care of himself, so has your grandmother or Miss Harris been threatened?”

“David can hurt anyone I love, Jared. He knows to hurt me all he has to really do is hurt them or take it all away,” Jensen held his right hand out flat. “When Nana and Sean were trying to win my financial freedom from my Mom because I wasn’t eighteen yet I was leaving the campus where I was going to college one night when I was jumped by four guys.

“Y’see, my stepfather’s ego is about as big as his temper and he counted on the attack being enough to both keep me quiet and also to stop the proceedings. To make certain it did he tried to take away something I cared about,” he flexed his fingers before turning his arm over to show Jared the barely visible now scar. “They broke my right arm in four places and tried to cripple my hand so I could never draw again…so I could never draw you again.”

Jared took the hand in his before it could be pulled back, pressing it against his chest. “Your stepfather is a lot like his own kin. He’s a bully and a coward, Jensen. He understands the power he holds over you and will continue to abuse it if you let him do so.” He slid his arm around Jensen and felt him lean into him more. “Bullies and bigots will never go away. I used to hope they would and I was wrong. I also agree with…Kane.”

“That must have hurt,” Jensen murmured with a tiny grin, hearing the way Jared had to clench his teeth when saying he agreed with Chris. “I’m just so damn tired of dealing with it and them, Jay. I want it over and I want to just leave and forget it.”

“They won’t leave you alone when you move away to Charleston, Jen.” He hated to say that but he was already certain of that. “You won’t be free of Delauter until you take a stand and make it clear that he can’t threaten you anymore. That you will not give in to his demands and the only way to do that is to make it plain that you aren’t afraid of him.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” Jensen argued only to look away as he added in a softer voice. “Much. I’m more afraid of him hurting my friends.”

“I don’t think he’d be foolish enough to go after the son of a lawyer or a lawyer with a police officer for a brother,” Jared replied. He then felt the way Jensen stilled, how his hand went to his locket and caught his breath. “Jen, he can’t hurt me. Is that what’s really worrying you? That Delauter would actually try to hurt me?”

Jensen had seen the same hate in his stepfather’s eyes as he’d briefly glimpsed in the man who’d shot at Jared back in Gettysburg. After seeing him try to stab the Southerner in the back earlier on top of what he’d dreamed tonight it was a very real fear that Jared might come to some harm and it would be his fault.

“I can’t let you be hurt, Jay. I can’t do that guilt too. Losing you to let you go to my ancestor would hurt enough but to lose you because I let you get in the middle of this…” he shook his head, flashes of blood coming and he nearly pulled away except Jared’s arm had tightened to hold him against his chest.

“Jensen, I swear to you that I can still take care of myself even in this strange new time you call home and I can look after us both until Kane’s father gets Delauter locked up but…” Jared paused to tip Jensen’s face up to him, hating the tears he could see in his eyes. “…you need to let him do what he has to do to make that happen.”

Seeing the fear in wide green eyes Jared also saw another look, a look that might have been as close to hope as Jensen has been able to feel in years. “I meant when I told you that you aren’t alone. You never have been and while Kane and I might still bicker like two angry roosters we both just want what’s best for you.” He gently brushed his fingers over Jensen’s face. “If I didn’t think you could handle this I would’ve kicked both those Yankees outta here by now, Jen. Except like I told them, you ain’t a coward.”

Except for the Kane’s, Dani, and his grandmother it had been a very long time since anyone had expressed that much confidence in him and it felt strange but slowly he started to calm down. “You really think so?”

“Jen, if you were you sure as hell wouldn’t have done what you did for me in Gettysburg,” Jared smiled in assurance, waiting until the other man looked back up to offer a light kiss to the side of his mouth where it had swelled. “Trust yourself as much as I do. Alright?”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Jensen murmured but leaned into the embrace a moment longer. “Stay close?”

“I’ll always be close to you, Jen,” Jared agreed, getting to his feet easily to hold out a hand. “Are you really alright with me calling you that?” he asked, smirking a little as he helped Jensen to stand. “I’m waiting for Kane to make a comment considering I won’t let him use it.”

Jensen chuckled but took a deep breath as he decided to see how brave he could be. “I like when you call me it,” he murmured, having to stretch a little to press his lips against Jared’s quickly. “Only you. Can I call you Jay? I just realized I have been a few times. I should’ve asked since that might have only been something between you and…ummm.”

It never failed to make his blood heat when Jared touched him even in small ways like he did now by running the back of his knuckles down his face and smiling the smile that brought out his dimples more. “Before you, I only allowed him to call me by that nickname but…I think he’d understand. You can call me Jay whenever you like. It’ll get easier as you let yourself trust me and understand that I won’t hurt you.”

“I know. Thanks, Jared,” Jensen took a slow breath before stepping back into the living room. He felt Jared’s hand leave his the moment they did but understood that while he had some things to get used to that Jared also had to begin to accept that things were not the same as they were in his time or at least not all the time. “Sean? I’m ready.”

Even as he held back to watch his father take careful photographs of the bruises and marks on his friend Chris could tell if he was on edge then Jared was full on stressed as he worked to not hover or growl the few times Jensen had winced.

By the time Sean had everything he thought he would need when he appeared before a judge later that morning, it was clear that Jensen was beyond exhausted as he was practically falling asleep where he sat on the sofa.

“I’ll give Dani a call once I think she’s at her office and tell her that you’ll be by later in the afternoon to sign those papers she mentioned,” Chris spoke to Jensen; however, he was looking at the Southerner who he knew would retain the information better than his friend right then. “Unless he sleeps through the day and then I’ll just tell her he’ll sign them tomorrow.”

“If he sleeps I won’t wake him,” Jared replied firmly, walking with the men toward the door. “He needs sleep.”

“He’s needed sleep for a long time now, dude,” Chris snorted, sighing as his father hit his shoulder. “Alright, if I don’t hear from him by the afternoon then I’ll stop by with some food and…more clothes for you until he can take you shopping. If anything happens, you hit the first button on his phone and that’s my number.” He paused with his hand on the door. “Keep this locked and…”

Jared put his hand up to lightly push Chris’s face out the door, rolling his eyes. “I understand how to protect him, Kane. I was a Captain in the Confederate Army for a reason so I think I can handle it but if you bring food don’t bring any of that brown smelling rice stuff. My old socks smelled better.”

“Okay, not a fan of Chinese cooking. Got it,” Chris fought to keep a straight face over that one. “Yeah, I’ll remember to bring you real food and leave the fancy stuff for Jensen. Just watch his back…and your own until Dad and Harris take care of this.”

“Chris! Leave that boy alone before he does smash your face!” his Dad yelled from down the hallway. “Let’s go!”

Firmly shutting the door Jared carefully locked all three locks before testing the door to feel that it felt sturdy. Only then did he walk back into the main room of the still wrecked apartment to see that Jensen appeared to have fallen to sleep sitting up. As Jared knelt down to stroke a finger over his cheek he felt his chest tighten at the soft smile that flittered over the sleeping face and softly whispered words spoken in sleep.

“He reminds me of you when he sleeps. He looks so young and innocent.”

Jared’s fingers hovered over Jensen’s hair before brushing back over the short spiky hair and slowly easing him down over until he was laying on his side on the sofa, tucking a soft light green blanket around him. Even though the apartment wasn’t cool there was a chill that he wasn’t certain was normal or the presence of the spirit of his friend.

“Let him sleep, Jensen,” he urged quietly, knowing his friend couldn’t be seen yet so he didn’t bother to look as he took care to make certain this Jensen was sleeping peacefully before standing to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “Did I do the right thing by telling him to cooperate with the constabulary?”

‘ _Jensen Ackles’_ wished he could answer his friend but honestly didn’t have a reply that would have suited right then. “There is no right thing in this case, Jared,” he chose to say instead, rolling his eyes at the sour look he was shot even though his spirit form was invisible to Jared yet. “You’ll do what becomes needed as will he. Just remember to not trust as easily as you did once.”

“Yeah, well if you had told me that Scott or those troublemakers from town were hasslin’ you then I might not have trusted so much,” Jared shot back, still angry and bitter but trying not to let that enter his voice and possibly wake Jensen up again. “He doesn’t have the issue. He doesn’t trust anyone or nearly anyone.”

“He trusts you, Jared,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ corrected, a little amused when Jared stood up to step away from the sofa but kept himself in between the spirit and the modern man. “If he didn’t you wouldn’t have been able to touch him earlier or calm him down. You’re good with him and for him.”

Not feeling tired any longer and more than a little on edge, Jared gave a look around like he used to do on the battlefield if he was checking his flank before finally deciding that Jensen would be safe sleeping in the room alone to look around the rest of the home.

“I still say I could help him more or better if you’d just come right out and tell me what it is I need to do,” Jared complained, bypassing Jensen’s room to pause with his hand on a door down the narrow hallway. “With Delauter rotting in a cell where he should be the risks to Jensen should be gone, unless you care to tell me what else you know?”

“I would if I could,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied. “Things are too emotional right now to be able to see clearly but even if the physical danger is lessened the emotional pain is still there. There will come a time when you’ll have to choose, Jared. I wish the choice would be easy for you and for him but…it won’t be but you’ll know the right choice to make. You always do. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

“It’s not the right choice if it hurts him,” Jared argued, not understanding what choice he could be given would hurt his new friend when an uneasy feeling began to settle in the pit of his stomach. “You ask me to allow myself to trust in him, to learn to love him, which you knew I’d do from the second our eyes met. You ask me to teach him how to trust me like I learned to trust you and then I’m going to have to choose between you, aren’t I, Jensen?” he demanded, voice dropping and fist clenching. “Answer me!”

“I don’t know the choice you’ll be given or when it will come, Jay. I can’t see those things,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ wanted to reach out but held back. “I need you to just trust me and trust your gut.”

“I’ve been trusting you but that trust had better not hurt him or if or when I do ever cross I will so kick your Yankee ass,” Jared growled, pushing open the door he’d found to try to see in the dark room. “How do you turn on these…odd oil lamps nowadays?” he asked the ghost, glad for once that he couldn’t see his friend so he wouldn’t see the damn smirk he knew he’d be getting.

“They’re called lights in this era and the switch is on the wall to your right,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied, expecting the next reaction as soon as Jared’s fingers flipped the switch on to reveal a room a little larger than Jensen’s bedroom but with ceiling to floor and wall to wall shelves filled with books. “He’s like you in this area too. He loves to read.”

The books had been pulled from the shelves, some tossed but at least the damage in here could be corrected and none of them had been burned which relieved Jared.

While Jensen had always been happy with his art, whether it was sketching or painting, Jared couldn’t draw a stick figure to save his life. His secret passion had been reading. He loved books and had never really cared what style of books so long as he could lose himself in a good story or read about history of places he knew he’d never visit.

As he looked at the titles still on the shelves and on books that he carefully picked up to place them back for Jensen to later sort into his preferred order Jared recognized titles that were familiar to him.

“They still print these titles?” he picked up an older edition of a Charles Dickens tale that had been a favorite as well as books that had been considered nearly scandalous in their time.

“You’ll be surprised at what Jensen likes to read but since I know you, you might want to take a look at the section over there with all the history books,” the spirit’s hand rose to shift one of the books he meant so his friend would see it. “There are quicker, more modern ways to look up the details you’ll be wanting to know about but I don’t think he’d be happy if we broke his fancy machine.”

“I can’t even go in the kitchen without that water fountain pouring water so I’ll leave the fancy stuff to Jen and the Yankee and catch up on what I’ve missed in 150 years the way I know best, with an actual book in my hands.” Jared eyed the array of books on various pieces of American and world history, unsure where to begin until he finally just began choosing books at random to carry back into the living room so he’d be close in case Jensen woke up. “Will I ever be able to see you Jensen?”

The spirit ran his hand over the back his friend’s neck and allowing a bit of his energy to pass so Jared would feel the touch. “When it’s time you will,” he assured him. “When it’s time.”

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Twelve**

Jensen wasn’t certain what time it was or even what day it was for that matter when he finally began to wake up. He knew he was on the sofa so at least this time he kept himself from falling off of it but the rest of his memory was scattered.

He recalled the events of the day before, the assault by his stepfather, he recalled Jared being with him through three meltdowns and agreeing to allow Sean Kane to photograph the bruises he’d gained. Then he could only guess he crashed and slept.

Waking up alone however did not help Jensen stay calm, especially when he knew Jared didn’t understand anything about this century and could easily hurt himself or get himself in trouble. “Damn it,” he muttered, scraping a hand back through his hair to down his jaw and felt that he’d need to shave…as soon as he located Jared.

A noise from the small dining area made him look, then he looked again because all he could see at first were several piles of books with more piled carefully on the floor as if the man reading them had already gone through them.

“Jared?” he called, wincing as his throat sounded raw and ragged but felt the tension leaving him the minute hazel eyes peeked around the books at his voice.

“The insanity in this world didn’t stop with my war. It just gets worse it seems,” Jared remarked, still trying to process all that he’d learned since he sat down to begin catching himself up. “Did the morons think killing President Lincoln would get them anywhere? Booth was an arrogant bastard to begin with but I never pictured him as being stupid enough to think killing the President would do anything but make things worse.”

Jensen had to take a moment to wake himself up to understand what was being said when it hit him that the former soldier must have found his little library and had been scouring history books and encyclopedias.

“Yeah, it would seem so,” he agreed, pushing to his feet and feeling a little unsteady when a sudden hand on his arm nearly startled him. “Damn, you’re fast,” he chuckled; not having even heard Jared put the book down to move. “How do you move so fast?”

“Spent my childhood running the fields Pa owned so I got fast,” Jared shrugged, lightly curving his hand over a jaw faintly covered by a five o’clock shadow. “Being fast also helped to avoid getting my ass filled with bullets when the war started. You feelin’ better since you slept?” he asked, concerned when Jensen started to twist but only had to touch him it appeared to settle him back down.

“Surprisingly after everything yesterday…yeah, I do,” Jensen admitted, also surprised that he felt like he wanted more than just a hand on his face but was still a little unsure how to ask or what to say. “What time is it?”

Jared’s brow lifted with a teasing smile until Jensen caught on to what he said and groaned, an apology on the tip of his tongue but gentle lips brushing over them cut that off and also finished relaxing him. “You ain’t got a timepiece in this place that I can read correctly. I’m going to assume that thing on the wall with the painted numbers that seem to change every time I look at it is what works as a watch here so I can say it’s late morning and…” he caught Jensen’s face before the man could move away, tension building again as he remembered his appointment with Danneel.

“According to that box on the counter that talks after I couldn’t figure out how to stop it, Kane said to tell you that he had your lady friend make the time later today for you to sign the papers for your house. It’s alright, Jen,” he reassured him quietly, moving his hands over his shoulders until after another moment he could feel Jensen slowly leaning into him, his arms reaching almost hesitantly around to hold on. “You can touch me, Jensen. You can hold onto me. I won’t break and I won’t hurt you.”

“I know,” Jensen murmured, wanting to give in to the need to feel the strength of this man that he’d spent so long dreaming and wishing for but too unsure and scared of making a mistake to risk it yet. “Jared, like you’ve figured out by now I don’t come close to having my great uncle’s confidence in anything but especially not when it comes to knowing what to do when it comes to sex or even touching so…give me time?”

“As much as you need, Jen,” Jared assured him but didn’t miss the open need on the still pale face and as he kissed him again he deepened it just slightly more to smile at the feel of Jensen returning it slowly; reminding the Southerner so much of his first real time kissing. “You going to show me where you keep the straight razor to shave with?”

Jensen lips curved more, working up the courage to offer another kiss while smiling. “We don’t use those anymore, Jay,” he told the man, seeing the frown. “Nearly everything’s electric now but if I look I might have a couple hand razors laying around if you think you can manage that without slitting your throat.”

“You’ve got his sense of humor it seems,” Jared snorted, arm slipping down to wrap around Jensen’s waist to bring him fully against him to tip his head back and was pleased not to see caution or fear in his eyes but an almost teasing glint. “You’d be the one cutting that pretty face if you had to use what I used to shave with.”

“Without a doubt,” Jensen agreed, deciding to shave first and then deal with food. “How long have you been reading?”

Noticing that the bathroom in Jensen’s home looked a bit more manageable than the one back in Gettysburg, Jared stepped inside to watch the man look around for something. “Since you fell to sleep the last time,” he replied, curious about the array of scattered tubes and bottles that must have been tossed during the break-in he began picking up various items to see what they were. “Why do you have a pre-shave and an after-shave? Wouldn’t it just save time if you use this after you shave and why would you put…gel in your hair?”

“The pre-shave helps prepare the skin for the razor while the other soothes the skin afterward and…the hair gel is more like a styling product to keep my hair in place.” Jensen was finding it hard not to chuckle at the look of confusion he was being given as the ex-soldier continued to go through the various bottles of cologne, shampoo, conditioners and soaps, smelling a couple as he went and making faces.

“Jen, don’t get me wrong but if you even try to come close to me with some of this stuff then we might have a tussle on our hands.” Jared was certain he’d be dead before he tried even half this stuff. “What happened to plain soap and water?”

“Some soap can dry out your skin, others are medicated, there are soaps to put moisture back in your skin and I won’t even get onto the subject of how many kinds of bottled water there are now to drink.” Jensen stuck his tongue in his cheek at the groan when he turned, a simple razor in his hand. “It’s not what you’re used to but it’s the closest we’ve got. You can try it while I shower if you don’t mind…sharing the bathroom.”

“Is that what they call the dressing room now?” Jared accepted he would have to learn all the modern names for things and decided that would be his next challenge. “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable to have me close to you while you…shower then I’m fine,” he replied. Taking the razor and letting his fingers touch the other man’s. “How uncomfortable do I make you Jensen?”

That was an interesting question as Jensen knew under any other circumstance or with any other man he would not risk allowing himself to become trapped or to have someone between him and the door. Even Chris only ever came to the door but never entered if he was in the shower or shaving.

Yet now with Jared he didn’t feel any of the familiar tension or dread that should’ve been curling in his stomach by this point, slowly coming to understand why. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, Jared,” he answered honestly, reaching way back into a cabinet for a bar of plain, unscented soap. “I make me uncomfortable and I wish I could explain why or…”

“You’re a man still struggling to find himself when you’ve been hurt bad enough to erase any reason to believe that someone might care enough for you not to hurt you more,” Jared told him, understanding better than Jensen could ever know how it felt to feel different about himself and not have anyone to turn to. “It’ll take you time to believe that you can trust me.”

“Trusting you has never been a problem for me, Jared. It’s the fear of letting myself come to depend on you to be here like you say you will and then have to let you go for whatever reason.” Jensen’s voice quieted as he finally admitted his biggest concern.

The last conversation with the spirit of his friend came back to him, recalling the mention of a choice but Jared ignored it. He would find a way to spare this boy the pain he feared facing because now the Southerner realized it wouldn’t just hurt Jensen if Jared should have to leave him but it would also hurt him.

“It will take the Angel of Death himself striking me down to make me leave you, Jen,” he murmured, lightly kissing the man’s temple while reminding himself that he still needed to take things slow, which was becoming hard in a small room with Jensen standing too close watching him from under long lashes and innocent eyes. “Take your shower while I figure this contraption out.”

“Thank you,” Jensen waited until he was behind the shower door to let his hands shake as he quickly undressed, dropping the clothes outside the shower and trying to ignore the tiny burst of awkwardness at being in the shower with another man right outside the door. “So…how far did you get in the books?” he called over the running water, listening to Jared mutter at the sink like it was alive. “I can try to answer any questions you have but while I love history my main focus was the Civil War…for obvious reasons.”

Jared had glared at the sink when it began running water as soon as his hand moved near the thing but he made do and lathered his face with the soap before making a careful pass with the small blade. “Since I’m here we should perhaps find you a new era to focus on?” he suggested casually, hissing at the sharpness of the small bladed thing and knew he’d have a couple new scratches until he adjusted to this.

“I like the Civil War…well, not like since no one can like war but it’s an interesting time since there wasn’t as many fancy weapons and the fighting was mainly man to man,” Jensen replied, leaning under the spray before lathering his hair. “There’s so much still unknown about that time and that was what I wanted to write about…until all my pages were ruined.”

“You can take what’s left and start fresh,” Jared told him, more careful on his second pass as he smirked. “You’ve also got someone who actually lived through some of it so I can tell you a few things that probably didn’t pass into your books.”

“Did you fight in many battles, Jared?” Jensen asked curiously, hesitantly. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I get too nosy when it comes to back then and…”

“I am going to break you of that habit you have of apologizing for everything,” Jared smiled, staring at his reflection in the mirror while sliding his gaze over to watch the silhouette behind the steamed up door. “I fought in more than I care to think of,” he admitted. “Most of them after he was killed because I no longer went back home, I couldn’t stand to look at the house we both had loved. As for what you asked me, I got up to when the towers fell in New York before you woke up.”

Jensen blinked in surprise, pulling open the door to stick his head out to stare at the taller man and tried to not focus on the issue that Jared had finally removed the red t-shirt he’d been wearing since waking up in Gettysburg. “You skip a few years?” he asked, swallowing hard as he watched the steady hand draw the razor carefully and slowly up the long neck that he was suddenly having an interesting fantasy about. “There is no way you could have covered 150 years of history, multiple wars and everything in between in just a few hours.”

“Did Jensen ever mention in any of his spiritual visits that I’ve always been a fast reader?” Jared smiled slowly, feeling the gaze and catching the flash of need that crossed Jensen’s face before he pulled back into the shower. “I enjoyed reading but as a boy we were poor so didn’t always have books. When I went to school I just devoured whatever text I was given and could recall it even weeks later. That pile of books was actually my third group since I’d taken the others back to put them back on your shelves.”

“You have an eidetic memory,” Jensen murmured, impressed and more than a little intimidated. “I can do that with images, some text but it had to be something I like…like history. You put a math book in front of me and I’m done.”

“Ugh, the dreaded field of numbers. I hated it and left that up to your kin since he could whip off the answer to the most complicated problem our instructors gave even before they were ready for it,” Jared wiped splashed water over his face, a fond smile curving his mouth. “He made me feel stupid most days.”

“You’re smart, Jared,” Jensen argued, finishing his shower to reach a hand out blindly to get a large towel. “You led men into battle and tried to keep them alive. I’m stupid…or so I’ve been told.”

The last words were whisper soft but Jared’s sharp ears still picked them up over the running water, eyes narrowing. “Don’t say that again, Jensen,” he warned, tone low but not harsh as he caught the man’s wrist when he stepped from the shower to tug him in front of the mirror over the sink. “Don’t ever say that you’re stupid because you are far from that. You are not stupid and if I ever hear anyone say that you are they’ll find out that I’m not as much a Southern gentleman as I should be.”

The firmness of the voice, the heat in Jared’s eyes that showed his displeasure but no real anger aimed at anyone along with the fingers that were lightly touching the still livid bruises were causing feelings to form all through his body that Jensen had never felt before.

“Trust me, Jen. I’ve known plenty of stupid people in my life. While I might lump Kane in with a few of them I would never put you because you are not that,” he held the green eyes in the mirror while letting his body lean closer until his chest just brushed the still wet back and felt the shudder go through Jensen. “I won’t hurt you. Have you ever let anyone this close, Jensen?”

“No, I…I never wanted anyone behind me,” Jensen replied, fingers tight on the sink but lost track of his awareness of them as he watched the face in the mirror. “Except for that one guy and that wasn’t very much, I never let anyone as close as you are now.”

“And I will never betray that trust,” Jared whispered, pressing a kiss against the short damp hair and smiling as he took in the smell of the shampoo he recognized from earlier. “I’ll let you shave and dress while I try out this running water thing.”

Jensen’s laugh was light, just then realizing he had relaxed against Jared without even knowing it. “It’s a shower and it won’t bite,” he remarked, smirking but nearly swallowed his tongue as he watched the jeans that were shed down long legs to see the toned and muscled body before it disappeared behind the door. “I am not cut out for this,” he muttered.

“I said that the first time your smart ass relative decided to shock my simple Southern sensibilities by coming out of the water without a stitch of clothes on just to see me blush,” Jared commented easily. Smiling more since he was behind the frosted glass and understanding that touch wasn’t the only thing he would have to slowly adjust this young man to. “Remember when I said you were a lot like I was in the beginning? I meant that, Jensen. It took him a long time to help me past the nightmares of my own past and to learn to trust him in other ways.”

Glancing over, Jensen considered using his electric razor but then feared the sudden noise might startle the other man too much and so chose to go it the old fashion way. He wondered about Jared’s comment but chose to not bring it up right then since he wasn’t sure of them were prepared for more heavy emotional upheavals, at least not until after breakfast or lunch or whatever the hell time it was.

“Okay, so what’s your opinion of the modern world?” he asked just to have some type of conversation going on as he shaved and Jared showered.

Taking a look at the array of bottles in a small nook in the wall, Jared narrowed his gaze as he realized not a single one of these were something he’d have chosen for himself and would have to bring that up if they went to the merchant for supplies

“Your leaders are genocidal madmen who care very little about the welfare of their people,” was the instant response but as something was heard clattering to the sink. Jared slipped his head out to gaze at him innocently. “Though that opinion also applies to leaders of other countries as well, not just this one.”

“Uh-huh, I am so not letting you get into a political discussion with Chris’s mother,” Jensen muttered, picking the razor back up and had to admit to being impressed with the man in the shower. “Aside from that, anything else stand out?”

“You’ve made a lot of advancements that Jensen used to tell me would come about, especially in the fields of science and engineering but I will admit to hoping that not so many advancements in the art of war or the weapons to wage them had been made.” Jared had truly been saddened as he read about each war the world had been in, the weapons that seemed to have come out of each of them and the deaths of people because of bitterness and petty hatreds.

“I know. It seems with every year someone invents another weapon just meant to kill.” Jensen had never understood that when he studied. “I get that weapons are needed to protect countries and their people but…”

“If the country’s leaders were strong enough to speak their minds to one another, to compromise and accept that killing each other’s citizens only causes more hardships, then weapons such as that nuclear bomb used to destroy two cities wouldn’t have been needed,” Jared replied calmly. “There is so much more to war and defense of one’s country than what I believe the modern century understands and those who might understand it seem to be killed before they can actually cause a change.”

Jensen wiped his face free of leftover shaving cream to smile toward the shower. “Did you and him have discussions like this?” he asked, stepping out of the bathroom only long enough to grab some clothes and the one extra set they’d bought for Jared when he heard the sputtering laughter. “I take it that’s a no?”

“Discuss war and politics with Jensen?” Jared laughed, rinsing his hair fully of the suds and knew he’d be smelling of that soap for weeks. “Don’t get me wrong. I adored him from the first day I met him and I loved him up to the night we were separated but I learned early on there were a few topics you did not discuss with him and that was art, war, slavery and politics. If he got into a discussion about any of those subjects I was usually pulling him out before a fight could start.” He paused to accept the towel that was handed to him. “He was…very passionate and very opinionated about things he believed in…as I believe you are when you’re not so worried about making a mistake.”

“I try not to get into politics because there are certain topics I dislike, which is also why we will not be letting you get into any lengthy talks with Doctor Kane. I’m not sure if she’d hug you or hit you.” Jensen set the clothes on the vanity while working very hard to keep his eyes fixed on Jared’s face and not the way the beads of water were falling over the ridges of his chest and stomach and certainly not to where they vanished past the towel that had been tied around his hips. “You…you said I’m like you were once. I find it so hard to think of you having a shy bone in your body considering you’re the very definition of walking sin and sex.”

Jared’s smile got bigger at that comment; amused at the term and that he could make Jensen blush so easily. “Oh, I was beyond shy when I arrived at West Point and for a good long time after that. I was shy, quiet, skinny and an easy target. Your kin changed that and me because even if it hadn’t become clear that we were destined to be best friends, Jensen had a thing against bullies.” He reached out a hand to simply touch the soft hair that he could tell hadn’t been touched by the gel stuff. “Let me dress?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m up to seeing you change yet. Watching you put that shirt on nearly killed me yesterday.” Jensen wasn’t really aware of how free he was being with his words and Jared didn’t plan on telling him. “I’ll see if I actually have food or we might have to eat on the way to the store to get you clothes before we go to Dani’s office.”

“Wouldn’t the merchant have food as well as clothes?” Jared’s hand was on the towel but didn’t drop it while the young man was still in the room with him; he wanted to slowly help Jensen adjust to being around another male that was interested in him physically so he knew he’d about pushed the limit for the time.

“Merchant?” Jensen paused on his way out; looking back in confusion until the word settled with his knowledge of what Jared would know and bit his lip. “Uhhh, yeah. Get dressed, Jared. Things have changed in the way we shop too.”

Jared wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that or the tiny smile he recognized as one meaning he was setting himself up for something but he waited until he was certain he was alone to drop the towel, finish drying off and dress again.

It was as he was hooking the button on the jeans that he caught a glimpse of his back in the vanity mirror and stopped to sigh, running his fingers down his spine to touch the jagged circular scar that could still be seen on the small of his back. The scar that he understood he’d have to tell Jensen about soon to let the modern day man see just how alike they really were.

By the time he pulled on the still slightly too tight t-shirt, deep green in color this time, he could smell coffee and relieved that at least coffee in this time couldn’t have changed that much. Or so he thought until he stepped into the kitchen to see Jensen dropping a small container of something into a machine that soon was making strange noises.

“What in the good Lord’s name is that?” he asked, never afraid of the unknown as he touched the device to see that was where the smell of coffee was coming from.

“Coffee,” Jensen replied simply, holding out a cup simply. “Do you take anything in it or do you normally take it black?”

“Never had much to put in it so I learned to drink it straight.” Jared’s gaze was narrowed as he watched Jensen make another cup, shaking the tiny container. “Where are the grounds? Where’s the heat to make it, the water, the…you’re giving me the same smirk he always did when I was over questioning things that seemed simple to him.”

“It’s just odd for me to be the one to explain things to someone,” Jensen told him and then spent the next twenty minutes explaining the workings of his coffeemaker to Jared. “Are you sure you’re ready to see modern Boston?”

Jared wasn’t but he also wasn’t letting Jensen out of his sight and so he would push his concerns aside and step into the 21st century. “Show me what you will,” he invited with a smile, brushing his thumb over a still pale cheek. “Show me what’s changed in 150 years.”

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Jensen’s smile was more relaxed after they left the apartment but Jared could still see he was holding back and made a vow to see the man’s best smile soon.

Because Chris had left the SUV it meant Jensen didn’t have to convince Jared to get into his small car and made a note to go ahead with the sale of the Ferrari so he could purchase a vehicle more suited to where his new home would be.

Jared was still leery of the horseless carriage but he trusted Jensen’s driving and was soon leaning forward in his seat to look at the buildings, old and new. Some of Boston he remembered while other sections had grown or were just plain new from the last time he was in the city.

The section Jensen drove to looked crowded with more carriages and people walking or riding what he guessed were modern bicycles. The buildings were glass fronted with various displays in them. Some were clothes, others books or cooking utensils but the one with the half-naked display models nearly had Jared choking.

“Umm, we won’t be going in that one,” Jensen had come around the SUV to snag Jared’s arm to pull him away from the lingerie store. “I only go in that one when I need to buy Dani a gift.”

“Your friend…wears…” Jared blinked, head still turning to look and blushing. “That’s not what she wore yesterday.”

“No, women were that stuff under their clothes or in bed,” Jensen chuckled, unaware of how relaxed he actually was when normally just the idea of shopping had him breaking out in cold sweats. “Though in certain clubs and bars they wear them when they work…I won’t let Chris take you out anywhere,” he decided as he knew his friend’s penchant for strip clubs and was still shocked that wasn’t the type of club Chris opened.

Jared snorted, keeping a hand on Jensen through the crowds of people on the sidewalk. “All these stores,” he said; he could see there seemed to be a storefront for nearly anything needed or wanted in this time. “Where I came from you were lucky to find a merchant in each town. I think Charleston had a couple since the ladies didn’t shop were the men shopped.”

“Now a lot of places combine men, women, children, and all the stuff in between,” Jensen told him, reaching for the door of the store he wanted. “I don’t go to those very often and for right now, for what we need to get you; Marcel will be able to help.”

Stepping from the crowded noisy street into the cool interior of the store made Jared blink…then sniff. “Should it smell like your shampoo in here?” he wondered, beginning to wonder if he’d ever adjust to the odd odors in the time.

“Uhh, sorry. Marcel is an incense fiend so he always has those little burners or candles burning all over the store,” Jensen was quick to hide his smile. “He says it’s relaxing and aligns the chakras or something.”

“Remind me to tell you to speak English to me,” Jared told him with a smile, looking around to see they’d come into a store with all types and colors of suits, slacks, jackets, shirts, undergarments, belts and so much more that a man would wear. “I’m taking it the basic white shirt is no longer in fashion?”

“Oh, it is but a lot of guys also like a little variety,” Jensen was eyeing Jared to try to figure out a size but was having no luck. “Do you know what size you wear?”

Jared smirked, holding out his arms. “The Army gave me their best fit and a couple times when I needed actual clothes we’d go to a merchant that had a tailor and he’d do all this measuring and stuff so…you’re guess is as good as mine.”

“Well if you’ve worked with a tailor then you shouldn’t punch Marcel out when he starts with his pins and chalk markers,” Jensen blew out a breath when a voice shouted from the other side of the store and he could have groaned.

“As a live and breathe, did I die and slip into a parallel world or did Jensen Ackles seriously just walk into my shop without that big bruiser holding a bat to your head?”

The tall skinny black man dressed in tight leather pants and a shocking blue silk shirt stood with hands on his hips as he stared at Jensen with a bright smile on his face and then his attention turned to Jared and his smile went up a notch as he wiggled his eyebrows. “And what have you brought me today?”

“Marcel owns the store and yes, he always talks like this,” Jensen reassured Jared quickly, stepping slightly in front of his friend in case the more outgoing man should put the soldier on the defensive.

“What did he mean about someone holding a bat to your head?” Jared was only focusing on that. “Someone threatened you to get you here?”

“What? No…no, Jared. He just means I don’t shop on my own unless Chris makes an issue of it,” Jensen explained quickly. “Chris never actually had a bat.”

“He did that day you had to buy a suit and didn’t want to go through my tailoring process,” Marcel corrected without knowing that it would make Jared growl another curse at Chris. “He threatened to smash you in the head with a bat if you didn’t settle your cocky ass down and just buy the damn suit.”

Jensen shot a scowl at the tailor while spinning to grab Jared by the hand. “Jay, Chris would never actually hurt me. He talks and says things off the top of his head since we grew up together and teases like that. He would never hurt me.”

“Yeah, I know that but considering I didn’t think anyone would hurt him either and how wrong I was about that you can understand my worries,” Jared sighed, making the hands that had fisted relax. “So, what’s he going to do to me?”

“I know what I’d like to do to you, big boy,” Marcel winked. Then he caught the way Jensen’s eyes actually flashed in warning and he caught the silent ‘back off’ signal and made a mental note to do a little dance when he got back to his office because in all the years that he’d known Jensen he had never seen him look like he was that day. “Where’d you pick him up at, Jensen?”

As Jensen worked up an answer, once again Jared answered off the top of his head. “Gettysburg.”

“Hell, if I’d known there are boys that look like you up there I’d’ve packed up my little store and moved there,” Marcel whistled lowly but this time knew he wasn’t misreading the warning in Jensen’s eyes or the protective way Jared’s hand moved up his back. “So, what can I do for you boys?” He got to business.

Normally when he did shop Jensen preferred to be in and out. This was the longest he’d ever spent in one shop and knew that Marcel was intentionally drawing out some things because he loved to tease and play but as Jensen leaned back in one of the chairs in the shop to watch the tailor try various styles and colors on Jared he slowly realized he was enjoying himself.

He had even caught himself laughing at the faces Jared shot him in regards to the types of clothes in this time and understood the other man was reining in his impatience in quite well in regards to Marcel wanting to put him in hot pink or bright colors.

It took only an hour to discover that while neutral or deep colors suited Jared better it always seemed to be the off white or light gray he preferred in both t-shirts or button down shirts.

Jensen had only actually snarled at the tailor once and that was when he’d had Jared strip down to his briefs so he could properly measure him for a couple pairs of pants and to find out a correct jean size and Marcel’s eyes had wondered a little too much.

Jared had handled the tailor’s process well but had kept his eye on Jensen the whole time after he’d actually heard him issue a low hiss to the black man who had made very plain his opinion that Jared was the hottest thing to walk in his door in years.

While he was tucking his new white shirt into the waistband of his now better fitting jeans, Jared made a motion to get Jensen’s attention to bring him over to him from where he’d been sitting waiting for the clothes they’d bought to be wrapped up while the others would take a few days.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked quietly, worried that perhaps this would all finally sink in and be too much too fast for Jared but then had to smother his gasp of surprise when Jared’s hand reached out to curve around his neck to bring him in close so when Jared bent down their lips touched softly.

Under normal circumstances Jared would never have done this outside the closed apartment but he’d picked up easily that a simple kiss wouldn’t be something that would shock the tailor if he happened to look up and see them.

Jared was fairly certain he could probably do anything he wanted with Jensen and it wouldn’t shock Marcel but all he wanted right then was a small taste of what he’d determined was the sweetness and innocence his friend carried and also to make Jensen smile again.

“Mmm, like it when you do that,” Jensen whispered against his lips, slipping his fingers around to grasp the back of the crisp white shirt that he really wanted to unbutton again after the torture of watching Jared’s long fingers button each one with careful precision. “I think I could get used to kissing you.”

“As soon as I get you used to me and you feel safe enough I’m hoping you’ll get used to a few other things we’ll do,” Jared returned softly, careful when he pulled Jensen closer so their chests bumped.

Both men were so engrossed in each other that they missed the red sedan with tinted windows that kept driving by the store and that slowed this time to squeal its tires as it sped off.

“What was…” Jensen’s head turned at the noise, realizing how far into the moment he’d let himself get and also how hard he could feel himself becoming from just this slight touch. “Jared, I…this isn’t the best…”

“Yeah, bad timing on my part and I’m sorry for that,” Jared hadn’t expected his simple idea to turn into what he could feel it moving toward and seriously wishing they didn’t have to go to the lawyer’s office. “I might be running your water payment up when we get back there.”

Glancing down, Jensen now could see that the better fitting jeans didn’t leave a lot to the imagination when Jared’s body showed it was very much alive in this time.

“It’ll be fine,” Jared murmured as he gave another kiss before stepping back just as Marcel came up with several bags.

By the time they’d gotten out of the shop to return the boxes to the SUV before walking to Danneel Harris’s law firm, Jared had finally found his voice again after losing it when the tailor had shot off the total cost of the clothes.

“I know I wasn’t any good with numbers but tell me again how many digits that was?” He was certain his jaw had hit the floor while Jensen had simply lifted a brow but pulled out a small plastic card to pay. “I didn’t pay four digits for my house and that man just charged you that for clothes. Clothes, Jensen!”

The total cost of the clothes had shocked Jared but had only mildly surprised Jensen because he knew the tailor and his habits. “Marcel marks up a lot of his stuff, especially the custom made things but then he’ll toss in some extras when we go back to pick those up,” he replied, smiling at Jared’s outraged face. “I could’ve taken you to a store with cheaper clothes but there we’d be stared at and…I know Marcel so…”

“This thing…this homosexuality that you called it, it’s still not accepted in your time as it wasn’t in mine then,” Jared deduced, not wanting his friend to be uncomfortable but also not liking that he had to pay so much. “When I learn how to make currency in this time, I’ll pay this back.”

“Jared, it was just clothes. I don’t mind,” Jensen told him, a little uneasy for some reason but just shrugged that off as his own paranoia. “You’re new to this time so it’ll be a while before you adjust enough so we can figure out what you are good at or…”

Jared had stepped to the other side so he was between Jensen and the street after seeing the way the other man was tensing. “Now here’s where I tell you the same thing that I told your kin 152 years ago…I appreciate the offer but I was raised to carry my own weight and pay my own way, not to take from others. So I will pay you back some day.”

“You have paid me back by just being here, Jay,” Jensen replied, starting to lean into the shoulder that was brushing against his when a car horn honking made him jump and swear at the same time. “Shit!”

Turning with his hand on Jensen’s elbow, Jared had tensed as the small strange looking carriage without a top slid against the curb.

“Jensen Ackles! You have got to be the hardest damn man to get a reply from!” The petite black haired young woman behind the wheel sounded exasperated as she slid over more. “I emailed you back and wanted to be sure you got the files I sent on David’s family but you seemed to have forgotten how to answer your emails…and now I can see why.” Her light green eyes seemed to look Jared up and down from over the top of her mirrored sunglasses before sending Jensen a knowing wink. “If he’s your excuse for blowing me off then I will so totally forgive you, cousin.”

Shifting so he was slightly in front of Jared, Jensen leaned down so he could see his cousin better while inwardly cringing. News that he’d been spotted in town with a guy would be spread all through his family by the time Bella Ackles Stephens got to where she could send a flash message to anyone in her contacts list.

That didn’t bother him. It was the fact that he knew his cousin would add about seven layers on top of the obvious and could often twist it so it would always mean trouble for Jensen later on.

“Jared’s a friend who’s new in town so I’m showing around on my way to sign papers for Danneel, Bella,” he told the proverbial snoop. “I haven’t checked my emails since I got back because I’ve had…issues.”

“Yeah, Mom was visiting Uncle Dylan when Mick Harris stopped by yesterday,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Jensen but your Mom married a nutcase when she married Delauter.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, Bella,” Jensen shrugged, stepping back, which was his clear way of saying to let it go and move on. “I’m late so I’ll check the attachment later and get back with you if I need anything else.”

Bella knew her cousin well enough to know his not so subtle signals so just smiled. “Fine, you carry on but if you get bored with this one you can always send him my way or…share.”

“Bella…” Jensen’s voice had just started to drop lower in warning when Jared suddenly leaned down to whisper something in her ear that soon had her eyes popping open wider and an actual blush causing her pixie like cheeks to bloom pink.

“Well, I’ve never had it put that way before but…I get it.” She eyed Jared with a new expression and then slowly gazed at Jensen with a much different smile. “I like this one, Jensen. He speaks his mind. Bye!”

The snazzy red Coupe sped off leaving Jensen blinking since it was never that easy to shut his cousin up. “Jared? What did you say to her?” he wondered, glad to see the sign to the law firm that Danneel worked for up ahead.

“I simply told her the truth,” Jared shrugged easily, not understanding why people in this time period seemed to have such a hard time talking straight. “What we were starting wasn’t something that was sharable, she wasn’t my type if she was the last female on Earth and it might be wise for her to adjust her tone the next time she speaks to you.” He paused until Jensen had opened the door to the office to also add. “I also told her that you have much better lips than she appeared to have and I could attest that you were an excellent kisser.”

Jensen’s step faltered as he went to turn around to stare to see both dimples showing as Jared smiled and slowly he laughed, his hand laying over the one Jared had placed on his shoulder. “Thank you,” he murmured and then turned to speak with the secretary to inform her that he was here for an appointment with Miss. Harris.

There wasn’t the much of a wait but even those few short minutes had Jensen nervously tapping his fingers until a hand caught his to hold it still.

“If you want this house why’re you nervous?” Jared was curious and then remembered being asked a similar one more than 100 years earlier.

“Because I’ve never owned anything before,” Jensen told him quietly, explaining at his questioning look. “The apartment is owned by my grandmother so it’s not even really mine. The only things I own are my clothes, my books and my art. Well, my guitar but even that used to be my Dad’s.”

“Can you play?” Jared asked curiously, thinking back to something Kane had said about owing a song. “You sing or play?”

Thinking about slapping his friend for mentioning that in front of Jared, Jensen gave a one-shouldered shrug while motioning absently. “I can do both but I prefer playing guitar or the piano even though I sing when Chris or Dani goad me into it or I get a summons from Nana.”

“Your ancestor was tone deaf and couldn’t sing a note but he could play well.” Jared recalled sitting under the weeping willow tree by the water listening to his friend play the instrument. “I sang some in our small choir but haven’t so much as hummed a note since that day.”

“There’s so many little things that I don’t know about you,” Jensen murmured, a little surprised to learn his friend could sing but would never ask him to.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me, Jen,” Jared told him, hearing Jensen’s name called and offering a smile. “Go sign the papers and buy a house.”

Jensen took a deep breath before standing up, he looked back and even though he knew every eye in the outer office was on him he finally decided to take a risk and held out a hand. “Come in with me?”

There had never been a doubt in Jared’s mind that it was rare for Jensen to reach out to anyone other than those people he felt closest to. To ask for anything so to watch him hold out a hand, to hear him ask him to go with him Jared felt an odd tightness in his chest.

“Sure,” he took the hand offered, feeling the slight shaking and also feeling the gaze of those around them; a few were more than a little disapproving which heightened all of Jared’s protectiveness. “Doesn’t anyone make coffee the old fashioned way?” he asked as they walked down a long hallway to where Dani’s office was located. “You know, boiling water and cooking the beans over a flame?”

“I think my great-great grandmother made it that way once,” Chris Kane’s voice spoke from inside the office. “She was about 90 and still believed the white men were after her land.”

Jared groaned and actually banged his head off the doorway before tossing the black haired man a sour look. “Don’t you actually have an occupation you can be attending to?” he demanded while turning a polite smile Danneel’s way but never letting his hand leave Jensen.

“Sure but my job after taking care of the bar I’m opening is being a pain in your ass, Padalecki,” Chris shot a smug smile but then had to be quick to catch himself when Dani moved out from behind her desk and casually nudged the chair leg out from under where he’d been leaning back. “Hey!”

“His job is actually being a pain in my ass this morning,” the auburn haired young woman smiled at Jared before hugging Jensen tightly, eyes narrowing at the bruises she could still see. “His Dad banished him here.”

“Why?” Jensen asked, sitting down near the desk while Jared just stood…between him and Chris. “Are you two ever going to get along?” he had to ask since he was not at the point of just accepting the two men might not ever agree with each other.

“Have I shoved him in front of a passing carriage?” Jared countered, ignoring the snort that came and he lightly rubbed his hand over Jensen’s shoulder. “We’re…”

“Slowly coming to a workable arrangement,” Chris put in but shot Dani a raised eyebrow look with a smile to show that he was right.

The young woman had seen it the first time she’d seen Jared with her friend but now she had to admit, albeit grudgingly, that Chris was right and you couldn’t miss the emotions and almost sparks shooting between him and Jensen now.

That also told her another reason why Chris was growling and her own brother was smirking when asking her about the tall new guy in Jensen’s life.

“Oh, and he got his ass banished because Sean was worried he might do something stupid at Delauter’s arraignment this morning,” Dani finished answering while finding the folder she needed.

“I made one harmless comment that I wonder what my luck would be like for him to trip coming down the courthouse steps and landing on my fist.” Chris’s expression was all innocence, the fact that he was flexing his fist told another story. “Is it my fault my father has no sense of humor?”

“Or it’s because your father knows you?” Dani returned with a flip of her braid. “Either way, it doesn’t matter because the judge denied David bail so he’s locked up for the next few weeks until his trial.”

Jensen had been staring at his friends as he took this in. “They denied him bail? What does that mean?” he couldn’t possibly see anyone denying David Scott Delauter anything.

“It means Dad got lucky and pulled a judge that wasn’t buying any of the crap Delauter’s high paid sharks were selling and he said the man was a flight risk and also had disregarded the restraining order too many times so he refused him bail and told him to sit in jail and consider his actions.” Chris didn’t bother to retell the rest of what his Dad had said because he didn’t want to upset Jensen much less his new guard dog.

“It also means that if anyone from Delauter’s side, including Celia, contacts you or comes close to you that it’ll go harder on him,” Dani put in, tapping the file. “You’ll have plenty of time to move to South Carolina without worrying about them messing with you.”

“No one’s going to mess with him,” Jared spoke up firmly, fingers tight as they returned the squeeze when Jensen reached for his hand. “Or hurt him. Here or there.”

Chris knew he could comment just to make Jared snarl, but the way Jensen actually relaxed at the man’s touch and the nearly full smile on his face made him hold his tongue.

“So, are you ready to sign these?” She laid the papers on the desk and some photos of the property.

“Can Jared look at those?” Jensen looked at the photos, seeing that the photos had caught the man’s eye. “I know it might not look like much but…it’s home,” he murmured, twirling a pen nervously.

Kneeling down so he’d be both closer to Jensen but also so he could spread the photos of the worn down but still vintage looking home out to take a better look at each one.

Anyone else would look at the broken shutters; multi colored roof, the peeling paint, broken boards and high grass and see too much expense and work. Jensen had looked at it and saw a home; any choice that might have been left for Jared had been made with those simple words.

He’d suspected the first time Jensen had spoken about the piece of property he’d chosen to buy outside of Charleston but he wasn’t certain until he’d caught a glimpse of the photo of the front of the house that faced the long driveway.

“Huh,” he murmured, feeling Jensen’s worried eyes and waited until he could do it without so many tears shining in his eyes when he turned his face to meet them with a smile. “It actually didn’t look like much when I bought it either but…it was home.”

As Jensen’s eyes widened as he realized what Jared was saying, Chris and Dani were staring at once another when the lawyer sat back in her chair.

“I never put it together before now,” she said quietly, staring at Jared and going on after batting Chris’s hands away from the papers. “The owner said the home had been passed down in her family after its second owner, some ancestor, had been killed…in the Civil War.”

Dani was kicking herself for not adding it up sooner but she had mainly listened to the kindly old woman out of politeness. “She said because her relative had been from the South in the War that when it ended the property should’ve been confiscated but someone up North had pulled strings to allow them to keep the property in the Padalecki family.”

“This was your home,” Jensen whispered, a little numb at the thought that he’d found and fallen in love with the very home that had belonged to Jared and… “Oh. Oh my God, no,” his happiness turned to concern and then to near panic.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Chris had caught the change while wondering what he wanted to yell about first since he’d thought Dani had done a background check on this place in the beginning. “Jensen? Dude? You might want to breathe before…I hate when you do that to me.”

Jared’s hand had shot out to warn Chris to keep his distance while turning Jensen more toward him as if he suspected what was causing the problem. “It’s alright,” he spoke quietly but saw the wildness coming in those big green eyes. “Jensen.”

“That’s where it happened, isn’t it?” Jensen knew from the journal that his ancestor had been killed in the home he shared with Jared…the very house that he was so close to owning. “That house is where your Jensen was murdered. I can’t think of taking you back there when you’ve said it yourself that you never went back because it hurt too much. For so long I’ve wanted it but now…”

“Jen, look at me.” Jared’s hand was gentle when it held the face of the man that he was coming to understand had a huge heart and who cared so much about others even in the face of not taking what he’d worked so hard to own. “Yes, he died there. I came home from a campaign to find my friend lying in a pool of his own blood in the foyer where I now know Scott Delauter beat him until he shoved a knife into his stomach so he knew Jensen would bleed out slowly but still be alive when I found him.

“Yes, I held the man I had loved in the bed that we shared only once when I realized I couldn’t save him and that no doctor could even if they would have tried since he was a Yankee and the men who I thought had done it had scared the townspeople.” He kept his one hand on Jensen’s face to make certain they maintained eye contact while he used his other to hold Jensen’s shaking hand and feeling the ring Jensen wore warm at his touch. “Yes, I told you that I nearly burned the house down and never returned that I left it all behind because it hurt so much and reminded me of him but…”

Jared shifted more on his knees so he could lean closer, between Jensen’s legs to bring their faces closer as he tried to make him understand what was suddenly so clear to him. “But it was still a place that we shared plenty of happy times. Where I had plans to raise horses because we both loved them and where I buried quite a few things that meant a lot to us because I refused the thought of any side, Yankee or Confederate, touching what was his.

“I know what you’re afraid of. I know that it might be a little hard for me to walk in the front door of that house, no, listen to me,” he cut Jensen’s argument off with a firm shake of his head and wishing for once the damn ghost of his friend would actually make an unwelcome appearance to possibly help ease Jensen’s fears. “There was a reason you were led to find this house, a reason that you fell in love with it. There’s a reason that someone allowed my family to keep it and why this owner agreed to sell it to you. You were meant to own this house, Jen.” He brought Jensen’s forehead forward to touch his, holding back on what he felt he should do because of who else was in the room. “I will go back in that house with you and I will be there as we turn it back into the home that it was meant to be.”

Jensen’s breathing had slowed down finally, his worry still there but the confidence and unspoken trust and emotion shining in Jared’s eyes calmed him. “I’ve wanted this house for as long as I can remember after seeing it, Jay…but I won’t hurt you so if…”

“I’m not certain why the annoying pain in the ass spirit of your kin has chosen now to not stick his nose into things but I think I can safely speak for him when I say…sign the papers, Jen. Sign them so I can take you home,” Jared spoke low, his natural drawl more intensified with emotions he longed to express to this man.

“Oh, he is damn good,” Dani whispered to a smirking Chris, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes without smudging her makeup.

“This is nothing. Wait until you see him pissed off and in full on protect mode…then he’s just goddamn scary,” Chris leaned back in his seat now that he’d seen his friend had calmed down and once again had the pen in his hand. “You remember how to sign your name?” he asked with a yawn. “The sooner you sign, the sooner we can blow this joint and go celebrate that you are officially a homeowner.”

Jensen’s lips curved into a small grin as he carefully signed and dated on each space that Dani pointed to and listening to Jared softly offer small ideas on getting rid of Chris if he ever came to visit. “Y’know, I don’t have to keep Jay from tossing you in the water down there,” he pointed out, adding as he signed for the final time. “Or up here.”

It had surprised Dani to hear Jared using Jensen’s nickname since she was aware of how much he normally detested it but it also hadn’t passed her attention when she heard him shortening Jared’s name. It touched her to see her friend actually happy when there had been so few times in Jensen’s life that he’d been honestly happy and she just hoped it lasted.

Getting it out of Chris what had happened in Gettysburg hadn’t been easy but she’d learned the best ways to handle him. Now she just feared for Jensen’s heart if anything happened to take Jared away when it was so clear how he felt for the man.

“I’d say my Dad would protect me but I think he’s planning on adopting Padalecki here so that won’t work,” Chris shrugged, raising an eyebrow. “So, is it final? He’s going to get writer’s cramp just from signing his name.”

Carefully tapping the papers back into a neat pile, Dani placed them back in the folder. “I’ll fax a copy to the agent and lawyer in Charleston but yes, it is official,” she leaned over the desk to lightly kiss her friend’s cheek. “Congratulations, Jensen. You are now a homeowner.”

“Wow, that’s…weird,” Jensen whispered, nervous now that he really did own the house of his dreams. “It’s mine? For real?” he asked, still wondering if he could lose it. “I can move down there whenever I want?”

“You can move tomorrow if you want, honey,” Dani assured him, not missing the way Jared’s hand went to the small of Jensen’s back in a casual gesture of support when he stood up. “Though I hope you’ll give Chris and I a chance to take you and Jared out to dinner to celebrate.”

“Plus your grandmother still wants to spoil you with a dinner one more time,” Chris reminded him, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket but ignoring it. “I vote for Vito’s for tonight.”

Dani made a face. “Carbs, Chris,” she complained, leaning her head on her hand. “How about someplace in Chinatown or…”

“No Chinese,” both Chris and Jensen spoke up before Jared could make a face.

“Screw the carbs and the diet for one night, babe,” Chris motioned with his thumb to their friend. “Jensen just bought property and has adopted an ex-Confederate soldier so that calls for red meat, fried food and ice cream!”

Understanding how odd things may be for Jared, Jensen was leery of going out to dinner but wasn’t certain how to make a polite excuse. “I appreciate it but I probably should see what’s left in the apartment I can take and start making plans to ship the stuff down and…”

“You trying to blow us off, Ackles?” Chris snorted with an eye roll, shaking his head. “No way. This is one time you are actually going to let us take you out to a nice dinner or I’m showing up at your door with a…really?”

Jared’s hand had bunched in Chris’s jacket without even turning from where he’d been watching Jensen. “Jensen says this tendency you have to bully him is because you grew up together and you mean well,” his eyes slowly slid to meet the other man’s, sharpening just slightly. “That may well be since I am far from understanding all the strange little customs this era seems to have so how about you and I come to this little agreement?

“You stop bullying him and I’ll stop grabbing you by your throat with the very real intent of crushing your windpipe. How does that work for you, Kane?” he asked, voice carefully neutral but he didn’t look away from the wary blue eyes.

“Bluffing,” Chris decided to try but quickly wondered about that when the hand in his jacket swiftly moved to his throat with just a simple raised brow and he suddenly knew if Jensen hadn’t placed a hand on the ex-soldier’s shoulder that this might have escalated in a bad way. “Or not.”

“Chris! The man didn’t blink,” Dani shook her head, scowling a little as she crossed her arms. “Besides he’s right,” she said to the surprise of all three men. “What? Chris has bullied you without really knowing he was for years, sweetie but because it was mainly for your own good, I never say anything. Now I think it’s time he takes a step back.”

Jared knew it wouldn’t be that simple and honestly, he’d be disappointed if it were. He also thought he and Chris had reached some sort of understanding in addition to the one from the other night so he let go and offered a polite smile to Danneel. “They want to take you out,” he said to Jensen. “I think you need to get out and so long as it’s not smelly brown rice then I should be good with it.”

“Thanks,” Jensen smiled, nodding his acceptance of the dinner. “I want to show Jared more of the city so can we meet around 7?”

“Just don’t get lost,” Chris eyed his watched while once again ignoring the phone in his pocket he could feel vibrating. “If you’re late Dani will try to order healthy and I’ll starve.”

“We won’t be late,” Jensen chuckled at the mock groan of dismay his friend gave, accepting Chris’s handshake as well as his usual one-armed hug. “I really am alright with him, Chris,” he spoke lowly.

“Yeah, maybe after 10 years with him I might stop giving him a hard time,” Chris returned the same way, smirking at Jared.

Dani shook her head. “The testosterone in my office is now too thick so you guys can all get out so I can fax these to Charleston, finish up and meet you for dinner.” She gave her two friends hugs and kisses and couldn’t help the giggle when Jared kissed her hand. “Chris, learn some manners from Jared.”

“Never happen, babe!” Chris called back, laughing as something nailed him in the back of his head. “She still throws like a girl.” He paused on the sidewalk for Jensen and Jared to join him, feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand up a little but put it off as too much law office coffee. “I’m going to go check on the bar and change. Call me if anything comes up and if not I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

“Thanks, Chris,” Jensen told his friend, calling out. “Tell Sean thanks too. It feels…good to not have to look over my shoulder for once.”

It did. To know that his stepfather was sitting behind bars gave Jensen an odd sense of peace like he hadn’t felt since he was sixteen.

“Okay?” Jared asked while slipping his hand into Jensen’s as they walked back toward where the SUV was parked.  

“I am, yeah,” Jensen assured the other man. “You realize since we got back to the city that you’ve been acting like the older one here,” he dug his elbow into Jared’s ribs at the snort of laughter. “You know what I mean, Jay.”

“Until Kane forges a birth certificate I am older than you, Jen…by a hundred and some years,” Jared pointed out, getting what his friend was saying when he was pulled up short by a sudden cold breeze that seemed to come from nowhere. “Did you feel that?” he asked, fingers tightening on Jensen’s hand.

Jensen had felt Jared stop but he hadn’t felt anything else. “No, what was it?” he asked, pulling his keys out of his pocket when they dropped on the sidewalk. “Damn. At least they didn’t drop in the drain.”

When he bent to retrieve his keys Jared’s eyes scanned the sidewalk for whatever was making him feel like icy fingers were gripping his heart. “Jen? Go back to Miss Harris’s office and wait for me.” He didn’t know what the hell he was feeling but the soldier inside him knew something was wrong and in this modern world he suddenly saw that the threat could come from too many ways.

“Huh?” Jensen glanced up, frowning. “Jay? What’s wrong?” he asked, never seeing Jared like this before; with actual concern in his eyes. “Jared?”

“You really do need to learn not to disobey people so much, Jensen.”

The buttery smooth voice shot straight through Jensen’s blood and the shock of hearing it froze him but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Jared.

“You son of a bitch!” he growled, whirling to grab for Jensen and also put himself in between him and David Delauter. He heard a sound he was only too familiar with and the pain in his chest was shocking, but only Jensen’s scream told Jared that something was wrong…before his legs gave out.

Seeing David there when he’d been reassured the man was still in jail had stunned Jensen but it was hearing the loud gunshot, seeing the slow bloom of red spreading over the white of Jared’s shirt and watching his friend fall to his knees that brought him out of it.

“Jared!” he screamed, forgetting his keys in his need to get to Jared whose eyes had just locked with his. “No! No, not like this!” he went to lunge only to have a thick arm wrap around his neck to pull him back. “Jared!”

“The bastard won’t be able to help you this time, Jensen,” Delauter sneered, raising the 9mm pistol he’d taken from one of the men who had helped him escape custody. “In fact, no one is going to help you this time and you will come to regret, very painfully, the humiliation you caused me. But first, let’s make sure you understand just how alone you are as you watch me put another bullet in this freak’s heart.”

“No! David, please! Don’t hurt him!” Jensen struggled against the man holding him but cried out as his arms were twisted behind his back and he felt the cuffs go on, eyes locked on Jared’s to see him still struggling to move, to help him. “I’ll give you what you want! Just don’t…”

The pistol fired and Jared’s body jerked from the impact and then lay still. People were now running away from the scene of sudden violence as he pressed the pistol under Jensen’s jaw. “I know you’ll give me what I want, boy. I know that because you won’t have a choice. Where I’m taking you will make the other place look good,” he sneered, pulling Jensen’s head back by his hair to meet his eyes. “You’ve been a pain in my ass since you were a boy. You never should’ve stepped from that hospital alive or at least with a brain. Well, my friends have a few interesting tests to run on people like you and before I make sure you’re dead or nothing but a drooling pile of flesh you will sign all those funds back to your mother.”

The fear was there but even more, Jensen was livid at seeing Jared laying on the sidewalk, his chest covered in blood just like in his dreams. “You kill me now, David,” he gritted, no longer caring what happened to him as he understood with Jared dead he might as well be. “You kill me now or if I do live I’ll…ugh!”

The man holding him suddenly dropped him to allow Delauter to swing the tire iron he’d picked up to slash it across the younger man’s skull. “Oh, I’ll kill you, boy. In my own sweet time since your hero won’t be coming to the rescue and Kane won’t find us.” He swung it again before spitting on Jared’s still body. “Toss him in the van and let’s go. It’s a long ride upstate and we’ll need to avoid the cops.”

As three men still dressed in the uniforms of Boston’s finest cruelly tossed Jensen’s lifeless body inside a black windowless van, Delauter paused to glare at Jared’s body. “Pity he missed watching again.”

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, don't panic.


	14. Chapter 14

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Fourteen**

“White male, middle twenties, two gunshot wounds upper chest!” the paramedic shouted after the ambulance pulled into the bay at Boston Memorial Hospital. “Suffering blood loss, extreme shock, pupils dilated and non-reactive and he hasn’t regained consciousness. He only has ID, no cash or credit cards so unknown if it was just robbery or if he was a Good Samaritan in the way of that kidnapping they say happened on the same spot.”

Doctor Maggie Kane rarely worked the ER anymore, but even though she headed the hospital board and ran a private practice, she still liked to offer her services to the understaffed ER when she could. On this night she was glad she was there when the call came in.

“I have this,” she told the struggling young intern, taking a look at her newest patient and feeling her blood run cold. “Get him into room five, start him a liter of Ringers and cross-match him,” she ordered swiftly. “I’ll be right there.”

Maggie had been a doctor for many years so this wasn’t her first multiple gunshot wound but between seeing his pale face and the ID the paramedic handed her she knew what she needed to do first.

“Sean? I don’t know what the hell’s going on but you’d better call Chris,” she glanced at the ID in her hand, knowing it was one of her son’s making but she’d recognized the boy in her ER as the face of the man her son’s best friend had been drawing for years. “Jensen’s new friend? The one you said dislikes our son? He’s just been brought in with two gunshots to the chest and…it doesn’t look good.”

It took Sean Kane less than five minutes to locate his son by phone. It took another 20 to calm him down and by the time Chris stormed through the doors to the ER his shock and anger at himself had shifted to shock and full-blown fury at someone else, namely the police offer he slammed into the wall.

“How in the goddamn hell could you assholes let the bastard escape?” he demanded, voice pure deep fury that erased the normal roughness to leave nothing but emotion.

Michael ‘Mick’ Harris had to remind himself to not lose his already straining temper but it was hard with Chris in his face.

The Boston cop had already faced the tearful wrath of his sister, which had been bad enough. He knew facing Chris would be worse because while Dani had been crying, Chris was pissed and more prone to lash out physically.

“We didn’t ‘ _let_ ’ Delauter escape, Kane,” he shot back, head still ringing from where he’d personally taken a nightstick to the back of his skull. “We weren’t expecting the assholes we suspected he paid within the department to screw their careers by breaking him out while in transit back to jail. Believe me, I wasn’t expecting it or the damn hit to my head that I will be returning the first chance I get.”

“You all knew, and I’m including my father is this too, that Delauter hated Jensen. He hated him before and that this time, Jensen actually following through and pressing the issue of the assault, would piss him off.” Chris was kicking himself because this type of thing was exactly what his friend had been worried about happening. “Everyone told him that it would be fine! Where are they?”

Mick knew he’d screwed up and that the department had dropped the ball in a lot of ways this time because anyone within listening range that morning had heard the threats David Delauter had thrown toward his stepson so the risk was there.

A risk that he thought he’d removed by making certain the man was moved back to the jail by officers Mick had chosen personally. He just hadn’t counted on how far Delauter or his money reached because when the damn police van was intercepted by another police van all hell had broken loose.

Now he had a manhunt going on for an escaped felon, several former cops, a kidnapping that could very well turn into a murder if he didn’t locate his suspects soon and a man fighting for his life in the ER. As well as a very pissed off Chris Kane who was currently looking like murdering someone might be a good plan.

“I don’t know,” Mick finally responded, grunting when the arm across his throat was pushed harder and he wondered how much either Dani or Dr. Kane would bitch if he broke Chris’s arm.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know?” Chris was livid but he was also scared. He hadn’t felt this way since he was 17 and learned about his friend’s forced hospitalization. “Where are they, Mick?”

“According to witnesses at the scene Delauter and his cronies shot the new guy and then after beating Jensen with what has been described as a long black metal stick they dragged him into a black van and took off,” Mick watched the blue eyes that were glaring at him grow wider as that set in. “I know. We have APBs out on Delauter, the men with him, the van as well as a description of Jensen going out to all the counties and…”

Chris shoved the cop back against the wall before whirling to stalk a few feet away to avoid sending his fist into the man’s face. “Are you serious?” he finally responded, his laugh dry and not amused in the least as he looked back. “Delauter isn’t stupid! He’ll get Jensen as far out of Boston as he can and if he still has friends like he did back then, if he manages to lock him up in some ‘out of the way’ place we will never find Jensen!” he snapped, the images of that flowing unhindered. “Do you have any idea what that bastard will do to my friend if he thinks no one will look for him? If he thinks he can get away with it this time?”

“Son, calm down,” Sean had arrived in time to hear this and could see the buried anger that was causing his son to shake. “Mick’s doing…”

“Bullshit!” Chris whirled now to confront his father, shoving the hand off his shoulder. “Harris has hated Jensen since we were kids so I know what he’s ‘doing’ but you…you promised him that he’d be safe! You told me that he’d be safe if he did this and Jared convinced him…son of a bitch,” he groaned when recalling the other side of the coin. “Where’s Jared? He was shot? How bad?”

“Is he going to pick a topic to stay focused on?” Mick asked the senior Kane. His head ached and trying to keep up with the ranting Chris was making it worse.

“You want me focused on something?” Chris shot back, taking a step only to feel a warning hand grab his jacket. “I’ll be focused all over your ass if you don’t answer me.”

Mick was once again reminded that while normally hotheaded and brash, Chris was worse this time due to his fear for his friend, a fear he shared. While he couldn’t do anything about that he chose to address the matter he did know about.

“According to witnesses, the victim…Jared Padalecki according to this interesting license that I smell your handiwork in, tried to protect Jensen only to be shot twice in the chest. The second bullet was overkill really but was more than likely to prove a point to Jensen,” Mick was tapping the ID on his notebook when it was snatched from his finger. “I thought you quit this crap when you went legit?”

“It’s temporary until Danneel can get him actual papers,” Chris snapped, ignoring his father’s eye roll. “Damn moron took a bullet for Jensen again?”

“Again?” Mick repeated. “When did he before?” he wanted to know. “Where the hell did he come from anyway? I’ve never seen him before and I know Ackles well enough to know he normally doesn’t let anyone as close as he let that one…not even you.”

“Shut up,” Chris muttered, wondering what he could tell the cop that he’d believe and then just went for it. “He took a bullet for Jensen back in Gettysburg when an ancestor of Delauter’s tried to shoot him through the hole in time that Jared eventually came through to bring him from the Civil War to our time. He healed then. I doubt if he will now and he needed ID because driver’s licenses probably weren’t real big in 1863. Next question, Lieutenant?”

Sean hissed while Mick closed his small notebook to stare at Chris as if to judge his sincerity before finally shaking his head. “I have a concussion so I’m not even going to try to ask you what the hell you’re talking about and just chalk it up to another of Jensen’s quirks,” he decided, nodding back to the Jared’s room, where most of the action on the ER floor was taking place. “I haven’t seen him since I got here and your Mother kicked me out so all I know is that he’s…”

The sudden blaring noise in the ER cut the cop off while also making Chris jump as people started running, a voice over the intercom began to demand various supplies but it was when Maggie Kane’s voice could be heard that Chris moved.

“Damn it! He’s crashing!” Maggie had been working for over an hour on the young man brought into her ER. She’d been relieved, shocked but relieved to see that only one bullet had actually penetrated his chest. The actual ‘killing’ round had somehow hit off a locket the man had been wearing and as she would later think, it was as if the little piece of metal had protected him.

Now she wasn’t certain what was happening. One minute she was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when his vitals started to settle down. The next something seemed to cause his body to jerk and his heart rate spiked and now she was fighting to keep it beating.

“He’s in V-fib! Get me some adrenaline and the paddles, STAT!” She jerked her head up when she heard a step that should not be in her area to snap an order only to sigh…and then yell. “Out! Chris, get out of here!”

Chris had been spurred into moving when he heard the concern in his mother’s voice, ignoring both his father and Mick Harris as he headed for the room where his mother and a team of doctors and nurses worked to stabilize Jared; he was covered in blood and his eyes were closed.

“No,” he whispered, stunned at how lifeless and different he looked compared to the man he’d gotten used.

From the first moment they met, Jared had been larger than life, outspoken and just as protective of Jensen as Chris was. Now the man looked small and…human laying there with Maggie and her staff fighting to save his life, and just like that Chris knew.

Chris knew that even if he could find Jensen, his friend would never survive without Jared. He also knew somewhere in his soul that Jensen needed Jared right then more than anything or anyone else but he feared if this might not be the way that the former Confederate soldier was meant to cross over to be with the man he had loved once.

“No. No way in hell are you going to be in my face so much, give me that damn speech like you did in his kitchen and then bail on him when he needs you the most,” Chris growled, ignoring his mother and the staff that wanted to remove him from the cubicle as he stalked over to grab the hand that had fallen off the bed. “Back the hell off or I put you in your own damn ER, dude,” he growled at an intern before seeing something on a table with the bloodied shirt, his chest tightening because he knew it was one of the rings his friend had been wearing.

“Chris, I need you out of here while I try to save this man’s…Christian Kane, do not snarl at your me or I will slap you so hard you will feel it next year!” Maggie snapped when her only child flashed a dangerous look that clearly meant he wasn’t planning on leaving. “Chris, he’s dying and…”

“No, he’s not,” Chris snarled, pressing the West Point ring into Jared’s hand to close the fingers around it. “You hear me, Captain? You are not dying because you are not leaving my friend like this. You’ve been the number one thing in Jensen’s life for as long as I’ve known him, even when you might not have been more than dreams to him or a face he sketched and since you showed up, since the first goddamn time you threatened me I saw the change in him.”

Ignoring the hustle going on around him as Maggie got her people back to work trying to save Jared’s life, Chris held onto the hand he was holding and kept his gaze locked on the pale, unmoving face. “I saw him almost fully relaxed and nearly happy. I’ve seen him lean into you and let you touch him when any other time he would cringe but what finally cinched it was when I realized he was letting you call him ‘Jen’ and looked actually happy every time you did.

“Today when he would have backed off of having the house he’d wanted nearly as much as he wanted you. I knew he’d decided to give his heart but I also knew when I watched you with him. The way you talked to him, the way you touched him, have touched him that you also cared for him so now you damn well better prove it to me,” he gripped the hand tighter to watch the monitors flux as if Jared was struggling.

“You told me that if you knew that you could stay with him that you’d show him what it meant to be loved and how to love. Well, I’m telling you now if you leave him now, if you take whatever choice you might be given and leave him alone to face whatever the hell he will if I find him then I will find a way to raise your spirit up and kick it back to hell,” Chris growled, closing his eyes against the burning he felt in them.

As he stood there trying to will this man to live, to want to live in comparison to what he might have should he cross over, he could see the former soldier the other night sleeping on the sofa with Jensen. He saw him today and decided to try one other avenue to reach him.

“Padalecki…Jared, Jensen needs you. He’s in trouble and I’m not sure if I can help him by myself. Delauter has him and will hurt him or worse. Jen needs you more than he ever has,” Chris said through clenched teeth. “Damn it! Jared!”

** Elsewhere around the same time: **

Jared Padalecki opened his eyes to blink as he took in the soft green grass he was lying on, the cool breeze blowing his long dark hair as well as the tall weeds and grass on the banks of the water that ran past the back yard of…

“This isn’t right,” he whispered, getting to his feet to feel his chest aching like he’d been kicked by a mule and seeing that he was dressed like he’d preferred to be when at home; casual trousers, no shoes with his cotton shirt sleeves rolled up and undone at the throat.

“This is what your mind recognizes as a safe place, it’s your center so to speak.”

Another kind of ache, a deep longing, surged through Jared as he heard the voice that spoke with its normal Boston accent just a tad heavier; a telling sign that its owner was fighting emotion himself.

“So now I can see you?” Jared wasn’t sure to find it ironic or worrisome as he slowly turned. He felt his breath catch as he saw his friend leaning against the whispering willow tree close to the bank.

“Now it’s time so you can,” ‘ _Jensen Ackles’_ shrugged easily, his own short hair barely moving in the soft breeze as he watched Jared. “Hello, Jay,” he greeted huskily, surprised that out of everything he’d done through the long years to get to this moment that this would be the hardest. “Long time.”

“Over a year for me but a bit longer for you I hear.” Jared managed a shaky smile. Even that year now seemed so long as he took in his friend and lover. “You’re looking fancy. There a reason? You hated when you felt you had to dress up.”

It was true. Jensen hated dressing up in more than trousers and a shirt. Today as he appeared in this safe area, he was wearing a crisp white long sleeve shirt, the first two buttons undone, his good black trousers with a matching vest and his gold pocket watch.

“Maybe there is,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied casually, shifting his head to gaze at his friend fully; his lips curving. “Missed you, Jay.”

“I’ve been missing you since the night it happened, Jensen,” Jared returned, stepping away from the water to move toward the tree but feeling that something didn’t quite seem right. “This…this is wrong. This is how it looked before when we lived here but…”

“Because this is how you remember it being so this is how it’s pictured here,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ told him, waiting until the taller man was close enough to finally reach out and his façade of calm nearly failed when his fingers actually touched and didn’t pass through like he feared they might. “God, I’ve wanted to touch you since I first saw you again.”

It startled Jared to actually feel the touch because he knew that he shouldn’t have been able to since his friend was a spirit and he was… “Where are we?” he asked, a catch in his voice as his eyes drifted closed at the feel of familiar fingers on his face. “And don’t say home because you know what I meant. You’re dead and I’m…”

He suddenly recalled his last memories. He heard the shots, he felt the pain and he heard the panic in… “Jensen,” he whispered, eyes widening as he caught the wrist of the man he’d known. “Where am I?” he demanded again, tightening his grip just enough to cause green eyes to narrow warningly. “Where is he? Damn it, Jensen! Answer me! What’s going on?”

“Do you remember when we moved in here?” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ asked instead of answering, needing just these few moments of calm before he was forced to tear a hole in both of their hearts. “I remember how hard you worked to fix it up, just the two of us.” He smiled a little, feeling the grip on his wrist tighten as those huge hazel eyes held his as realization began to set in for Jared. “Can you remember how happy we were even for that little while, Jared? Can you remember the night we were last here and the promise I made?”

“Son of a bitch,” Jared whispered, letting go of his friend to take a couple shaky steps away from him; staring at the water rather than the look of pain and loss he knew he’d see. “This is that choice you mentioned isn’t it?” he asked, fingers raking back through his hair in bitter frustration. “Jensen! Talk to me! I need to know what’s going on and where Jen is. Where I am or am…am I already dead…again?”

“There is no again because you never died to start with,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ reminded him, his next smile wry. “Have you caught on to the fact that you have not once called me that since you began using it for my descendant?” He hadn’t thought this would be as hard as it was turning out to be…this letting go.

“Damn it! If you don’t tell me where that boy is right now I am so kicking your Yankee ass all over this yard!” Jared growled, temper coming to the surface and he was in his friend’s face before he even realized it. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know!” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ finally snapped back, buried emotions coming out. “The fear makes it hard to lock onto him plus…there’s something about Delauter’s involvement that seems to block me from seeing,” he sighed. “All I know is Scott’s own kin, Jensen’s stepfather, shot you twice and took him. The one bullet hit you but the second, the one meant to kill you, hit the locket but…you’re still hurt enough that you’re on the edge of the veil.”

It didn’t instantly hit Jared what was being said about his own condition as his concern for Jensen was huge. He could hear the panic in his voice as he screamed for him after the first shot. “I am ending that asshole the moment I can if he touches…wait,” he looked up quickly. “On the edge of what? Am I dying?” he asked, numb but more upset that he might be leaving Jensen alone or in trouble. “Is that why all of this is solid? Why I can see you now? Because I’m dying?”

“Y…You…damn it. I can’t do this. I can’t do that to him, to you,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ struggled with what to say. He knew if he said nothing that his friend’s wounds would claim his life but the spirit was still earth bound enough to feel guilt and also concern for the boy he involved. “Yes and no,” he finally replied grimly. “It’s your choice.”

The spirit walked to the edge of the water, his memories plain of the days he and Jared would spend by the water and under this tree but he’d always, or almost always, been honest with the younger man and needed to be now.

“You are hurt but you’re just on the edge. You can choose to let the wounds claim you and cross over which is sort of what I was expecting to happen back in Gettysburg and we’d be together. Or…or you can choose to go back to the modern time and be with Jensen, growing old naturally until you pass normally, but I can’t promise if we’d connect again because right now you’re still connected to me,” he took a shaky breath to try to continue without his voice breaking. “If you choose to stay…

“I…I wasn’t going to tell you. I was just going to let you think you were dying and cross over like should’ve happened but…I can’t,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ shook his head before turning back, lips curved in a small smile as he approached where Jared still stood. “I’ve seen you with him, Jay. Even when you or he didn’t know I was close I watched you with Jensen. I’ve seen you talk to him, soothe him. I saw you when you kissed him that first time and I think I knew…I think I knew when I sent you across to him that to save my own I’d lose you in the end.”

Jared was staring at him, the breeze turning colder as all of this sunk in with him. “This is where I have to choose,” he whispered tightly. “If I choose to stay with you, I lose him and he’ll never understand that he can love someone who loves him back but if stay I lose what we had and break the promise I made to never love another.”

“When I told you that he’d need you this wasn’t quite what I thought would happen,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ still could read the Southerner like he always could and saw how this was breaking him. “I love you Jared. I loved you from the day I met you, I loved you the night I showed you how to love, I loved you at the end and I will love you for all time.” This time when he touched Jared, his fingers shook as they gently wiped the tears away. “You’ve trusted me to always know what was best and to do what was right so no matter how much I want you to be with me again I can’t keep you and still be true to what we had.

“If you cross, Jensen will die,” he told him grimly, watching the hazel eyes grow wide. “I can’t see enough to tell you where he is but I can tell you that he will die in the dark, afraid and believing he’s alone because he saw you die or thinks he did. But you need to know that even if you return, if you and the Kane boy can find him in time to stop Delauter from killing him, the damage that has been done may still cause you to lose the man he was.”

“You know just one damn time I wish you could give me a straight answer,” Jared muttered, slashing at the tears on his face while struggling with the conflict inside him.

“Or you could get that Southern head out of your ass and pay attention,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ returned with a tight smirk. “He’s lost, scared, hurt, and wanting you, Jay. When I told you that Jensen had loved you for years, I meant that. You’ve seen him but now he believes it’s his fault you’re dead and is giving up. He will die in this place.”

Jared’s hand had clenched and it was as if he could feel something pressing into it to. He knew what his choice had to be, regardless of what it cost him. “I love you,” he whispered, fighting not to break down. “I owe you so much for helping me survive. You loved me and taught me to love. I kept that promise to be faithful, Jen,” he felt the change the second he used the nickname and knew by the sad smile that crossed his friend’s face that he understood it. “You asked me to be able to love this boy when I came to his time and I said that wouldn’t be hard.

“I do love him, Jensen. He’s not like you even though he looks like you so much but inside Jen’s just this scared boy looking for love and someone he can trust that won’t hurt him…like I was when you found me. I will love you in my heart so long as I live and I will never forget our friendship or the love that came out of it but if I leave him now I will be breaking every promise I ever made to myself and to him.” Jared looked down at the hand that pressed over his heart. “I’m sorry. I know you got him involved to help me but…”

Gentle lips touched his. “Shh, stop,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ whispered, able to hear the voice on the wind that Jared couldn’t yet. “I involved him because he was already involved and had been when he first dreamed of you as a baby. I knew Jensen would be important to your fate and I thought that meant helping you cross but it seems as if fate has something else in store for you, Jared Tristan Padalecki.

“I think I dreamed of him and sketched him so perhaps you’d already have a connection for when it mattered, but nothing you do would ever disappoint me, Jared. Only if you weren’t true to who you are would I slap you,” the spirit told him, giving his friend a hug while he still could. “You kept your promise to me, Jay. Now I’m letting you go to find that same happiness we shared…with him.” He lightly brushed his lips along Jared’s before stepping back. “I can heal you one more time but after this, learn to duck because you’ll be on your own.”

“Will I see you again or will you cross?” Jared asked, hearing something in the distance. His fingers tingled as if something was coursing through him.

“We’ll see each other at least one more time before I finally have what I need to be able to cross over,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ assured him, holding the embrace for a moment longer before he slowly eased Jared back. “Go back and find him, Jared. Love him like I loved you and…don’t swing on Kane the second you open your eyes.”

Jared smiled, understanding his time with ‘ _Jensen_ ’ was up and he had to return to what is now his place to take care of what was his. “The first two things I can do…the last one…I won’t promise.”

“Go back, Jay,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ watched as his friend slowly vanished from this scene and only then did he allow the single tear to fall as he silently prayed his friend wouldn’t be too late or that his choice wouldn’t be in vain.

** Present time, Boston Memorial Hospital: **

“Goddamn it you stubborn hardheaded Southern son of a bitch!” Chris Kane had long ago stopped listening to his mother or even his father who’d been allowed into the room when Chris had punched an intern. He was completely focused on the unmoving, barely breathing man that the staff had given up working on.

Jared’s vitals had steadied but they were still too low so Maggie Kane honestly wasn’t certain what to do or how to help.

“You better not have been pretending to care for Jen or else I will…damn it!” Chris hissed when the hand he’d been holding closed suddenly clenched on its own while Jared’s other hand shot up to grab him by the throat. “Even…half dead you’re still swinging at me, soldier boy?”

“Told…told you not to call…him that,” Jared growled, voice low and shaky as his eyes opened to immediately lock onto Chris’s. “I also think I told you that I was done with you doubtin’ my feelings for Jensen. Now, tell me something before I decide to punch you.”

“What?” Chris asked, feeling the grip loosen so he could pull back as Jared tried to sit up despite all the modern hospital wires and tubes attached to him.

“Where the hell is Jen and do I get to kill the bastard for touching him?” Jared demanded tightly, pulling wires and tape off despite the stern voice of the small fiery haired woman trying to stop him. “Ma’am, no offense but if I’m breathing, moving, and threatening this asshole I really don’t think I need all this stuff on me and it’s keeping me from where I need to be,” he told her while trying to remember his manners, a hard thing to do right then when all he wanted was answers.

Maggie Kane was torn between pulling her hair out at her newest patient’s remarkable recovery and his sudden insistence to move and the way he and her son kept exchanging insults. “And where, might I ask, would that be?” she asked with a sigh of acceptance, removing the sticky pads covering his chest from the heart monitor herself. She was startled to see that the stitches she’d just put in from the bullet had disappeared.

“Getting back what belongs to me,” Jared replied, standing but having to grab onto the wall to steady himself for a moment. “I promised Jensen that he’d be safe from Delauter if he allowed the lawyer to report the attack. I promised him that he would never be alone to face this horror again. I promised to protect him. I will not let any Delauter take what I love away from me again. His kin cost me once and this one will not cost me or Jensen anything more.”

“And you think I have a temper?” Chris snorted as he laid a hand out to steady the former soldier. “Easy, Captain. Fall on your face and you won’t be helping anyone. Maybe you should sit back down until Mom can look you over again?”

“This is your mother?” Jared gazed down at the pretty woman who appeared a complete opposite from her son in all ways, except possibly temper. “The one Jensen said I wasn’t allowed to get into political discussions with?”

“Yes, that would be her,” Chris hid his smile so his mother didn’t see it but noticed when Jared finally realized what he had in his hand. “According to Harris, the EMTs found it on the sidewalk and assumed it was yours so they brought it in with you. I figure it was probably the one Jensen’s been wearing around his neck since finding it in Kate’s barn.”

Jared ran his finger over the ring and knew without looking that it was. “Why take it from him?” he asked, still able to hear Jensen’s voice if he let himself think hard enough.

“David knows the best way to hurt his stepson would be to take all that he loves away,” Sean replied from the door. “He also probably took the ring Jensen’s always worn as well. He’ll do anything to hurt him because he believes he can.”

“He hurts him, he bleeds before he dies,” Jared’s voice was pure cold steel as he finally felt steady enough to try to walk, not caring that he didn’t have a shirt. “Where’s that constable?” he asked Chris, holding the ring in his hand to feel its warmth while picking up the now dented locket.

Chris had to blink a minute until he placed the past time term with a modern one. “Harris? He’s outside in the hall trying to come up with a way to track Delauter or find out where he took Jensen,” he replied, adding with exasperation. “We’ve got to get you a dictionary, dude.”

“Later. I want to find my friend.” Jared stopped suddenly to look straight into Chris’s eyes. “I could still hear before I lost consciousness. I heard him begging them not to hurt me. I heard them hit him with something because no one, no one who had lived the battlefields that I have will ever forget the sickening sound of something hard and metal striking flesh. I failed him.”

“Whoa, hold on there a second,” Chris made a fast step to get in front of Jared, halting him and not believing he was about to say what he was. “You did not fail Jensen, Padalecki. Neither of you had a reason to suspect the stupid cops couldn’t hold onto the asshole…thank you very much Mick!” he shot down the hall to the glaring police Lieutenant. “You got shot so…”

“I got shot the first time when I was turning to grab for him,” Jared muttered. “He looked so young, so frightened when he heard that voice. Where would he take him?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out, son,” Sean replied, motioning to Mick Harris not to start a scene since he could imagine the man would have questions to how Jared was walking. “Maggie?”

The doctor could only shake her head. “I don’t know. I can’t give a medical reason for why he healed or why he’s on his feet but Sean?” she watched Jared closely and as a mother of a boy with a temper she could still read the signs. “If David Delauter has hurt Jensen then I don’t think it’ll be Chris, you or Mick will have to worry about killing him cause that boy there is radiating hate right now.”

“That’s what worries me,” Sean Kane sighed, hurrying after Jared and Chris in time to see his son actually step between Jared and the officer. “Boys!”

“You had police officers working for him? You knew this and did nothing?” Jared was livid; the fear for Jensen getting worse the longer it went and he knew the officials had no real idea where to look. “Earlier, Jen’s cousin stopped him on the street to say she had sent him information of Delauter’s life. Perhaps if you can find it there might be something inside to say where he might go or…”

An ice cold chill shot through him and Jared’s teeth clenched. “He said he’s in the dark and that he’s scared,” he whispered more to himself than anyone else. “He said he’d die if I didn’t come back. I couldn’t leave him if I wanted to. I…I love him.”

“Yeah, I figured that out when you threatened me in the first five seconds of meeting me,” Chris sighed. “We’ll find him, Jared. I never gave up on my best friend before and I won’t now. We will find him and this time Delauter pays.”

“ _Hel-lo_? There’s a cop and a lawyer standing here so can we stop talking like Delauter is not walking away from this?” Mick Harris knew the man probably wouldn’t but he still had to at least put in a token effort. “We have people scouring his records and life but so far no luck.”

Chris snorted with an eye roll. “Please. If Bela says she found something then it would be something buried so deep she probably hacked her butt into more than a few illegal databases to find it. I can access Jensen’s laptop to find the email but we still need a starting place and we’re wasting time that my friend doesn’t have.”

“What about the she-devil that bore him?” Jared asked, remembering he had other clothes but he wasn’t certain where Jensen’s vehicle was and so didn’t bother with it worrying about them for the moment.

“His mother?” Sean lifted an eyebrow at that suggestion.

“No, no woman who would willingly allow the things done to Jensen deserves the right to be called his mother,” Jared replied grimly, hating the woman even before meeting her. “He speaks with more love and admiration toward his grandmother and Mrs. Kane than that woman.”

“This could be why Jensen said no political talks with Mom.” Chris stuck his tongue in his cheek but he certainly didn’t disagree with the former soldier. “Do you think she’d know what her husband was up to? Do you think she’d actually agree to go this far?”

Sean and Mick exchanged grim looks. “I don’t like to think so but…to get what she feels is rightfully hers, yes. Celia probably would do whatever David said it would take to gain access to the money,” the older man was grim, eyeing his watch. “Can you get a search warrant this late?” he asked the cop.

“Considering that Delauter’s a wanted fugitive and Kate Ackles is raising all kind of hell with the Governor and Mayor I should be able to…where’s he going?” he demanded after noticing that Jared was walking out of the hospital. “For that matter, how in the hell is that guy even walking?”

“Oh, I figure he’s going to go try to find the house Jensen grew up in, kick in a door and find out what he wants.” Chris rubbed a hand over the back of his neck before grabbing for his jacket. “He’s still used to doing things in a more upfront manner, Mick. He’s also in complete protect-Jensen mode, which means from what I’ve seen and experienced…he will kill or maim anyone who tries to stop him from finding Jensen so I don’t recommend you touching him.”

Jared’s head poked back in the sliding doors that he was giving an evil look toward. “Kane! Are you coming? I can’t drive one of these horseless carriages and where’s the one Jensen had? It has my clothes in it. If we’re going to hunt for Jen I at least want something I can move in.”

“Yeah, this should be fun,” Chris muttered, pulling his keys out while eyeing his father and Mick. “I suggest you get a warrant fast and…where is the SUV anyway?”

“I had it taken back to the apartment and don’t let him do anything stupid,” Mick said as he pulled his phone out to start making calls. “Kane!”

“I’ve got no control over this guy,” Chris laughed but accepted the warning look his father offered and knew that charging in would not help Jensen. “I’ll do my best but we’ll probably beat you to the house if he has his way.”

Jared was waiting outside, nervously pacing the sidewalk when Chris led him to where he’d parked his truck. “I…owe you an apology,” he began slowly as the truck drove back towards the apartment in the Jamaica Plains section of Boston.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Chris aimed a surprised look next to him but smirked at the dark glower he was gifted with. “Did you not come back from your trip to the white light with all your brains?”

“You don’t make it easy to be nice to you but…I can’t do that considering I let him be taken,” Jared replied, fingers still moving the West Point ring around in his hand.

The ring had been his but he refused to put it on unless Jensen gave his permission to do so he held it a moment longer before slipping it into his pocket. “We both care about him but you’ve been his friend for a long time. It’s difficult for me to trust other people since the last ‘friend’ I trusted ended up killing my best friend.”

“Ahh, so you don’t like me because you’re worried I might snap and strangle Jensen in his sleep?” Chris arched an eyebrow, seeing a cop car as well as Dani’s car parked in front of the apartment. And while one didn’t worry him, the other did.

“No, I don’t like you because you’re brash, loud, and have a bad habit of pushing Jensen too much when he needs to learn to want to do things on his own,” Jared returned with a non-apologetic shrug. “I also admit to a strong sense of wanting to protect him and so that first day I did view you as a threat. Now, you’re merely annoying.”

“Gee, thanks,” Chris snorted, hesitating until he saw a uniformed officer he actually knew and who nodded back. “Let’s go up so you can change while I see what Bella might have sent him and…holy shit!”

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some graphic description and violence toward the end of this one.

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Fifteen**

While the apartment might have been ransacked the day before now it looked like someone had ripped it apart. The sofa was overturned with the cushioned slit open, all the cabinets and drawers this time had been torn open and the contents pulled out or broken.

“Every room is the same.” Danneel Harris looked wrecked as she stepped from the hallway with a uniformed officer following making notes in a notebook. “Even things they didn’t touch before have been cut or gutted. All the books have been pulled out of the shelves and riffled through, the burned mattress cut open. They were looking for something.”

“What? What the hell do they think Jensen has that is so damn important?” Chris demanded, noticing that Jared’s eyes were roaming the rooms restlessly until they finally seemed to find what he was searching for.

The former soldier walked to the flat portfolio case that he knew stored Jensen’s art and sketches to open it, letting out a breath when he verified for himself that the sketches hadn’t been harmed out of malice. “What about those papers you say were in that lock box?” he asked over his shoulder, seeing the bags that had been in the SUV that someone must have brought up.

“His bank papers and all the legal documents,” Dani whispered, a hand going to her mouth. “David would need those to find all the accounts, the stocks and CDs. He’d also want all papers proving Jensen’s identity so…oh my God.”

“He isn’t going to get the chance to do anything to him, babe,” Chris promised, letting the young woman hold onto him for a moment longer. “Where’s his laptop or shouldn’t I ask?”

“Smashed against the wall in his room,” Dani wiped her eyes, seeing Jared searching through the bags until he came to a dark grey t-shirt that he pulled over his head before he piled them near the portfolio case and the duffel that contained what items of clothes Jensen had that survived the second break-in.

Chris smirked. “He must think Jensen saw whatever Bella found. Stupid moron doesn’t get that we can still access it as soon as you get back to your office to get into his email.”

“We’re going,” Jared declared firmly, looking around the wrecked apartment. “Can you have someone pack his books, those items there and whatever else survived that he would still want so it can all be shipped?” he asked Danneel.

“I can do that,” she confirmed with a small frown. “But why? He’ll…”

“When I get him back, when I have him with me again, I’m not bringing him back to this place. It’s not safe and will hold too much negativity for him.” Jared could almost sense Delauter in the maliciousness of the damage. “I’m taking him home. To his home and may God or Satan himself take the first bastard who tries to harm him there.”

Closing his eyes to ask for the strength to deal with this without losing his own temper, Chris blew out a breath. “Soldier boy is going to kill the first moron stupid enough to get between him and Jensen.” He could see it coming as he took in Dani’s wide eyes. “He loves him,” he told her softly, sounding almost amazed.

“A blind man could see that just by how he looked at Jensen earlier,” Dani replied, understanding the other man’s worry. “We have to trust someone with Jensen sometime, Chris. I know since what happened back then and then when he was in college, with Barry, that we both might have gotten a little more protective of him but I think it might be time to let our baby bird fly on his own.”

“We get him back from Delauter in one piece and he can tell me that he loves the Soldier Boy then I’ll consider it,” Chris shrugged, accepting that it might not be that easy this time or that easy to stop protecting his friend but he’d try. “Pack this up and then try to find that file. I think your brother will be able to use it and…”

“Kane!” Jared’s impatience was high. He wanted to find Jensen because he no longer cared for the icy fingers gripping his heart or the whispers he thought he could hear calling for him that were getting softer.

“Alright, but listen to me,” Chris urged firmly, noticing a tension running through Jared’s arms that he hadn’t seen before; the first showing that the Southerner was nervous since finding himself in the 21st century. “I know you want to find Jensen and we will. I know you’re anxious, so am I. I know you want to kick in the front door and demand answers, so do I…but we can’t.”

Jared scowled, slipping the dented locket back over his neck even though he understood he’d be replacing one of the pictures soon. “I almost thought we might agree on something.”

“I do agree with you but I also know Celia Ackles Delauter. The woman was a cold-hearted bitch who cared very little for Jensen when his father was still alive. Since she married this asshole, it’s gotten worse. She will not hesitate to press charges on you and Jensen needs you fighting for him, not locked in a cell.” Chris looked over to see the man watching him. “We have a little leeway because her husband is now a fugitive from justice and not in good standing with the Boston cops…who do not like to be made fools of.”

“And you have much experience with that?” Jared figured as much even before Chris cleared his throat. “How many times did you get Jensen into trouble?”

“Only once seriously and that was only because he followed me,” Chris shrugged with a sigh. “I changed my bad boy ways after that and started doing things a bit differently. Every now and then, though I can still find uses for the skills I learned back then but while it would be so easy to go off halfcocked I know in the long run that it would be worse on Jensen so just…oh. Huh. Okay, this sucks.”

Jared looked to see what had caused this reaction and saw a large blue Cadillac and a small Jeep parked on the street in front the fancy modern townhouse in the Beacon Hill district. “This is where Jensen grew up?” he asked as they parked the truck, raised voices heard even from down the street. “Kane?”

“Yeah, this is where he lived until he was sixteen or I should say where he slept when he wasn’t sleeping over at my place,” Chris winced at the voices. “My Dad and Mick Harris were so worried about you or me coming over here and losing our tempers that they forgot to be worried about the one they needed to head off,” he sighed, shaking his head while jogging toward the house even as a siren could be heard. “Katie’s got her Irish temper in full blown grandmother mode and is kicking ass.”

“Where is my grandson, Celia?” Kathleen Ackles was demanding, the Irish in her voice heavy as it could get when she let her anger take full control. Right then and since the moment her son arrived at her door with the news of Jensen’s kidnapping, she’d been cussing like an Irish sailor. “You tell me where that ferret-faced devil you married has him or else I’ll pull every hair off your head and use it to strangle you!”

“Geez, tell her how you really feel, Katie.” Chris hadn’t knocked since the front door was open, a wide-eyed maid peering owlishly around the corner before vanishing. “Hey, I feel I should point out that I was advised by my Dad and a certain cop not to lose my temper if I brought Soldier Boy over here so he could do what it seems you are.”

Kate snorted and offered a very unladylike gesture to that comment, as her other slim hand was wrapped around the silk blouse of her former daughter-in-law. “I do not take orders from your father and I certainly do not take them from Michael Harris, Christian Kane,” she returned sharply and then added. “Now be a good boy and find me something to bash her in the head with.”

“Mother,” a warning came from the tall slender blond haired man who was sitting in a chair watching this act take place. “We agreed no atrocities.”

“You and your brother agreed to that. I said I wasn’t leaving this home until I knew where your nephew was, Dylan Ackles,” Kate snapped, blue eyes flashing hotly as she returned her attention to the gasping woman she was currently accosting. “Where is Jensen, Celia?”

Celia Ackles Delauter was a tall woman at 5’7” but she was also pure socialite and therefore not accustomed to the type of physical behavior her former mother-in-law was now exhibiting toward her.

Oh, she’d certainly raised her own finely manicured hand to a servant or her son a time or two but she wasn’t pleased to be on the receiving end. She also didn’t like having all these people in her home ranting about things that were none of their business.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to!” she yelled, huffing as if this was disturbing her peaceful evening. “I don’t know where David is or what he’s done. However, if he and Jensen have had some…issues it will only be because my son brought it on himself by instigating those silly charges,” she thought someone other than the despicable Kane boy had entered but she couldn’t see who else it was due to Kathleen’s continued yelling. “Also, if you don’t take your hands off me this instant and leave my home…”

“It’s actually not your home,” Dylan Ackles corrected coolly, leaning forward in the chair to level a hard look at the woman as Chris finally urged Kate back a few steps. “This house belonged to my brother. It passed to Jensen at Brandon’s death like all of my brother’s holdings did. My mother, who was the executor of the estate, allowed you to remain here so long as you and David agreed to leave Jensen alone.” He suddenly smiled. “I think in the morning I might be issuing legal papers to start your eviction, Celia. You certainly didn’t leave your son alone.”

“I haven’t seen the ungrateful boy since the last day in court,” she snapped, certainly not seeing anything wrong with having others torment her son if it meant possibly regaining what was hers. “All David and I wanted was a simple discussion with Jensen about returning money that his father would have wanted me to have. Jensen has always been a difficult spoiled boy with…issues. That’s what we were trying to help him with all those years ago when you and those…people got involved and took him from me.”

Chris felt his jaw clench but he was struggling to keep Kate from starting again. “Yeah, my folks can be a pain in the ass,” he smirked, trying to also see where the hell Jared was during all of this. “If you want to tell them that to their faces I’m sure my Dad will be walking in the door as soon as Mick gets here and you seriously do not want my Mom because she will rip your heart out for hurting Jensen again.”

“I never touched him!” Celia screamed, temper marring a face that could still be pretty when she wasn’t scowling or worried.

“No, you just let Delauter,” Jared spoke for the first time since entering the house.

He’d allowed Chris to handle the irate older Mrs. Ackles as he looked around the living room that was furnished in sleek modern furniture with works of art, fine glass and other objects he knew had probably been purchased with money earned from other people’s misery.

He had just been about to speak when he caught site of the same maid who had been peeking out earlier. She wasn’t a young woman so Jared wondered how long she’d been here working for this woman when she glanced around quickly before shoving a bundle wrapped in a towel into his hands along with a note and then disappearing back to the kitchen.

With a frown, Jared glanced down to unwrap the bundle to feel his heart speed up. The writing on the worn envelopes was faded but he could still recognize his own writing as well as Jensen’s and he knew what these were. He knew these were the letters written back and forth between them.

These were the letters that Jensen said he’d discovered in his grandmother’s barn but had been believed destroyed in the fire that had taken all the other research and notes. The fact that they were here in this house clearly told who had been there the day Jensen’s apartment was first broken into and damaged but it was the note that really caught his attention.

‘ _The ring. She has it._ ’

Jared’s blood ran cold because he knew if Delauter removed Jensen’s ring from him that meant his friend was either unconscious, drugged or in some kind of state where he couldn’t fight for it. It also meant that this callous woman not only knew her husband had been tormenting her son for years, but she also knew he’d attacked and kidnapped him this time.

Celia reminded Jared of any number of rich women he’d met in his time. How they’d looked down their noses at him because of his less than perfect Southern manners, his accent and any number of other things that had outwardly labeled him not perfect in their eyes.

She also made him sick to his stomach to think that someone as kind and gentle as Jensen had this for a mother and now Jared thought he understood where Jensen’s lack of self-confidence and his belief that he was stupid came from.

“You let Delauter beat your 14-year-old son. You let him do all the physical abuse. You stood by and did nothing as he and those other men came in one night to drag a scared 16-year-old boy out to some hospital where he was hurt in ways that no one should ever be hurt.” Jared’s hazel eyes were ice cold while his deep voice with its charming Southern drawl had gone to pure steel as he stepped into the room to approach with slow steps.

“Here we go,” Chris muttered under his breath, moving to block the man only to wince as nails dug into his arm to keep him still. “Kate.”

“Leave the boy,” Kate ordered. She’d taken a look at Jared and read the anger but she also recognized something else. She’d seen it the first time she’d laid eyes on the tall Southerner but now she was certain.

Ever since Jensen had been 17 Kate had wished for the day to come when her grandson would finally be able to find someone he could trust his heart to and not have it smashed to bits.

Now, as she watched Jared, as she heard him speak she could see that this young man loved her boy and would protect him as well as love him.

“Jensen told me he believed you married for the name and wealth that went with the Ackles name. He believed that you were seeing Delauter even while married to his late father.” Jared could see the woman’s shock at seeing him and knew she was recognizing his face as the unwanted soldier her son had been obsessed with since childhood. “I think he’s right. I also think you know where your husband took him. I think you were told what Delauter’s plans are for Jensen and I also think if you don’t hand me the ring your bastard husband took from my friend I will snap your neck like a twig.

“I told Jensen once that I was raised to never hit a woman. He said I might change my mind if I ever met his mother. I agree with him again.” Jared leaned down so his face was directly in front of hers while holding out the letters. “Delauter broke into Jen’s apartment; burned things he knew would hurt him and took these. That’s one strike against you.” He paused to meet her eyes, seeing the flash of fear in them but also the bitterness. “Strike two is Delauter gave you the ring Jen always wears; the ring that has been passed down in his family for generations. So you know what’s happening to him and where he is. Strike three? Strike three is you let that sick son of bitch hurt Jensen over money.

“Now, Kane tells me I can’t handle this like I might normally because things are a bit more…civilized in this time and I might agree with him--if this was over anything else except the life of my friend.” Jared could see the way the woman’s hand was gripping something and felt the muscle in his jaw twitch. “You don’t care about Jensen. He was a means to an end. You were embarrassed of him even before he made that announcement that he was…” he struggled for the word a moment before it came to him. “Gay.”

Celia was not used to being treated in this manner, and if David was here he’d make all of these people regret this but her husband wasn’t here and she was aware of what he’d done and also that he was no on the run from the police.

She had told David that she would keep his secret and keep her mouth shut because he’d assured her that he would take care of this little problem; that everything that should have been theirs would be again, so long as he had the time to remove her son from the equation--the child she hadn’t wanted from the start.

However, when confronted with this tall, muscular young man whose face looked startlingly like the face that her son has been drawing for years, something inside seemed to snap. “Yes!” she hissed, shoving to her feet to smooth her silk shirt and skirt while glaring with hate at Jared.

“Brandon wanted children. I never did. Jensen was odd even as a baby. He didn’t even say Mommy until he was over a year. His second word was the name of his made up obsession,” she sneered, fingering the damn Ackles ring that she’d wanted to sell as a military antique for years but her late husband had refused. “He was a freakish child. Always talking about that damn soldier or sketching him. I told Brandon we needed to commit him when he first started talking to others about it, but he was too softheaded and said it was a family thing.

“I didn’t understand that until David began explaining some of his own family background and while I still don’t get all of it I know my son causes too much trouble and embarrassment. It’s better for everyone if he just…goes away where no one knows who he is and no one will care how he’s used or…”

“Captain!” Chris snapped the second Jared’s hand flashed to grab the woman by the throat, hearing doors slamming and knowing he needed to break this up.

Jared’s anger had been slowly building but that last comment caused a flash of white-hot blinding rage to fly through him. “That’s where you and Delauter are wrong,” he gritted in a voice so soft with anger that the others had to strain to hear it. “There are people who care about Jensen. There are people who love him and will not rest until he’s found. I will not rest until he’s found, and I will put my fist through your husband’s throat if he put his hands on Jensen.

“Jensen is a sweet, wonderful, beautiful man who deserves to be loved, to be treated like a human being and not some worthless stupid burden like you and your kind have convinced him that he is. He was a boy who needed to be loved, not abused or hidden away because he didn’t fit your ideal model of a perfect son.” Jared heard Chris calling to him and also heard the others but right then his focus was locked on this stone-faced woman. “Now I will tell you something before you tell them what you know.

“You are done. You may be his mother by blood but he will never call you that again. You will never get close to him again if I have any say in it. You will not touch Jensen or anything that is his. He is not your son because you have not earned the right to ever call him that.” Jared’s eyes narrowed but his grip never tightened as he took the West Point ring from her hand to hold it up, hearing the sharp oath Chris offered.

“Just so we’re clear. My name, Mrs. Delauter, is Captain Jared Tristan Padalecki. I was born in the Lowlands of South Carolina in the year 1837 and I will die in this modern world. I will love Jensen with all my heart for so long as he will grace me with that honor and I will also protect him with my life.” He held the ring up. “This is mine in all sense of the word as it was mine until I offered it to my friend to wear in 1861. It has passed through his family until it came to Jensen, who will wear it again as soon as I find him. He is mine and this time I will protect what is mine.”

Dylan Ackles had been watching this scene with growing interest, his curved smile pure Ackles snark as he leveled a curious look at a wary Chris. “Hey, Chris? How many times have you and this guy came to blows?”

“Shut the hell up, Dylan,” Chris growled, hearing his father’s voice and started to step forward to pull Jared back when the man released whatever grip he had to step back. “You about done?”

“I am done,” Jared replied, eyes still hard. “Where is Jensen?”

Celia was appalled that this insane man who believed he was born centuries ago had touched her. “He assaulted me! He threatened me!” she screeched, seeing Michael Harris coming in the door with several uniformed officers, Sean Kane and a piece of paper in his hand. “Arrest this man! I want him arrested!”

“Geez, this is becoming regular when I come around you,” the cop sighed, rolling his eyes at Jared before addressing the woman. “I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything and considering you’re looking at being hauled in as an accessory to several crimes yourself I wouldn’t push this.” He tossed a search warrant in her face. “I know he’s not here but my boys are going to search this house for anything that can point me in your husband’s direction. Get in my face or give me a good reason and I’ll arrest you on any number of charges; including forgery, fraud, and attempted murder.”

“The letters from Jensen’s apartment and the ring he wears were found here so she knows what David’s up to,” Chris informed the cop while managing to finally get a hold of Jared. “You should be able to hold her on accessory charges until something more concrete comes up.”

Celia huffed. “David and I still have friends. You won’t hold me on anything,” she told them, disliking the thought of strangers searching through her home. “I want you all out of my…”

“Search warrant,” Mick repeated, not liking that those items had been found here. “If the ring was here then he brought it after he grabbed Jensen so that means…” he narrowed his gaze. “Your husband is never seeing the light of day when he’s caught. Hell, he’ll be lucky if he’s alive to be arrested so if you don’t want to take the fall for all the crap he’s into I suggest you do one good and decent thing for Jensen and tell us where he’s at.”

“Let’s try this another way,” Kate still looked ready to scratch the other woman’s eyes out but slowly decided on a much more painful way to hurt her daughter-in-law. “I told you that you could stay in this house, keep that one source of funds that Brandon did leave to you if you left Jensen alone.

“Now if you don’t tell these men what you know about what that ferret has done and where my grandson was taken I will see to it that not only are you removed from this house but you will lose every single red cent. You will lose access to the society that you have so desperately craved and you will once again be where you were when my son met you. Your choice, Celia.” She crossed her arms to wait.

Celia was livid that she was being threatened. None of this was supposed to be happening. “David’s family won’t let you…”

“Actually, according to what’s being learned now, you’re husband’s whole damn life is a fraud.” Sean Kane slipped his cell phone away to finally enter the conversation. “David Scott Delauter’s well-to-do blue blooded family from Boston originally came up from the lower part of South Carolina, as I suspect Mr. Padalecki already knew.” He watched the way Jared’s face tensed. “His ancestors never fought in the Revolutionary War. They were farmers--and bad ones at that.

“In fact, considering some of the stories David has told over the years it might be very embarrassing for him. His business and his oh-so-important reputation for it to come to light now that his six times removed great grandfather actually fought for the Confederate Army until he was dishonorably discharged and nearly tried for treason for the murder of his officer…if a body could have been located.”

“Well, I guess we know why a body was never found,” Chris muttered under his breath, wincing when an elbow jabbed into his ribs. “What? It’s the truth.”

“So if I would’ve died back there then this asshole might not have been born to torment Jensen,” Jared sighed, waving Chris off before he could start ranting. “I know, I know but that’s what I feel right now. I just want to find him.”

“Heathens and faggots,” Celia snapped, whirling to suddenly lash out at Jared only to have her wrist caught in a firm grasp. “Brandon would have been ashamed to learn that his only son was gay. He would have seen it the same way that I did and allowed David’s friends in that hospital to fix him,” she sneered at Jared, jerking her wrist free. “You love him? You’re willing to die for him? I hope you both rot in hell. Not that it will matter because David promises that Jensen won’t survive this place. His friends in New York assured us that it was the best place for people like him.”

Chris felt a surge of temper at that. “People like him?” he repeated, nearly losing his grip on Jared in his attempt to throw a glare at the woman. “What type of people, Celia? Brave ones who managed to survive all the crap he has? No, if there is a type of person who needs locked away to be forgotten or experimented then I’d say it’s you and Delauter. Not my friend. Where’s this place?”

“Go to hell with them,” she snapped, sitting down with her arms folded. “I won’t say anything more without my lawyer.”

“That’s enough,” Mick pulled Jared and Chris aside while the senior Kane and Dylan Ackles worked on convincing Kate to leave the house. “She’s pretty much lawyered up so I can’t do a damn thing but read her her rights and have the boys haul her prissy ass down to the station for booking on any number of charges right now.”

“We still don’t know where he took Jen,” Jared’s fingers were restlessly combing through his hair as the need to move, to do something nearly became too great. “He’s scared!”

Chris didn’t like the sound of that as Dylan walked up. “I’d introduce you but he’s not very sociable right now,” he jerked a thumb at Jared who was pacing the sidewalk like a caged tiger. “Issues, Dylan?”

Dylan had been eyeing the Southerner since he first saw him. “Bella had it on the wires the second after she saw him with Jensen in town earlier. I thought she was overstating things as always but…I’ll be damned. She was right when she said the guy with Jensen would tear someone’s head off if they insulted or hurt him.”

“Uh, yeah, Jared’s sort of…intense,” Chris coughed on the last word since even he knew that was an understatement. “I wouldn’t say anything to piss him off because he doesn’t listen to me like he would your nephew, Dylan.”

“I’m just going to want someone to tell me how exactly you and Jensen went to Gettysburg and came back with exact dead ringer to the man he’s been drawing for years…unless you want me to believe he really was born in 1837,” Dylan chuckled a little until he realized that Chris wasn’t laughing, then he sobered. “Alright, that I don’t want to know about but Bella’s not the only one who can hack or who has been looking into David’s dealings.”

He reached into his jacket to remove a folder. “For the last six months he’s been sending large checks to a private hospital that was newly opened in upstate New York,” he reported, watching as Chris’s eyes took this in. “It was one of the first mental hospitals back in the 1800s but the rumors were the staff did more lobotomizing the patients than helping them. It was closed in the 1970s for inhumane treatment but just reopened by a private organization to ‘help the unfortunate and lost find a new way’.”

“The medical board had been trying to shut it down but so far they couldn’t,” Sean was grim, seeing that Jared had come closer. “I think this might just give them the push to do so.”

“How far is this place?” Jared demanded, staring at the black and white photos of a large stone building that made him shiver. “There are bars on the windows. This isn’t a hospital but just another fancy word for prison.”

“Normally Massena, the town this place is outside of, is an almost six hour drive,” Sean replied, holding up a hand before Jared could explode. “I said normally, son. With my son driving, I figure it’ll take half of that.”

Chris was eyeing the map with a frown. “If he gets wind that something’s up it would be real easy to vanish with Jensen across the border to Canada or kill him and just dump the…seriously? I thought we’d gotten past you slapping me in the head?” he growled at Jared.

“Delauter is not going to kill Jensen,” Jared returned firmly, stalking off toward the truck with a look back. “He’s not going to get the goddamn chance.”

“This is so going to be a bloodbath if Jensen’s hurt too bad,” Chris muttered, shrugging. “Looks like I’m heading to New York.”

“Kane! I don’t have enough pull in New York to get a warrant, to get the local police to help or to even go through proper channels,” Mick argued uselessly, following. “I need a few days to…”

The Boston cop’s words cut off when he was shoved against the hood of the black truck, an irate former Confederate officer in his face.

“Jensen doesn’t have days!” he growled lowly. “You have no idea what Delauter is capable of doing to him much less those so-called ‘professionals’. I will not leave him in their hands just so your so-called bureaucracy can cost him his life when it was your lack of proper police protection that allowed this to happen!”

“Okay, let’s back off and take a deep breath.” Chris couldn’t believe he was stopping this but needed to keep the man out of a cell. “Jared…” he waited for those angry eyes to meet his since both men knew it was rare for him to call Jared by his first name. “Let’s go get our boy and let the suits handle the red tape.”

Jared glared at the cop but slowly backed off to nod, getting in the truck while Chris just smirked. “Hey, I told you not to piss him off more than he was, Mick. Now I’ve got to go before he decides to try to drive. Call me if you get anything else I need to know.”

“I don’t have…” Mick tried to argue when a finger tapped his shoulder and he felt like banging his head in. “Mrs. Ackles…”

“I can’t help but overhear your argument with Christian, Michael,” she smiled since she intentionally always used both men’s full names whenever she spoke to them mainly because she knew it annoyed them. “You might not have the influence but I believe I still do. You worry about making a case stick to keep these people behind bars. Dylan! Give me that thing you young people call a phone. I have some calls to make and Sean?”

“Maggie’ll handle the hospital side of things, Kate,” he assured the older woman, laying a hand over her arm. “They’ll bring him back.”

After 20 minutes of driving in silence, Chris glanced over at his passenger. “You going to be alright going in there?” he asked, going on when he was ignored. “We can’t go in guns blazing…not that we have guns but you get my point?”

“I’ll never understand folks like that woman,” Jared finally murmured, running the ring that originally had been his around in his fingers and getting cold when he noticed the dried blood on it that he knew had to be Jensen’s. “How could she not love him? How could she stand by while knowing he was in trouble?”

“Celia never cared about anyone except herself and how she looked to people,” Chris replied with a shrug, eyeing his GPS while deciding which route would allow him to speed the most with less risk of getting pulled over. “When she attended school programs or had to come to a parent/teacher thing she was the picture of perfect loving mother…most times. When she didn’t have to put on a show for the masses, she treated him like crap…unless his dad was around. Brandon loved Jensen and gave him what he could while still making sure he didn’t grow up a spoiled brat like some of his cousins.”

“Was she right about his Father being ashamed of him?” Jared had always known his family never approved of his choices but his parents had tried to be supportive even on the few times he took Jensen home on vacations from West Point.

Chris recalled Jensen asking this once shortly after he began speaking again and could only answer Jared the same way he’d answered his friend. “Brandon loved him. I think in some way he knew even before I did that Jensen would be different because he always encouraged him to follow his heart in everything and to never let it matter what other people thought of him.” He paused before adding, “I also think his Dad would’ve liked you.”

“Well, he certainly couldn’t have hated me any more than Colonel Ackles’ did,” Jared wrapped his hand around the ring. “I just want him back. I just want the chance to see him smile at me again.”

“When we were kids Jensen had a smile that could light up a room,” Chris told him slowly as if pondering how much of his friend he wanted to share with this new arrival in their lives. “I haven’t seen that smile since the hospital. I told you once that you’d know when he gave you his one true smile. When you see that smile on him you’ll understand what I mean. Now fasten your seat belt, Padalecki. This ride might be a little faster than the one we took from Gettysburg.”

“Joy,” Jared muttered but did as he was told before looking down at the small sketch that he’d been carrying for over 150 years to stare into the eyes of the modern Jensen. “Hang on, Jen,” he whispered while silently praying to anyone who might listen to help him save this man. “We’re coming so just hang on.”

** The Livingston Hospital, outside of Massena, NY: **

“What do you mean no?” David Delauter’s face was red as he stared down into the pinched face of Dr. Irving Young, head of the hospital and the man to whom he’d been making payments the past six months. “We had an agreement! I paid you, donated to your research needs in return for your…help. Now you’re saying that you won’t uphold your end of the deal?”

Young adjusted his glasses while taking a look around the hall to see how freely he could speak. “I agreed to allow you to bring your stepson to my institution because you said he was a prime candidate for my study. I didn’t say anything when you decided to make use of the more…private rooms in the older part of the building, the ones that are not yet open to my other patients.

“I didn’t say anything when those other…gentlemen you brought with you beat that boy with pipes because you said he was violent and needed extreme handling until the drugs I gave you to give to him kicked him. I also haven’t said much when I learned a few of my…staff were assisting in what you were doing to him. However, this is where I will draw the line,” Young’s tone was stilted with displeasure, fingers gripping the pen he was holding as he could still hear the ragged scream even from a floor away.

“David! You’re killing that boy!” he snapped, still horrified about the scene he had just witnessed taking place. “I know you said your stepson was violently mentally ill so would need restrained and gagged, but what you were doing to him, what you want to do to him is inhumane and I will not allow it to happen here!”

“You’re in this too deep now to get out, Irving,” Delauter told him, waving the papers he still needed signed. “As soon as the punk signs these then I might consider putting him out of his misery but he’s been a pain in my ass for too many years to not make him suffer now.” He patted the doctor on both shoulders. “Besides, it’s not like anyone even knows he’s here or will come looking for him. By the time we’re done ‘retraining’ him, he won’t even know who he is much less will even be able to speak if I have a say in it so don’t worry and just get me what I asked for.”

Young’s lips thinned. “You have already beaten him to the point where he might have suffered brain damage. That one…assistant broke his fingers. You wanted to crush his whole right hand so he could never use it again if he could move. You have cut and burned him in places I do not want to think about as a way to change his sexual choices. Now you want me to give you a vial of calcium chloride that will burn his veins before you actually want me to do a lobotomy,” he glared at the man. “What has this young man done to make you hate him, David?” he demanded.

“He has what I want and there’s also a long standing family issue that I can finally clear up,” Delauter replied, stepping closer to glare at the doctor. “He’s a freak that no one will miss and if you want the other half of your money to fund your precious research then I suggest you keep our bargain, Irving. Now, excuse me while I go have some last words with my…stepson.”

Irving Young felt ill as he watched the slick talking man walk off whistling the old song ‘Dixie’ and knew he’d made a deal with the proverbial Devil when he accepted his first check from David Delauter. “I’m sorry, boy,” he sighed.

He was in too deep know to back out because he had no doubt that if he tried to stop the man or his ‘friends’ from what they were going to do soon that he may also suffer a fate similar to what the unnamed ‘John Doe’ would soon.

“Doctor? Dr. Kane is calling for you again and she’s becoming very insistent,” a nurse told him as he headed to retrieve certain items. “We’re also receiving calls from the Governor’s office but they won’t speak to me.”

“Inform Dr. Kane that I’ll return her call as soon as I handle a…procedure,” Young knew the woman was high on the medical board that had been trying to close his institution and didn’t want her snooping around while this was taking place. “I’ll return the other calls as well but…I have to do something in the other part of the building so please don’t bother me now.”

Delauter stepped back into the cold damp room to smile as he listened to the sounds he liked to hear. “The good doctor has reconsidered his earlier refusal and will be down soon so you boys go get some coffee while I talk to Jensen a moment.” He waved off the two men who had come with him from Boston as he removed his tie to toss it over to where his jacket already lay.

The former Boston officers smirked at one another, as they knew even if the boy hadn’t been gagged he wouldn’t be doing much talking considering the blows to his head he had already suffered.

Smoothing the papers out again, Delauter stood beside the bed to gaze down. Before when Jensen was younger he hadn’t been able to go to this extreme. This time all the stops had been pulled out.

His stepson had been beaten and drugged even before they’d arrived at Livingston’s. He had taken great pleasure in making him scream but the man knew what had finally done the faggot in was when he’d had his boys hold him down while he removed the ring he’d worn for years.

That and watching Padalecki die had sent Jensen into a state of shock that he hadn’t come out of and most likely never would. The screams, now ragged and almost guttural were from instinct since Young had even stated the constant blows to the head had more than likely killed him even if his heart was still beating.

“I’m going to sign your name to these papers now, Jensen. I’ve studied your handwriting long enough that it’ll pass and if that old crone tries to dispute it, well, she might have to go the same route as what happened to your new friend.” He chuckled, grabbing Jensen’s bruised and bloodied face in his hand to jerk it up. “No one is going to save you this time, freak.”

He walked to his jacket to remove a faded photo, coming back to hold it out. “This is Scott Delauter. I didn’t know him but my great-grandfather liked to say I was a lot like him. Y’see, your family isn’t the only one that’s big on telling tales and mine has always had this one about how this freak Confederate soldier cost my ancestor his pride.

“I know from reading his ledger that he’s the one who killed your ancestor. He killed him because even back in the good ole days there were freaks and faggots like you. Your bastard of a namesake was one and so was Padalecki.” Delauter ran a tiny scalpel down the center of Jensen’s chest, breaking the skin. Jensen made a small, mewling moan; apparently his pain receptors still worked. “It was passed down in my family about him, about how he vanished after my kin tried to kill him and…someone else one night in Gettysburg.

“My relative was disgraced and worked hard to rebuild but he always swore to get back at Padalecki and Ackles for costing him everything.” He leaned in close to reach down to apply pressure on the broken fingers just to see the boy’s body try to fight the pain while the restraints on the old filthy bed held him down.

Delauter had enjoyed seeing the old scars on his stepson’s lean body when he had his men strip him down to just his briefs so new ones could be inflicted. He had enjoyed listening to his muffled screams as they attached those electrodes to his nipples and genitals and he’d watched as that male nurse had demonstrated just what two gays did.

“Is that what you allowed Padalecki to do to you, boy?” He slapped Jensen’s face but only got angrier when he didn’t get the response he wanted. “Freak! You should’ve died before! I should’ve slit your damn throat before I married your mother but I knew the old woman and Kane would’ve cut Celia off if anything had happened to you. Now that you so graciously signed all that money back to your sweet mother before going off on a long vacation, I won’t have to worry about their interference…or yours.”

He heard the door open and smirked. “I want to keep hearing you scream but I also have to get back to pull enough strings to clear my name, so I think it’s time to do what should’ve been done years ago.” He watched the scowling doctor pull a tray of needles into the room. “First I want to watch you writhe in agony as this drug burns what’s left of your veins up and then the good doctor is going to take any chance of you ever waking up away when he puts this inside your frontal lobe.”

Irving Young had listened to more of the man’s words than he should have and had been disgusted. He also was disgusted at himself for what he had allowed to be done. “He may still be able to heal if you stop this now,” he tried to reason with the man when a fist backhanded him across the face.

“I don’t want him healed you simpering weasel!” Delauter shouted, grabbing for a full needle to insert into Jensen’s trapped arm. “I want him dead! I want him to die knowing he will never know happiness and that he never deserved it! I want him to know I killed him like my ancestor killed his!”

The tip of the needle touched skin so bruised that it was hard to find a spot to inject into. “My only regret is that Padalecki won’t see it!” he sneered, thumb brushing the plunger as he smiled. “Goodbye, freak.”

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Sixteen**

The plunger on the needle was just depressing when the near silence in the small room was shattered by the single gunshot that struck David Delauter in the bicep, shocking the man so that when he fell away from the bed he dropped the hypo.

“You wanted me? You have me. Now stay the hell away from Jensen or I will kill you.”

Jared Padalecki’s tone was low, deadly and without a trace of his Southern drawl. His eyes were as cold and steady as the pistol he held aimed at the man on floor.

“No. You’re dead,” Delauter couldn’t believe his eyes. “I shot you!”

“Yes, you did but your aim is as poor as your kin’s was,” Jared returned coldly, hate for this man almost as much as what he felt for the man’s relative. It intensified when his gaze landed on the bed. “Jen.”

Jensen Ackles’ eyes were open but unseeing from the shock and damage inflicted. From what Jared could see, his body was littered with deep bruises, blood from welts and cuts, burns that were bloody and nasty looking but there were three things that Jared noticed instantly that wanted to make him weep.

The fingers on his friend’s right hand looked broken and swelled. His short dark blond hair was matted with blood and there was blood drying on his briefs—the only clothes he was wearing.

“You goddamn son of bitch!” Jared went to take a step toward the bed, realizing his mistake the moment he made it.

He’d been taught since West Point to never take his eyes off an opponent, especially a wounded one, and had braced himself so when the bleeding man lunged from the floor to hit him in the knees Jared was able to shift as he fell so as he landed he was already moving.

“I’ll kill you this time, Devil!” Delauter shouted, ignoring his own wound as he punched out to strike Jared in the side of the head. “Young! Do it! I want Ackles a drooling vegetable for good! Do it or when I’m done beating the hell out of this asshole I’ll do the same to you!” he screamed to the confused doctor.

Jared had forgotten the other man in the room, cursing his own stupidity for not waiting for Chris Kane or the State Troopers that had been waiting when they arrived at the private hospital. He’d been accused of being overconfident at times but now his haste might be what got his friend killed.

“No! Leave him…ugh!” a polished shoe landed in his ribs, doubling him up and giving the shorter man the advantage to kick the Civil War era pistol aside.

Irving Young had thought when the tall man arrived that this nightmare would end but he feared it only would with the young man that he had allowed to be brutalized in his hospital dying. He didn’t want to do what he was told but he also feared for his own life.

“Have you learned the truth yet, Padalecki?” Delauter asked, kicking again but this time hearing a rib break and going down on his knees so he could use his fist on Jared, who couldn’t get a break from the onslaught to mount a defense. “Did you learn about the months my ancestor paid those men in Charleston to harass and attack your heathen lover? Didn’t you ever wonder where the little bruises would come from, or were you that stupid to not figure out how much he lied to protect you?” He laughed, rage and something else seeming to come over him as he grabbed the fist that lashed back at him to pin it to the cold, filthy floor.

“He knew for months that Scott Delauter was behind those attacks but he kept it to himself because he knew you’d do something stupid to get yourself killed,” he sneered, grabbing Jared by the hair to yank him up and slap him hard across the face. “The night he was killed? Do you know he fought back? Oh, he didn’t fight back to save himself. He fought to save you because those good ole boys that had taken him by surprise out by your old barn threatened to draw it out until you got back.

“The way it was handed down in my family is that my kin wanted you to watch as he took your lover apart piece by piece in front of you. He wanted to hear you beg for mercy, beg to spare his life…like maybe I’ll make you beg to spare this piece of shit.” He spit in Jared’s face. “You want that? You want to beg me to leave my poor stepson alive so he can live like a vegetable?”

The rage was there, the anger, the fear; much like it had been 151 years earlier but Jared had learned something since then. He learned you couldn’t reason with animals.

“Even if…I begged for his life you’ll still kill him because you know you and the bitch they call his mother will never have what you want so long as Jensen’s breathing,” he gritted. His weapon was close but useless; his eyes flickered between Delauter’s gaze, nearly wild with madness, to see the white-coated doctor near the bed with something Jared had prayed they still wouldn’t have in this era. “But I’ll tell you one thing. You better kill me for good this time because I will make you pay in blood for every bit of pain and fear that he’s suffered if you don’t.”

“Oh, I’ll make sure you’re dead this time for sure but not before you watch the good Doctor shove that little rod up in that freak’s frontal lobe and turn whatever was left of his brain into mush.” Delauter punched him again twice in the face before grabbing for the pistol. “Do it, Doctor. Let this out-of-time freak watch another man die knowing he was helpless to save him too.” He laughed when Jared’s head dropped to his chest in defeat, so focused that he missed the slight movement of the soldier’s hand toward his back. “Any last words?”

Jared’s heart was pounding because he knew the timing for this had to be perfect if he stood any chance of saving his friend. He could hear other sounds from out in the hall and above where he figured others were handling security and the men who assisted Delauter in this move so he was on his own.

“Yeah, you’re as much a blind, bigoted, coward as your kin.” He slowly lifted his head to stare into the man’s eyes. “He knew Jensen wasn’t afraid of him. He knew Jensen hated his guts because it wasn’t hard to figure out that Scott was the one who betrayed me when I was 16. He knew he needed others to attack Jensen first before he felt safe enough to touch him.” He smirked as the man’s nostrils flared in anger.

“You were so scared of a 16-year-old boy that you had to have him locked away and kept tied so you could hurt him; just like you did this time. You knew once Jensen moved away that your power over him would vanish because once he was on that land, my land, he’d become stronger. You will never win, Delauter. Your kind never will.” Jared’s eyes nearly moved at the sound of a soft muffled cry but he forced himself not to break eye contact now. “Oh, and one more thing? That gun’s useless to you.”

“Bastard!” Delauter snarled, aiming the now vintage pistol at the former soldier’s head. “He was a hero who lost everything thanks to you! I shouldn’t even kill you. Watching him die, being alone will be more painful but I want to finally be able to say that I killed the great and mysterious Captain Jared Padalecki.” His finger touched the trigger with a sneer. “Maybe you’ll be reunited in Hell and…what?”

The click of the pistol sounded as loud as an actual shot when he pulled the trigger to shoot only for it to click on an empty chamber, then another, then another. “What the hell is this?”

“I told you the gun was useless, Delauter,” Jared replied evenly, cocking his head as he pulled his hand out from where it had slid behind his back; the modern day 9mm that Kane had given him a crash course in earlier held steady. “This one, on the other hand, is very useful…to me.”

Before the surprise could be lost or the man could recover what wits he had, Jared’s finger moved, a single shot fired from the strange gun and David Delauter fell back in shock before dropping like a stone to the floor. “I also haven’t missed a shot since I was 15. Rot in hell, bastard.”

As soon as Delauter was down, Jared was on his feet with the weapon pointed at the slack jawed doctor who still held the metal rod. “I’d reconsider that if I were you,” he warned, motioning with the pistol. “Back away from him or you can share his fate.”

“Please…please don’t hurt me. I was only following…” Young stuttered but dropped the rod and moved away from the man and the bed, keeping his hands up to show he wasn’t a threat.

“Funny, I think when I was reading about your World War II I saw genocidal assholes who said the same thing.” Jared didn’t trust the doctor and he didn’t want to turn his back again but now that he was close enough to see the damage inflicted under the bruises and blood, he wanted Jensen freed and off the damn filthy bed. “You make a move and I put a bullet in your knee.”

Young could hear the alarms in the main part of the building and he knew his days as a doctor were probably over. He briefly considered jumping the larger man but instead he stayed still.

He had seen the rage and hate in the man’s eyes earlier. He’d seen him take a beating that should’ve stunned or knocked out any other man and he’d seen him shoot a man coldly but now he watched a complete transformation take place.

The deep voice softened almost as soon as he neared the bed, a surprising Southern accent entering it as he shoved away the tray of utensils used to hurt the young man on the bed. The hands that had been so steady while holding the blue black pistol now shook when he reached out to touch.

“Jensen?” he whispered, almost afraid to touch the man out of fear of hurting him. He shoved those fears aside to carefully and with more patience than he thought he had right then reach out to first remove the heavy gag; tears filling his eyes as he lightly brushed his fingers along the deep cuts on his friend’s face from the leather straps. “Jen? Can you hear me? It’s Jared.”

Soft whimpers could be heard but Jensen didn’t show any solid sign of hearing or even understanding he was now safe or who was with him as the bindings on his wrists, biceps, ankles, thighs and waist were removed with much cursing from Jared.

“What the hell did you animals do to him?” Jared demanded through clenched teeth after pulling the last restraint away to gently move his friend and realized the amount of blood under his head.

“David and those men, a couple of my…staff did the damage,” Dr. Young replied, gasping when he took a careful step forward to see the massive array of wounds that littered the boy’s back but what horrified him was the wounds and blood lower. “My God, I didn’t know they’d…David, said the boy was violent and needed…”

“Jensen was hurt even before they brought him here, Doctor.” Jared’s voice dipped to beyond disgust when he used the man’s professional title. “He would’ve been in shock, scared and confused. He thinks he watched me die and that he was going to die here because he knew Delauter wouldn’t let him live.

“You let them torture him. You let your so-called staff abuse him. You were going to lobotomize him all on the orders of a power-mad bastard so I suggest you take your outrage and useless words the hell away from me and my friend,” Jared growled, then turned his full attention to his still unmoving friend. “Jensen? Please, look at me?”

The sight of the bloody metal rod and police batons tossed in the corner turned Jared’s stomach, fear that while he might have saved Jensen’s body he’d been too late to save the piece of him that had already taken so much abuse. “Shh, I’m here and you’re safe, baby boy,” he whispered, gently playing his hand over his friend’s eyes to close them. “I’m taking you out of here and…”

“Please, this is a hospital. Let me treat…” Young yelped when a hand had him slammed up against the wall beside the bed.

“You try to touch him and I will rip your heart from your chest!” Jared snarled, anger surfacing even though he wasn’t certain who to direct it at and figuring the doctor in charge of this hellhole would serve for the moment. “You’re a doctor! You’re supposed to protect and help people! You’re no better than the sick, sadistic bastards who thought being different, loving different could be ‘cured’ or that we wanted to be the same as you!

“All this boy wanted was to live his life in peace! All he ever wanted was to be happy and to be able to love and be loved! He never asked to be hurt or abused or…” Jared wasn’t even aware of how his fist was striking the now babbling doctor until a hand grabbed his wrist.

“Whoa! Padalecki!” Chris Kane had finally gotten down to the lower part of the older section of the hospital when he’d heard the report of the gunshot.

He hadn’t liked Jared going off on his own but he wasn’t about to leave handling the crooked cops to the state troopers. He also wanted to be around when the representative of the Board of Health showed up so it had taken him longer to catch up.

Chris wasn’t surprised to see David Delauter lying dead. He’d nearly lost his stomach when he got his first glance at his friend but then had to quickly refocus in order to stop Jared from killing the doctor in charge with his bare hands.

“He let them do this to him!” Jared snapped, rage fueling him in a way that it hadn’t since he’d come so close to burning down the home outside of Charleston. “He was going to stick that damn rod up to destroy his mind. He knew Jensen was helpless and he let his…”

The scream was ragged, fueled with bitter pain and guilt that he hadn’t protected his friend like he promised he would. “Look at him! Look at what they did to him in this short amount of time! Look at…”

“Been there, done that, dude,” Chris murmured quietly, seeing the change come over Jared as he blinked and nodded. “When he was 17 he was nearly a broken doll by the time my folks and his grandmother got to him. Yes, this is almost as bad in some ways but the asshole behind it can’t hurt him again and if you want to help him now then forget this bastard and go to him.”

Jared’s breathing was fast but slowly he began to calm down, looking past Chris to Jensen; dropping Young like he was nothing more than a sack of potatoes to go back to sit on the edge of the bed. “Jen? I know you’re still in there somewhere. I know you’ll hear me when I say that you’re safe and I’m taking you home soon,” he whispered to the unresponsive man. While slipping the button down shirt he’d grabbed earlier off so he could gently put it on his friend; though Jensen was deep in shock, Jared felt a small bit of hope come back when Jensen didn’t jerk at his touch and some of the rigidness in his body eased away at Jared’s touch.

“Let me get someone from up top to bring a gurney down so we can get him…I _hate_ that hand,” Chris muttered when Jared’s hand shot up flat to warn him off. “He’s hurt. He has burns, welts and blood all over not to mention his hand. He needs off that bed and up to where there should be an ambulance waiting if Doc McGwire called one like he said he was going to…Jared.”

The thought of anyone else touching Jensen put Jared’s defenses back up. He trusted very few people in this time and he certainly wasn’t trusting ‘doctors’ with his friend so with a firm set of his jaw he slowly moved Jensen until the man was in his arms to lift him as carefully and gently as if he’d break.

“I have him,” he told Chris firmly, having no trouble carrying Jensen’s weight even with a rib that Jared knew was broken. “I just…I want to get him away from this place.”

“Okay, we will,” Chris assured him, glaring at the doctor who grabbed his arm. “Dude, I stopped him from killing you. Don’t make me change my mind and do it myself.”

“That boy…he’s suffered so many beatings to the head and blows to his lower body that he might be bleeding internally,” Young told him in a hushed voice as if he didn’t want to incite Jared again. “He can’t possibly believe he’ll recover from this…can he?”

Chris was trying to avoid thinking about the long-term damage done to his best friend and would wait for his mother to deliver that news. Right then he watched the way Jared stood with Jensen in his arms, murmuring softly to him as if to keep him calm. “Yeah, Doc,” he sighed. “He does believe that and I don’t want to be around if he learns differently.

It took a little longer than Jared liked to get up to the main floor but he refused to rush and possibly cause Jensen more pain; ignoring his own pain from the minor wounds gained in the fight with Delauter he was only slightly out of breath when they stepped onto the main floor and were immediately surrounded by officials.

“No snarling,” Chris warned in a whisper, stepping in front of Jared to head off the state trooper in charge as well as several EMTs, shoving Young forward. “This asshole is the one in charge of this place. The body of the other bastard is downstairs. He attacked Padalecki when he went to help Jensen so I’m fairly certain no one will have an issue with Delauter ending up on a slab instead of my friends. Right Eric?”

Eric Palmer had long since abandoned his state trooper hat while handling this mess. As he took in the warning expression on Chris’s face, the bruises and blood on Jared and finally how brutally Jensen had been treated, the middle-aged man frowned but nodded.

“I’ll have some forms to fill out but that can wait until they’re settled in the hospital.” He didn’t miss the way Jared tensed at that. “This going to be an issue, Kane?” He knew the EMTs that Reed McGwire called were hovering to take command of the situation but something in the eyes of the tall man holding Jensen kept them at a distance.

“More than likely,” Chris muttered, turning to shake his head at the argument he could already see forming. “You need to let them take him in the ambulance. Jared, listen to me. Not all doctors are like Young here or what you might have dealt with…back there. They won’t hurt him and you and I’ll follow the ambulance but you have to let him go now.”

“Letting go is what I’m afraid of doing,” Jared murmured. He wasn’t blind or stupid. He knew Jensen was hurt seriously and feared he might never wake up or smile again. He feared if he let go of him now that this might be the last time he’d ever be able to touch him. “Will your mother…treat him?” He trusted the petite redhead as much as he would anyone right then.

A look to the official from the medical board to see the man nod before Chris replied. “Probably not for the initial triage and exam but she’ll be there soon so Jensen’ll get the best care possible and no one will hurt him there.” Stepping closer he placed a hand slowly on the Southerner’s shoulder, and met Jared’s eyes fully. “I wouldn’t tell you that if I wasn’t absolute dead certain it was true.”

“They won’t…they won’t strap him down?” Jared feared that they would and he would never allow anyone to tie his friend down again. “He can’t be tied down again. He’ll be scared if he wakes up and he’s tied so…”

“I’ll make sure the EMTs and the hospital staff know not to use any straps on Mr. Ackles, son.” Reed McGwire had been given a brief explanation of events from Maggie Kane and a single look now told him this situation was much worse.

The board had been looking for an excuse to shut this place down and he couldn’t wait to pull the plug on Young’s little world but first he needed to take care of the injured.

“Lay him down on the gurney and you can follow right behind the ambulance like Chris said. I’ve spoken to Dr. Kane who will be there within 40 minutes; she will take over once she arrives.” The white-haired older doctor had to be quick to hide his grim frown as he got close enough to see the obviously severe injuries. “Can they take care of him now?”

Jared was still uneasy about trusting Jensen with these strangers when a cool breeze came up to feel like fingers ruffling his hair and he knew what it was even before he heard the whisper soft voice.

“Let them have him, Jay. I’ll be with him until you can be.”

It was odd but while Jared was relieved that his friend’s spirit was still around it didn’t fill him with confidence to have him so close to Jensen right now while he was hurt so bad.

“Take care of him,” he replied, speaking to both the present medics and the spirit that only he knew was there as he gently placed his friend on the padded gurney to be wheeled out to the waiting ambulance. “I’ll be with you as soon as they let me, Jen. Please, please come back.”

“We’ll take good care of him, honey,” the female paramedic assured the worried man, shooting Chris a look. “You get him to the hospital behind us and have one of them take a look at him cause he looks about dead on his feet.”

Chris had noticed finally how banged up Jared was and bit his lip to keep a smart remark in. He wasn’t sure how it would go over to mention Jared actually looked good for a guy over a hundred years old.

“I will, ma’am,” he assured her, watching Jared as he lightly brushed Jensen’s hair back and seemed to hesitate a beat before kissing his forehead. “This will so not be good if Mom has bad news.”

By the time Chris had answered enough questions from the troopers and kept Jared from smashing the faces of a few people it was nearly 40 minutes until they reached the hospital.

Jared’s whole body was nothing but pure nervous energy and only Sean Kane’s appearance kept the man from steamrolling over some well-meaning staff who tried to keep him out of the triage room where Maggie Kane could be seen working feverishly on Jensen.

“Let them do what they can for him, Jared,” the lawyer advised while shifting the man into a smaller exam room so a perky woman could try to clean what little wounds Jared had gained. “As soon as he’s stable and all the tests are done then Maggie will let you sit with Jensen. Right now I need you to tell me what happened in case there are questions or someone tries to make an issue about why you killed Delauter.”

“I shot the bastard because he tortured and beat my friend to a bloody pulp…like his goddamn ancestor did before him.” Jared’s fingers were flexing until he touched one of the rings in his pocket, calming down somewhat. “He attacked me, he tried to shoot me with my own pistol because he didn’t know it was empty. He fired, it was empty…I used the thing your son swears is a weapon and shot him before he could hurt Jensen again,” he shrugged. “If the authorities want to arrest me, let them. If I lose him, they can execute me for all I care.”

“Hold on. Jensen’s not going anywhere so let’s stop all the death and gloom talk,” Chris spoke up from where he was leaning in the door, keeping an eye on Jared as well as the other room. “He’ll be back sketching and driving you nuts down in Charleston before you know it.”

Sean sent his son a look but recognized the worry in the opposite set of blue eyes and knew his boy was only too aware of the danger his friend was in now.

It seemed like an eternity to Jared before finally a nurse came to take him to Jensen’s room.

He could tell just by the way Chris had tensed when they stepped out of the strange moving box (which Jared had seriously vowed to never step into again) that something was wrong. That opinion tripled the moment he stepped into the private room to see Jensen actually looked worse now than he had before.

Cleaned of blood and dirt, the bruises were easier to see, as were the white bandages that covered what the poor excuse for hospital garb didn’t. His biggest concern--aside from the amount of bandages wrapped around his friend’s head--was the tubes and wires these so-called healers had attached to him.

“What…what is all this?” he asked, voice strangely hushed as if worried about speaking loudly in the room. “Why does he look paler than before? What are those tubes for? What did they…”

“Alright, calm down before I end up with you both in ICU.” Chris’s hands were dragging back through his long black hair as frustration and worry set in. “Mom’ll be in soon. She’ll tell us…she’ll tell you how bad he really is compared to how he looks right now so just sit down.” He knew if Jared was freaking out then he was close to it as well and needed a chance to settle down. “I’m going to go get some coffee so you wait here with Jensen. I’ll be right back.”

Knowing that Jared’s mind was fully focused on Jensen right then, Chris took the moment to leave the room. He got halfway down the hall before his fist slammed into a vending machine. “Son of a bitch!”

He wasn’t the son of a world-class doctor for nothing. Chris knew he might have slacked off in school but he was far from stupid. He knew with just one look at his friend what his mother would soon be saying and he didn’t think he was ready to hear the words much less have the strength to be able to handle a raging ex-Civil War soldier when he was told their mutual friend wouldn’t be waking up.

Jared had heard the other man step out of the room. It was only when he was alone with Jensen that he stepped closer to the bed, sitting in the chair beside it and reaching out slowly to touch the tips of Jensen’s fingers where they peeked out of the heavy plaster that had been put on to help hold his broken hand and fingers.

“Jensen?” he murmured, coughing to clear the roughness from his voice as he took in the deep bruises that marred his friend’s pale skin.

Now up close Jared could see the mark around Jensen’s throat that looked like something had been wrapped around it to choke the man while the cuts on his face from the straps of the gag looked deeper now.

“Can you hear me, Jensen?” He wasn’t sure since he was unclear how the human body could withstand stand punishment and still live. “If you can, you’re safe now. I’m here with you and if you can find it in your heart when you wake up to forgive me for being so damn stupid to not have been able to protect you I swear that nothing like this will happen again.”

Leaning up a little, Jared’s fingers pushed back a small bit of short hair that just fell over the white bandage around Jensen’s head. “You don’t have to be scared to wake up, Jen. Delauter’s dead and will never threaten you again. He’s gone and I will personally make certain that she-devil keeps away from you.” He kept watching Jensen’s face for any sign of life but saw none. “It’s okay, Jen. You sleep now. We’ll go home soon.”

Maggie Kane had stood in the doorway listening to the words that broke her heart, feeling her husband’s hand on her shoulder. “Jared? Can I speak with you a moment?”

By the time Chris got back up to the room he knew just by the sounds he heard stepping from the elevator that his mother had been by. “How bad?” he asked, passing his father in the hall and handing off the coffee since he wasn’t about to give Jared anything hot to hurl at him.

“Well, if your mother had been the one to explain I think this might have been prevented but another doctor went in after her and needless to say his tact was worse than yours.” Sean winced at both the memory and the coffee. “He’s getting his arm splinted as we speak.”

“What the hell did the asshole say?” Chris stepped in to see that whatever Jared had been told about Jensen’s condition had managed to tear the man apart because not only had several chairs been tossed but the former soldier was sitting on the side of Jensen’s bed shaking his head violently while refusing to hear anything Maggie was saying. “Mom?”

“Lord grant me strength,” she sighed; dealing with Jared was one heartache but her son would be worse. “Chris…”

“I am not allowing them to touch him!” Jared snapped, eyes wild with both grief and something that Chris couldn’t identify. “I don’t care what your tests show. Jensen will wake up and he’ll be fine. You are not touching him! And that bitch tries I will…”

Chris shot a look back between his parents. “What’s he talking about?” he demanded. “How bad is Jensen and why’s he gone manic protective?”

Maggie wanted to touch but knew her son would never allow it right then. “Chris, the x-rays and CT-scans all show massive cranial trauma. The beating Jensen took to his skull, as well as being choked to cut off the air to his brain in addition to all the other internal trauma…he’s alive and breathing on his own because his body is still strong but…right now the brain damage is irreversible.” She watched the shock hit and tried to not let her own eyes well up. “Sean’s called Kate but there is a possibility that Celia could challenge…”

“Bullshit!” Chris snapped. “She lost all right to him when he was 17 and she and her husband caused this!” He wouldn’t even stop Jared this time from hurting someone. “Wait. What’re you guys saying? If he’s breathing on his own, he’s not on a machine so you can’t take him off of anything so…”

“They want to put him someplace,” Jared gritted, fingers tight on Jensen’s good hand. “Like he’s nothing but something to be discarded because he’s no longer useful.”

“Jared, once Jensen is well enough physically to no longer need the hospital he’ll need around the clock care. Kate is no longer a young woman so if none of his aunts or uncles want the…” Maggie stopped herself as sharp eyes shot up to pin her. “He needs…”

The Southerner was digging his heels in and would not let go now. “Please, just…give me some time with him,” he shot Chris a wide-eyed look, pleading in a way that he had never done. “Just leave us alone.”

Chris was leery of leaving the man but felt an unusual breeze and sighed. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” he urged, turning to his parents. “How about giving me the non-medical version out in the hall and leave them alone?” he said, understanding his mother’s worries. “Mom, leave Jared with him. What can it hurt now?”

“This isn’t your fault.” Maggie laid a motherly hand over the one Jared had on his friend. “We have some time left before any decisions have to be made so…we’ll pray for a miracle and hope for him but…I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

Jared waited until the door closed to let the tears begin to come as he held Jensen’s limp hand tightly. “Help him,” he spoke to the silent room. “Please.”

“I…I can’t,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ spoke from the other side of the bed as he took in his seriously injured descendant and his friend. “Jared…I’m…”

“You said if I came back he wouldn’t die.” The tears were as strong and bitter as the night he’d held his own version of Jensen as he died. “Damn you! Don’t you do this to him! Is this my punishment for failing you? I have to fail him too only he doesn’t even get the peace of dying?” he demanded, swiping at his eyes to glare at the fully visible spirit. “Did you know this would happen to him? Did you know from the first time you spoke to him that this would be his fate? Did you use him just to hurt me for not being there with you?”

Something across the room broke and that cracked Jared’s restraint because he was off the bed and in his friend’s face. “I told you once to knock that crap off! You don’t get to break stuff now. Not now when Jensen’s laying here like this.” He shoved his hands through his friend’s spirit form and actually felt a slight weight that moved with his blow. “He just wanted to help me! He’s just a lost and scared boy inside and he never asked for this to happen to him! You saved me, now save him!”

“First off, I did not use Jensen in any way. I did think it would take him just helping you to cross over to complete things. By the time I figured out that it wouldn’t, it was too late to stop the events and I knew he’d need you.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ hated to see his friend in such pain and wished he did have the power to do what was asked of him. “If I could heal him fully I would. I didn’t count on Delauter hurting him like this, Jared. I…I don’t have that much energy to heal him like he needs. I’m…”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, damn it,” Jared’s fist slammed into a wall, mind a whirl of emotion and thoughts. “Use my strength then,” he suddenly said. “Ghosts draw on energy, right? That’s what some books I read said. So…take my energy and use it to heal him. I’ll give it all if that’s what it’ll take. I don’t care. I…”

“Jay, stop,” the spirit ached to touch, to soothe but knew he’d lost that right even before this. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just take from you to heal him. The type of healing Jensen needs is more than just physical. It’s emotional as well.

“Even before the worst of these injuries were inflicted, even before those bastards broke his fingers, he’d retreated into his mind. He was scared and lost. He believes you’re dead so he stopped fighting,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ told him grimly. “He will hear you if you try hard enough, Jared. I can do a little but the rest is up to you. Remember when I said he’d need you? Well, this is when he needs you the most.” He watched his friend closely to see when the grief and guilt began to slowly dissipate to be replaced with determination. “You need to fight for him as hard as he’s fought for you all his life. Can you do that? Can you fight for him like you would have me? Like I did for you?”

Finally calming down somewhat to hear what the spirit was saying but more importantly what he was allowing Jared to figure out on his own, the Southerner slowly understood. “Can you…can you heal him enough so that he will start to heal? Can you heal the damage done to his head so that I can at least fight them on putting him in another place with people who only see him as a number and not himself?” he asked, holding out a hand to his friend. “Jensen…please help me be able to fight for him.”

“That I can do,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied quietly, laying a hand on Jared’s face to see that he’d made peace with his choice and now it was the spirit’s time to accept and give his friend this one last thing. “My time here is running out soon, Jared. We’ll see each other one last time before I finally cross but for now, give him what he needs. Take him home, Jay,” he whispered, brushing a ghostly kiss over his friend’s lips. He turned to lay a hand over his descendant’s head before he slowly faded out.

Jared stood where he was for several moments after the spirit was gone and he was alone again with Jensen. Then he reached into his pocket for the ring that had once been his and slipped it back onto the ring finger of his friend’s limp left hand.

“This belongs to you, Jen,” he began shakily, sitting on the bedside so that his friend might hear him, deep in his mind where he’d been driven to escape. “I know you wore it on your right hand but until your fingers heal and this plaster thing comes off you can’t and I thought you’d want it back.

“I am so sorry that bastard took it off of you. I know that probably scared you too. The ring belongs to you in so many more ways than it was just passed down because I would have put it on your left hand eventually, Jensen.” Jared took a deep breath to steady his nerves. “I know you think Delauter killed me. I know or was told that you’d gone deep inside yourself because you believed I was dead but I’m not dead, Jen. I came back for you and if it’s the last thing I do before I get old enough to die in this era I will see you smile at me one more time, Jensen Ackles.

“I’m going to take you home…to your…” Jared stopped to realign his thoughts, leaning up to softly kiss the cut on the side of Jensen’s face. “I’m taking you our home, Jen. I will make that house into the home you deserve, that you wanted and when you do finally feel safe enough to come back to me you’ll know you will always be safe there.”

The former soldier didn’t have a clue how he’d do what he needed to do without money, but he had enough skills to at least fix up the house to ensure a warm, safe home for his friend’s recovery. The rest he’d have to swallow his Southern pride and ask Kane for help with.

“I have the other ring as well. As soon as some of those bruises go away I’ll get a new chain so you can wear it but until then…can you feel it in your hand, Jen?” Jared placed the other ring, the one he’s worn that had been his friend’s, in Jensen’s hand to fold his fingers closed around it while holding onto the hand. “I hope you’ll hear me eventually and even if you can’t respond yet, or if you’re too scared to trust that this is real, I want you to one day be able to believe in this.”

The kiss was soft, chaste as Jared touched his friend’s lips with his own. “Believe in me like you always have. Believe in us. Believe in yourself as the strong man I told you that you were. Know that no matter how long this takes I will be there when you open your eyes to really see the world again,” he murmured softly, letting his cheek rest against his friend’s while silently praying to whoever might still listen to grant his friend the ability to heal while trying to ignore the muffled voices from down the hall.

“No! Absolutely not. No one is putting my grandson in another place like that.” Kate Ackles refused flatly, steel entering her eyes as she gazed around the hall.

The older woman had arrived to be told of Jensen’s condition, the prognosis and what should be done. She’d listened patiently, asking a few questions before finally putting her foot down when the words mentally damaged, comatose and living arrangements in a long-term care facility were brought up.

“You tell ‘em, Katie.” Chris had known as soon as the matriarch of the Ackles family arrived she’d set people, including his own mother, straight. “Of course Padalecki used a bit more…vocal words to express a similar opinion.”

“Kate, I don’t want that for Jensen either but you can’t take care of him and I know he wouldn’t wish to put that burden on Chris or…” Maggie had started to say when she aimed a dark gaze at her sputtering son. “I’m speaking as a doctor now, Christian. I’ll start speaking as your Mother and as Jensen’s surrogate mother in a moment but right now we need to seriously discuss what is best for…”

“Being where he wanted to be is what’s best for Jensen,” Chris replied while peeking into the room to be sure nothing was broken. He saw that Jared had curled on the bed beside Jensen to tuck the unresponsive man carefully against his side as if trying to protect him. “Soldier boy’s going to fight anyone, and I mean anyone, to be allowed to keep Jensen with him and…holy shit,” he whispered, blinking his tired eyes to be certain he might not have just imagined what he thought he’d seen.

Chris let the others discuss what he already understood was a moot point since he and Dani would side with Jared if it meant helping Jensen be someplace where their friend would want to be. Right then he was watching his friend closely.

He could see that Jared had put the ring back on Jensen’s hand, a little weird for Chris to see it on the left hand. He’d overlook that for the moment because his full attention had shot to his friend’s left hand that seemed to be moving stiffly but the fingers were definitely moving; rolling something in his closed hand when it hit him what it was.

“Uhh, Doctor Mom? Quick question?” he called quietly but it was plain that Jared had finally crashed. “A person with irreversible brain damage shouldn’t be able to do anything, right? Move, blink…roll a ring around with the fingers of his left hand?” he asked.

“No, it’s a permanent vegetative state which means there’s no muscle movement except for some basic reflex movement at certain times but there would be no fine motor control to be able to move something as small as a ring around and…Chris? Why are you asking me that?” Maggie had been so deep in her doctor talk that the question or her son’s tone didn’t immediately sink in, stepping closer to see what had drawn Chris’s attention and nearly sobbing in a mixture of relief and shock. “Would he let me run another CT on Jensen?”

“You’re the doctor; you go suggest it to him. He hates me usually so now is probably not a good time for me to get close to them,” Chris shrugged but held out an arm to stop his mother from doing just that. “Umm, I’d wait until the soldier woke up because right now he’s still raw and hyper. Give him some time to just be with Jensen. If he sees the change he’ll probably be demanding you do another one.”

It wasn’t until late the next morning that Jared woke up to be told what Maggie wanted to do. At first, he was leery of allowing the physicians to do more tests but after being badgered by Chris for over an hour and watching Jensen’s fingers slowly move the ring around he relented.

There was a tense moment when the techs wanted to take both rings and Jensen’s blood pressure spiked in a way that it hadn’t yesterday; Maggie had to step in before Jared leveled the men and finally said they could just place something over his hand so the metal in the rings wouldn’t affect the machine or the results.

“What the hell happened after we left yesterday?” Chris asked in a low whisper, staying close in case watching the test take place caused a reaction in the still Civil War era thinking man. “I felt the breeze so I know that ghost was around but…”

“I asked him to at least heal Jen enough so that I could fight to get him back.” Jared knew to keep his voice low but his fingers were flexing as he leaned against the glass window to watch the tiny looking machine do more tests on his friend and also noticing the tension he thought he could see reflected by the tiny muscle movements on Jensen’s face. “He said Jensen needs to heal physically and emotionally. I understand that. He thinks I’m dead so he might not trust things enough to wake up right away.” He took a deep breath before glancing over at Chris. “I told you before that once I had him back I was taking him home. I told him that too. I am taking him home to Charleston.”

That wasn’t a surprise to Chris even though he wasn’t sure how others would feel about it. “Dani and I will back you up over that if you feel it’s what’s best for him,” he replied, splitting his attention between Jared and over to where his mother could be seen hovering over the machines as real time data came in. “She’s arranged to have his stuff shipped down. You know taking care of him like this won’t be easy.”

“I also know it’s not easy on him to be like this,” Jared returned, voice tightening in a way that the other man had never heard from him since meeting him…less than a week earlier. “To be so afraid of what might happen that he’s trapped himself in his own mind, to hear sounds around him but not knowing if he can trust it enough to come back.” He slid a look over to Chris’s grim face. “I was like that for more the forty days when I was 16. Jensen and I share a lot more in common it seems than anyone understands.”

“I don’t understand it, Dr. Kane,” a skinny tech was saying as he ended the procedure to bring Jensen out of the enclosure. “Yesterday his results were…well his brain was mush to put it bluntly. This should not be possible but Mr. Ackles’ CT scan now shows normal results with just a serious concussion that will heal but…”

“Mistakes in results happen at times or perhaps Jensen was just due one of those rare miracles we hear about every once in a while.” Maggie was as perplexed as the rest but one look at Jared as he was allowed into the room and the way he hovered around Jensen, speaking to him softly while still tossing her son sideways looks made her smile. “He’ll heal with time but Jensen will still need care, Kate,” she told the older woman.

Kate Ackles had been watching as the nurses got Jensen back to his bed. It saddened her to see her normally active grandson to be so still, his eyes remaining closed even though the fingers of his left hand moved but it was more the other young man she watched intently.

Jared was never more than two steps away from Jensen’s side at any moment, night or day. It had taken Maggie pulling strings to get the hospital to agree to allow the man to remain with her catatonic patient around the clock and on the few times that Chris and Sean ganged up on Jared to get him to go shower or change clothes the only way he would was if Chris agreed to sit with Jensen.

It had been a week since Jensen had been brought to the hospital after his ordeal and while he showed no obvious sign of waking up, his muscle movement seemed to be increasing.

His vital signs were getting stronger, there was slight tension in his muscles if the physical therapist touched him but then that was also when Jared got tense as well because he’d threatened to punch the man in the face if he hurt Jensen in any way.

Today as the two women stood in the hall listening to Chris and Jared bicker over something, a habit the two men now just seemed to fall into naturally, Kate’s gaze moved to Jensen. “It took him months to recover last time as well,” she murmured, knowing what the doctor needed to know.

Out of all of Kate’s five surviving children only Dylan had showed the most interest in caring for Jensen if it came down to it but he was also the one who worked the most hours and so couldn’t devote the time needed.

It had been sadly put to her by her eldest daughter that while they adored Jensen it just wasn’t feasible to give him the care he would need. They had handed Kate several brochures on long-term care and nursing facilities.

“Brandon would be pissed to learn how little his siblings care about his son but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Jensen always was treated like the black sheep even as a child,” Kate sighed, smiling as she noticed the way Jared’s hand stroked gently over Jensen’s face or his shorter than normal dark blond hair. “I know what needs to be done for Jensen, Maggie. I just don’t know if I can actually do it.”

“It’s what he needs, Kate.” Maggie Kane was a mother as well as a doctor and understood how hard a choice this was because she and Sean had debated for days over taking Jensen to care for him but in the end their careers also left very little time to spare.

“I know but I’m still his grandmother and…oh,” Kate’s fingers went to her lips. “Maggie, look,” she whispered, a tear falling as she watched Jensen’s left hand, whose fingers were almost never still, stop moving the ring he held still for several heartbeats before moving slowly until it touched the hand Jared had on the bed.

Chris was banging his head off the back of the chair he was slouched in. “Why?” he was demanding again, ignoring Dani on the phone as she laughed at his near whine.

“You’ve been talking with that tailor in Boston again? The floors need to be hardwood, cherry on the second floor and mahogany on the first floor. No carpet and certainly no hot pink carpeting,” Jared returned, sliding color chips across the bed toward Chris. “I can handle the outside repairs, the outbuildings and the little things inside but the floors, walls and ceilings all need done before Jensen gets there so there’s no dust or fumes to bother him.”

“Okay, I get that. I just think hardwood is a pain in the ass to do.” Chris was mainly arguing for arguments sake now because he’d been outnumbered. Since Danneel was down in Charleston to oversee the local contractor Chris hired to actually install the floors and other things that needed to be done, he knew she’d side with Jared. “Do you and Jensen have something against actual colors?” he asked after seeing the muted soft or neutral colors chosen for the walls, though he did lift a brow at a couple choices. “Really?”

Jared knew he was putting the cart before the horse with these plans because he hadn’t discussed with Kate or Dr. Kane if he’d be allowed to take Jensen clear to South Carolina. It kept him relaxed to be fighting with Chris over paint chips and other décor choices while it also seemed to take some of the tension out of Jensen when Jared sat beside him to talk of wall colors, wood choices for the floor and doors.

The former soldier knew he didn’t have any real clue to Jensen’s tastes or what he might have in mind for the house he’d just bought. The house that he may never get to enjoy now so he went with his gut and also on the tiny little movement of Jensen’s face that clued Jared in to how to use that right then to tell if his friend liked something or didn’t.

“The den or library or whatever the hell you people call it now should be a deep red in color. It goes well with the mahogany on the floor and the light from the windows and door keeps it from appearing too dark,” Jared replied, recalling his own concerns originally about the deep jewel tones in certain rooms that his friend had chosen 152 years earlier.

“The larger room upstairs, what had been the master bedroom, needs to be that softer bluish color. Put his sketches and other art things in that room. The room next to that, the smaller one with the window facing the water will be the master bedroom,” he continued, making the one huge change from the original layout because while going back there would be difficult if he had to walk into the former Master bedroom right away, Jared knew he’d break.

Seeing that Chris wouldn’t pick up on why he made the change, Jared ran a hand over his face before placing it on the bed near Jensen. “The original bedroom was where my life changed, Kane,” he finally told him, seeing when it clicked and could hear Dani’s voice yelling at her friend to stop being dense. “When Jensen’s well, he can change it back it he wants but…what?”

Feeling the slightest touch on his hand made Jared drop his eyes down. His heart jumped into his throat when he saw the shaking fingers that had moved several inches to get to him as if seeking the touch. “Jen?” he whispered voice rough, as he had to fight not to sob with relief at even this small change in his friend. “Jensen? Can you hear me?”

Chris had stopped in mid-complaint the second he caught the movement, also noticing his mother and Kate in the door watching the exchange as all of Jared’s focus shifted back to Jensen, whose fingers were attempting to close around the Southerner’s.

“I’m right here beside you, Jen,” Jared assured his friend, watching the way the muscles on Jensen’s still pale and bruised face seemed to be twitching as if he was struggling with himself. “That’s my hand you’re touching. That’s my voice you’ve been hearing and if you’d, please God, open your eyes you’d see my face…and Kane’s but he might be too big of a nightmare to see this soon.”

“Oh, shut up, Soldier boy,” Chris growled with a small smirk, accepting the insults now as just what would be normal between them. “I’m a nightmare? Have you taken a good long look at that ugly mug of yours recently?”

A stern cough from the door was Maggie’s way of warning her son to watch his mouth because she didn’t want a fight to upset her patient.

“Bring me a razor I can actually figure out then I’ll shave,” Jared countered, accepting he did need to shave but refusing the thing Chris had brought that had a cord and made noise. “Now shut the hell up before he decides not to wake up in an effort to ignore us.”

“He’s used to me,” Chris smiled, having just disconnected from Dani because he couldn’t handle too many conversations at once. “We’ve been friends since the fourth grade so Jen…sen knows how I am,” he almost used the nickname but cut it off even before the warning glare was given.

Chris had used the shortened form of his friend’s name mainly because he knew it annoyed the hell out of him. Now as he watched Jared use it and had seen how Jensen responded to its use by the former officer he realized that now it didn’t feel right for him to use what was clearly something special between his friend and Jared.

“Of all the things he’s told me the fact that he’s been dealing with you for so long is the only thing I pity Jen over,” Jared remarked easily, using his other hand to smooth the back of his knuckles along Jensen’s face and felt the wetness of tears. “It’s okay, Jensen. You really are safe and I’ll be taking you home soon.”

He held his breath to see what would happen next, turning his hand over so Jensen’s palm could meet his with the ring that Jared had once worn held between their hands and praying for a sign.

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Unaware fully of what was going on around him, Jensen’s face was moving slightly as it seemed like he was torn between opening his eyes to find out the truth or remaining where his mind was safe.

The last solid thing he allowed himself to remember was seeing Jared fall after being shot. After that, the memories were there but he fought against them out of the fear and pain they brought him. The moment David had removed the ring from his finger before the breaking of bones began was when he shoved his subconscious down to a layer where he couldn’t feel the pain, the fear, the guilt and where he’d be safe.

The young Boston native wasn’t stupid. He’d known from the first blow to his head that he would die this time and with Jared dead, his failure to protect his friend huge, Jensen honestly didn’t care if he died. In fact, he longed for the relief from the pain and shame he felt.

He really didn’t have too many clear memories of anything in that place after the second time he was beaten, drugged and assaulted. Everything was a jumble of flashes mixed with pain and his stepfather’s mocking voice mixed in with other voices including his father and his ancestor.

It was that voice that he’d heard before something else began to break through the barriers of his self-made barrier.

“You’re safe, Jensen.”

Before when he’d retreated into his own mind to hide from the events when he was 17 it had just been a dark hole, one of the reasons Jensen hated the dark now, but when he opened his eyes to look for the voice of his namesake he had to blink against the bright blue sky of…home.

“You and Jared both seem to share the same inner compass,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled reassuringly as he knelt a little ways from where the boy sat under the willow tree. “Yes, this is the tree in the back yard of Jared’s home in Charleston. Now your home.”

“Why?” Jensen whispered, staring around before looking at his unbroken hand. “They…David had them break…where am I?” he asked, panic building a second before his eyes filled as he looked into his own eyes. “I failed him,” he told the man, the images of seeing Jared bleeding vivid in his mind. “He shot him! Jared’s dead because of me! I promised you that I’d help him and…”

“You didn’t fail him, Jensen,” the spirit’s fingers were warm as they touched Jensen’s hair, allowing a portion of what energy he had left to pass between them. “Jared’s with you…out there. He didn’t die…exactly.”

It was hard for Jensen to focus as his body burned with agony that shouldn’t be possible here but then his gaze went back to the spirit. “Exactly?” he repeated, fingers of his left hand clenching and almost feeling something hard there. “What…what does that mean? I saw David shoot him twice! He said Jared was dead and that no one would…why does this hurt so much if I’m dying?”

“It hurts because your mind and body are trying to reconnect and you’re not dying, little boy,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied calmly, sitting down beside his kin much like he would when he and Jared would sit under this tree so long ago. “True, you’re hurt and healing won’t be easy but you can heal and go back when you feel safe enough.”

“I’ll never be safe,” Jensen muttered, leaning his head back to stare up into the branches. “I miss him.”

“He misses you but he’s sitting with you now, holding your hand,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ assured him. “Jared did get shot, Jensen. One bullet hit him, the other one…the last one, deflected off his locket,” he watched the boy’s fingers move but didn’t comment on that as he began to draw on the small pad he had always kept with him. “He had the choice to cross over, to let go and be with me or stay in the modern era with you. He chose to stay.”

Jensen watched the easy way his ancestor drew Jared’s face without even looking at the paper and wished for that type of confidence in his skill as an artist without even knowing he already could do that. “He could choose to go?” he blinked at that, a surge of loss filling him until a hand caught his chin.

“Yes, because of how close to the veil he was still, Jared could have chosen to cross or stay. He stayed,” the spirit smiled into the confused eyes while handing Jensen the finished sketch. “He chose you and he will fight for you now but you also have to fight for him because no matter what it will be up to you to heal. It will be up to you when you take that last step to trust Jay fully and open your heart finally to what has always been yours.”

“Why would he choose to stay when you could be with you?” Jensen didn’t understand that, looking at the sketch to see it was of him with Jared sitting under this tree. “What…what is this?”

“The future you can still have,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ told him, seeing the younger man’s fears. “I know you’re scared to trust in the voice you hear but Delauter can’t hurt you anymore because Jared shot him. The bastard is dead and your mother also won’t be an issue. You’re not alone, Jensen. Jared’s with you and he will be with you. You need to trust in him like he learned to trust me.”

This was a fragile time for the boy’s mind and the spirit knew he had a limited amount of time but had to give him something to hold on for. “Look at your left hand,” he nodded down, waiting until Jensen had; until he’d seen the ring on his finger and the one in his hand. “Jared gave you those back. He will not wear the one you’re holding until you give it to him like I did.”

“He…he should’ve gone with you. I can’t offer him anything but trouble,” Jensen whispered, wanting to see Jared but still afraid of facing how bad he was hurt. “What they did…I…”

“He’ll understand better than you think and more than likely soon he’ll tell you about the scar on his back that he hasn’t let you see yet.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ looked back toward the house before watching Jensen’s face. “He stayed because he loves you, Jensen. He loves you for you, for better or worse, and when Jared makes that choice to love it’s forever.” He laid a hand over the one Jensen had closed to grip the ring. “Your recovery will not be easy because I can’t heal you completely like I wish I could, but if you fight for what you want, if you let him fight for you, then you will come out of this.

“Now, before Jared and your friend get themselves kicked out of your room take the first tiny step, Jensen,” he encouraged with a gentle smile. “Reach for Jared.”

Jensen could hear the familiar Southern drawl so close and yet so far away and he knew he’d been hearing it for several days now. He wanted to know he was safe and that Jared was alive but something made him pause. “You haven’t called him ‘Jay’ like you did before,” he commented when he realized what had been different in this conversation with the spirit. “Why?”

“For the same reason he doesn’t call me what he calls you now,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied with an easy shrug, explaining carefully. “It’s not my place to use his nickname now. That right belongs to you, Jensen. Reach for him and start to heal.”

“What the hell’s going on?” Chris was asking, certain he was going to fall over if his heart didn’t slow down beating like it was as both he and Jared seemed to be waiting for something to happen. “Can he hear you or was that just some kind of…been a while since I got the hand in the face gesture,” he scowled. “I actually think I missed it.”

“Shut the hell up or you’ll be seein’ another kind of gesture, Yankee,” Jared growled softly, locking his eyes on Jensen’s face and seeing the slightest twitch of his lips at the name he used so often when referring to Chris.

That was when it hit Jared what he’d been doing wrong. It was clear that Jensen would be scared of waking up if he wasn’t certain to believe what his ears were telling him.

Jared could remember how hard waking up fully had been for him and what had finally brought him back. Aside from his more usual nickname there had been one other thing his friend had called him that was also only between them. It had been hearing it that had drawn Jared back.

He had slipped and used it here with Jensen a couple times but Jared suddenly knew what he needed to say. “Hey, Jen?” he murmured softly, lips close to Jensen’s ear as he held his hand loosely in his. “Are you going to open those big green eyes and come back to me soon…Yankee Boy?”

Jensen’s fingers flexed once before closing around Jared’s, a single tear escaping from the corner of his eye before his lashes fluttered while trying to open.

It was finally hearing the deep husky Southern drawl say that one simple name that gave him the courage to follow his ancestor’s advice and Jensen reached out to Jared. It was a simple touch but as he slowly opened his eyes, it was to hazel eyes pooling with tears of relief that Jensen saw first.

No words would come because it was still too soon to take that step but an obvious connection still passed between the two men as Jared moved to ease his friend’s shaking body against his chest to just sit and hold him; his own tears hidden from the view of the others as Jared silently thanked his friend for giving him this small start.

Chris had to look out the window in order to cover his own emotions, coughing to let Jared know he was stepping out and giving them privacy.

Kate was dabbing at her own eyes and Maggie wasn’t even bothering to hide her tears as her son stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him with a definite click that meant to leave the men alone. “Jensen goes home with Padalecki when he’s released,” he declared firmly, the familiar Kane determination entering his gaze as he looked at both women. “No questions, no issues. Make it happen because Jensen won’t get better for anyone else or anywhere else. Now, I have to go see about cancelling some pink shag carpeting in favor of some stupid hardwood.”

“The boy thinks it’s so easy to just release Jensen into the care of a man not even fully legal in this time,” Maggie rolled her eyes, wishing her son hadn’t gotten so much of his father’s stubbornness as well as her own.

“Of course it is,” Kate responded, her choice made. “I have to make a few calls to get Dylan off his ass but if that boy can manage to bring my grandson back this far then he’ll have what he needs to make certain no one can take Jensen away from him.” She paused to look back at the doctor. “I’ll borrow one of Christian’s phrases when I say…Maggie, make this happen.”

It was several hours later before Kate knocked softly on the door of her grandson’s hospital room, poking her head in only when the quiet drawl said it was fine to enter.

The older woman smiled when she stepped in to see that Jared hadn’t moved from his spot on the edge of the bed where he’d been since earlier when Jensen’s eyes had opened to look at him fully.

Kate had heard the small disturbance when the young man had snarled at a well-meaning aid who had just wanted to check Jensen’s vitals. Now she could see his one arm holding her sleeping grandson against his chest while the fingers of his free hand were slowly smoothing down Jensen’s arm.

“May I speak with you for a moment, Captain?” She knew who this man was and would call him by his correct title until he said otherwise.

Jared’s lips curved up at the use of his rank. “That title don’t mean much here, Mrs. Ackles,” he replied, pitching his voice low as to not wake his sleeping friend since this would be the first night in over a week that Jensen had slept and his body was relaxed for the moment. “Please, just call me Jared.”

“If you’ll call me Kate,” she liked this Southern boy and that had even been before she’d seen with her own eyes his obvious feelings for Jensen. “I have to return to Boston to take care of some business so I might not see you or my sweet boy before you leave for South Carolina.” She smiled at his wary look, waving a hand. “I’m not blind, Jared. It was very clear from the start that you would have fought anyone who tried to take Jensen away from you.

“None of my children save for Dylan showed an interest in caring for him so it would have been up to me to make that hard choice to allow Maggie to move him into one of those places.” Kate caught the way Jared tensed and the small sound Jensen made when he felt it in his sleep. “I’d already made up my mind as to what would be best for him when I watched you with him earlier, when he opened his eyes and looked at you and I knew I’d made the right decision.” She reached into her purse to remove a legal size envelope to lay on the bed near him.

“Jared, no one can undo the wrongs done to you or to the Jensen you knew back in your time. You were both treated unfairly by a many people but as I was going through a few other boxes of things my husband had collected over the years I found a couple things that I thought he might like to see.” She tapped a finger on the envelope. “Colonel Ackles was a hard and cold man from what I’ve heard but I think he tried to make up for some of the pain he caused his son when he interceded on your family’s behalf to allow them to keep that home you shared with his son.”

As Jared frowned, Kate leaned closer to kiss his cheek before doing the same to her grandson; smiling lovingly. “Jensen has a beautiful smile when he uses it. I hope you can bring that smile back out and you’ll invite me to see this home that has meant so much to my boy.” She paused at the door. “I don’t trust most people with what I love most in this world, Jared. I’m entrusting this boy to you. Love him and treat him well because I fear he’s known precious little of true love in his life.”

“Kate?” Jared called before she left the room. “Thank you.”

Kate merely inclined her head, leaving the room to arch one fine brow at the smirking young man waiting for her in the hall. “And you, Christian Kane…you’d better watch your step around that one because I don’t think he’ll take any guff from you.”

“He hasn’t yet, Katie,” Chris smiled, kissing her cheek. “I’ll be there with them until things get settled, Kate. Jensen’s in the best of hands…though I’ll cut out my own tongue before admitting that to the Solider Boy.”

Kate lightly slapped his arm as she left to take care of some final matters with for former daughter-in-law in case the woman ever got it in her head to try to contact Jensen again, confident that she’d done all that could be done for her grandson right then and hoping for the best.

“I meant it when I said I’d find someone to send you across the hard way,” she spoke to the spirit she sensed in the elevator with her. “If this rubbish hurts either of those boys I will bounce your spiritual ass myself.”

“I know, Kate,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ sighed, confident that his kin would heal but concerned about how Jared would handle returning to the place where everything went wrong.

** Six Weeks Later: outside of Charleston, South Carolina: **

It took another six weeks in the hospital before Jensen’s physical injuries had been healed to the point where Maggie Kane felt it was safe for him to be released into Jared’s care and she’d still bitched about him moving clear to Charleston this soon.

Jensen’s arm and hand were out of the cast and had passed through physical therapy to help work some of the stiffness out and to be sure there’d been no nerve damage.

He’d started to be able to dress himself though he often got tired easily still and he could feed himself, when he chose to eat but had yet to touch a pencil or attempt to draw and that worried Chris, who had never seen his friend go this long without even doodling. Except once and that was a time he didn’t want to relive.

The nights were the hardest because Jensen still was prone to waking up gasping and shaking with nightmares, he still couldn’t express fully in words because while he was awake and communicating with his eyes or the occasional gesture he hadn’t spoken a word.

All of Jensen’s belongings had been shipped South including the old desk from the barn up in Sturbridge and Dani had assured Chris that the floors, walls, ceilings and all the serious things that needed to be in place to allow Jensen a warm, safe and comfortable place to live while he recovered had been completed.

“You still sure this is what you want to do?” Chris asked, not needing the GPS to tell him how to get to where he was driving them to because he had Jared in the backseat offering directions even though he hadn’t been here in over 151 years.

“Yes, this is what I want to do,” Jared replied from where he sat in the back of the newly purchased SUV with Jensen. “He needs to be here and I need to be with him.” He smiled a little more when a gentle hand nudged his arm to point out the window, knowing what his friend meant without even seeing the spark of happiness that coming here was bringing to Jensen. “Yeah, Jen, I know. A couple more turns and you should be able to see the house.”

It still hurt Jared to see such leftover pain and shadows in his friend’s eyes at times, especially when he first woke up, after a bad dream or if Jared was out of his sight for too long.

Sean Kane had warned him that probably for the next little while Jensen would be more than a little mistrusting and wary even with him because he was still coming to grips with the possibility that his nightmares with his stepfather really were over.

It had been the night after Jared had allowed Sean to show Jensen the death certificate as well as a police shot of David Delauter’s corpse that the next tiny step in healing had occurred when Jared was awoken to Jensen kneeling beside the fold out bed the staff had finally placed in Jensen’s room when it became clear the Southerner was not leaving.

Jensen had laid his head on the bed while touching his friend’s hand until he woke up and then motioned to the picture, then to Jared and then the death certificate as if asking if Jared had shot Delauter.

Once Jared had told him that he had it was like another small wall broke and Jensen went into his arms fully, holding on with as much strength as he’d gotten back.

Since then Jensen accepted touch and touched more easily unless someone other than Jared or one of the Kane family came close to him and then he tended to get edgy.

Today Jensen was tired because he hadn’t slept much the night before due to both excitement and worry. He was excited to finally be moving to the house he’d feared he’d never see again much less actually share with Jared.

His worry came for Jared whom he knew hadn’t been back here since his friend was killed. It still made him wonder why his friend hadn’t chosen to cross to be with that Jensen and he inwardly feared that one day Jared would realize he’d made a mistake and leave in some way or another.

That fear as well as the remainder of his memories were what Jensen figured was keeping him from speaking because if he spoke then he’d have to tell what he remembered and he’d also have to ask Jared what made him stay rather than be with the man he’d loved.

“Jen?” Jared had caught the tension on Jensen’s face, brushing his fingers over his face. “Something wrong?”

A headshake was all Jensen could do right then even if he did long to tell Jared how much he loved him and appreciated what he was doing for him now.

“So Dani says a lot of the outside needs work still, and the weeds leading to the outbuildings have been cut but the grass is still kind of high,” Chris was saying while keeping an eye on the curving driveway that led up to the house. And an eye in back to watch his friend’s face as the two-story house came into view; expecting two very different reactions.

He’d been down here enough with Jensen to know the second he made the last turn that his friend’s still pale face would change and he wasn’t disappointed. He caught the soft half smile that was as much as Jensen would give these days but it was the lightening of his eyes that told Chris his friend was happy.

He also wasn’t disappointed in the other reaction since he was fairly certain what Jared’s reaction would be, or at least what his reaction to seeing the house for the first time in so long would be.

“What in the goddamn hell is that?” Jared had been watching Jensen’s face for the light to come in his eyes as well as that small smile. It eased his worries when he saw it…until he looked up to catch sight of his former residence.

“Oh, did I forget to mention that one of the previous owners had painted the house…purple?” Chris had stuck his tongue in his cheek to try to at least sound serious and not laugh at the outrage Jared was showing for the color. “You should have gone with my suggestion for pink carpeting, Padalecki,” he snorted, jerking in his seat to toss a look of shock toward the back. “Did you just slap me in the head, Jensen?”

Narrowing his lips until they formed a thin line, Jensen gave his best friend a dark look as if to stop teasing Jared when the man was still growling under his breath and using some words that made even Chris blink.

“Who would paint a house purple? Why would anyone even want to paint a house that color?” Jared was beginning to wonder if the people in this time were just colorblind. Then he felt a hand grasping for his and made himself settle down. “No, I’m fine. Jen, I’m fine. I was just a little…startled by…that,” he caught Jensen’s face in his hands to get him to look at his eyes, smoothing his thumbs over his friend’s cheeks in a soothing motion to calm him again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think I wasn’t happy to be here. I’ll just be happier when I can paint it white again.”

Jensen’s lips curved a little more after he was assured his friend wasn’t really upset but then tensed when he noticed another car in the driveway that wasn’t Dani’s.

“The lady who sold the house to Jensen wanted to be here to greet him in person or so Dani said this morning.” Chris expected the growl that got because he hadn’t liked it either but there had been talking the little old lady out of it.

Chris parked in front of the outlandishly painted house to shut the engine off, turning in his seat to eye his friend. “Home sweet home, bud,” he smiled, remembering the first day they’d come here at 18. “You ready?”

If he was normal and fully healed, Jensen wasn’t sure he’d be ready for this step but he felt Jared’s hand on his shoulder and knew this wasn’t just a huge step for him alone; nodding slowly and reaching for the handle. “I’ll go find Dani and Miss P. while also thinking up a way to not use your last name in front of the woman. You stay with him.”

“Bossy,” Jared called out in warning, rounding the SUV to catch Jensen’s arm as he stepped out onto the gravel driveway to sway a bit too much. “Tired?” he asked with concern since he knew his friend hadn’t slept all that much last night. “I’m not sure what furniture aside from what Miss Harris shipped down that Kane said you had in storage but as soon as you’re stronger and I repaint this house we can get whatever kind you want. Now let’s see what the inside looks like.”

Jensen was blinking at the paint color on the exterior now that he could see it better, wondering who the hell had painted it because the last time he’d been down here eight months ago it had been a dull cream color.

He touched the ring that was back around his neck to settle what little nerves he had about opening the front door for the first time without the need to knock. He felt Jared’s hand run up his back to soothe him and let himself lean more into the solid chest that was behind him, glancing back in silent question.

“No, you should open the door,” Jared understood even without words what was being asked, feeling his heart grow even more for this man when Jensen reached for his hand as he motioned to the door. “You want us to open the door together?” he asked, battling back tears at the nod and lightly kissing his temple. “We can do that, Jen.”

Jared would never tell Jensen how he had made a similar gesture to his ancestor the first time they’d entered this house together. He longed to kiss his friend now, on the threshold of this home but he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t take Jensen that far or do anything too physical until he felt more at ease with Jared and with himself again.

“Open the door and let’s go home, Jensen,” he whispered against his ear, letting his hand rest over Jensen’s as the new, modern doorknob turned to let them into the home.

The memories were there, as Jared had feared they would be. Years of change, or remodels, of updates to the furniture didn’t mean anything with the foyer remained basically the same and he could still see the pool of blood that he’d slipped on in his haste to get to where he’d found his friend laying after being beaten half to death and stabbed.

It was all there and Jared could still smell the blood, see the crude messages scrawled in blood on the wall, the front door. He remembered his terror but he also remembered how calm his friend had been as if he had accepted the moment for what it had been.

His Jensen had been protecting him for over a year, as Jared now knew. His friend had tried to protect him at the cost of his own life and perhaps understood another reason this Jensen now was still holding back from coming out of the shell he’d built around himself.

He’d watched Jared be shot. He’d been told it was his fault he was dead so Jared wondered if perhaps fear that Jared might be upset with him was keeping his friend from healing fully.

Feeling Jensen’s hand on his as if he knew what Jared was battling and wanted to support him in some small way made the former soldier smile. “I’ll probably always remember it, Jen,” he murmured, glad the new floor had been laid and the fresh coat of paint lightened the foyer. “I’m also relieved you said you wanted your studio to be where the original Master bedroom was.

“We both have some healing to do here but…we’ll make it,” he promised, turning so he could lay one of Jensen’s hands over his heart while smiling. “You and me, Jen. This is where I belong now and if you’ll let me, I will love you until we’re both old and I have to threaten Kane from a walker.”

Jensen smirked, giving an actual eye roll that made Jared laugh. The emotion those words brought him was almost enough to cause Jensen to risk his heart by telling Jared what he’d wanted to since he first met him but before he could, he looked towards the front door, his pale face losing even more color as he jerked back.

“Jen? What the hell?” Jared had watched his friend go from tolerant of his bickering with Chris to downright terrified in the space of a heartbeat. “Jensen?”

“Well, isn’t this a sweet scene to find? The man who shot my husband declaring his undying love for my only son,” Celia Ackles Delauter spoke coolly from the bottom step of the porch, shifting her gaze from Jared to where Jensen was backing away. “Hello, sweetheart. May your mother come in, Jensen?”

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Jared Padalecki had always been told he had a hair trigger temper but it took a lot of prodding to make it hit that white-hot blinding rage stage. He’d been at the cusp of it several times since finding himself in 2013.

The moment he watched his friend, the man he knew that he was fully head over heels in love with, go white with a fear nobody should ever feel and especially not at the voice of their own mother, Jared’s rage soared past white hot.

“If you step one foot on that porch I will be sure to send you to join that no good lying cowardly bastard.” Jared’s whole body had gone rigid, his accent, which was normally soft and mild, vanishing in his anger at even seeing the woman who had allowed her son to be tormented and abused for years. “Jen, it’s alright. She’s not going to hurt you.” He spoke to Jensen, as he made sure to stay in front of the shocked young man, reaching a hand back. “Take my hand. You’re not alone and she’s not getting in this house.”

“Isn’t that Jensen’s decision?” Celia hated this Southerner almost as much as she did her son right then, curling her painted lip as she noticed Jensen’s shaking hand reach out slowly until it could grasp onto Jared and not missing how her son’s hand was held in return. “I see this didn’t knock the gay out of him either.”

Jensen knew in his head that he was safe, that his mother couldn’t hurt him here but it was just hearing her voice; hearing the hate and bitterness in it that tore him down. He came close to slipping back inside his own head until the strength of the hand that reached out to him assured him of something that he’d never really allowed himself to believe in before.

Before while he’d had Chris and Dani always at his side, Jensen hadn’t ever fully given himself permission to trust even them with his deepest thoughts and emotions. He had shared things with Jared that he’d always kept to himself and knew that when he felt safe enough to speak of these events that the Southerner would listen to every word without judgment and would hold him afterward.

He also knew without a doubt that while he’d always feared Chris’s temper would lead him to do something rash or drastic there was no doubt in Jensen’s mind as the muscles in Jared’s arms flexed while keeping between Jensen and his mother that his friend would kill if he thought he needed to.

Keeping his eyes off Celia, Jensen took a shaky step until he was behind Jared; his hand still gripping his tight but he laid his other on the man’s shoulder as if trying to urge him to calm down. He opened his mouth to whisper something but if there was one thing his mother didn’t know it was when to quit.

“I’m sure this is a much better arrangement for you than having him locked in a nursing home,” Celia sneered, ignoring the stern voice shouting for her; laying her hand on the rail as if trying to goad Jared into attacking her. “You accused me of only wanting to use my son for the money that should’ve been mine to start with. Tell me, boy. What part of my worthless, heathen son are you using?”

Jared’s whole body longed to lunge at that, to wrap his hand around the woman’s cold-blooded throat so she could no longer speak another hateful word toward Jensen but the shaking body pressing against his back as Jensen tried to tug on his arm held him back.

The realization that he could hear whisper soft words being whispered into the back of his t-shirt stilled him because he knew Jensen had no idea he was actually speaking as he pleaded with Jared not to be goaded into attacking her.

“Kane!” Jared suddenly yelled, slowly bringing Jensen around in front so he could hold him against his chest; being careful to keep his back to the glaring and hateful woman. “ ** _Kane_**!”

“I heard you the first time. What and where the hell are you two?” Chris Kane’s voice came from the rear of the house, his footsteps sounding loud against the newly laid hardwood.

“This place happen to have a shotgun laying about anywhere?” Jared asked evenly, lifting a brow in the woman’s direction.

“No and we seriously need to get your speech habits brought up to date,” Chris returned, not liking the edge he could hear in the Southerners’ voice or the new car he caught sight of in the driveway. “Padalecki?”

“Get this bitch off his property before I keep a promise I made and rip her cold-blooded heart out for coming close to him again,” Jared gritted, feeling his friend shaking again and murmuring to him in a low voice.

Chris came through the arch at a half run only to pull up short. “Oh, you have got to be kiddin’ me.” He didn’t need more than a glance at the hate on Jared’s face or the way his arms were around Jensen to know what was going on. “Danneel! Call the goddamn cops because I’m pretty damn sure the restraining order is still in effect down here,” he shouted to where Dani was in the kitchen with the home’s former owner. “What the hell do you want?”

Before Celia could reply a running Dylan Ackles arrived, glaring at his late brother’s wife before pulling her back several steps. “The agreement was you got a look at him once. You weren’t allowed close to Jensen or to open your mouth to him, Celia,” he snapped, green eyes a lighter color than his nephew’s as he glared. “You say one more thing and you lose what little Mother is allowing you to keep. Chris…”

“He’s out. He’s away from Boston, away from her, away from his past,” Jared broke in, furious that Jensen’s uncle would have brought the woman here; possibly ruining any chance his friend had to even feel safe here. “She should be in a cell and not able to further hurt him with her words.”

“I know and Mom didn’t like it but Celia said the asshole brought something to the house other than those old letters. She wouldn’t tell me where it was until I agreed to bring her here once because she said she wanted to see her son.” Dylan waved a hand at the looks he was given over that one. “Yeah, I know. Wishful thinking that after 28 years she developed some maternal instincts but she won’t bother him again.”

Chris snorted while Jared merely offered a stony glare. “What promise can you give him of that?” he demanded, beginning to feel the trembling under his hand slowly start to ease.

“Because if she wants to keep living in the house and receiving the smaller amount to live on that Mother is willing to extend on the condition that Celia agrees to keep away from Jensen in all ways then she will,” Dylan held out a long round tube to Chris since he got the firm hint that the taller man would cheerfully rip someone apart soon. “I’m sure she’ll be losing some of that stipend once I tell Mom about this and the odds are good she’ll still face jail time on fraud charges…unless Jensen wants to push things and…”

While Jared would love to see the woman pay for her own crimes against his friend he wouldn’t ever ask him to go through that and shook his head. “Just make sure she keeps away from him because I will tell you this now…I swear on a stack of Bibles and the souls of my kin that if that she-devil comes close to him or contacts him in any form then it’ll be me who handles it and not your so-called courts,” he promised darkly, hazel eyes dead serious as he met Dylan’s accepting nod. “Now, get the hell off his property and leave him in peace.”

With that, Jared was done with it, carefully nudging his friend toward the living room while leaving Chris and a fuming Danneel Harris to finish up with Dylan Ackles.

“Sit and breathe,” he urged once he got Jensen sat down to sit across from him on the heavy wood coffee table to take both of his hands in his to hold them. “Look at me, Jen.”

It took a minute or two before Jensen could bring his eyes up to meet his friend’s, still hearing his mother’s voice in his ears as well as the sounds of his own head being hit with those clubs but slowly Jared’s voice, the soothing drawl coming back, became all he heard.

“It’s going to take you a good long while to be able to get past all of the pain and horrors you’ve faced. You can’t just snap your fingers and forget it or not be afraid of something like her voice after you’ve heard it putting you down and hurting you for so long.” Jared spoke slowly, moving to sit beside him only when Jensen tugged on his hands to show that he wanted him there.

“She will never get that chance again. I told her and I’ll tell you, she may’ve given life to you but she is not your Momma. That title belongs to the women in your life that helped you, loved you and made you into the fine young man that’s sitting in front of me.” He used the fingers of one hand to brush through the short spiky hair, still careful of any leftover soreness on a few spots. “You’re not alone. You never were and you never will be. Okay?”

Jensen knew all that but it was sometimes difficult to make himself believe it. Hearing it spoken from Jared made it a little easier and he finally nodded, realizing his lips were moving and wanting to find that final spark of will that would bring speech back.

“It’ll come when you’re ready,” Jared assured him as he read that frustration and longing on Jensen’s face. “You’ll heal here. Soon you’ll start to draw again and one day without you even bein’ aware you’ll speak. Probably when I’m high up trying to paint this place or fixin’ the shutters and you’ll scare me right outta my shoes, Yankee Boy.”

The teasing voice and the way Jared’s drawl dropped whenever he called Jensen that made the other man smile, the worry and stress he’d just been feeling sliding away as he hesitantly moved closer against Jared’s side, motioning with his hand to the ceiling while closing his eyes.

“Oh, now you want to sleep?” Jared chuckled, hearing a step that he didn’t recognize and was looking up toward the arched door that led from the living room toward the hall that he knew could go either to the den, dining room or kitchen. He had to blink at the short, plump, silver haired woman who stepped in. “Ma’am,” he managed to get out past the lump in his throat.

“Well, Danneel said I’d find the new owner in here while she’s helping that other boy shoo that nasty woman away.” Rachel Padalecki had met the boy she eventually sold her family’s home to more than once so she knew which of these two Jensen was but it was his companion that drew her sharp gaze. “You do look like him. You both do.”

Jensen had tensed slightly but then so had Jared. The two men exchanged glances since neither were sure what Danneel might have said to explain Jared or if she even had.

“No, you keep that poor boy sitting down or take him upstairs,” the matronly older woman waved a hand when she caught Jensen about to stand and how off balance he still appeared. “I personally made the bed up after Danneel said her friend had been hurt but both you boys look about ready to drop.”

“It’s been a bad few weeks for him.” Jared kept his hand on Jensen as he met the kind brown eyes of a woman who looked a lot like his own mother had so he knew the resemblance had passed down in his family line. “He does need to sleep but I think he wanted to see you so he could thank you for blessing him with this chance to own a home that means so much to him.”

She eyed both young men before smiling with a loud laugh, having to stretch to reach up to even touch Jared’s cheek. “You do have all the Southern charm, don’t you?” She liked these boys and now was certain she’d made the right choice. “I knew from the first moment I met this one that he was who this old house had been waiting for.

“My kin owned this house. He lived here with a…friend of his,” she began with a twinkle in her eye that brightened as she took in the way Jared’s hand never left Jensen’s shoulder. “It was back around the time of the Civil War and certain things weren’t popular but they didn’t care. They loved one another and according to my Great-Great-granny Jared would’ve done anything for his friend, including run off from the Confederate Army and go North into Canada but his friend, also named Jensen, wouldn’t hear any such nonsense.

“He wrote a letter to Jared’s folks shortly before he was killed to say how much he loved their boy and that no matter what happened to him that Jared would always be looked out for and cared for.” She pulled out a faded and tattered letter that she held out to Jared as if knowing who it should go to, “He only asked that the family try to keep the house within the Padalecki line until we felt it was right to sell.”

Rachel gave a soft smile toward Jensen who she had adored from the first moment she laid eyes on the boy when he’d been no more than 18. “I knew when I first met Jensen that this house was waiting for him but I held off selling it until now. I wasn’t sure why but now maybe both of us were waiting for him to find something else he needed, or I should say someone else.

“I don’t know what happened to hurt him so bad and it’s none of my business but even as pale as he is and being as quiet as a church mouse I can see that he’s happy. That your doing, boy?” she asked Jared plainly.

“I hope so, ma’am,” Jared replied, sitting beside Jensen. He wondered if his friend was aware that he was leaning into his shoulder more, as if not caring about the relative stranger in the room. “Miss Harris told you my last name I take it?”

“Honey, even if she hadn’t all I would’ve needed to do was take one look at you to know we’re related in some way,” Rachel chuckled, slipping an old worn photo out of her pocket as well. “Like I said, you two boys look just like the boys who lived here over 150 years ago.”

Jensen went still as Jared’s fingers shook just once to hold the old time faded photograph that had been taken of him and Jensen’s ancestor on Jared’s last trip home to the Low Country.

“It’s…confusing to explain but we’re probably cousins in some way,” Jared managed to speak. He recalled the photo being taken because it had taken him all that morning to convince his friend to do it with him. “May I ask, what happened to him?”

He quickly smoothed the thumb resting on the inside of Jensen’s wrist when he felt the man’s fingers tighten around his, concerned by both the question and the possible answer but the silver haired woman’s merely crinkled in amusement.

“There’s a couple versions of that actually,” she admitted, moving to pick a homemade quilt up from the back of an old wingback chair and wrapping it around Jensen’s shoulders when she caught his shiver even before Jared could start to move. “Both of these have been handed down in my family so I’ve heard ‘em since I was just a girl. The one is that a so-called friend of Jared’s that served with him came back afterward to tell his kin how their boy had snapped on the battlefield in Gettysburg one night, turned on him, shot him and then deserted the Confederate Army to run to Canada.

“Now you just simmer your butt down and let me finish,” she wagged her finger at Jared who had started to snarl while Jensen had scowled at the lie. “My great-great Granny was a true storyteller and she loved to tell the part where Jared’s Daddy chased that lying coward off the farm with a pitchfork because his Momma had the shotgun. No one in this family ever believed he deserted because like my Momma said, if he was going to do that he would’ve gone before Jensen could be killed by those troublemakers from town. The other story is a bit more far-fetched but the one his Granny always believed so it was the one that stuck with us.”

“What…what was that?” Jared was stunned that his parents hadn’t believed Scott’s lies and had believed in him enough to make sure the story stayed true over the years.

Rachel’s eyes, a shade darker than Jared’s own, softened as she watched Jensen ease closer to his friend as if trying to support him. “When his body was never ever found, his Granny never seemed to doubt what had happened. She always said that Jared found a way to go where his heart needed to be. To the day she passed from this Earth she believed that he was safe and with the man he loved and so she insisted when the family was allowed to keep this house after the war that it be kept by us until it was time to let it go back to those it belonged to. She always said we’d know who that was.”

“So they believed he died somewhere and crossed to be with Jensen,” Jared was relieved his family hadn’t believed the lies and had at least accepted his relationship.

“I said they believed he found a way to be with who he needed to be with. I never said they thought he died, sweet pea.” Rachel stood up, motioning them to stay seated. “You take from that what you will. I don’t live far from here so I might pop in to check on you boys until you’re settled and to bring Jensen some homemade soup. There’s a kettle of that warming in the kitchen for tonight. Now I have to get home and so you can get him into bed to sleep that long trip off.”

Jared stood as his manners dictated but held his breath to see what Jensen would do as the friendly motherly woman leaned down to give him a soft peck on the cheek before wiping any leftover lipstick stain from his cheek. He relaxed when his friend merely smiled his thanks for her kindness.

“Jared?” she called as she was reaching the doorway.

“Yes, ma’am?” his response was instant and without thinking that she might not have been told his first name, seeing his answer at her smile. “Lucky guess?”

“Whatever you want to believe, sweet pea,” Rachel chuckled, tapping a finger on the door. “You are going to paint this house white, aren’t you?”

“Oh, hell yes,” Jared was positive that as soon as Jensen was strong enough and felt secure enough here that he was painting the outside a decent color. “I’m also kicking Kane in the ass for having it painted purple to begin with.”

Chris Kane was just stepping into the room to hear that while grunting when the older woman’s small fist hit him in the chest good-naturedly. “Hey! Why do you automatically assume I had a hand in this color?” he demanded, putting on his best-wounded face.

“Probably because Jensen never mentioned the house being this color and you wanted to put down pink carpeting so it’s pretty easy to decide you did this just to annoy me,” Jared returned, watching Jensen out of the corner of his eye to see that he was gazing between them as if expecting a fight to happen. “I should make you paint it but I’d be afraid of what color you’d choose next.”

“Color is good, Padalecki,” Chris argued, wincing when Dani stepped into the room to hit him in the head. “Y’know, I don’t have to take this abuse. I have parents who are perfectly willing to do that. I could just leave.”

“Is that supposed to be a threat or a promise, Yankee?” Jared asked with a smile, feeling better when it sounded like Jensen let out a low snort of laughter.

Chris shot the man a gesture before holding out the cardboard tube. “This might make him feel a bit better,” he handed it to Jared while beginning to prowl the room to check the doors and windows to be sure they all had locks on them. “Oh, and just so you know, my Dad is so pissed about her coming here that he’s vowing to beat Dylan in the head with something hard the next chance he gets.”

“Just so she doesn’t come back,” Jared replied in warning, sitting down to carefully remove the contents of the tube and knew what it was the second his fingers touched the heavy canvas. “He thought it burned when they damaged his apartment.”

“Seems the jackass who shall go nameless from here on out took it along with those letters. He probably thought he could use them as leverage later on,” Chris shrugged, seeing the way Jensen’s eyes widened at the site of the oil painting of Jared that had been painted 152 years earlier. “Celia was looking for a way into Katie’s good graces to at least keep the house in Boston and so mentioned this.”

Sitting up to lightly touch the painting with his fingertips, Jensen turned to watch Jared’s reaction. He touched the face in the painting and then lightly touched Jared’s face.

“My hair’s a little longer but yeah, I guess I do still look pretty much the same as when he finally got me to pose for him.” Jared covered the hand on his face with his while letting Dani examine the portrait. “He didn’t often do portraits in oil since he always said it made him feel too much like a real artist but when he did do one he never stopped until it came out just the way he wanted it.” He smiled as he smoothed his thumb over Jensen’s jaw. “Yes, you will one day paint like this because you’re already a talented artist.”

Jensen had his doubts about that since he was still scared to even pick up a pencil to learn the damage done to his hand would keep him from drawing again but for the moment, he gave himself over to the safety of being home and of being with Jared.

“Dani’s booked us a couple of rooms in a motel in town so if anything happens I’m still first on his speed dial,” Chris remarked after getting the hint that it was time to leave them alone. “Lock…”

“Lock the doors, lock the windows,” Jared finished for him, nodding. “I know what to do and believe me, Kane, I’m not letting anything happen to him here. You both can stay…Jen?”

Dani giggled when her friend’s hand moved to hit Jared in the shoulder as if expressing his dislike of what he was about to suggest. “I think Jensen wants us gone so you guys can have the place to yourselves,” she winked while adding. “I know that’s what I’d want if I were him.”

“Images, Dani!” Chris groaned, shaking his head as if bitterly disturbed by what had just been put in his head. “I do not need to think about that. The whole kissing thing is going to be weird enough…dude, don’t think I don’t know you kiss him.”

“Get out before I throw you out, Yankee!” Jared’s voice was stern but there was a smile on his face when he turned to see that Jensen had unrolled the portrait to look at it while also searching the walls as if wondering where it would fit. “You know we don’t have to hang it up, Jensen.”

Jensen scowled at him over that, carefully putting it back in the tube to point at Jared and then around them as if meaning his ancestor. He’s always meant to hang this portrait in this house and hoped it wouldn’t upset Jared too much if he did.

“We’ll get it framed properly then so you can hang it where you want it,” Jared replied, watching the way his friend’s eyes blinked. “Can you eat some soup before you fall to sleep or do you just want to sleep?” He smiled when Jensen reached for his hand while motioning to the kitchen. “Thank you, Jen.”

It wasn’t always easy to get Jensen to eat these days so Jared had learned to be grateful for when the man chose to eat.

The kitchen showed the most change from when Jared had lived here because before it had just been a small room with a wood burning stove, a sink, a newly invented and very hard to come by icebox. Now it had been added onto so there was a small breakfast area surrounded by glass windows with an excellent view of a yard that still looked overgrown but would look tended once Jared got to it.

He was glad the soup on the sleek looking glass top stove was warm because Jared dreaded the thought of heating anything up until he became more used to these modern appliances.

As he ladled the soup into bowls, he watched as Jensen carefully got soup spoons and napkins out to place them on the table with such precision that it made Jared ache for the boy his friend had been when such actions were instilled.

Jared set the bowls on the table but didn’t touch his spoon until Jensen picked his up, watching from under his lashes as his friend’s fingers still shook whenever he first picked up something to hold in his right hand; once again cursing the men who had broken those fingers to try to break Jensen’s spirit.

He was so engrossed in watching to be sure Jensen wasn’t having any trouble that he didn’t realize he was staring until a foot lightly kicked his shin, blinking to see amused green eyes gazing back at him. “Sorry. I got to thinking too much and didn’t realize I was staring.” He took a bite of soup only to realize they would need to beg Miss Rachel to keep making it because Jared knew it was his mother’s recipe. “I never managed to be able to make this like Momma could or like Miss Rachel can.”

The soup was warm and tasted good. So good that Jensen wasn’t even aware of how much he ate until his spoon touched the bottom of the bowl, blinking in mild surprise.

“If you keep eating like that you’ll get your strength back,” Jared assured him, finishing his and then leaned back in his seat to watch Jensen go through half of a second bowl along with a glass of milk. “This is a lot better than that brown rice stuff Kane brought.”

He’d started to stand to pick the bowls up when a napkin ball hit him in the chest, making him run his tongue over his teeth while fighting to keep his smile subdued. “Really? You must be feelin’ a little better to start throwing napkins at me.”

In truth, Jensen was feeling better. He was feeling better than he had since waking up in the hospital. Of course, he knew he had a ways to go but right then he was feeling like he wanted something else, something that he suspected Jared wouldn’t give until he thought he was healed enough.

Normally clearing the dishes, tossing the trash and cleaning up was top for Jensen’s after dinner routine but that night he made a clear choice to leave those lessons and routines behind him in Boston.

Moving into this home that he loved, being here with Jared offered him a chance at a fresh start and that meant beginning to change the little things that bothered him first; starting with his obsessive need to clean up after eating out of a fear of being hurt.

Standing up slowly, Jensen reached to take the bowl from Jared’s hand; setting it back on the table and then reached for his hand while pointing up.

“Huh, alright then,” Jared understood the step that had just been taken and let his friend lead him through the house to take the steps to the second floor. “You do understand why I haven’t kissed you fully, don’t you?” he asked as they passed the door to the room that had once been the Master bedroom; the room that Jared knew he would need time before he entered.

Jensen thought he did or at least he hoped he understood Jared’s reasons and that it wasn’t because of what had happened to him this time.

Stepping into the bedroom for the first time made him stop to look around. It was a good-sized room with a small alcove with a window seat that overlooked the yard and could see the water and the Whispering Willow tree.

The floors were also hardwood but had a heating element to keep them from getting cold. The fireplace sat on the other side of the room in the middle of two large windows that would bring light in to brighten the room that had been painted a deeper blue to counter that Jensen knew would be a softer blue in what would be his studio.

There was a bathroom off the room, along with a closet that had been made larger by a little remodeling. The furniture in here appeared vintage to the house. When he felt Jared’s hand on the back of his neck, he glanced up with a curious concern on his face.

“The dressers are original but this bed had been in the room down the hall. It wasn’t the one we shared that one night or the night I was last here,” Jared reassured him, silently glad of that because he knew there would be no way he could go close to the original bed. “I’m okay, Jensen. You go ahead and see what kind of shower or bath Kane had installed while I find where he put the bags and then I’ll help you shave.”

Because of the way his hands still shook, Jensen had reluctantly agreed to allow Jared to either shave him or help steady his hand while he did it.

It was the second time that Jared had shaved him that Jensen had begun to figure out that his body, despite the trauma it had been put through, still responded to touch or more likely it responded to Jared’s touch.

The bathroom wasn’t huge but it would still fit both of them. The floor was a warm tile while the walls were also tile but in a soft blue and cream color.

As Jensen stepped in, he noticed the huge, claw-footed tub with actual knobs to turn the water on and off. The double sink was set into a large marble vanity but the faucets were also old-fashioned knobs rather than the more modern touch handles.

He smiled, as he understood that this was Chris’s gesture to make Jared feel more at ease in the house. Jensen noticed Jared and Chris still bickered but he’d picked up a slight change and had also realized Jared had stopped putting himself between them more recently so he felt that sometime the two men had slowly come to some sort of peace.

Pulling his T-shirt over his head, Jensen still had a hard time looking at his reflection and so far had refused to undress where Jared could see the various new wounds he’d gained.

It had taken him months to come to terms with the scars left over when he’d been 17. These wounds had been inflicted with the sole purpose of leaving lasting scars if he’d lived because his stepfather had known how self-conscious Jensen had always been.

“Would it help if I repeat what Dr. Kane said?” Jared spoke from where he stood in the door, watching as his friend fought against his more basic instinct to hide the new scars under his shirt or to shut Jared out until he was dressed again. “Most of those will go away with time and care, Jen. The ones that do stay don’t mean anything to me and they shouldn’t to you.”

The scars would always mean something to him because they’d always remind Jensen of the nightmares that still came. They also meant people stared whenever they saw them and he knew he was a big enough freak without adding to it with the damn marks.

“They don’t change who you are on the inside, Jen.” Jared had known why Jensen hadn’t been changing in front of him again and why he wouldn’t let him close to help him shave until he’d showered and dressed.

He’d seen so much fear in Jensen over the earlier scars that the Southerner could tell adjusting to these, especially the one on his cheek, would take some time and some reassuring.

“Sit here a minute,” he motioned to a chair that was across from the sink and the mirror above it. “Thank God someone got smart and put in something I can use,” he made a note to not bitch too much to Kane about the bathroom as he’d learned it was called now.

Jared ran warm water in one sink while handing Jensen a can of foam stuff he’d discovered the young man preferred to use when shaving. It was a difficult choice but Jared realized he couldn’t expect Jensen to come to terms with these scars if he still was unwilling to show him his.

While Jensen was searching in the small black bag that held all the shaving stuff, Jared took a deep breath before pulling his shirt over his head, hiding his smile at the small sound he heard from his friend.

“I forgot and put on one of the older shirts so it’s a little tight.” He used that as an excuse for taking it off even though it wasn’t tight but this would be the first time since everything had happened that they’d been this close without either of them wearing a shirt and he was worried about pushing too far too fast. “Is this alright or do you want me to go put one on?”

Jared with or without a shirt? Jensen merely rolled his eyes to roam over the tightly muscled chest and abs of his friend, wishing he had the guts to touch him when he happened to look in the mirror and caught the reflection of Jared’s back for the first time ever.

The new jeans Jared wore today rode low on his hips to give a perfect view of the small of his back. It also gave a perfect view of the still visible rounded scar that was there as well as a few others that crisscrossed his shoulders.

“Do they change how you look at me, Jen?” Jared knew when Jensen had seen the marks that very few people ever knew about.

Jensen had dreamed about this man in every way possible but never once, he realized now had he gotten a look at Jared’s back or at least his back without a shirt before.

Reaching up to move his fingers slowly, he hesitated until Jared nodded his consent and then lightly touched the rounded mark that he realized wasn’t so much a scar as it was something branded into his friend’s skin that had scarred over when the burn healed.

The other smaller, fainter marks looked like someone had taken a something thin and sharp and beat Jared. Frowning more, Jensen eased back so he could see Jared’s face; realizing that while his features were calm there was something more in his eyes.

‘ _How_?’ he mouthed, hating the inability to form words yet and recalling what his ancestor had told him about Jared finally talking to him and about how Jared would understand his fears. ‘ _Why_?’

“The why is pretty close to why it was done to you,” Jared replied, taking his time to gather his thoughts as he carefully smoothed the foam over Jensen’s lightly stubbled face before picking up the straight razor to begin the slow and gentle process of shaving his friend. “I was different. Only back then being that way meant either the Devil was in you or you were mentally sick. Both usually required some extreme…cures.”

Jensen sat still to both allow the shave and to allow Jared to speak at his own pace. He had allowed Jensen to speak about the first hospital and so the young man was determined to do the same for his friend now, keeping one hand on his own leg while his other fingers still touched those scars on Jared.

“We got a summer break from West Point. Normally I stayed there because there wasn’t much money to allow me to travel back and forth, but when I was 16, Momma fell ill because she was expecting again so Jensen paid for me to go home.” Jared focused on what he was doing so he wouldn’t recall the actual events or the emotions that went with them. “It was just supposed to be for a couple weeks but it…turned longer. I could’ve graduated a year earlier than I did if I wouldn’t have fallen behind recovering.

“We lived on a small farm that my Pa owned outside of a little town but everyone knew everyone. We attended the same Church, helped each other on the farms in the area. At home, very few people knew that it wasn’t the pretty local girls I was interested in. Hell, I’d only kissed one boy. Then I met Jensen and knew what I wanted.” Jared paused to reach back for a washcloth to wipe over the now smooth skin, seeing that Jensen was paying attention to him. Not how close he was actually standing as he shaved him.

“I didn’t know until much later that Scott had seen me kiss that boy and knew my secret.” He smoothed a hand over Jensen’s arm at the slight shudder over the name. “Shh, that name can never hurt you again, Jen,” he soothed softly, coughing before going on. “It turned out Momma just had a touch of a summer cold and got better. I was making plans to catch a train back up when a couple guys that helped Pa out during harvest asked if I’d give them a hand cutting a tree down in a pasture a few miles away. It turned out not to be that simple.”

Jared finished the shave easily enough, wiping the leftover foam off before letting Jensen splash on the aftershave himself because it amused Jared what his friend liked to do next and so stayed still to allow Jensen’s still damp hands to lightly touch his face.

Normally the ritual was for Jared to make a face at how the stuff smelled and enjoy the small smile Jensen gave him. This night however he felt the change because Jensen didn’t move his hands away. Instead, he held Jared’s eyes with his, clearly worried how this tale might hurt him.

“They beat me and kept me chained in an old barn on the outside of the county. They quoted the Bible; they almost drowned me a couple times. The brand was a special brand the Pastor made that was supposed to drive the Devil and the sin outta me for looking at other men.” Jared had never spoken of this to anyone except his friend but didn’t find it as hard as he feared he would as Jensen’s long fingers gently soothed over his back while he leaned up to wrap his other arm around him.

“They told my folks I’d left but even still sick my Momma wasn’t a stupid woman and she knew I’d never leave without saying goodbye. I think my family suspected what I felt for Jensen and they were friendly enough to him the one time I took him home with me but after the third week, my parents knew something was wrong. They sent a telegram to Jensen to ask if I’d made it back safely.” He closed his eyes as the worst memories came back, allowing himself to slip his arms around the warm body that was pressed against his chest.

“They’d starved me, beat me raw, broke my arm and let the burn get infected but I was a stubborn, mule-headed boy who would not let them change me. I knew I’d die in that barn and my only wish was to see my friend one more time.” He took a shaky breath and turned his face so he could feel the soft skin of Jensen’s cheek brush over his. “Jensen had a temper. It took a lot to bring it out but he had one. It came out the day he found me in that barn because even though I was fevered and sick I still heard his voice.

“My older brother would never tell me exactly what happened that day or what happened to those men or the Pastor. All he’d say was that he’d never seen a Yankee go as white in the face and then pissed off as Jensen had that day.” Jared shifted so he could run his hands down Jensen’s back, making sure he was gentle when he touched the still sore scars but a little more confident when his friend didn’t jerk like he’d been prone to.

“I was numb. I was in shock and hurt. It took me six weeks before I came out of the shell and that was only because he stayed by my side. When I did start to come back to myself I was scared to go to class, I was scared of what people would think if they saw the bruises or scars. I was scared of myself but Jensen never let me forget that I wasn’t alone.” Jared eased his hand up to gently cup Jensen’s face in his palm so their eyes could met.

“He taught me to trust myself again. He taught me to be able to love, to know that I was worth someone loving me back. Oh, it took time but he was always there and I healed. I healed and I learned that these scars don’t make me who I am inside. I make me that man. The love and understanding of my friend helped to make me into this man that I am today,” he held Jensen’s eyes that were pooling with tears, his lips moving but unsure of what words we wanted to make. “I will be there for you every day, every night of our lives together, Jensen.”

Jared felt his friend’s breath pick up, could see the longing, the want but also the long-ago learned fear. “I will give you everything that I have to give; my love, my support, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to when you feel safe enough to talk again.

“I will hold you at night when you want me to. I will never be that far away on nights when you feel you need to be alone and I swear to you that as soon as you’re healed and ready, both emotionally and physically, I will show you exactly what it means to be loved without fear, shame, or pain, Jen.” He ran the pad of his thumb lightly over the small scar on Jensen’s face to see if he’d tense, lips curving when all the man did was shudder at the touch. “I meant what I said on that first night, Jen. I’m yours and you’re mine when you can choose to trust me enough to give yourself to me.”

Jensen could have wept from the emotion, the love he felt for Jared right then. He had so many questions yet, so many concerns but to just know that he wasn’t alone in how he felt. To know Jared had once shared so many of his own fears made him wrap arms that shook slightly around Jared’s waist to hold on; burying his face into the curve of his friend’s neck to slowly allow the first burning tears of release to come.

“That’s it. Let it out, baby boy. I have you,” Jared whispered, holding on tighter only when he felt the sobs that wracked Jensen’s slender body get worse.

The doctors had all said that Jensen would heal at his own speed but Jared understood that several people, including Maggie Kane, had been concerned because the young man hadn’t expressed very much emotion after his ordeal.

Only once had Jensen cried and that was the night he accepted his stepfather was finally out of his life, those had been tears of relief. These tears, along with the hard sobs that shook him were more cleansing and by the time, it was over Jensen felt worn out but more at peace with himself.

Leaning into Jared for support, he was only blearily aware of moving from the bathroom into the bedroom as he felt himself being eased onto the soft mattress covered in cotton sheets that had a faint smell of cottonwood. It was a comforting scent that made him smile.

“Just close your eyes and try to sleep, Jen.” Jared sat on the edge of the bed, his fingers gentle as they stroked back through his friend’s hair, feeling whatever tension might have been left in Jensen’s body slowly disappearing as exhaustion and comfort took him into a deep sleep.

It was only when he was certain Jensen was asleep that Jared realized how tired he was. He normally only slept if he was confident the other man wouldn’t need him during the night but due to the stress of the day and because he wasn’t certain how well Jensen would sleep here the first night he’d decided to try to stay awake.

Only that was proving harder than he expected as his eyes kept drifting closed as he sat beside his friend, glancing at the one chair in the room that had seen better days when he felt fingers on his wrist, looking to see sleepy green eyes watching him from under half closed lashes.

“I thought you were sleeping,” he rubbed a hand over his face to try to wake back up when Jensen moved over to the other side of the bed. “Jen?”

In the hospital, he would sit on the bed to hold Jensen as he slept or just sat there beside him. Before he’d held him on the sofa in the apartment but as of yet they’d never actually slept in the same bed, which now seemed to be what Jensen was offering when he placed his hand flat on the bed.

The need, the longing to hold Jensen in his arms the first night in this house was strong in Jared but he held back out of his much stronger need to give the young man the chance to adjust to all the changes in his life.

What Jensen did next changed it all.

Pushing himself up on his elbow, Jensen laid his hand over the dented locket Jared still wore while swallowing hard. He could see how tired Jared was because he knew when he didn’t sleep his friend didn’t sleep, or didn’t sleep well.

Tonight Jensen was tired and wanted to sleep, the first time in weeks that he could honestly say he wanted to sleep. He also knew he wanted to sleep in Jared’s arms and there would only be one way he’d get that since it was also plain the old fashioned ideals Jared still lived by were making him reluctant to sleep in the same bed until Jensen made the choice.

Meeting Jared’s eyes, he licked his lips to wet them and his mouth, catching the way Jared’s gaze sharpened. “… … Stay?” he asked, voice strained and weak from not using it but the single word he spoke brought out Jared’s dimples as he smiled.

“Always,” he replied huskily, laying down and then simply waited for Jensen to move against him to settle his head on Jared’s shoulder while his hand curled around the locket. “Love you, Jensen.”

It wasn’t the first time that Jared had mentioned those words but it was the first time he had actually said them straight out and it made Jensen smile as he drifted off to sleep with dreams of the moment he could say them back.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit warning as we finally have payoff to the building up for the past 18 chapters.

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Nineteen**

The next several weeks passed like a blur for Jensen. His voice came and went but since the first night, he’d started to speak a few words each day. Nothing major or so he thought but each word he spoke made Jared smile as he assured him that more would come in time.

Dani had stayed another week until she had to get back to work. It was sad to see his longtime friend cry as she hugged him goodbye but Jensen knew she and Chris would always be his best friends and never out of his life.

Chris had hung around a little longer and Jensen understood why. It was hard for the other man to trust leaving Jensen in a new place with a man, he was still debating if he trusted or not.

It amused Jensen to listen to Chris and Jared bicker now but finally Jensen knew enough was enough and had grabbed Chris one day last week. It was still hard to speak more than a few words at a time, which was also annoying, so he’d held out a shakily written note to his best friend.

“‘ _We’ve been best friends since the fourth grade. You have been there for me when anyone else would have left me to fend for myself and I will always love you like a brother…but Chris, if you don’t go home so I can be alone with Jared I will kick your ass._ ’”

Chris had read the note silently before eyeing Jensen. “You still owe me a song when the club opens officially and I expect you and Soldier Boy to be there on opening night,” he finally replied, in unspoken agreement to the request.

Of course, Chris couldn’t leave without at least one more jab at Jared but waited until he could get the Southerner alone to merely offer one final comment. “I’m leaving. I’m trusting him with you. I have not trusted Jensen with anyone since the first day I met him but I’ve decided I might have been wrong about you, Padalecki.” He met Jared’s eyes firmly as he added, “He loves you even though he hasn’t said it yet. I think you love him so here’s what I’m going to say before I leave…you ever hurt him and I will kick your ass.”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t try, Yankee,” Jared smiled, accepting the warning for what it was; Chris’s way of stepping back to allow his best friend to grow into the confident man that Jensen could be.

That had been a week ago. Jensen still hadn’t drawn or sketched but one day while Jared was outside tackling a section of high grass he did finally step into the larger room that he’d dreamed of making into his studio.

His portfolio case with his sketches was leaning against the wall nearest the window under the vaulted ceiling that offered wonderful natural lighting in addition to the lights that had been installed.

Before, he just sat where he was at the time the urge to draw hit him. It felt a little odd to have an actual space to call his own if he wanted to try his hand at painting or drawing a larger piece.

Jensen flexed the fingers of his right hand to feel the slight stiffness that still was there, frowning at the flash of memory of feeling his fingers and hand being broken and shuddering at the mocking voice that he could still hear in his head when he let his own doubts and fears back in.

‘ _I should have them cut your fingers off but leaving you with them but broken and ruined so you’ll never hold a pen again much less be able to draw that freak is so much more fitting_.’

Shuddering at the memory, Jensen’s hand went to the ring around his neck as it automatically did when he was upset and Jared wasn’t around but while it calmed the fears building it did nothing to stop the unexpected burst of anger he felt.

Jensen had spent the past 12 years trying to forget and get past the events of when he was 16. He’d buried the pain, the fears, the shame and the hate deep inside.

Learning the truth that Jared had been real, about his connections to Jensen’s own ancestor and finally meeting the man; allowing himself the hope that perhaps he could have the one thing that had always been his deepest wish had almost made him think he could get past it all and ignore the hate of others.

This latest ordeal, from the fear and guilt when he thought Jared had been killed, to the pain he’d been made to suffer this time, to the memories of what had been done to him suddenly all seemed to surge to the surface with bitter hate for his mother and Delauter.

He’d been made to fear and feel shame for who he’d always been, for loving in a way that was still deemed wrong in the eyes of others. He’d been hurt, marked and mocked for that since he was 14 and now as he stood in this space that was truly his…now that he was fully free from his past and could face his future, could make a future with Jared all the buried emotions just came out.

Jensen had never been one to allow his stronger emotions to show physically. Only once had he lashed out but had since learned to pour all of those feelings into his art. This time though he felt too raw yet to draw. All he could see and hear were his mother and David’s mocking voices and then Jared’s deep soothing drawl offering him every reassurance that he’d lacked growing up.

“No,” the word was barely above a whisper, his fists clenching at his side a moment before the easel he’d bought himself at fifteen but never used crashed to the floor.

The sound of it falling, of it breaking upon hitting the hardwood floor broke the final wall that had been built protect himself and Jensen let it all pour free.

“You will not win!” A box of books that should have gone downstairs was kicked across the floor, hot tears streaming down his cheeks without Jensen even being aware of it. “I’m free of you both! You can’t hurt me anymore! You won’t hurt me anymore!”

The box with supplies, chalks, acrylics, heavy drawing paper and more also went flying as the outpouring of rage and emotion took Jensen from one side of the room to the other, shoving the old heavy desk against the back wall where he wanted it; no longer afraid to not put things where he wanted them.

“I’m not a thing, a toy, a slave. I’m me. I’m my own person and I will not allow anyone to ever make me feel scared or ashamed again!” he tugged the box with the heavier, new easel he’d purchased more recently out of the closet in the room to begin to set it up.

By the time the worst of it had run its course and Jensen began to calm down to realize he’d been sobbing uncontrollably for over an hour, his throat raw, his face flushed from exertion and the tears drying on his cheeks that he hadn’t even known he was crying.

The floor was littered with books, paint supplies, brushes, pencils while his sketches had been pinned over the walls in a pattern that he thought looked haphazardly sloppy but liked. He’d been trained to be neat, to keep everything in order. That was why his apartment in Boston usually was a wreck and his own notes disorganized in an attempt to break that habit. Now he realized it was relaxing to know that he could leave his supplies out where he wanted them, to leave books laying around to be picked up when he felt like it and not be afraid of being hit or punished.

It was also comforting, Jensen realized, to hear the sounds of the lawnmower running and knowing the man he was in love with was outside running it.

Wiping a hand over his face to clear away the tears, he stepped to the window to see Jared was nearly done with this section of yard. Jensen felt himself smile a bit more when he noticed his friend had discarded his grey t-shirt sometime during the hot early September afternoon and even from here could see the sweat glistening over the muscles on Jared’s back.

[](https://ibb.co/doVaXv)

“He even makes cutting the grass look good, doesn’t he?”

Jensen hadn’t seen or sensed the spirit of his descendant since before he woke up in the hospital but he wasn’t surprised to hear him now as he glanced away from the window to see ‘ _Jensen_ ’ standing a little away from him.

“I used to stand up here where you are now and watch him do just that,” the ghost’s smile was wry as he stepped closer to peer out the window at his friend before gazing into eyes so much like his own. “You’ve taken the next step that you needed to so you can put the past behind you, Jensen,” he told him, reaching out to lightly touch him. “You only need to find it within yourself to open that last door and let him in. He’s yours, Jensen.”

“I…I don’t ever want him to regret choosing to stay here,” Jensen murmured, lips cracking from dryness but needing to find a way to face that one last fear. “I’ve loved him all my life it seems, but he was yours and I know he still…”

“He stayed because he loves you, Jensen. I knew from the first day in Gettysburg when he intentionally put himself between us even though he couldn’t see me that he’d already made his choice,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ replied calmly. “Talk to Jared and he’ll tell you the same thing. Allow him to be there for you now. Allow him to give you the love you’ve always deserved. I know you’ll give him the love he needs because you already do.”

Jensen seemed to feel the change in the spirit. “Will you say goodbye to him?” he asked, realizing that this was probably the last time he’d see his ancestor.

“Yes, I have to,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled as he moved a hand to uncover the unused sketchbook. “This might not have turned out like I thought it would the first day I appeared to you but I just want to tell you how proud I am of you, Jensen. You survived so much and you will keep surviving. Thank you for saving him and for giving Jared the chance at the life I wanted for him.” His touch was light as he let his fingers run over the ring around his descendant’s neck. “Thank you for loving him. Be there for him?”

Jensen understood the odd question, nodding while watching the spirit slowly vanish. “I will be,” he whispered, fingers touching the sketchbook and picking up the pencil even before realizing it because he knew what he needed to draw.

Outside, Jared was quite happy to have finally found a modern device he could actually use. He was even happier when he discovered this lawnmower cut the work in half.

He’d stopped near the willow tree to wipe the sweat off his forehead, feeling the chill and knowing even before he turned around that this was it. “I wondered if you’d say goodbye.”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ was standing a foot away from him, dressed in his best trousers, a crisp white shirt opened at the throat with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and his watch showing from the pocket of his vest. “I’d never cross without saying goodbye to you, Jared,” he replied, his smile half-sad and half accepting. “This isn’t how I pictured this, you know.”

“Are you disappointed in my choice?” Jared didn’t like to think that but he understood that his choice hadn’t been an easy one for either of them.

“Nothing you ever did or will do could ever disappoint me, Jared,” the spirit assured him, stepping closer to let his fingers run through Jared’s long dark hair a final time with a warmer smile. “I told him just now that I knew what your choice was from that first day in Gettysburg when you instinctively put yourself in front of him and kept blocking me from touching him.

“My deepest wish was for you to find happiness and to be able to love someone after me. My promise to you was that we would see one another again and we have. I stayed here all these long years until I could see you again, to touch you, to watch the light in your eyes come back as you allowed yourself to love again.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ held the eyes of his friend as they began to fill, shaking his head. “No, no tears. Don’t cry for me anymore, Jared. You did enough of that after it happened. Now I can cross and be at peace because I know you’ll be happy with him and I know when it’s time you’ll give to him what I gave to you but you’ll have more time.”

Gentle fingers touched Jared’s face as ‘ _Jensen_ ’ leaned up to place a soft kiss lightly over his lips in a final kiss. “I will love you always, Jared Padalecki and I’ll be watching over you and Jensen when I can,” he murmured, giving Jared a final hard embrace before stepping back to give a crooked smile. “You were the best thing in my life, Jared. I loved you and never regretted a damn thing. Now, promise me that you’ll be happy, you’ll love him and never forget who you are.”

“I’ll never forget you or what you gave me, Jensen,” Jared didn’t even bother to hide the tears as they slid down his cheeks. “I’ll love you always. Thank you for blessing me with him and I swear I will give him everything that is mine to give.”

“I know,” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ smiled and then glanced back toward the house to see the front door open. “Go to him,” he urged softly, meeting Jared’s eyes to allow him to see that it was time to let go. “Go to him now, Jared. Be happy…Jay.”

“Be at peace, Jen,” Jared met the smile and watched as his friend turned to walk off down the road until it slowly vanished into a ray of light that seemed to have opened to take the man to the other side.

He wiped a hand over his face before a sound from the house made him turn and felt the lump that had been in his chest loosen as Jensen stepped onto the porch.

Jared had once believed that he’d lost the ability to ever love when he buried his friend but now he understood the gift he’d been given. Not only a chance to live but to also love someone as special as Jensen.

“Thank you,” he whispered, shaking off the grief of saying goodbye to the man that had given him so much as he crossed the yard toward his future. “Hey,” Jared called. He decided he’d had enough lawn work for the day and just wanted to be with Jensen. When he got close, enough he noticed Jensen’s pale face, the drying tear tracks and the slight shake when Jensen lifted a hand to wave to him.

Crossing the rest of the distance in a hurry, Jared’s hands were on Jensen’s face as soon as he stepped on the porch, looking closely to see if he could tell what was wrong. “What happened?” he demanded, concern and worry huge. “Jen? You’ve been crying. What happened? Did someone call on that thing you swear is a telephone or…”

“Jay,” it was the first time in over a month that Jensen had spoken his name much less his nickname so Jared’s attention was immediately caught.

Jensen was both tired and hyper as he tried to control the nerves that were coursing through him now. He’d sketched like mad for the first time in over a month, not even aware of what would come out of it until he laid the pencil down to look at the piece that he’d clearly known needed to go to Jared.

He’d stayed inside the house to give the man privacy to say his goodbyes to his friend, to the man he’d loved so many years before. Jensen had known when it was time to step out and he felt something inside him seem to uncurl the moment Jared had turned toward him with a smile that was still bright despite the leftover tears of goodbye in his eyes.

The fact that Jared had picked up on his own emotions wasn’t a surprise, nor were his questions because Jared would only be worried about him facing something upsetting alone. It made Jensen love him all the more. It was that love he felt and what he could see reflected in Jared’s eyes that gave him the final boost of courage to say the three words he’d been longing to since first realizing the Southerner was real.

“I love you.”

He’d never said those words to anyone except his grandmother, so to say them now to Jared, to be able to mean them and to know they would be returned, caused Jensen to feel another emotion that he had very little experience with--honest, true happiness.

“I love you, Jared,” he repeated, voice stronger as he suddenly looked up into Jared’s face with a smile that lit his eyes as he slipped his hands up to cover the ones Jared still had on his face. “Jay.”

“And there is the smile I’ve been waiting to see,” Jared laughed, pleasure and relief at not only hearing his friend speak but that he spoke the words both knew he’d been so afraid to use.

Jared remembered Chris Kane telling him that he’d know when Jensen gave him his true smile and as he watched those green eyes light up with love and peace, Jared knew that was what he was seeing now.

Smoothing his thumb over Jensen’s cheek, Jared let go of the last amount of grief he’d had to take Jensen fully into his arms to hold him. “Love you too, Jen,” he whispered, accepting the moment for what it was to gently cup his friend’s smiling face in his hand and kiss him slowly, tenderly without heat or haste.

There was so much that he knew Jensen didn’t know, so much pain and shame his friend had endured that Jared knew the next few moments should be savored as he watched Jensen slowly realize he was being kissed and kissing back without tensing or shaking.

Jared remembered being that innocent once. Now he understood what he meant when his friend had told him that he’d be able to give Jensen what he’d once been given.

Jared watched the pure innocence and raw emotion flashing over Jensen’s face as their kiss slowly deepened to allow desire to build, his hands slow when he moved to smooth over Jensen’s back. He finally had to break the kiss when he knew if he didn’t things would get out of hand too fast and he sure as hell didn’t plan to do this on the front porch.

“Okay?” Jared asked, a little out of breath but biting back a groan when his friend’s lips began to place tiny little butterfly kisses along his throat in response. “Guess so. Jen, wait.”

Those had to be two of the hardest words for Jared to say and he was quick to grab Jensen’s hands before he misunderstood his reason for slowing them down. “No, you’re not doing anything wrong but unless you want to lose those clothes on the front porch I need to slow down until we’re inside,” he explained, relieved when Jensen’s smile returned.

“I drew today,” Jensen, told him, a little more nervous once they stepped into the house and Jared closed the front door, throwing the lock out of habit now.

“Did you now?” Jared read the slight unease when he turned around, understanding it and so made sure his next move when he stepped forward was slow. “Looks like I missed a whole lot of things while out mowing.” He touched Jensen’s face to smile when he leaned into the touch. “What happened, Jen?” He knew something had but would let his friend speak of it when he was comfortable.

“I got scared,” Jensen told him slowly, slipping his fingers into Jared’s hand to give a tiny tug toward the steps, hoping that Jared wouldn’t think they were going to fast because now that he’d taken this step he was both eager and scared to see where it would go.

Jared’s eyes narrowed a little at the admission because anything that scared Jensen was a threat he wanted to remove, though he suspected this might have been one time when it wasn’t a physical threat that had upset his friend.

“What scared you?” he asked, taking in the studio room with raised eyebrows.

“I remembered hearing David bragging over how by breaking by hand, my fingers, he’d taken away my ability to do what I loved most, and since I’d already been worrying if I could draw again, it scared me.” Jensen nudged a book with his foot that still lay on the floor while going to where he’d left his sketchbook open on his grandfather’s antique desk. “Then I got angry and it just seemed like all the emotion, all the hate I’d been burying all my life just came out and…I’ll clean this up.”

Stepping into the room, Jared was a little surprised not to feel anything from before but as he took in the scattered books, the broken old easel, the new one that had been put up by the window to the scattered array of sketches of his face he turned to see Jensen watching him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t in here with you. You shouldn’t have had to face that alone.”

“I needed to face it alone, Jay,” Jensen replied, his face calm as he tried to explain what he was just now coming to understand. “Since I was 14 I’ve lived in fear of being hurt or punished for the slightest thing. I buried all the hate and fear because I was scared to let it out. Sure, Chris and Dani were there for me and without them I never would’ve survived but…you gave me the courage to believe in myself.

“You let me face my fears by letting me know that it was alright to be scared but to not let them get the better of me. You’ve done so much for me without even being aware of how much you were really doing.” He took a shaky breath as he went on, holding out the sketch he’d done earlier. “You could have so easily chosen to cross to be with him. A piece of me still doesn’t understand why you didn’t and that piece that got scared today still worries that one day you might come to regret staying or me and…mmhm…”

Jared covered the space separating them in two long steps to cut those words and worries off with a kiss that he let heat to show the concerned man he didn’t need to be. “Is that what you’ve been worrying about?” he asked in between kisses, feeling the nod more than hearing the low whisper that was part reply and part moan. “God, Jen…I didn’t even know you might be concerned about that. My choice was made long before I even had one to make.

“I knew the first time I touched you that I’d never leave you and he knew that too.” He shifted his lips to begin to lay hot kisses along Jensen’s jaw to down his throat and finding that he enjoyed discovering the soft sounds his friend made from just those little light touches. “I don’t regret my choice to stay and I will never regret the choice to love you so I don’t want you to ever let those thoughts come back into your head. Now, what did you…oh. Jen…”

The sketch that Jared looked at took him off guard because while he’d been expecting it to probably have him in it he wasn’t expecting it to be a scattering array of him and Jensen from their time at West Point, to more serious to finally of them standing under the willow tree like they had been just moments earlier.

“I draw what comes to mind. I’ve never drawn you younger or him but today as soon as I touched the pencil I knew what I wanted to draw,” Jensen was chewing his bottom lip as Jared took his time to look over the piece, his face oddly unreadable and that worried Jensen that he’d made a huge mistake. “I…I don’t draw myself so I hope I captured him correctly. Maybe it’s too soon and if you don’t like it you can burn it or I’ll try to draw something else or…I’m…”

“Remember what I said about apologizing too much, Jen?” Jared finally lifted his eyes before the words could escape, laying the sketch on the desk so he’d have both hands free to take Jensen’s face between them. “You are a caring, loving, wonderful man who as soon as I get you over this doubting yourself stage so you have more confidence in yourself and your work will be able to draw or paint anything you put your mind to,” he kissed him more slowly again, needing to settle his emotions some.

“I love that sketch and I love that you’d sketch him and me together. Thank you,” he murmured, groaning at the feel of hesitant fingers brushing over his chest as it suddenly hit Jared that he’d left his shirt outside. “I really should shower.”

“Got a better idea for what you should do, Jay,” Jensen knew what he wanted but was unsure how to ask or what to do except for one thing. “Umm, Jay?”

There was no denying the want he was feeling or that he suspected Jensen was feeling but the protective side of Jared was still running deep…until he felt his heart catch as Jensen reached up to remove the chain from around his neck. “Jensen? What…”

“This was your ring…or the one you wore,” Jensen stared at it after he slipped it off the chain to run the ring over in his fingers before slowly lifting his eyes to see that Jared’s eyes were wide and dark. “You left it behind when you took him home. When I was hiding in myself before I woke up, he came to me there. He said that you’d given me back both rings. He said you wouldn’t wear this one even though it was yours unless I gave it back to you.”

“I…I left it because it didn’t feel right to wear it with him gone,” Jared admitted, wondering if his voice was shaking as much as he thought his hands were. “Jen, you don’t have to…”

This time it was Jensen leaning up to cut the words off with a shaky kiss. “I...I love you, Jay,” he found the words easier to speak each time he said it. “I know all this is still new. I know there’s so much I don’t know about or how to do so I’ll make a lot of mistakes. I hope you’ll be patient with me through them.” He held the ring out. “I will love you for the rest of my life, Jared. Will you take this back and wear it again?”

Jared took the ring to look at it silently for several seconds before slipping it back on the ring finger of his left hand. He’d noticed weeks ago that even after the cast had been removed Jensen hadn’t switched the ring from his left hand.

“Yes, I will. I swear that I will love you until the Grim Reaper comes knocking to personally collect my soul,” he replied, his voice deep, his Southern drawl heavier than normal and then his hand was on the back of Jensen’s neck to draw him closer for a heated kiss that left no question where it would lead to. “Tell me if you need more time, Jen,” he murmured against soft lips that opened slowly to allow his tongue to explore.

“Don’t want more time,” Jensen muttered, body on fire in ways he’d never felt before. He was confused and a little frightened by this but he trusted Jared in ways that he’d never trusted anyone before. “Want to feel you, Jared. I want to feel you touch me but…I…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next,” he admitted with a faint blush.

“Just trust me to take care of you, Jen.” Jared smiled against his mouth, easing back to mesh their fingers. “Let me give you this. Let me show you that there’s no need to fear or feel shame for loving me.”

Jensen nodded, mind going blank to what little he’d seen on the few porn flicks he watched growing up on a dare from Chris as he let Jared lead him into the Master bedroom. He recalled thinking back then how awkward the actors had seemed and how uncomfortable some of the acts looked.

“You’re thinking too hard.” Jared remembered his own thoughts the first time he and his friend had made love. He could just see the doubts, worries, and fears crossing Jensen’s face as he left him briefly to pull the curtains but turned on one of the table lamps across the room to offer a soft glow to the room and on Jensen’s face that once again made Jared wonder how he’d been gifted like he had been. “Trust me?”

“Always,” Jensen assured him, starting to pull his t-shirt off only to have Jared stop him. “I thought…”

“Let me,” the Southerner whispered, wanting to take his time in order to give Jensen everything he could from this moment. “You know I’ve only done this once so I don’t have much more experience than you.” He slowly eased the t-shirt off to catch Jensen’s hands before he could try to hide the still visible new marks that hadn’t healed yet. “Let me look at you, Jen. You’re beautiful.”

“And there’s that Southern charm coming out,” Jensen’s lips twitched, blushing at the intensity of Jared’s gaze. “You are. I’m just a skinny…”

Jared still felt like hurting those that had caused this young man to feel so bad about himself when he could see the trim, lean build and handsome face for what Jensen really was. “You are not skinny,” he corrected firmly, fingers slow when they began to work on removing Jensen’s jeans. “You’re built lean like he was but you forget, I’ve gotten hit by you once so I know you’ve got some muscle in those arms and…”

His words drew off as he slid the denim down to catch sight of the scars and marks still there as well and briefly, silently offered another heartfelt wish that David Delauter roasted in Hell for the pain he forced Jensen to suffer.

Jensen wasn’t sure how to feel now that he was so exposed but before his nerves could get the better of him, Jared’s arm was around him and the kiss was once again long, slow and tender. Losing himself in his friend’s kiss, he wasn’t even aware of when he was laid back on the bed.

The heat his body felt built slowly as Jared’s tongue gently explored once Jensen’s lips opened under his, his soft moan of pleasure swallowed. “If…not sure if you need it or want to use it but there’s a tube of something Chris left in the nightstand,” Jensen managed to still be able to think despite the fact that his thoughts blurred with every kiss and touch of Jared’s large hands over his skin now.

“Glad one of us is still able to think,” Jared muttered, reaching over to blindly search in the drawer until he came up with a tube of something. “Hmmm, this is new but I think I know what to do with it.” He decided to ignore the urge to slap Kane for thinking to leave it. “We didn’t have this back then but I’m thinking this’ll be better than spit.”

“Don’t need anything,” Jensen’s body was on fire and he’d discovered now with every touch of Jared’s hand or of mouth, his cock jumped.

He wasn’t completely unaware of his body. He’d been a teenager and a young man who’d learned even he had needs that couldn’t be ignored at times so he’d jerked off more than once but it still left him uneasy to have someone else touch him, especially after the last event in that damn place.

“Jay, I’ve seen enough porn, read enough books and stuff to know the basic mechanics of what goes on between two guys,” he gasped as Jared’s lips closed over his one nipple to slowly run his tongue over it until the little nub hardened. “You probably know what he let those…guys do this last time and before so you know I’m not a virgin so you don’t have to take your time or…God!”

“Having done to you what those animals did is nothing like what we’ll do, Jensen.” Jared had feared that might also be what his friend thought and why he was determined to show him different. “I thought that once. I thought it was a basic as what I’d seen the animals on Pa’s farm do since that’s basically what my first experience in that barn had been like. It took your kin a long time to convince me otherwise. Let me show you?”

Jensen’s mind was always blown just by the soft kisses his friend was laying down his chest, the rough feel of Jared’s jeans brushing over his hardening and slowly dripping cock making him arch up against that friction. That feel alone was better than anything he’d ever felt but he strained to stay still, to give Jared this since it seemed so important to him.

“What…what do I do?” he asked, his fingers searching for and finding Jared’s long hair to have something to touch in response to the hot breath that was being blown against his stomach when the tip of Jared’s tongue swirled out to run over his navel. “Jay!” he heard the low sound from Jared as his unintentionally pulled his hair. “Sorry, sorry, I…”

“Huh-uh, you can touch me anyway you want, baby boy,” Jared assured him, voice deepening with lust and his drawl thickening as he lifted his head to see Jensen’s eyes were nearly all pupil with only a faint ring of green. “Tell me if something I do bothers you, Jen, We don’t have to go too far tonight.”

“No…I…God…I wanna feel you inside me,” Jensen groaned, hips arching up off the bed at the feel of hot lips kissing and licking down lower to dip into the hollow between his thigh and groin. “Make… you happy.”

“What about what makes you happy, Jensen?” Jared asked, feeling himself hardening to the point where his jeans where a bit too tight now but he didn’t want to remove them yet because he knew once he had them off the need to enter Jensen would be too much. “What will bring you pleasure from this?”

That confused Jensen a bit, because he wasn’t certain what answer to give so he could only shrug, eyes wide with a need he wasn’t fully aware of. “Making you happy,” he finally replied, missing the brief look of sadness that flashed through Jared’s eyes.

“Oh my sweet boy, they have hurt you so much,” he whispered, leaning up to gently kiss Jensen again until they were both gasping for breath and seeking more. “This is about more than my pleasure, Jen. You’ll get some out of it too if you’ll trust me.”

“Trust you,” Jensen gasped, hearing the cap pop and smiling a little as he listened to Jared try to multi-task on pleasuring him while reading the tiny print. “Umm, need help with that?”

“You just stop that sass, Jensen Ackles,” Jared chuckled, pleased to hear him relaxed and happy again that he could tease like he was. “I think I can figure this out well enough.”

He recalled how patient and slow his own Jensen had been the night they’d done this and he prayed he had that same patience as he used a liberal amount of the gel-like stuff on his fingers to go slow as he slipped his hand between his friend’s spread legs to find what he needed.

A lot of Jared still found it odd to speak of sex but he’d figured out that it was a lot more relaxed in this time than it had been in his so he might have to look up a few things since he was now determined to show Jensen that he could gain pleasure from sex.

The other part of Jared worried that it still might be too soon to do this so he was extra careful when the tip of his index finger touched the rim of Jensen’s hole to begin a slow and gentle probe that soon had both of them groaning.

“Jay…what…?” Jensen whimpered a little at the touch, shivering at the need to touch and be touched. “You’re…”

“Shh, just relax and trust me to give you this, Jen,” Jared had to unsnap and lower the zipper on his jeans because the metal was a lot harder to cope with than his old trousers. The discomfort had been there but he forgot as he watched the array of pure emotion crossing Jensen’s face as he slowly worked to stretch him open so there was very little pain.

The warming lube seemed to help Jensen relax as he tried to adjust to the strange sensation of Jared’s long fingers touching him as after what seemed like forever one finger became two.

It took some time before the first ring of muscle relaxed against what was viewed as an intrusion but just when Jensen thought, he had gotten used to all the new feelings it seemed like his whole body was shocked to life by just a simple touch of Jared’s finger against something up inside him.

“Jared?” his eyes, that had drifted closed on a soft moan, shot back open to try to find his friend’s gaze only to see Jared watching him as if waiting for his reaction. “What…what was that?”

“I could rattle off the reply your kin gave me but I’m pretty certain there’s a more technical term for it by now. We’ll just have to find a book to look it up,” he chuckled; pleased to see that the way his body was reacting to touch wasn’t scaring Jensen as he feared it might. “Like it, Jen?”

“Ohh yeah,” Jensen moaned, feeling his cock also enjoying the attention and so far it hadn’t even been touched. “Jay, I need…umm, I need to …”

Hot lips closed over his in a kiss that seared and deepened as Jared learned which way Jensen enjoyed kissing while using the distraction to slip a third finger in so he could be sure the young man was stretched as much as he could give him right then.

“I know what you need, Jen. I’ll take care of you,” Jared eased away only long enough to finally shed his too constricting jeans and underwear, cocking his head to watch the way Jensen’s eyes locked on him fully before looking away, a faint blush tingling his cheeks an adorable shade of pink, not that the Southerner would ever tell him that. “Look at me, Jen.”

Jensen knew at 28 that he shouldn’t be shy. His experience with seeing a man he had feelings for standing before him naked with every rigid muscle on Jared’s body showing he knew it would take him some time to be able to look Jared in the eye and not blush but because his friend asked him to, he did try.

“God, you are so damn beautiful with you blush, Jen,” Jared smiled, his own dimples coming out; pleased that he could get this reaction from his friend but going slow as he knelt back on the bed when he saw the slight flicker of unease reflected in those huge eyes. “I can’t promise it won’t hurt some. Even with as much stretching as I did, you’re still tight so…”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Jensen murmured, eyes huge as he took in the red, fully hard and leaking cock that he both desired and feared right then. “I…I know it’ll hurt. I mean, I know I have zero good experience but I’ve watched plenty of porn and read books and…Jay, are you trying not to laugh?” he demanded when he realized Jared’s lips were twitching with hidden amusement.

“What you think is about to happen is so far from it, Yankee Boy,” Jared told him with a gentle kiss to his lips, stretching out beside Jensen to continue kissing him deeply before pressing the lube into his hand as he rolled to his back. “I think I know how you thought we’d do this and the next time we will but for this first time, the first time we make love, I want you to be able to see my face and I want to see yours.”

That threw Jensen off balance because this wasn’t what he expected, especially when he had no idea what to do next until Jared took his hands to bring them up to his lips to kiss each one slowly. “I…I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, more than a little nervous. “I’m…I’m scared of messing up, Jay.”

“There’s nothing to be scared over, Jensen. I’m right here with you,” Jared assured him, smiling while smoothing his hand down over the chest that was rapidly breathing. “Calm down a second. I’m still going to be inside you but this way you can control the motion, the speed, the weight.”

Jensen was worrying too much and he knew it as he squirted the lube into his hand a moment before those words sank in, allowing him to understand Jared’s reasoning. “I love you so much, Jared,” he couldn’t help the tears that fell as his heart grew so much as he got that his friend was allowing him control because he’d never had much of that before.

“I love you too, Jensen,” Jared said, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at the intense concentration on Jensen’s face as he carefully applied the lube to Jared. “Jen? I love you but this is gonna be over right quick if you keep that up,” he warned with a chuckle as Jensen seemed intrigued by the feel of a cock that wasn’t his own.

Blushing, Jensen smiled shyly; allowing Jared to help him to straddle his hips and place the head of the large weeping cock against his entrance. “Jay?” he moaned at the slow burn of his inner muscles stretching to allow him to slide down slowly. “Is this…are you…ummm, sweet Jesus, you’re big!”

Jared had been trying not to move, to allow Jensen to control the speed of how fast he took Jared into the tight heat of his body but that last line broke his resolve a little and his hips moved up even as his hands were gripping onto the narrow hips. “That is not helping, Jensen,” he groaned tightly, sure his eyes had crossed at how tight Jensen still was. “Go slow. You’re still tight and…hey, what’s wrong?” he made himself focus at the first feel of something wet dropping to his stomach that he knew was not coming from where Jensen’s cock laid.

The first sight of tears on Jensen’s face had Jared nearly panicking, thinking he was hurting his friend in some way. He tried to move him when Jensen tightened his body even more, moaning a soft oath when he came flush with Jared.

“Jen? If this is hurtin’ you too much then you pull off and we’ll…Jensen?” He stopped at the slow smile he could see blooming on his friend’s face but still wasn’t sure about the tears. “Not doing my confidence any good to see you with those tears on your face, Jen. Talk to me.”

The pain had been mild and had been quickly replaced by a pleasure like he’d never felt before and he wished he had the words to explain to Jared what he was feeling or how the tears in his eyes weren’t from pain or bad memories but from joy and happiness.

“Make love to me, Jay?” he asked softly, leaning down to kiss him and then moving his mouth to kiss along the other man’s jaw until he laughed as Jared growled against his throat but rolled them over until Jensen’s back was on the mattress. “Like it this way better.”

“Yankee Boy, you are gonna be the death of me,” Jared groaned but slowly made sure his thrusts would allow Jensen’s prostate to be hit each time he moved within him, almost too enthralled watching Jensen move against him; feeling his hands running over his chest to realize how close to the edge he was getting.

In all his dreams, sex had never been like this. Jensen gave himself over to the pure pleasure he was feeling every time Jared’s hips rolled against him until finally his weeping cock was demanding attention but just as his fingers reached blindly Jensen felt strong fingers wrap gently around it to begin a slow but steady stroking until he lost all focus.

“Jay…I…God, you’re good at that but…I need to come but…” he bit his lip at the feel of both Jared’s cock brushing over his prostate to send electric thrills through his body and also the hand stroking him. “Want you to come first. Need to feel…mmmhm.”

“You will feel me, Jen,” Jared promised, keeping his touch gentle while he stroked a little faster and swallowed Jensen’s gasp and shout as he kissed him deeply with more heat and need as the young man’s climax hit him hard and fast. “Shhh, I’ve got you, Jen. Just ride it out and feel,” he groaned low in his throat as he watched Jensen go through what he knew was his first real time.

Jensen’s body was on fire from the force of what was happening. He felt the hot come hitting his stomach and chest but also Jared’s hand as he kept touching him to help him ride it out; then with even more fascination he watched Jared’s face as their eyes locked when he felt his body clench tight and smiled softly as he watched Jared fall over the edge of his own orgasm.

He’d been so busy watching Jensen that when he felt those tight inner muscles clamp down around him, Jared was shocked at the force with which he came. With Jensen’s name on his lips, he groaned; hips moving with controlled thrusts that soon had both men gasping and reaching for one another as Jared used one arm to lift Jensen up to him so they were chest to chest.

“Love you, Yankee Boy,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s mouth, his lips curving as his friend laughed at the nickname. “Forever, Jen.”

“Forever, Jay,” Jensen nodded, voice nearly breaking with too much emotion as he buried his face against the curve of Jared’s neck.

Slowly the rush seemed to ease off and when he lowered them to the bed Jared was careful to shift to his side to keep his weight off his friend but when he moved to ease out, Jensen’s arms tightened and he tried to wrap his legs around to keep Jared where he was.

“Easy, Jen, I just want to make it more comfortable for you to sleep…and I probably should get something to clean up with.” Jared was a little surprised at how rough and raw his own voice sounded, stilling as he felt the small shudders working through Jensen’s shoulders and just laid still to hold him while he worked this surge of emotion. “Better?” he asked softly, lips soft as he kissed the top of his friend’s head when he felt him calming down.

“I had all these images of what it would be like and that was nothing like what I was afraid of,” Jensen replied after he cleared his throat, embarrassed about breaking down like this in front of Jared and worried he’d upset him. “I’m sorry that I…I know, I know, I apologize too much but I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t enjoy that or it wasn’t incredible because I did, it was…you are.”

Reaching back to grab Jensen’s shirt since his was still outside somewhere, Jared used it to wipe some of the drying come away because he’d learned a valuable lesson 151 years earlier that it was no fun to let that stuff dry when holding someone.

“You’re the incredible one for allowing me to show you how love can be when it’s between two people who love one another, no matter what others might think or say,” Jared replied with a gentle smile, slowly easing out to hear Jensen let out a low complaint. “We’ll have plenty of time to lie around and do nothing but that but now I want to hold you while you sleep in my arms and watch you when you wake up there. God, I love that I can make you blush that easy.”

“Shut up,” Jensen snorted, nudging Jared in the chest as their hands met and he looked at the rings on their hands and lifted his eyes to see the emotion shining in hazel eyes that had always been a part of his life. “I know when I set out to find out more about you, when I went to Gettysburg that this wasn’t what anyone expected to happen but…I’m glad you’re here, Jared.”

Jared swallowed the lump in his throat at that, rolling to his back but keeping his arm tight to hold Jensen when he curled more against him; his head and hand finding the spots he always seemed to prefer now when sleeping with Jared.

“I’m glad I’m here too, Jensen,” he replied quietly. Waiting to close his eyes until he was certain his friend had fallen asleep and seemed to be relaxed and then he let himself fall into his first full sleep since waking up in this time and so glad he’d listened to his friend to take that leap of faith that brought him home.

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**Fighting For Him**

**Chapter Twenty**

** One Year Later: Gettysburg, PA: **

“Excuse me? Why am I here?” Chris Kane felt like his head would explode. His bar was a week away from finally opening so he had a million things to do. He was at a complete loss to why he was standing on a battlefield watching a reenactment in Gettysburg. It felt like déjà vu until he remembered that he had done this before.

“Because it just felt right to ask you to come since you were here with me last year,” Jensen replied without looking up from the sketch he was determined to finish before this reenactment was over. “Besides, it was Jay’s idea to ask you. I thought maybe he’d been inhaling paint fumes from painting the barn when he brought it up.”

“Oh, I see. You didn’t want your best friend around?” Chris snorted, hiding his smile as he tried to sneak a peek at the sketch. “I thought Soldier Boy said you’d finally started to draw stuff other than him?”

Batting his friend off, Jensen’s lips curved as he finished shading in an area of Jared’s face that the Confederate officer’s hat shielded. “I do paint and draw things more now that aren’t of Jared but he’s still my favorite subject to work on…in all ways.” He smiled fully, the mischievous glint in his happy eyes almost enough to keep his friend from fake gagging.

“Images, Ackles. I do not need those damn images,” Chris groaned, rolling his eyes while offering a long-suffering sigh at the slap to the back of his head. “Hello to you too, ‘Captain’,” he mock-growled as Jared approached. “Isn’t this a little weird?”

“I thought it would be but it’s actually interesting,” Jared shrugged. He knelt down beside Jensen and looked around before tipping his head back to kiss him fully. “Besides, we agreed we’d just come for this day since this is technically where we met.”

Chris hid his smirk as he watched the two men. He recognized how different his friend was now from this time last year but that didn’t mean he was willing to give up teasing the South Carolina native. “Yeah, how can I forget? You threatened me in the first five seconds of seeing me.”

“I still say you were lucky I didn’t shoot you, Yankee,” Jared shot back with a grin, taking the sketch with a sigh. “We need to find you a new topic to draw since you have me now every day.”

The past year still could seem surreal to the former Civil War officer, especially as he took in Gettysburg now, but he never regretted his choices.

Every morning he awoke to see that smile that lit Jensen’s eyes made Jared happy. They’d settled into Charleston well and without too many hassles. Miss Rachel was fond of dropping in a few times a week to bring them food since she was certain Jared couldn’t cook well enough to feed a mouse much less keep Jensen from starving.

Jared’s love for learning nearly equaled Jensen’s and once he’d been introduced to the wonderful world of the internet by way of Jensen’s laptop he’d just dove into everything he could find about anything he thought was interesting.

The property had finally been fixed up the way Jensen had always wanted. He did turn the one outbuilding into a larger studio but he still preferred to work in the house.

Jensen had started to paint in oils and acrylics and would have a few of his pieces in a local gallery in Charleston next winter, which still seemed so weird to him but had thrilled Jared, who merely said that he knew Jensen was that damn good.

There had only been one small issue involving Jensen’s mother but once it became clear to Celia that her son could no longer be frightened or intimidated she’d never bothered him again and a call to Sean Kane had assured that.

It had taken Jensen several more months before he finally stopped having nightmares or reaching for Jared in the middle of the night as if in fear of him not being there.

The day Jared had tugged him outside to the river bank under the willow tree to hand him the packet of old letters and a lighter had seemed to be when he slowly began to understand that Jared was ready to fully leave his old life behind to start fresh.

The oil painting had been reframed and hung to Jensen’s exact, and somewhat obsessive, specifications over the fireplace in the den where Jared had said it had hung before.

Now it had been a year since Jared’s arrival in this time and as he shrugged out of the uniform that had never seemed to suit him even when it was his, Jared was glad to change back into the soft grey t-shirt with a lightweight button down shirt of deep red since Jensen loved that color on him. He listened to Jensen bicker with Chris and smiled.

Pausing to time this just right, he reached up as if feeling around his neck to glance over. “Jen? My locket in your pencil bag?” he asked calmly.

The dented locket that had saved his life was the one thing Jared had kept from his previous life, in addition to the last sketch his friend had drawn before his death.

But today he understood that it was time to let go of that as well or at least make a change. He ignored Chris’s curious look while Jensen dug into the bag with his supplies to pull out the locket. He held it out but Jared shook his head slightly. “Open it.”

“I’ve never opened this before, Jay,” Jensen argued, but sighed as his friend shot him the look that meant they weren’t making it to dinner unless he did. “Fine. I read in your journal what you kept in here so…” he stopped in mid-sentence to stare. “When…when did you do this?”

“Couple weeks back,” Jared moved closer to take the locket that now had a new photo of Jensen on one side while the other had a picture of them together. “Remember when Miss Rachel’s granddaughter was running around the place taking pictures of everything?” He smiled while running his knuckles along his lover’s cheek. “You have got to be even harder than your kin to get to stand still for the time it takes to snap even a modern photo,” he chuckled.

Chris snorted, taking the sketchbook and bag of supplies before Jensen could choose to use either as a weapon against one of them. “Oh, he never liked to have his picture taken,” he remarked. “I used to bully him to do it but if I did that now his bodyguard would threaten to rip my throat out,” he added as he walked away.

“I only did that once, Yankee,” Jared shot back, looking down as the locket was hooked back around his neck and a kiss given to the corner of his mouth with a silent promise for more later when they were alone. “Are you happy, Jen?” he asked, feeling a slight chill in the breeze but shrugging it off as the surprisingly cool July day.

“I’ve never been happier, Jay,” Jensen assured him, surprised when Jared pulled him to his side since they still were wary of showing off their relationship in public. He slowly relaxed for the walk to the SUV where Chris was waiting. “I’m glad you fought for me, Jared.”

A glance back over his shoulder had Jared blinking as he took in the figure off in the distance of the field where he’d crossed over to find his future. His chest tightened at a glimpse of something he thought he saw before kissing Jensen deeply and without a care to who was watching them.

“I will always fight for you, Jensen,” he promised firmly. “I will fight for us. Now, let’s gather up the damn Yankee you insist on being friends with and go visit your grandmother.”

Jensen’s laugh was full and deep as he shook his head and just accepted the bickering he’d be listening to for the next several hours. He would never once look back and just wanted to look forward to what lay ahead for both of them as he rested his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Some dreams do come true,” he whispered to himself with a smile on his face, thinking of his longtime dreams about the man who now sat beside him while Chris drove away from Gettysburg.

“Or in my case, a nightmare,” Chris shot back, expecting something to be tossed at his head and not disappointed.

“You know there are a lot of back woods from here to Kate’s place, Kane,” Jared warned with a raised brow. “You could get dumped. I’m fairly sure your Pa won’t mind.”

“Guys, c’mon,” Jensen groaned as two sets of innocent eyes were aimed at him and he merely accepted this was how his friend and Jared dealt with one another. “Love you,” he whispered against Jared’s ear, pleased it worked as a distraction when he felt familiar fingers rubbing against his side.

“Love you too, Yankee Boy,” Jared murmured, still using his first nickname for Jensen because he knew it meant something to the man and enjoyed how it made him smile. He settled back to annoy Kane while Jensen tuned them out to sketch and looked forward to continuing this little tradition next year.

Kate Ackles’ plan to turn the family home into a bed and breakfast was still progressing well, though Jensen still complained about it.

This would be his first time back since cleaning out her barn that fateful day last year and Jared’s first time at the Ackles’ home in well over a century and a half.

Jensen had been a little uneasy about that but understood the reason they were here--other than his grandmother’s insistence that they come for a family meal to celebrate his successful move and new life.

Chris’s family as well as Danneel had also been invited and were in the house currently since it went without saying that this moment was private.

Kate had said how her late husband’s one wish before he passed away had been to erect a headstone to the Jensen Ackles that had lived but had been practically erased in the family. She had been planning to do it, so when Jensen had called to ask her permission she’d readily agreed.

Now she stood to watch two figures walk toward the family cemetery while glancing over her shoulder at the man slouched against a doorframe. “Have you accepted him?”

“Oh, I figure the Solider Boy and I will be fighting until I’m old but yeah,” Chris smirked. “It’s weird to not have to watch out for Jensen like I did and to know that he might actually be happy but every time I see him smile or he laughs I know who allowed him to be this way so it’s all good, Kate. Of course you could lecture them on giving me images that sear my poor brain.”

Kate merely laughed as she accepted the arm he offered to go join his parents and Dani in the living room while they waited for Jensen and Jared to complete this task alone.

The walk to the cemetery was quiet and Jensen couldn’t deny he was more than a little on edge. He’d said they didn’t have to come here but he supposed that, like burning the letters, this was also a way for Jared to find closure.

The tree remained with just a notch carved out to allow for the simple white marble headstone with an equally simple engraving: ‘ _Jensen Ross Ackles, born March 1, 1835 and died June 11, 1862. Son, brother, lover…hero._ ’

“He’d roll his eyes at the hero part but it was true.” Jared knelt to run his fingers along the stone before reaching up to touch the dated carved in the tree that he’d planted so long ago. “He was one of the bravest men I’d ever known…until I met you.” He looked up to extend a hand. “Come here, Jen.”

Jensen had held back to give his friend privacy to mourn. Although neither of them had sensed nor seen the spirit of his ancestor since that last day in Charleston, there were moments when Jensen wondered if, despite finally crossing, he might still be able to see them.

As he said this Jared merely smiled, bringing Jensen’s hand up to his lips to kiss it as Jensen knelt beside him in front of the newly installed stone. “I spent enough time grieving and mourning. I still miss him but I probably always will. I don’t regret the choice I made to stay and I thought you knew that.”

Jensen had accepted that but there were still times, like when they’d been cleaning out the barn down home and they’d found the place in a wall where Jensen had hidden his journals and several books, that the doubts returned.

“I do, Jay,” he murmured, leaning into the arm that wrapped around him. “It’s still hard at times to think that this is real and I know how much he meant to you and how it must have hurt to choose to let him go, to choose to stay in a time so unlike yours.”

“This is my time now, Jensen. You are what I wanted and I think I’d known that from the moment I woke up with you that first day,” Jared smiled when he held Jensen’s hand in his and their rings touched. He knew when Jensen felt it as well because he saw his smile. “He knew what my choice would be. He accepted my love for you and…” he paused to lift Jensen’s face in his palm to look into his eyes. “I do not regret it. Still have doubts about the Yankee but I suppose I’ll adjust to him in another 50 years.”

Laughing at that Jensen moved into the kiss but eased back to glance at the stone and touch it with light fingers. “Thank you for giving him to me,” he whispered and hoped that wherever his ancestor was that he could still hear him. “I love Jared and I will always do my best by him and give him all my love.” He smiled at the brush of fingers along his cheek that wiped his tears away. “Do…do you want to say goodbye alone?”

“Do you mind?” Jared hadn’t been sure he could do this alone but a soft wind changed his mind. “I’ll just be a few minutes and then I’ll be back to join you for supper.”

“Take your time,” Jensen said with a smile. “I’ll go keep Chris from getting killed by Nana’s kitchen staff since he’ll be looking for food by now.”

Jared decided to keep his mouth shut about that as he watched his friend walk back to the house before closing his eyes. He placed his hand back on the stone, only opening his eyes when he felt the slightest touch on his fingers. “I thought you crossed.”

‘ _Jensen Ackles’_ smiled, green eyes soft. “Just because I crossed over and am not earthbound anymore doesn’t mean I can’t come back some times,” he returned, inclining his head just slightly. “Hello, Jared.”

The spirit had mostly crossed but he did still hover on the edge; less so these days once he’d seen that his former lover had adjusted to the modern world and that he and this Jensen seemed to be doing well. He missed the man; he would never begrudge Jared this happiness or the light of joy he could see in the eyes of his kin now.

“You didn’t let him see you.” Jared was a little glad of that since he understood that there were times when Jensen still felt unsure. He knew that those times would fade more with each passing day they were together.

“No, I didn’t see the reason to upset him or have him thinking I was stalking you.” ‘ _Jensen_ ’ looked down at the headstone to smirk and roll his eyes. “I was never a hero.” He actually was surprised when he felt the tingle of a touch on his arm.

“You saved me, you helped me and you made sure I knew what the hell I was doing so I’d be able to help him. You were a hero, Jensen,” Jared told him and then frowned. “How often are you around?”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ laughed. “Don’t worry. I know when not to peek in on the two of you.” He ran his tongue over his teeth while adding, “You do seem to be a fast learner though since I didn’t teach you all that you know on some…things.”

Jared blushed. “Shut up,” he muttered but grinned, looking back to the house. “Will he see you ever?” he asked.

“I was planning on talking to Jensen when he has his showing,” the spirit nodded, watching as Jared touched the stone again before standing to look at him. “Are you happy?”

“You know I am,” Jared replied, cocking his head. “Do you regret my choice?”

‘ _Jensen_ ’ walked with him back toward the house. “I thought I would since I’d spent so long waiting. But seeing you with him, seeing your face light up if you’re outside and he steps out of the door or when he sits with you under the willow tree by the water to draw or play music…I’m happy for you both.” He looked to the house and smiled at the shadow of the man pacing the patio while trying not to seem like he was pacing. “If you want me to stop coming or fully cross all you have to do is tell me, Jared.”

Considering that, Jared shook his head. “I don’t mind seeing or talking to you, Jensen. You’re still my friend and so long as it doesn’t upset him then I’m good with your little ghostly visits,” he replied but then added quickly and with force. “So long as you don’t drop in when we’re…you know…having sex.”

“Trust me, Jared. I agree with the Kane boy. There are some images I don’t need.” The spirit chuckled, letting his hand rest on Jared’s arm with a nod. “Go to him now. I’ll be around.”

Jared wondered if he would get used to that but then his focus shifted to Jensen and his dimples came out as he smiled, opening his arms to welcome the man he loved into them. “Let’s go eat and then maybe you can show me this guest house since I really don’t feel right making love with you in your Grandmother’s home.”

“Yeah, that would scar Chris if he found that out.” Jensen laughed, leaning up to deepen the kiss that they shared before stepping into the house. He didn’t hear the quiet chuckle on the wind as both men thought about the pleasures that lay ahead.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story. It was a thrill to write and to see it come to life with such wonderful art was also such a fun thing.


End file.
